John Chrysostom, On Empty Glory and Child-rearing

The time for these loftier narratives. Therefore let this be one law for him: never to defend himself when he is insulted or suffering evil, and never to overlook another enduring this. And the father will be much better in teaching these things and regulating himself; for if for no other reason, yet so as not to corrupt the example, he will be much better than himself. Therefore let him be taught to be despised, to be spat upon. Let him not demand from servants what a free man would, but let him serve himself in most things. Let the servants minister in those things only, which it is not possible for him to perform for himself; for example, it is not possible for a free man to cook; for it is not right that, having laid aside the labors befitting a free man, he give himself to these things. If, however, it be necessary to wash his own feet, let a slave never do this, but he himself for himself; and you will make the free man agreeable to the servants and much longed for. Let no one hand him his cloak; nor in the bath let him wait for attendance from another, but let him do all things for himself; this will make him robust, and free from pride, and agreeable. Teach him also about nature, and what a slave is, and what a free man is. Say to him: "Child, there were not slaves in the olden days in the time of our ancestors, but sin brought in slavery. For since someone became insolent toward his father, he paid this penalty, so as to become a slave to his brothers. See therefore that you not be a slave of slaves. For if you get angry just like them and do all the same things and have nothing more than them in virtue, you will not have it in dignity either. Strive therefore to be and become their master, not in this way, but by your character, lest you yourself, being free, be found their slave. Or do you not see how many fathers have disowned their children, and brought slaves into their place? See to it therefore that nothing of this sort happens; for I neither wish nor pray for it, but you are master of both these things." Thus soothe his anger, by commanding him to treat the servants as brothers and by teaching him about nature, saying to him the words of Job: "If I have also despised," he says, "the cause of my manservant or my maidservant, when they contended with me; for what shall I do, if the Lord should make an examination of me? and if he should also make a visitation, what answer shall I make? Were they not formed in the womb as I also was? And were we not formed in the same belly?" And again: "And if my maidservants have often said: 'Who would give us to be filled with his flesh? since I was so kind.'" Or do you think it is for nothing that Paul also denies leadership in the church to one who does not know how to preside over his own house? Say therefore: "If you see either a lost stylus or a broken pen by the servant, do not be angry nor abusive, but be forgiving, be easily entreated"; thus from small things you will also bear great losses; or a lost strap for the tablet or a bronze chain. For boys are difficult in losses of such things and would sooner give up their own soul than let the one who has done wrong in these matters go unpunished. There therefore let the harshness of his anger be softened. For know well that he who is easy-going and gentle about these things, when he becomes a man also, will easily bear every loss. When therefore, having a tablet made of fine wood, and very clean and free from dirt, and then on it bronze chains and styli in no way inferior to silver and other such childish things, and the attendant loses or ruins them, and then he does not get angry, he has already shown proofs of the greatest philosophy. And do not buy a new one immediately, so as not to quench the feeling; but when you see him no longer needing it nor suffering anything, then heal what was made harsh. These things are not about small matters; our discourse is about the governance of the world. Train him also to give preference, if he has a younger brother;

τούτων τῶν ὑψηλοτέρων καιρὸς διηγημάτων. Ὥστε οὗτος αὐτῷ εἷς νόμος ἔστω, μηδέποτε ἑαυτῷ ἀμύνειν ὑβριζομένῳ ἢ κακῶς πάσχοντι καὶ μηδέποτε ἕτερον περιορᾶν τοῦτο ὑπομένοντα. Ἔσται δὲ καὶ ὁ πατὴρ πολλῷ βελτίων ἐν τῷ ταῦτα διδάσκειν καὶ ἑαυτὸν ῥυθμίζων· εἰ γὰρ καὶ μὴ δι' ἕτερόν τι, ἀλλ' ὥστε μὴ τὸ παράδειγμα διαφθεῖραι πολλῷ βελτίων ἔσται ἑαυτοῦ. Ὥστε διδασκέσθω καταφρονεῖσθαι, διαπτύεσθαι. Μηδένα ἀπαιτείτω παρὰ οἰκετῶν οἷα ἐλεύθερος, ἀλλὰ τὰ πλείω ἑαυτῷ διακονείτω. Ἐκεῖνα δὲ μόνον οἱ παῖδες ὑπηρετήτωσαν, ὅσα οὐχ οἷόν τε αὐτὸν ἑαυτῷ διακονήσασθαι· οἷον μαγειρεύειν οὐ δυνατὸν ἐλεύθερον· οὐ γὰρ χρὴ τῶν πόνων ἀφέμενον τῶν ἐλευθέρῳ προσηκόντων τούτοις ἑαυτὸν διδόναι. Ἂν μέντοι δέῃ τοὺς πόδας τοὺς ἑαυτοῦ περιπλύνειν, μηδέποτε τοῦτο ποιείτω δοῦλος, ἀλλ' αὐτὸς ἑαυτῷ· καὶ προσηνῆ τοῖς οἰκέταις ἐργάσῃ τὸν ἐλεύθερον καὶ πολὺ ποθεινόν. Μηδὲ ἱμάτιόν τις ἐπιδιδότω· μηδὲ ἐν βαλανείῳ περιμενέτω τὴν παρ' ἑτέρου θεραπείαν, ἀλλὰ παρ' ἑαυτοῦ πάντα ποιείτω· τοῦτο καὶ εὔρωστον αὐτὸν καὶ ἄτυφον καὶ προσηνῆ ἐργάσεται. ∆ίδασκε αὐτὸν καὶ τὰ περὶ τῆς φύσεως, καὶ τί μὲν δοῦλος, τί δὲ ἐλεύθερος. Λέγε αὐτῷ· «Παιδίον, οὐκ ἦσαν δοῦλοι τὸ παλαιὸν ἐπὶ τῶν προγόνων τῶν ἡμετέρων, ἀλλ' ἡ ἁμαρτία τὴν δουλείαν εἰσήγαγεν. Ἐπειδὴ γάρ τις εἰς τὸν πατέρα ἐγένετο ὑβριστής, ταύτην ἔτισε τὴν δίκην, ὥστε δοῦλος γενέσθαι τῶν ἀδελφῶν. Ὅρα τοίνυν μὴ τῶν δούλων ᾖς δοῦλος. Ἂν γὰρ ὀργίζῃ καθάπερ ἐκεῖνοι καὶ πάντα πράττῃς τὰ αὐτὰ καὶ μηδὲν αὐτῶν πλέον ἔχῃς κατὰ τὴν ἀρετήν, οὐδὲ κατὰ τὴν ἀξίαν ἕξεις. Σπούδαζε τοίνυν κύριος αὐτῶν εἶναι καὶ γίγνεσθαι μὴ τούτῳ, ἀλλὰ τοῖς τρόποις, μήποτε αὐτὸς ἐλεύθερος ὢν δοῦλος τούτων εὑρεθῇς. Ἢ οὐχ ὁρᾷς πόσοι πατέρες παῖδας μὲν ἀπεκήρυξαν, δούλους δὲ εἰς τὴν ἐκείνων τάξιν εἰσήγαγον; Σκόπει τοίνυν ὅπως μηδὲν τοιοῦτον γένηται· ἐγὼ μὲν γὰρ οὔτε βούλομαι οὔτε εὔχομαι, σὺ δὲ ἀμφοτέρων τούτων κύριος.» Οὕτω καταπράϋνε τὸν θυμόν, ὡς ἀδελφοῖς κελεύων αὐτὸν κεχρῆσθαι τοῖς οἰκέταις καὶ διδάσκων τὰ περὶ τῆς φύσεως, τὰ τοῦ Ἰὼβ ῥήματα λέγων πρὸς αὐτόν· «Εἰ δὲ καὶ ἐφαύλισα, φησίν, κρῖμα θεράποντός μου ἢ θεραπαίνης κρινομένων αὐτῶν πρός με· τί γὰρ ποιήσω, ἐὰν ἔτασίν μου ποιήσῃ Κύριος; ἐὰν δὲ καὶ ἐπισκοπήν, τίνα ἀπόκρισιν ποιήσομαι; Πότερον, οὐχ ὡς ἐγὼ ἐγενόμην ἐν γαστρὶ καὶ ἐκεῖνοι γεγόνασιν; γεγόναμεν δὲ ἐν τῇ αὐτῇ κοιλίᾳ.» Καὶ πάλιν· «Εἰ δὲ καὶ πολλάκις εἶπον αἱ θεράπαιναι μου· «Τίς ἂν δῴη ἡμῖν τῶν σαρκῶν αὐτοῦ πλησθῆναι; λίαν μου χρηστοῦ ὄντος.»» Ἢ ἁπλῶς σοι δοκεῖ ὁ Παῦλος τὸν οἰκίας οὐκ εἰδότα προεστάναι οὐδὲ ἐπὶ τῆς ἐκκλησίας ἄγειν προστασίαν; Λέγε τοίνυν· «Ἂν ἴδῃς ἢ γραφίδα ἀπολωλυῖαν ἢ κάλαμον διακλασθέντα ὑπὸ τοῦ οἰκέτου, μὴ ὀργίζου μηδὲ ὑβρίσῃς, ἀλλ' ἔσο συγγνωμονικός, ἔσο εὐπαραίτητος»· οὕτως ἀπὸ τῶν μικρῶν καὶ τὰς μεγάλας οἴσῃ ζημίας· ἢ ἱμάντα περὶ τὴν πινακίδα ἀπολωλυῖαν ἢ ἅλυσιν χαλκῆν. Χαλεποὶ γὰρ ἐν ταῖς τῶν τοιούτων ἀπωλείαις οἱ παῖδες καὶ μᾶλλον ἂν τὴν ψυχὴν πρόοιντο ἢ τὸν περὶ ταῦτα γενόμενον κακὸν ἀτιμώρητον ἀφεῖεν ἄν. Ἐκεῖ τοίνυν τὸ τραχὺ μαλασσέσθω τοῦ θυμοῦ. Εὖ γὰρ ἴσθι ὅτι ὁ περὶ ταῦτα ἀργὸς καὶ ἐπιεικὴς καὶ ἀνὴρ γενόμενος εὐκόλως οἴσει ζημίαν ἅπασαν. Ὅταν τοίνυν πινακίδα ἔχων ἐκ ξύλου μὲν καλοῦ πεποιημένην, καθαρὰν δὲ πάνυ καὶ ῥύπου ἀπηλλαγμένην, εἶτα ἐν ἐκείνῃ ἁλύσεις χαλκαῖ καὶ γραφίδες οὐδὲν ἀργύρου ἀποδέουσαι καὶ ἕτερα τοιαῦτα παιδικά, καὶ ἀπολέσῃ ἢ διαφθείρῃ ὁ ἀκόλουθος, εἶτα ἐκεῖνος μὴ ὀργισθῇ, μεγίστης φιλοσοφίας ἤδη τεκμήρια ἐπεδείξατο. Καὶ μὴ εὐθέως ὠνήσῃ, ὥστε μὴ σβέσαι τὸ πάθος· ἀλλ' ὅταν ἴδῃς οὐκέτι δεόμενον οὐδὲ πάσχοντά τι, τότε θεράπευσον τὸ τραχυνθέν. Οὐκ ἔστι ταῦτα περὶ μικρῶν· περὶ πολιτείας ἡμῖν τῆς οἰκουμένης ἐστὶν ὁ λόγος. Παίδευε αὐτὸν καὶ προτιμᾶσθαι, ἂν ἀδελφὸν ἔχῃ νεώτερον·