John Chrysostom, On Not Remarrying

Let no one therefore think that the superiority which results from a comparison is a condemnation of the thing which is by comparison lessened. For we do not make this comparison by thrusting the matter into the category of evil things; but, leaving it to be among the things that are permitted and within one's power, we thus prefer and admire that which is much better than it. Why is this? Because it is not the same thing for one woman to be the wife of one man, and the same woman of two. For she who was content with the first showed that she would not have chosen even him in the first place, if she had known the experience of the matter well; but she who brings in a second bridegroom to the bed of the first has brought forth no small proof of her great affection for the world and her sympathy with earthly things. And the one was not fluttered toward any other man while her husband was alive; but this one, even if she did not sin toward others while he was living, yet admired many others more than him. But lest we conjecture about a past life, let us compare the matter itself. For just as virginity is better than marriage, so is that marriage better than this one. For the widow, having fallen short of virginity only from the beginning, in the end is again made equal to it and joined with it; but this marriage is distant from it on both sides. And besides these things, she who bears widowhood easily often practices self-control even while her husband is living; but she who finds the matter burdensome is prepared to associate not only with two or three, but with many more men, and she only stops when old age comes upon her. Therefore, just as that marriage is a sign of great modesty and chastity, so this one—I would not say of licentiousness, far from it—but of a weak and very carnal soul, tied to the earth, and unable ever to imagine anything great and lofty. But if someone should say that what is good is the same, whether it happens once, or twice, or many times—for it will be equally good and he who uses it often would be more rightly praised; so that if marriage is also a good thing, he who uses it continuously is more admirable and more acceptable than he who uses it seldom—, we shall say that this could deceive the more simple, but for those willing to pay attention, the sophism will be easy to detect. For marriage is not called marriage because of intercourse; since in that case fornication would also be marriage; but because the one who is married loves one man, and in this the free and chaste woman is distinguished from the prostitute. For if she were content with one man for her whole life, the matter could reasonably be called a marriage; but if instead of one she brings many bridegrooms into the house, I do not dare to call the matter fornication, but I would say that she falls far short of her who has known no other man than one. For that woman heard the Lord saying: "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh," and as if to her own flesh indeed she clung and did not forget the head once given to her; but this one held neither the first nor the second in the place of her own flesh; for the first has been cast out by the second, and the second by him; and she could neither remember the first well while attending to the other after him, nor will she look upon this one with the proper affection, her mind being divided toward the one who has departed. So it happens then that both this one and that one have been cast out from the honor and love due to a husband from a wife. And what sort of soul does he think the second bridegroom has, being led into the chamber of the first and ascending into his bed, and seeing his wife laughing and making merry over these things? A very strong one indeed; for he will not approach her with much affection; for even if he be the harshest of all men,

Μὴ δὴ οὖν τὴν κατὰ σύγκρισιν ὑπεροχὴν τοῦ κατ' αὐτὴν ἐλαττωθέντος πράγματος κακίαν τις εἶναι νομιζέτω. Οὐδὲ γὰρ εἰς τὴν τῶν πονηρῶν τὸ πρᾶγμα ὠθοῦντες τάξιν τὴν σύγκρισιν ταύτην ποιούμεθα· ἀλλ' ἀφέντες αὐτὸ τῶν νενομισμένων εἶναι καὶ ἐν ἐξουσίᾳ, οὕτως αὐτοῦ τὸ πολλῷ κρεῖττον προτιμῶμέν τε καὶ θαυμάζομεν. Τί δήποτε; Ὅτι οὐκ ἔστιν ἴσον ἑνὸς ἀνδρὸς εἶναι γυναῖκα καὶ δύο τὴν αὐτήν. Ἡ μὲν γὰρ ἀρκεσθεῖσα τῷ προτέρῳ ἔδειξεν ὅτι οὐδ' ἂν τοῦτον εἵλετο τὴν ἀρχήν, εἰ τοῦ πράγματος ᾔδει τὴν πεῖραν καλῶς· ἡ δὲ δεύτερον ἐπεισάγουσα νυμφίον τῇ τοῦ προτέρου εὐνῇ, τῆς πολλῆς περὶ τὸν κόσμον φιλίας καὶ πρὸς τὰ γήϊνα πράγματα συμπαθείας τεκμήριον ἐξήνεγκεν οὐ μικρόν. Κἀκείνη μὲν οὔτε ζῶντος τοῦ ἀνδρὸς πρὸς ἕτερόν τινα ἐπτόητο· αὕτη δὲ εἰ καὶ μὴ ἥμαρτεν εἰς ἑτέρους ζῶντος ἐκείνου, ἀλλ' ἐκείνου μᾶλλον πολλοὺς ἑτέρους ἐθαύμασεν. Ἵνα δὲ μὴ τοῦ διελθόντος καταστοχαζώμεθα βίου, αὐτὸ τὸ πρᾶγμα συγκρίνωμεν. Ὥσπερ γὰρ ἡ παρθενία τοῦ γάμου κρείττων, οὕτως οὗτος ἐκείνου βελτίων ὁ γάμος. Ἡ μὲν γὰρ χήρα, ἀπὸ τῆς ἀρχῆς ἐλαττωθεῖσα τῆς παρθενίας μόνον, κατὰ τὸ τέλος ἐξισοῦται πάλιν αὐτῇ καὶ συνάπτεται· ὁ δὲ γάμος οὗτος ἐξ ἑκατέρων αὐτῆς ἀφέστηκε τῶν μερῶν. Χωρὶς δὲ τούτων ἡ μὲν εὐκόλως φέρουσα τὴν χηρείαν καὶ ζῶντος πολλάκις ἐγκρατεύεται τοῦ ἀνδρός· ἡ δὲ τὸ πρᾶγμα ἔχουσα ἐπαχθῶς οὐ δύο μόνον καὶ τρισίν, ἀλλὰ καὶ πολλῷ πλείοσιν ὁμιλῆσαι παρεσκεύασται ἀνδράσι, καὶ μόλις τοῦ γήρως ἐπελθόντος ἀφίσταται. Ὥσπερ οὖν πολλῆς σεμνότητος καὶ σωφροσύνης σημεῖον ὁ γάμος ἐκεῖνός ἐστιν, οὕτως οὗτος ἀσελγείας μὲν οὐκ ἂν εἴποιμι, μὴ γένοιτο, ἀσθενοῦς δὲ ψυχῆς καὶ σαρκικωτάτης καὶ τῇ γῇ προσδεδεμένης, καὶ μέγα καὶ ὑψηλὸν οὐδὲν δυναμένης φαντασθῆναί ποτε. Εἰ δὲ λέγοι τις ὅτι τὸ καλὸν ταὐτόν ἐστι, κἄν τε ἅπαξ γένηται, κἄν τε δίς, κἄν τε πολλάκις- ὁμοίως γὰρ ἔσται καλὸν καὶ ὁ πολλάκις αὐτῷ χρώμενος μᾶλλον ἐπαινοῖτ' ἂν δικαίως· ὥστε εἰ καὶ ὁ γάμος καλόν, ὁ συνεχῶς αὐτῷ κεχρημένος τοῦ σπανιάκις θαυμαστότερος καὶ μᾶλλον ἀποδεκτός-, ἐροῦμεν ὅτι τοὺς μὲν ἀφελεστέρους τοῦτο σοφίσασθαι δύναιτ' ἄν, τοῖς δὲ βουλομένοις προσέχειν, εὐφώρατον ἔσται τὸ σόφισμα. Γάμος γὰρ οὐ διὰ τὴν μίξιν λέγεται γάμος· ἐπεὶ οὕτω γε καὶ ἡ πορνεία γάμος ἂν ἦν· ἀλλὰ διὰ τὸ στέργειν ἑνὶ τὴν γαμουμένην ἀνδρί, καὶ τούτῳ τῆς πόρνης διέστηκεν ἡ ἐλευθέρα καὶ σώφρων γυνή. Εἰ μὲν γὰρ ἑνὶ διαπαντὸς ἀρκοῖτο ἀνδρί, γάμος τὸ πρᾶγμα εἰκότως ἂν λέγοιτο· εἰ δὲ ἀνθ' ἑνὸς πολλοὺς εἰς τὴν οἰκίαν εἰσάγει νυμφίους, πορνείαν μὲν οὐ τολμῶ τὸ πρᾶγμα καλεῖν, τῆς δὲ οὐκ εἰδυίας ἕτερον ἄνδρα πλὴν ἑνὸς πολλῷ τῷ μέτρῳ ἀπολείπεσθαι φαίην ἄν. Ἐκείνη μὲν γὰρ ἤκουσε τοῦ Κυρίου λέγοντος· «Ἀντὶ τούτου καταλείψει ἄνθρωπος τὸν πατέρα αὐτοῦ καὶ τὴν μητέρα αὐτοῦ, καὶ προσκολληθήσεται τῇ γυναικὶ αὐτοῦ, καὶ ἔσονται οἱ δύο εἰς σάρκα μίαν», καὶ ὥσπερ σαρκὸς ἀληθῶς οἰκείας ἀντείχετο καὶ οὐκ ἐπελάθετο τῆς ἅπαξ δοθείσης αὐτῇ κεφαλῆς· αὕτη δὲ οὔτε τὸν πρῶτον οὔτε τὸν δεύτερον ἔσχεν ἐν τάξει τῆς οἰκείας σαρκός· ὁ μὲν γὰρ πρῶτος ἐκβέβληται παρὰ τοῦ δευτέρου, ὁ δεύτερος δὲ ὑπ' ἐκείνου· οὔτε δὲ τοῦ προτέρου μεμνῆσθαι δύναιτ' ἂν καλῶς τῷ ἑτέρῳ μετ' ἐκεῖνον προσέχουσα, οὔτε τοῦτον μετὰ τῆς προσηκούσης φιλοστοργίας ὄψεται, σχιζομένης εἰς τὸν ἀπελθόντα τῆς διανοίας αὐτῆς. Ὥστε ἑκάτερον λοιπὸν συμβαίνει καὶ τοῦτον κἀκεῖνον ἐκβεβλῆσθαι τῆς ἀνδρὶ προσηκούσης καὶ τιμῆς καὶ φιλίας παρὰ γυναικός. Ποίαν δὲ ὅλως ἔχειν οἴεται ψυχὴν τὸν δεύτερον νυμφίον εἰς τὸν τοῦ προτέρου θάλαμον εἰσαγόμενον καὶ εἰς τὴν εὐνὴν ἀναβαίνοντα τὴν ἐκείνου, καὶ γελῶσαν καὶ χαριεντιζομένην ἐπὶ τούτοις ὁρῶντα τὴν ἐκείνου γυναῖκα; Σφόδρα γε· οὐδὲ γὰρ μετὰ πολλῆς αὐτῇ προσελεύσεται τῆς φιλίας· κἂν γὰρ ἁπάντων ἀνθρώπων ἀπηνέστερος ᾖ,