Chapter III.—Ridicule of the Philosophers.

I cannot approve of Heraclitus, who, being self-taught and arrogant, said, “I have explored myself.” Nor can I praise him for hiding his poem3    περὶ φύσεως in the temple of Artemis, in order that it might be published afterwards as a mystery; and those who take an interest in such things say that Euripides the tragic poet came there and read it, and, gradually learning it by heart, carefully handed down to posterity this darkness4    He was called δ σκοτεινός for his obscurity. of Heraclitus. Death, however, demonstrated the stupidity of this man; for, being attacked by dropsy, as he had studied the art of medicine as well as philosophy, he plastered himself with cow-dung, which, as it hardened, contracted the flesh of his whole body, so that he was pulled in pieces, and thus died. Then, one cannot listen to Zeno, who declares that at the conflagration the same man will rise again to perform the same actions as before; for instance, Anytus and Miletus to accuse, Busiris to murder his guests, and Hercules to repeat his labours; and in this doctrine of the conflagration he introduces more wicked than just persons—one Socrates and a Hercules, and a few more of the same class, but not many, for the bad will be found far more numerous than the good. And according to him the Deity will manifestly be the author of evil, dwelling in sewers and worms, and in the perpetrators of impiety. The eruptions of fire in Sicily, moreover, confute the empty boasting of Empedocles, in that, though he was no god, he falsely almost gave himself out for one. I laugh, too, at the old wife’s talk of Pherecydes, and the doctrine inherited from him by Pythagoras, and that of Plato, an imitation of his, though some think otherwise. And who would give his approval to the cynogamy of Crates, and not rather, repudiating the wild and tumid speech of those who resemble him, turn to the investigation of what truly deserves attention? Wherefore be not led away by the solemn assemblies of philosophers who are no philosophers, who dogmatize one against the other, though each one vents but the crude fancies of the moment. They have, moreover, many collisions among themselves; each one hates the other; they indulge in conflicting opinions, and their arrogance makes them eager for the highest places. It would better become them, moreover, not to pay court to kings unbidden, nor to flatter men at the head of affairs, but to wait till the great ones come to them.

3.1 Τὸν γὰρ Ἡράκλειτον οὐκ ἂν ἀποδεξαίμην _ἐ_μ_α_υ_τ_ὸ_ν_ ἐδιδαξάμην εἰπόντα διὰ τὸ αὐτοδίδακτον εἶναι καὶ ὑπερήφανον οὐδ' ἂν ἐπαινέσαιμι κατακρύψαντα τὴν ποίησιν ἐν τῷ τῆς Ἀρτέμιδος ναῷ, μυστηριωδῶς ὅπως ὕστερον ἡ ταύτης ἔκδοσις γίνηται. καὶ γὰρ οἷς μέλον ἐστὶ περὶ τούτων, φασὶν Εὐριπίδην τὸν τραγῳδοποιὸν κατιόντα καὶ ἀναγινώσκοντα διὰ μνήμης κατ' ὀλίγον τὸ Ἡρακλείτειον σκότος τοῖς σπουδαίοις παραδεδωκέναι. τούτου μὲν οὖν τὴν ἀμαθίαν ὁ θάνατος συνήλεγξεν· ὕδρωπι γὰρ συσχεθεὶς καὶ τὴν ἰατρικὴν ὡς φιλοσοφίαν ἐπιτηδεύσας βολβίτοις τε περιπλάσας ἑαυτὸν τῆς κόπρου κρατυνθείσης συνολκάς τε τοῦ παντὸς ἀπεργασαμένης σώματος σπασθεὶς ἐτελεύτησεν. τὸν γὰρ Ζήνωνα διὰ τῆς ἐκπυρώσεως ἀποφαινόμενον ἀνίστασθαι πάλιν τοὺς αὐτοὺς 3.2 ἐπὶ τοῖς αὐτοῖς, λέγω δὲ Ἄνυτον καὶ Μέλητον ἐπὶ τῷ κατηγορεῖν, Βούσιριν δὲ ἐπὶ τῷ ξενοκτονεῖν καὶ Ἡρακλέα πάλιν ἐπὶ τῷ ἀθλεῖν, παραιτητέον· ὅστις ἐν τῷ κατὰ τὴν ἐκπύρωσιν λόγῳ πλείονας τοὺς μοχθηροὺς τῶν δικαίων εἰσηγεῖται, Σωκράτους ἑνὸς καὶ Ἡρακλέους καί τινων ἄλλων τοιούτων, γεγονότων ὀλίγων καὶ οὐ πολλῶν. οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ πάνυ πλείους εὑρεθήσονται τῶν ἀγαθῶν, καὶ ὁ θεὸς κακῶν ἀποδειχθήσεται κατ' αὐτὸν ποιητὴς, ἐν ἀμάραις τε καὶ σκώληξι καὶ ἀρρητουργοῖς καταγινόμενος. Ἐμπεδοκλέους γὰρ τὸ ἀλαζονικὸν αἱ κατὰ τὴν Σικελίαν τοῦ πυρὸς ἀναφυσήσεις ἀπέδειξαν, ὅτι μὴ θεὸς ὢν τοῦθ' ὅπερ ἔλεγεν εἶναι κατεψεύδετο. γελῶ καὶ τὴν Φερεκύδους γραολογίαν καὶ 3.3 τοῦ Πυθαγόρου τὴν περὶ τὸ δόγμα κληρονομίαν καὶ τοῦ Πλάτωνος, κἄν τινες μὴ θέλωσι, τὴν περὶ τούτους μίμησιν. τίς γὰρ ἂν ἐπιμαρτυρήσαι τῇ Κράτητος κυνογαμίᾳ καὶ οὐ μᾶλλον παραιτησάμενος τὴν ἔντυφον τῶν ὁμοίων αὐτῷ γλωσσομανίαν ἐπὶ τὸ ζητεῖν τὸ κατ' ἀλήθειαν σπουδαῖον τρέψεται; διόπερ μὴ παρασυρέτωσαν ὑμᾶς αἱ τῶν φιλοψόφων καὶ οὐ φιλοσόφων πανηγύρεις, οἵτινες ἐναντία μὲν ἑαυτοῖς δογματίζουσιν, κατὰ δὲ τὸ ἐπελθὸν ἕκαστος ἐκπεφώνηκε. πολλὰ δὲ καὶ παρ' αὐτοῖς ἐστι προσκρούσματα· μισεῖ μὲν γὰρ ἕτερος τὸν ἕτερον, ἀντιδοξοῦσι δὲ ἑαυτοῖς διὰ τὴν ἀλαζονείαν τόπους ἐπιλεγόμενοι *** τοὺς προὔχοντας. ἐχρῆν δὲ μηδὲ βασιλείας προλήμματι κολακεύειν τοὺς ἡγουμένους, περιμένειν δὲ μέχρις ἂν 3.4 πρὸς αὐτοὺς οἱ μεγιστᾶνες ἀφίκωνται.