8

3.8 I pass over the other things peculiar to widowhood. For who could enumerate them all with precision? Enemies, relatives, some trampling upon the misfortune, others brightening at the desolation and watching with pleasure and a bitter eye the house falling apart, and contemptuous servants and all the other things that are abundantly present to see in such situations, because of which many, out of necessity, have risked a second experience of similar evils, not enduring the bitterness of those who mock, as if defending themselves from those who grieved them by their own misfortunes; and many, by the memory of what happened, endured anything whatsoever rather than fall a second time into a similar misfortune. And if you wish to learn the difficulties of the common life, listen to what those women say who have known life by experience, how they call blessed the life of those who from the beginning chose the life in virginity and did not learn the better way through misfortune, because virginity is unsusceptible to all such evils; it does not mourn orphanhood, it does not lament widowhood; it is always with the incorruptible bridegroom, it always exults in the offspring of piety; and it sees its own true house continually prospering with all the finest things because the master of the house is always present and dwells within, for whom death brings not separation, but union with the desired one; for when she “departs,” then she is “with Christ,” as the apostle says.

3.9 But it would be time, since the circumstances of the cheerful have been partly examined, to also observe in our discourse the other lives, to which poverty and hardships and the rest of the misfortunes of human suffering are attached, such as maimings and illnesses and all such things that have been allotted to human life. In all these, the one who lives by himself either escapes the trial or bears the misfortune more easily, having his mind concentrated on himself and not being dragged around by cares for anything else; but the one who is divided toward wife and children often does not even have the leisure to groan over his own troubles, as care for his loved ones echoes around his heart. Or perhaps it is superfluous to dwell in our discourse on things that are agreed upon? For if so much toil and hardship are joined to what seems to be good, what might one conjecture about the opposite circumstances? Surely every description in words is less than the truth in attempting to bring their life into view, but it is possible perhaps in brief to point out the great unpleasantness of their life, because, having been allotted a life opposite to those who seem to prosper, they also have their sorrows from opposite sources. For to the cheerful, the expected or even present death disturbs their life, but for these others, the postponement of death is a misfortune; and while their life is diametrically opposed, the despair of both comes together to the same end.

3.10 So manifold and varied is the supply of evils from marriage. For both children being born and not being born cause grief in like manner, and again, living and dying. For one man is blessed with children while not even having enough food, while for another there is no heir for the many things for which he toiled, and he considers the other's misfortune a good thing, each wanting for himself that very thing at which he sees the other grieving; for one man, his beloved son has died, while for another, his dissolute son has survived; and both are pitiable, the one lamenting the death of his child, the other his life. I pass over jealousies and fights, whether arising from real events or from suspicions, into what kinds of passions and misfortunes they end. For who could enumerate them all with precision? But you, if you wish to learn how it is filled

8

3.8 Ἐῶ τὰ ἄλλα τὰ τῆς χηρείας ἴδια. Τίς γὰρ ἂν πάντα μετὰ ἀκριβείας ἀπαριθμήσαιτο; Τοὺς ἐχθρούς, τοὺς οἰ κείους, τοὺς μὲν ἐπεμβαίνοντας τῇ συμφορᾷ, τοὺς δὲ φαιδρυνομένους τῇ ἐρημίᾳ καὶ μεθ' ἡδονῆς βλέποντας ἐν πικρῷ ὀφθαλμῷ τὸν διαπίπτοντα οἶκον, καὶ τοὺς κατα φρονοῦντας οἰκέτας καὶ πάντα τὰ ἄλλα ὅσα πάρεστιν ἀφθόνως ἐπὶ τῶν τοιούτων ὁρᾶν, δι' ὧν αἱ πολλαὶ καὶ δεύτερον ὑπ' ἀνάγκης πρὸς τὴν τῶν ὁμοίων κακῶν παρεβάλοντο πεῖραν, οὐκ ἐνεγκοῦσαι τῶν ἐπεγγελώντων τὴν πικρίαν, ὥσπερ ἀμυνόμεναι τοὺς λυπήσαντας τοῖς ἰδίοις κακοῖς· πολλαὶ δὲ τῇ μνήμῃ τῶν συμβεβηκότων πᾶν ὁτιοῦν ὑπέστησαν μᾶλλον ἢ ἐμπεσεῖν ἐκ δευτέρου τῇ τῶν συμφορῶν ὁμοιότητι. Καὶ εἰ βούλει μαθεῖν τὰ δυσχερῆ τοῦ κοινοτέρου βίου, ἄκουσον οἷα λέγουσιν αἱ τῇ πείρᾳ τὸν βίον γνωρίσασαι, ὅπως μακαρίζουσι τὴν ζωὴν τῶν ἐξ ἀρχῆς τὸν ἐν παρθενίᾳ βίον προελομένων καὶ μὴ διὰ συμ φορᾶς μεταμαθόντων τὸ κάλλιον, ὅτι πάντων τῶν τοιούτων κακῶν ἀνεπίδεκτός ἐστιν ἡ παρθενία· οὐκ ὀρφανίαν θρηνεῖ, οὐ χηρείαν ὀδύρεται· ἀεὶ σύνεστι τῷ ἀφθάρτῳ νυμφίῳ, ἀεὶ ἐπαγάλλεται τοῖς τῆς εὐσεβείας γεννήμασι· τόν τε οἶκον τὸν ἀληθῶς ἴδιον πᾶσι τοῖς καλλίστοις ὁρᾷ διηνε κῶς εὐθηνούμενον διὰ τὸ παρεῖναι καὶ ἐνοικεῖν ἀεὶ τὸν τοῦ οἴκου δεσπότην, ἐφ' ἧς ὁ θάνατος οὐ χωρισμόν, ἀλλὰ συνάφειαν τοῦ ποθουμένου ποιεῖ· ὅταν γὰρ «ἀναλύσῃ», τότε «σὺν Χριστῷ» γίνεται, καθώς φησιν ὁ ἀπόστολος.

3.9 Ἀλλὰ καιρὸς ἂν εἴη, ἐπειδὴ τὰ τῶν εὐθυμούντων ἐκ μέρους ἐξήτασται, καὶ τοὺς ἑτέρους ἐποπτεῦσαι βίους τῷ λόγῳ, οἷς καὶ πενίαι καὶ δυσκληρίαι καὶ αἱ λοιπαὶ τῶν ἀνθρωπίνων παθῶν συμφοραὶ παραπεπήγασιν, οἷον πηρώ σεις τε καὶ νόσοι καὶ ὅσα τοιαῦτα τῇ ἀνθρωπίνῃ ζωῇ συγκεκλήρωται. Ἐν οἷς ἅπασιν ὁ μὲν καθ' ἑαυτὸν ζῶν ἢ διαφεύγει τὴν πεῖραν ἢ ῥᾷον διαφέρει τὴν συμφοράν, συγκεκροτημένην ἔχων περὶ ἑαυτὸν τὴν διάνοιαν καὶ πρὸς οὐδὲν ἄλλο ταῖς φροντίσι περιελκόμενος· ὁ δὲ πρὸς γυναῖκα καὶ τέκνα μεμερισμένος οὐδὲ σχολὴν ἄγει πολλάκις τοῖς ἰδίοις ἐπιστενάξαι κακοῖς, τῆς τῶν φιλτάτων φροντίδος τὴν καρδίαν περιηχούσης. Ἢ τάχα περιττόν ἐστι τοῖς ὁμολογουμένοις ἐνδιατρίβειν τῷ λόγῳ; Εἰ γὰρ τοῖς δοκοῦσιν εἶναι καλοῖς τοσοῦτος πόνος καὶ ταλαιπωρία συνέζευκται, τί ἄν τις περὶ τῶν ἐναντίων στοχάσαιτο; Ἦ που πᾶσα λόγου ὑπογραφὴ τῆς ἀληθείας ἐλάττων ἐστὶ τὸν βίον αὐτῶν ὑπ' ὄψιν ἀγαγεῖν ἐπιχειροῦσα, ἀλλ' ἔστιν ἴσως δι' ὀλίγου τὸ πολὺ τῆς κατὰ τὴν ζωὴν ἀηδίας ἐνδείξασθαι, ὅτι ἐναντίως πρὸς τοὺς εὐημερεῖν δοκοῦντας συγκεκλη ρωμένοι τῷ βίῳ καὶ τὰς λύπας ἀπὸ τῶν ἐναντίων ἔχουσι. Τοῖς μὲν γὰρ εὐθυμοῦσι ταράσσει τὸν βίον ὁ προσδοκώ μενος ἢ καὶ παραγινόμενος θάνατος, τούτοις δὲ συμφορά ἐστιν ἡ ἀναβολὴ τοῦ θανάτου· καὶ ὁ μὲν βίος αὐτοῖς ἐκ διαμέτρου πρὸς τὸ ἐναντίον διέστηκεν, ἡ δὲ ἀθυμία πρὸς τὸ αὐτὸ πέρας ἀμφοτέροις συμφέρεται.

3.10 Οὕτω πολύτροπός ἐστι καὶ ποικίλη τῶν ἐκ τοῦ γάμου κακῶν ἡ χορηγία. Λυποῦσι γὰρ ὁμοίως καὶ γινόμενοι παῖδες καὶ μὴ γινόμενοι, καὶ πάλιν ζῶντες καὶ ἀποθνῄσκον τες. Ὁ μὲν γὰρ εὐθηνεῖται παισὶν οὐδὲ τροφῆς ἔχων ἱκανῶς, τῷ δὲ οὐχ ὕπεστιν ὁ τοῦ κλήρου διάδοχος ἐπὶ πολλοῖς οἷς ἐμόχθησε καὶ ἐν ἀγαθῶν μοίρᾳ τὴν τοῦ ἑτέρου ποιεῖται συμφοράν, ἑκάτερος ἑαυτῷ ἐκεῖνο γενέσθαι βουλόμενος ἐφ' ᾧ δυσφοροῦντα βλέπει τὸν ἕτερον· ᾧ μὲν γὰρ τέθνηκεν ὁ καταθύμιος παῖς, ᾧ δὲ ἐπεβίω ὁ ἄσωτος· ἐλεεινοὶ δὲ ἀμφότεροι, ὁ μὲν τὸν θάνατον τοῦ παιδός, ὁ δὲ τὴν ζωὴν ὀδυρόμενος. Ἐῶ ζηλοτυπίας καὶ μάχας, εἴτε ἐξ ἀληθῶν πραγμάτων εἴτε ἐξ ὑπονοιῶν συνισταμένας, εἰς οἷα πάθη καὶ συμφορὰς καταλήγουσι. Τίς γὰρ ἂν πάντα μετὰ ἀκρι βείας ἀπαριθμήσαιτο; Σὺ δ', εἰ βούλει μαθεῖν ὅπως ἐμπέπλησται