11. Let, then, grief be patient, let there be that moderation in adversity which is required in prosperity. If it be not seemly to rejoice immoderately, is it seemly so to mourn? For want of moderation in grief or fear of death is no small evil. How many has it driven to the halter, in how many hands has it placed the sword, that they might by that very means demonstrate their madness in not enduring death, and yet seeking it; in adopting that as a remedy which they flee from as an evil. And because they were unable to endure and to suffer what is in agreement with their nature, they fall into that which is contrary to their desire, being separated for ever from those whom they desired to follow. But this is not common, since nature herself restrains although madness drives men on.

12. But it is common with women to make public wailing, as though they feared that their misery might not be known. They affect soiled clothing, as though the feeling of sorrow consisted therein; they moisten their unkempt hair with filth; and lastly, which is done habitually in many places, with their clothing torn and their dress rent in two, they prostitute their modesty in nakedness, as if they were ready to sacrifice that modesty because they have lost that which was its reward. And so wanton eyes are excited, and lust after those naked limbs, which were they not made bare they would not desire. Would that those filthy garments covered the mind rather than the bodily form. Lasciviousness of mind is often hidden under sad clothing, and the unseemly rudeness of dress is used as a covering to hide the secrets of wanton spirits.

13. She mourns for her husband with sufficient devotion who preserves her modesty and does not give up her constancy. The best duties to discharge to the departed are that they live in our memories and continue in our affection. She has not lost her husband who manifests her chastity, nor is she widowed as regards her union who has not changed her husband’s name. Nor hast thou lost the heir when thou assistest the joint-heir, but in exchange for a successor in perishable things thou hast a sharer in things eternal. Thou hast one to represent thine heir, pay to the poor what was due to the heir, that there may remain one to survive, not only the old age of father or mother, but thine own life. Thou leavest thy successor all the more, if his share conduce not to luxury in things present, but to the purchasing of things to come.

14. But we long for those whom we have lost. For two things specially pain us: either the longing for those we have lost, which I experience in my own case; or that we think them deprived of the sweetness of life, and snatched away from the fruits of their toil. For there is a tender movement of love, which suddenly kindles the affection, so as to have the effect rather of soothing than of hindering the pain; inasmuch as it seems a dutiful thing to long for what one has lost, and so under an appearance of virtue weakness increases.

15. But why dost thou think that she who has sent her beloved to foreign parts, and because of military service, or of undertaking some office, or has discovered that for the purpose of commerce he has crossed the sea, ought to be more patient than thou who art left, not because of some chance decision or desire of money, but by the law of nature? But, you say, the hope of regaining him is shut out. As though the return of any one were certain! And oftentimes doubt wearies the mind more where the fear of danger is strong; and it is more burdensome to fear lest something should happen than to bear what one already knows has happened. For the one increases the amount of fear, the other looks forward to the end of its grief.

16. But masters have the right to transfer their slaves whithersoever they determine. Has not God this right? It is not granted to us to look for their return, but it is granted us to follow those gone before. And certainly the usual shortness of life seems neither to have deprived them of much who have gone before, nor to delay very long him who remains.

17. But if one cannot mitigate one’s grief, does it not seem unbecoming to wish that because of our longing the whole course of things should be upset? The longings of lovers are certainly more intense, and yet they are tempered by regard to what is necessary; and though they grieve at being forsaken they are not wont to mourn, rather being deserted they blush at loving too hastily. And so patience in regret is all the more manifested.

18. But what shall I say of those who think that the departed are deprived of the sweetness of life? There can be no real sweetness in the midst of the bitternesses and pains of this life, which are caused either by the infirmity of the body itself, or by the discomfort of things happening from without. For we are always anxious and in suspense as to our wishes for happier circumstances; we waver in uncertainty, our hope setting before us doubtful things for certain, inconvenient for satisfactory, things that will fail for what is firm, and we have neither any strength in our will nor certainty in our wishes. But if anything happens against our wish, we think we are lost, and are rather broken down by pain at adversity than cheered by the enjoyment of prosperity. What good, then, are they deprived of who are rather freed from troubles?

19. Good health, I doubt not, is more beneficial to us than bad health is hurtful. Riches bring more delights than poverty annoyance, the satisfaction in children’s love is greater than the sorrow at their loss, and youth is more pleasant than old age is sad. How often is the attainment of one’s wishes a weariness, and what one has longed for a regret; so that one grieves at having obtained what one was not afraid of obtaining. But what fatherland, what pleasures, can compensate for exile and the bitterness of other penalties? For even when we have these, the pleasure is weakened either by the disinclination to use or by the fear of losing them.

20. But suppose that some one remains unharmed, free from grief, in uninterrupted enjoyment of the pleasures of the whole course of man’s life, what comfort can the soul attain to, enclosed in the bonds of a body of such a kind, and restrained by the narrow limits of the limbs? If our flesh shrinks from prison, if it abhors everything which denies it the power of roaming about; when it seems, indeed, to be always going forth, with its little powers of hearing or seeing what is beyond itself, how much more does our soul desire to escape from that prison-house of the body, which, being free with movement like the air, goes whither we know not, and comes whence we know not.

11. Sit tamen patiens dolor, sit in tristibus modus, qui exigitur in secundis. An si immoderate gaudere non convenit, lugere convenit? Non enim mediocre malum est immoderatio doloris, aut metus mortis. Quantos ad laqueum impulit, armavit ad gladium; ut in eo ipso amentiam suam proderent, mortem non ferentes, et mortem appetentes: et quod pro malo fugerent, pro remedio adsciscerent? Qui quoniam consentaneum naturae suae ferre ac perpeti nequiverunt, contrarium voto incidunt; ut ab his in perpetuum 1318C separentur, quos sequi desideraverint. Sed haec rara; quoniam natura ipsa revocat, etsi praecipitet amentia.

12. Illud vero frequens in mulieribus, ut clamores publicos serant, quasi metuant ne earum ignoretur aerumna: ut illuviem vestis affectent, quasi in ea sit sensus dolendi: ut impexum sordibus immadident caput: ut postremo, quod plerisque in locis vulgo fieri solet, discisso amictu, diloricata veste, secreti pudoris nuda prostituant, quasi ipsum lenocinentur pudorem, quia pudoris sui praemia perdiderunt. Sic procaces oculi provocantur, ut concupiscant, ut amare incipiant membra nudata: quae si non aspicerent, non amarent. Atque utinam sordidata illa tegumenta corporis non speciem, sed mentem obnuberent! 1318D Latet plerumque sub tristi amictu mentis 1319A lascivia: et deformis horror vestis obtexitur; ut secreta petulantium tegantur animorum.

13. Satis pie virum luget, quae servat pudorem, non deserit fidem. Haec bene defunctis officia impenduntur, ut vivant in mentibus, in affectibus perseverent. Non amisit virum, quae exhibet castitatem: non est viduata conjugio, quae non mutavit nomen mariti. Nec tu perdidisti haeredem, quae adjuvas cohaeredem: sed pro successore corruptibilium, mutasti consortem immortalium. Habes qui tibi repraesentet haeredem: solve pauperi, quod debetur haeredi; ut non solum maternae aut paternae senectutis, sed etiam vitae propriae sit superstes. Plus successori tuo relinquis, si portio ejus non ad luxum praesentium proficiat, sed ad pretium futurorum.

1319B 14. Sed desideramus amissos. Duo sunt enim quae maxime angunt, aut desiderium eorum, quos amiserimus, sicut meo exemplo metior: aut quod eos vitae suavitate privatos, creptos laboris sui fructibus arbitremur. Tenera enim 1139 amoris est titillatio, quae improvisum affectum excitat, ut sedandi magis, quam excludendi doloris facultas relinquatur: simul quia pium videtur desiderare quod amiseris, et specie virtutis adolescit infirmitas.

15. Sed cur tu putes patientiorem illam esse debere, quae dilectum ad peregrina dimiserit, et militiae gratia, vel susceptae administrationis officio, vel negotiandi usu transfretasse compererit; quam te qui non fortuito arbitrio derelinqueris, aut studio pecuniae, sed lege naturae? At recuperandi tibi interclusa 1319C spes: quasi cuiquam certa sit redeundi. Et plerumque dubia plus fatigant, ubi periculi metus integer, graviusque est timere, ne acciderit, quam tolerare quod jam noveris accidisse. Aliud enim summam formidinis coacervat, aliud finem exspectat doloris.

16. An dominis jus est, quo decreverint, transferre mancipia, Deo non est? Sed non suppetit exspectare remeantem; suppetit tamen praecedentem sequi. Et certe brevis vitae usus nec illi multum videtur eripuisse, qui ante praecessit: nec te differre diutius, qui remanseris.

17. Quod si desiderium tuum mitigare non possis; nonne tamen videtur indignum pro desiderii tui studio rerum ordinem velle converti? Amantium 1319D ardentiora utique desideria sunt, et tamen necessitatis contuitu temperantur: et si dolent deseri, lugere tamen non solent: destituti amare impatientius erubescunt. Ita patientia desiderii plus probatur.

18. Quid autem de his loquar, qui defunctos putant vitae suavitate privari? Nulla potest esse jucunditas inter has vitae nostrae amaritudines aut dolores, 1320A quae vel ex corporis ipsius infirmitate, vel extrinsecus accidentium incommoditate generantur. Anxii enim semper, et ad ipsa laetiorum vota suspensi, quodam fluctuamus incerto, sperantes dubia pro certis, incommoda pro secundis, caduca pro solidis: nihil habentes potestatis in arbitrio, nihil firmitatis in voto. At si aliquid contra voluntatem acciderit, perditos nos putamus; plusque adversorum dolore frangimur, quam secundorum fructu potimur. Quibus igitur carent bonis, qui magis eripiuntur incommodis?

19. Valetudo, credo, bona plus adjuvat, quam affligit mala: aut opulentia plus delectat, quam egestas afficit: aut filiorum magis amabilis gratia, quam lugubris amissio: aut adolescentia jucundior, quam 1320B senectus tristior. Quam plerumque suorum taedet votorum et optati poenitet; ut doleat impetratum, quod non impetrare metuebat. Exsilia vero, et caeterarum poenarum acerbitates, quae potest compensare patria? quae voluptates? Quae etiam cum adsunt; debilitantur tamen, aut non utendi affectu, aut amittendi metu.

20. Esto tamen: maneat inoffensus, immunis a doloribus, perpes in voluptatibus vitae cursus 1140 humanae; quid tamen commodi consequi potest anima in istiusmodi corporis inclusa compagibus, et quibusdam membrorum angustiis coarctata? Si caro nostra carcerem fugit, si detestatur omne quidquid evagandi facultatem negat; quae utique parvis ultra se audiendi videndique excurrere videtur sensibus: 1320C quanto magis anima nostra corporeum istud evadere gestit ergastulum, quae motu aereo libera, nescimus quo vadat, aut unde veniat (Joan. III, 8)!