is taught to be prudent. The myth is laid bare for you; Leda died, the swan died, the eagle died. You seek your Zeus? do not meddle with the sky, but with the earth. 2.37.4 The Cretan will tell you, among whom he is also buried; Callimachus in his Hymns: "for the Cretans even fashioned a tomb for you, O lord." For Zeus is dead (do not be vexed) as Leda, as the swan, as the eagle, as an amorous man, as a serpent. 2.38.1 Now indeed the superstitious themselves appear, unwillingly it is true, yet nevertheless understanding the error concerning the gods; for they are not from an anciently-famed oak nor from a rock, but "they are the race of men," and a little later they will be found to be oaks 2.38.2 and rocks. Staphylus, at any rate, records that a certain Zeus Agamemnon is honored in Sparta; and Phanocles in *Loves* or *The Beautiful* [says that] Agamemnon, the king of the Hellenes, set up a temple of Aphrodite Argynnis for Argynnus his 2.38.3 beloved. The Arcadians worship an Artemis called "the Hanged One," as Callimachus says in his *Aetia*. And another Artemis, Condylitis, has been honored in Methymna. And there is a shrine of another Artemis, of the Gout, in Laconia, 2.38.4 as Sosibius says. Polemon knows of a statue of the Gaping Apollo, and again, another of the Glutton Apollo honored in Elis. There the Eleans sacrifice to Zeus Apomyius (Averter of Flies); and the Romans sacrifice to Hercules Apomyius, and also to Fever and to Fear, whom they themselves enroll among the companions of Hercules. 2.38.5 But I pass over the Argives and Laconians; the Argives [and Laconians] worship Aphrodite the Tomb-digger, and the Spartans revere Artemis Chelytis (the Cougher); since they call coughing "chelyttein." 2.39.1 Do you think these things cited by us are brought to you from some spurious source? You do not even seem to recognize your own writers, whom I call as witnesses against your unbelief, having filled your whole truly unlivable life with atheistic mockery, O miserable ones. 2.39.2 Are not Zeus the Bald in Argos, and another, the Avenger, honored in Cyprus? Do not the Argives sacrifice to Aphrodite Peribasos (the Straddler), the Athenians to the Courtesan, and the Syracusans to her of the Beautiful Buttocks, whom Nicander the poet somewhere called "beautiful-rumped"? 2.39.3 But I now pass over in silence Dionysus Choiropsalas (the Swine-plucker); the Sicyonians worship him, having placed this Dionysus over the female genitals, revering the overseer of shame as the originator of insolence. Such are their gods, and such also are they themselves, playing with their gods, or rather mocking and insulting 2.39.4 themselves. And how much better are the Egyptians who have extravagantly honored irrational animals in villages and cities than the Greeks who worship such gods? For though they are beasts, yet they are not adulterous, nor lecherous, and not one of them hunts for pleasure against nature. But as for what sort of gods these are, what more need be said, 2.39.5 since they have been sufficiently exposed? At any rate, the Egyptians, whom I just mentioned, are divided according to their religions; the people of Syene among them worship the phagrus fish, and the inhabitants of Elephantine the maeoetes (this is another fish), the people of Oxyrhynchus likewise the fish that gives its name to their country, further, the people of Heracleopolis worship the ichneumon, the people of Sais and Thebes a sheep, the people of Lycopolis a wolf, the people of Cynopolis 2.39.6 a dog, the people of Memphis the Apis, the people of Mendes the goat. But you who are in all things better than the Egyptians (I hesitate to say worse), who never cease laughing at the Egyptians day by day, what are you like concerning irrational animals? The Thessalians among you have honored storks on account of their habit, and the Thebans weasels on account of the birth of Hercules. And what of the Thessalians again? They are reported to worship ants, since they learned that Zeus, having been made like an ant, united with Eurymedousa, the daughter of Cletor, 2.39.7 and begat Myrmidon; and Polemon records that the inhabitants of the Troad worship the local mice, which they call sminthoi, because they gnawed through the bowstrings of the enemy; and Sminthean Apollo from the mice
παιδεύεται σωφρονεῖν. Γυμνοῦται δὲ ὑμῖν ὁ μῦθος· ἀπέθανεν ἡ Λήδα, ἀπέθανεν ὁ κύκνος, ἀπέθανεν ὁ ἀετός. Ζητεῖς σου τὸν ∆ία; μὴ τὸν οὐρανόν, ἀλλὰ τὴν γῆν πολυπραγ 2.37.4 μόνει. Ὁ Κρής σοι διηγήσεται, παρ' ᾧ καὶ τέθαπται· Καλλίμαχος ἐν ὕμνοις· καὶ γὰρ τάφον, ὦ ἄνα, σεῖο Κρῆτες ἐτεκτήναντο. Τέθνηκε γὰρ ὁ Ζεὺς (μὴ δυσφόρει) ὡς Λήδα, ὡς κύκνος, ὡς ἀετός, ὡς ἄνθρωπος ἐρωτικός, ὡς δράκων. 2.38.1 Ἤδη δὲ καὶ αὐτοὶ φαίνονται οἱ δεισιδαίμονες ἄκοντες μέν, ὅμως δ' οὖν συνιέντες τὴν πλάνην τὴν περὶ τοὺς θεούς· οὐ γὰρ ἀπὸ δρυός εἰσι παλαιφάτου οὐδ' ἀπὸ πέτρης, ἀλλ' "ἀνδρῶν γένος εἰσί", μικρὸν δὲ ὕστερον καὶ δρύες 2.38.2 ὄντες εὑρεθήσονται καὶ πέτραι. Ἀγαμέμνονα γοῦν τινα ∆ία ἐν Σπάρτῃ τιμᾶσθαι Στάφυλος ἱστορεῖ· Φανοκλῆς δὲ ἐν Ἔρωσιν ἢ Καλοῖς Ἀγαμέμνονα τὸν Ἑλλήνων βασιλέαἈργύννου νεὼν Ἀφροδίτης ἵστασθαι ἐπ' Ἀργύννῳ τῷ2.38.3 ἐρωμένῳ. Ἄρτεμιν δὲ Ἀρκάδες Ἀπαγχομένην καλουμένηνπροστρέπονται, ὥς φησι Καλλίμαχος ἐν Αἰτίοις. Καὶ Κονδυλῖτις ἐν Μηθύμνῃ ἑτέρα τετίμηται Ἄρτεμις. Ἔστιδὲ καὶ Ποδάγρας ἄλλης Ἀρτέμιδος ἐν τῇ Λακωνικῇ ἱερόν, 2.38.4 ὥς φησι Σωσίβιος. Πολέμων δὲ Κεχηνότος Ἀπόλλωνος 2.38.4 οἶδεν ἄγαλμα, καὶ Ὀψοφάγου πάλιν Ἀπόλλωνος ἄλλο ἐν Ἤλιδι τιμώμενον. Ἐνταῦθα Ἀπομυίῳ ∆ιὶ θύουσιν ἨλεῖοιῬωμαῖοι δὲ Ἀπομυίῳ Ἡρακλεῖ καὶ Πυρετῷ δὲ καὶ Φόβῳθύουσιν, οὓς καὶ αὐτοὺς μετὰ τῶν ἀμφὶ τὸν Ἡρακλέα ἐγγρά 2.38.5 φουσι. Ἐῶ δὲ Ἀργείους <καὶ Λάκωνας>· Ἀφροδίτην Τυμβωρύχον θρῃσκεύουσιν Ἀργεῖοι [καὶ Λάκωνες], καὶ Χελύτιδα δὲ Ἄρτεμιν Σπαρτιᾶται σέβουσιν· ἐπεὶ τὸ βήττειν χελύττειν καλοῦσιν. 2.39.1 Οἴει ποθὲν παρέγγραπτα ταῦτά σοι κομίζεσθαι τὰ ὑφ' ἡμῶν παρατιθέμενα; Οὐδὲ τοὺς σοὺς γνωρίζειν ἔοικας συγγραφεῖς, οὓς ἐγὼ μάρτυρας ἐπὶ τὴν σὴν ἀπιστίαν καλῶ, ἀθέου χλεύης, ὦ δείλαιοι, τὸν πάντα ὑμῶν ἀβίωτον ὄντως 2.39.2 βίον ἐμπεπληκότες. Οὐχὶ μέντοι Ζεὺς φαλακρὸς ἐν Ἄργει, τιμωρὸς δὲ ἄλλος ἐν Κύπρῳ τετίμησθον; Οὐχὶ δὲ Ἀφροδίτῃ περιβασοῖ μὲν Ἀργεῖοι, ἑταίρᾳ δὲ Ἀθηναῖοι καὶ καλλιπύγῳ θύουσιν Συρακούσσιοι, ἣν Νίκανδρος ὁ ποιητὴς "καλλίγλου 2.39.3 τόν" που κέκληκεν; ∆ιόνυσον δὲ ἤδη σιωπῶ τὸν χοιροψάλαν· Σικυώνιοι τοῦτον προσκυνοῦσιν ἐπὶ τῶν γυναικείων τάξαντες τὸν ∆ιόνυσον μορίων, ἔφορον αἴσχους τὸν ὕβρεως σεβάζοντες ἀρχηγόν. Τοιοίδε μὲν αὐτοῖς οἱ θεοί, τοιοίδε <δὲ> καὶ αὐτοί, παίζοντες ἐν θεοῖς, μᾶλλον δὲ ἐμπαίζοντες καὶ ἐνυβρίζοντες 2.39.4 σφίσιν αὐτοῖς. Καὶ πόσῳ βελτίους Αἰγύπτιοι κωμηδὸν καὶ κατὰ πόλεις τὰ ἄλογα τῶν ζῴων ἐκτετιμηκότες ἤπερ Ἕλληνες τοιούτους προσκυνοῦντες θεούς; Τὰ μὲν γὰρ εἰ καὶ θηρία, ἀλλ' οὐ μοιχικά, ἀλλ' οὐ μάχλα, παρὰ φύσιν δὲ θηρεύει ἡδονὴν οὐδὲ ἕν. Οἳ δὲ ὁποῖοι, τί καὶ χρὴ λέγειν ἔτι, 2.39.5 ἀποχρώντως αὐτῶν διεληλεγμένων; Ἀλλ' οὖν γε Αἰγύπτιοι, ὧν νῦν δὴ ἐμνήσθην, κατὰ τὰς θρῃσκείας τὰς σφῶν ἐσκέ δανται· σέβουσι δὲ αὐτῶν Συηνῖται φάγρον τὸν ἰχθύν, μαιώτην δὲ (ἄλλος οὗτος ἰχθύς) οἱ τὴν Ἐλεφαντίνην οἰκοῦν τες, Ὀξυρυγχῖται τὸν φερώνυμον τῆς χώρας αὐτῶν ὁμοίως ἰχθύν, ἔτι γε μὴν Ἡρακλεοπολῖται ἰχνεύμονα, Σαῗται δὲ καὶ Θηβαῖοι πρόβατον, Λυκοπολῖται δὲ λύκον, Κυνοπολῖται 2.39.6 δὲ κύνα, τὸν Ἆπιν Μεμφῖται, Μενδήσιοι τὸν τράγον. Ὑμεῖς δὲ οἱ πάντ' ἀμείνους Αἰγυπτίων (ὀκνῶ δὲ εἰπεῖν χείρους), οἳ τοὺς Αἰγυπτίους ὁσημέραι γελῶντες οὐ παύεσθε, ὁποῖοί τινες καὶ περὶ τὰ ἄλογα ζῷα; Θεσσαλοὶ μὲν ὑμῶν τοὺς πελαργοὺς τετιμήκασι διὰ τὴν συνήθειαν, Θηβαῖοι δὲ τὰς γαλᾶς διὰ τὴν Ἡρακλέους γένεσιν. Τί δὲ πάλιν Θετταλοί; Μύρμηκας ἱστοροῦνται σέβειν, ἐπεὶ τὸν ∆ία μεμαθήκασιν ὁμοιωθέντα μύρμηκι τῇ Κλήτορος θυγατρὶ Εὐρυμεδούσῃ 2.39.7 μιγῆναι καὶ Μυρμιδόνα γεννῆσαι· Πολέμων δὲ τοὺς ἀμφὶ τὴν Τρωάδα κατοικοῦντας ἱστορεῖ τοὺς ἐπιχωρίους μῦς οὓς σμίνθους καλοῦσιν, ὅτι τὰς νευρὰς τῶν πολεμίων διέ τρωγον τῶν τόξων· καὶ Σμίνθιον Ἀπόλλωνα ἀπὸ τῶν μυῶν