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to receive the proof from great and lofty men. For the choir of the apostles, having been with Christ for the third year and having been taught many things about immortality and other mysteries, and having worked amazing and paradoxical signs, and having seen him working wonders for so long a time, and having shared his table and conversation and words, and having been taught in every way, when they heard words that produced despondency in them, continually holding onto him and hanging on him like nursing infants and perpetually asking him "where are you going," they were so extinguished by the tyranny of this despondency and were filled with such grief that they no longer asked these things. And Christ, reproaching them for this, said: you have heard that "I go to him who sent me" and "I am coming to you," "and no one of you asks me, 'Where are you going?' But because I have said these things to you, sorrow has filled your heart." Have you seen how much love the tyranny of despondency has darkened, and how it has made them captives and caused them to be its own? But that Elijah—for I will not desist from him even now—after his flight and departure from Palestine, not bearing the tyranny—for he was indeed greatly despondent; this, at any rate, the one who wrote the history indicated, saying: that "he went for his life"—hear what he says as he prays: "It is enough now, O Lord; take my life, for I am no better than my fathers." And that more fearful thing, the height of punishment, the sum of evils, the penalty for all sin, this he asks for in the manner of a prayer and wishes to receive as a portion of grace. Thus despondency is much more fearful than death; for in order to escape it, he takes refuge in this. And here I wish to solve a certain problem for you; for I know your desire for the solutions of such things. What then is the problem? If he considered death to be lighter than despondency, why did he leave behind both homeland and people, so that he might not fall into death, and flee? And how, fleeing it then, does he now seek it? So that you may know from this especially how despondency is more grievous than death. For when that fear alone shook him, he reasonably did everything to escape it. But when this, having settled in, showed its own nature by eating away, consuming, devouring him with its teeth, becoming unbearable to him, then indeed he considered the heaviest of all things to be lighter than it. Thus also Jonah, fleeing that, took refuge in this. And he himself asks for death, saying: "take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live." And David too, whether in his own person or that of certain others who were lamenting, writing a psalm shows this very thing: "When the sinner stood against me, I was dumb and was humbled, and kept silence from good things, and my pain was renewed. My heart became hot within me, and in my meditation a fire will be kindled." Declaring that fire, the fire of despondency, to be more vehement than this fire. Therefore, no longer bearing its blows and pains, he says: "I spoke with my tongue." And what do you speak, tell me. He too asks for death, saying: "Lord, make me to know my end, and what is the number of my days, that I may know what I am lacking," for what reason was I left behind and am lacking and spend my time in the present life while others have departed. And so he seeks it, whether himself or those in whose person he speaks, that even when it is not present he desires to learn the time of its arrival.

For "make known to me," he says, "my end," so that from this he may also reap the greatest pleasure. Thus the fearful thing becomes desirable because of the unbearable pain of despondency and the fire that burns in the mind. "For in my meditation a fire was kindled." For so great a punishment, therefore, expect great rewards, many prizes, the recompenses,

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μεγάλων καὶ ὑψηλῶν ἀνδρῶν λαβεῖν τὴν ἀπόδειξιν. Ὁ γὰρ τῶν ἀποστόλων χορὸς τρίτον ἔτος συγγενόμενος τῷ Χριστῷ καὶ πολλὰ περὶ ἀθανασίας παιδευθεὶς καὶ τῶν ἄλλων ἀπορρήτων σημεῖά τε ἐργασάμενοι θαυμαστὰ καὶ παράδοξα καὶ αὐτὸν ἐπὶ τοσοῦτον χρόνον θαυματουργοῦντα θεασάμενοι καὶ τραπέζης αὐτῷ καὶ ὁμιλίας καὶ λόγων κοινωνήσαντες καὶ πάντα παιδευθέντες τρόπον, ἐπειδὴ ῥημάτων ἤκουσαν ἀθυμίαν αὐτοῖς ἐμποιούντων συνεχῶς αὐτὸν κατέχοντες καὶ ἐκκρεμάμενοι καθάπερ ὑπομάζια παιδία καὶ διηνεκῶς αὐτὸν ἐρωτῶντες ποῦ ὑπάγεις, οὕτω τῇ τυραννίδι τῆς ἀθυμίας ἐσβέσθησαν ταύτης καὶ τοσαύτης λύπης ἐγένοντο ὡς μηκέτι αὐτοὺς ταῦτα πυνθάνεσθαι. Καὶ τοῦτο ὀνειδίζων αὐτοῖς ὁ Χριστὸς ἔλεγεν· ἠκούσατε, ὅτι ὑπάγω πρὸς τὸν πέμψαντά με καὶ ἔρχομαι πρὸς ὑμᾶς καὶ οὐδεὶς ἐξ ὑμῶν ἐρωτᾷ με ποῦ ὑπάγεις, ἀλλ' ὅτι ταῦτα λελάληκα ὑμῖν, ἡ λύπη πεπλήρωκεν ὑμῶν τὴν καρδίαν. Εἶδες ἔρωτα πόσον ἐσκότισεν ἀθυμίας τυραννὶς καὶ πῶς αἰχμαλώτους εἰργάσατο καὶ αὐτῆς εἶναι πεποίηκεν; Ὁ δὲ Ἠλίας ἐκεῖνος-οὐ γὰρ ἀποστήσομαι αὐτοῦ οὐδὲ νῦν-μετὰ τὴν φυγὴν καὶ τὴν ἀναχώρησιν τὴν ἀπὸ Παλαιστίνης οὐ φέρων τὴν τυραννίδα-καὶ γὰρ σφόδρα ἠθύμει· τοῦτο γοῦν ὁ τὴν ἱστορίαν γράψας ἐδήλου λέγων· ὅτι ἀπῆλθε καὶ κατὰ τὴν ψυχὴν αὑτοῦ-ἄκουσον τί φησιν εὐχόμενος· ἱκανούσθω τὰ νῦν, Κύριε, λάβε τὴν ψυχήν μου, ὅτι οὐ κρείττων ἐγώ εἰμι ὑπὲρ τοὺς πατέρας μου. Καὶ τὸ φοβερώτερον ἐκεῖνο, τὸν κολοφῶνα τῆς τιμωρίας, τὸ κεφάλαιον τῶν κακῶν, τὸ πάσης ἁμαρτίας ἐπιτίμιον, τοῦτο ἐν εὐχῆς αἰτεῖται τάξει καὶ ἐν χάριτος μέρει βούλεται λαβεῖν. Οὕτω πολὺ θανάτου φοβερώτερον ἀθυμία· ἵνα γὰρ ἐκείνην διαφύγῃ, καταφεύγει ἐπὶ τοῦτον. Ἐνταῦθα δέ σοι καὶ ζήτημά τι διαλῦσαι βούλομαι· οἶδα γάρ σου τὴν περὶ τὰς λύσεις τῶν τοιούτων ἐπιθυμίαν. Τί ποτ' οὖν ἐστι τὸ ζήτημα; Εἰ θάνατον κουφότερον ἀθυμίας εἶναι ἐνόμιζε, διατί καὶ πατρίδα καὶ δῆμον, ἵνα μὴ θανάτῳ περιπέσῃ, καταλιπὼν ἀπέδρα; Καὶ πῶς τότε αὐτὸν φεύγων νῦν αὐτὸν ἐπιζητεῖ; Ἵνα εἰδῇς καὶ ἐντεῦθεν μάλιστα πῶς χαλεπώτερον ἀθυμία θανάτου. Ὅτε μὲν γὰρ ἐκεῖνος ὁ φόβος κατέσεισε μόνος, εἰκότως ἅπαντα ἔπραττεν, ὥστε αὐτὸν ἐκφυγεῖν. Ἐπειδὴ δὲ ἐγκαθειμένη αὕτη τὴν οἰκείαν ἐπεδείξατο φύσιν κατεσθίουσα, δαπανῶσα, τοῖς ὀδοῦσιν αὐτὸν καταναλίσκουσα, ἀφόρητος αὐτῷ γινομένη, τότε δὴ τὸ πάντων βαρύτερον κουφότερον αὐτῆς εἶναι ἐνόμισεν. Οὕτω καὶ ὁ Ἰωνᾶς ἐκείνην φεύγων ἐπὶ τοῦτον κατέφυγε. Καὶ αὐτὸς θάνατον αἰτεῖται λέγων· λάβε τὴν ψυχήν μου ἀπ' ἐμοῦ, ὅτι καλόν μοι τὸ ἀποθανεῖν ἢ ζῆν με. Καὶ ∆αβὶδ δέ, εἴτε ἐξ οἰκείου προσώπου εἴτε ἑτέρων τινῶν ὀδυρομένων, ψαλμὸν γράφων τοῦτο δὴ τοῦτο ἐνδείκνυται· ἐν τῷ συστῆναι τὸν ἁμαρτωλὸν ἐναντίον μου ἐκωφώθην καὶ ἐταπεινώθην καὶ ἐσίγησα ἐξ ἀγαθῶν καὶ τὸ ἄλγημά μου ἀνεκαινίσθη. Ἐθερμάνθη ἡ καρδία μου ἐντός μου καὶ ἐν τῇ μελέτῃ μου ἐκκαυθήσεται πῦρ. Ἐκεῖνο τὸ πῦρ τούτου τοῦ πυρὸς σφοδρότερον τὸ τῆς ἀθυμίας δηλῶν. ∆ιὸ μηκέτι φέρων τὰς πληγὰς αὐτῆς καὶ τὰς ὀδύνας φησίν· ἐλάλησα ἐν γλώσσῃ μου. Καὶ τί λαλεῖς, εἰπέ μοι. Θάνατον αἰτεῖ καὶ οὗτος λέγων· γνώρισόν μοι, Κύριε, τὸ πέρας μου καὶ τὸν ἀριθμὸν τῶν ἡμερῶν μου τίς ἐστιν, ἵνα γνῶ τί ὑστερῶ ἐγώ, τίνος ἕνεκεν ἀπελείφθην ἐγὼ καὶ ὑστερῶ καὶ ἐν τῷ παρόντι διατρίβω βίῳ τῶν ἄλλων ἀπελθόντων. Καὶ οὕτως αὐτὸν ἐπιζητεῖ εἴτε αὐτὸς εἴτε ἐκεῖνοι, ὧν τῷ προσώπῳ κεχρημένος φθέγγεται ὅτι καὶ μὴ παρόντος τὸν καιρὸν τῆς παρουσίας ἐπιθυμεῖ μαθεῖν.

Γνώρισον γάρ μοι, φησί, τὸ πέρας μου, ἵνα καὶ ἐντεῦθεν μεγίστην καρπώσηται τὴν ἡδονήν. Οὕτω τὸ φοβερὸν ποθεινὸν γίνεται διὰ τὴν ἀφόρητον τῆς ἀθυμίας ὀδύνην καὶ τὸ πῦρ τὸ καιό μενον ἐν τῇ διανοίᾳ. Ἐν γὰρ τῇ μελέτῃ μου ἐξεκαύθη πῦρ. Τοσαύτης τοίνυν τιμωρίας μεγάλας προσδόκα τὰς ἀμοιβάς, πολλὰ τὰ βραβεῖα, τὰς ἀντιδόσεις,