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having thrown myself down and having fitted and leveled myself with the floor, I seize her feet and at that moment I beg to obtain a word and prayers. But she, having nodded slightly to me with a gentle voice: "May you obtain, O child," she says, "these good things," and having spoken, she flew away on a seraphic wing and flew up with the powers. And since it was necessary to see and to eat the fatted calf, what she saw or what she tasted, her soul might know, but that having partaken she was changed and her face had rays of light; there is no one of those present who did not see or, having seen, did not marvel. From then on she was no longer absent even from the floor of the church. I, therefore—but this, it seems, was also a dispensation and had been decided from above by the Higher Power that I should not see my mother's departure, having not at all been purified beforehand for that mystery—I, therefore, seeing my mother suddenly changed and not at all suspecting that she would die immediately, I stopped my continuous coming. But she, when the time of the rite was set and she was about to rest her body for a little while, as her attendants told me, having sat on a low stool, then "reclining" toward the left side and giving many thanks to the Word, suddenly, as if someone had appeared from the other side, she turned around in great amazement. But how can I again lament for myself, and how, O mother, can I show your affection for me to the many? As she stared intently, as if in ecstasy, she then came to herself: "Let my dearest son," she says, "come to me." O that divine voice, O my unfortunate life and soul, oh, how can I bear the misfortune even by speaking? And again: "But where is he?". At this, some came after others, but let my account wait. And when she again uttered the same voice and neither did a messenger fly to me with the word, nor did a spirit carry me there like Habakkuk, seeing again what had appeared and, as it were, eagerly joining with that one and having been lifted from the ground as much as was possible, then having clasped her hands over her breast, she sweetly and peacefully "gave up her soul" "to those who were leading her away," the measure of her life having been fulfilled and the bond of nature having been loosed and her soul departing gently, since it was diffused with the light that appeared, and running up to its kin and flying away to God. 24. And so her affairs ended. But I, having heard the news, "ran at a pace" and with an unrestrained rush to see my mother alive and to hear her "parting words" and to gain some benefit from this departure. But since it was not possible for me to obtain what I desired at all, having now seen her dead, I was suddenly filled with countless tears and my soul was seized with sharp pain, as if in a Corybantic frenzy, so to speak, and Bacchic fury, upon her holy and divine body, which was truly living—"for he who said so is not false"—I fell down and lay there like a dead man, knowing nothing of what I had done or suffered, until those present, pitying me and taking hold of me, then raising me up and sprinkling me with cold water, and then touching my nostrils with fragrant fingers, gathered my mind and recalled my strength. And when I again understood what an evil it was, I lamented bitterly and wailed loudly: "O mother," I said, "and this only by nature, but by the dignity of your soul both mistress and benefactress. But, O mother, sweet title—for I force myself to say this, though the name is beyond my worth—O nature, alone more divine than those on earth and more so to me, who not only physically conceived and labored for me, but also spiritually bore me and adorned me with words and embellished me with "ways of piety" and granted that I should be proud and beautified in you, and from this to appear and be called greater than others, O living spring, O intelligible luminary, who gushed forth for me the rivers of your goods and flashed with the light of your virtues, but now for me
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κατενεχθεὶς καὶ τῷ ἐδάφει ἐμαυτὸν προσαρμόσας καὶ ἐξισώσας, δράττομαί τε τῶν ἐκείνης ποδῶν καὶ λόγου τυχεῖν τηνικαῦτα ἐκλιπαρῶ καὶ εὐχῶν. ἡ δέ, ἠρεμαίᾳ τῇ φωνῇ βραχύ τι πρὸς ἐμὲ νενευκυῖα· «τύχοις, ὦ τέκνον-φησί-, τούτων τῶν ἀγαθῶν», καὶ εἰποῦσα ἀπέπτη σεραφικῇ πτέρυγι καὶ συνανίπτατο ταῖς δυνάμεσιν. ἐπεὶ δὲ ἔδει καὶ τὸν τυθέντα μόσχον καὶ ἰδεῖν καὶ φαγεῖν, ὅ τι μὲν εἶδεν ἐκείνη ἢ ὅ του γέγευστο, εἰδείῃ ἂν ἡ ταύτης ψυχή, ὅτι δὲ μεταλαβοῦσα ἠλλοίωτο καὶ ἀκτῖνας εἶχεν ἡ ὄψις αὐτῆς· οὐκ ἔστιν ὅστις τῶν παραγεγονότων οὐκ εἶδεν ἢ ἰδὼν οὐκ ἐθαύμασεν. ἐντεῦθεν οὐκέτι οὐδὲ τοῦ τῆς ἐκκλησίας ἐδάφους ἀπῆν. Ἐγὼ μὲν οὖν-ἀλλ' ἦν ἄρα καὶ τοῦτο οἰκονομία καὶ τῷ Κρείττονι ἐδέδοκτο ἄνωθεν μὴ ἰδεῖν τῆς μητρὸς τὴν μετάθεσιν μηδέν τι πρὸς ἐκεῖνο προκαθηράμενον τὸ μυστήριον -ἐγὼ μὲν οὖν τὴν μητέρα ἀθρόον ἀλλοιωθεῖσαν ἰδὼν καὶ οὐ πάνυ ὑπονοήσας ὅτι αὐτίκα τεθνήξεται, ἐπέσχον τὸ συνεχὲς τῆς ἀφίξεως. ἡ δέ, ἐπειδὴ ὁ τῆς τελετῆς ἀφώριστο χρόνος καὶ ἔμελλε βραχύ τι τὸ σῶμα διαναπαῦσαι, ὡς γοῦν διηγοῦντο μοι αἱ θεραπεύουσαι, ἐπί τινος χαμαιζήλου θώκου καθίσασα, εἶτα δὴ καὶ πρὸς τὸ εὐώνυμον μέρος «ἀνακλιθεῖσα» καὶ πολλὰ τῷ Λόγῳ εὐχαριστήσασα, ἀθρόον, ὥσπερ τινὸς ἐκ θατέρου μέρους φανέντος, μετεστράφη ἐκπληκτικώτατα. Ἀλλὰ πῶς ἂν καὶ αὖθις ἐμαυτὸν ἀποδύρωμαι, πῶς δέ σου τὴν πρὸς ἐμὲ σχέσιν, ὦ μῆτερ, ἐνδείξαιμι τοῖς πολλοῖς; ὡς γοῦν ἀτενὲς εἶδεν, ὥσπερ ἐκστᾶσα, εἶτα δὴ πρὸς ἑαυτὴν ἐγεγόνει· «ὁ φίλτατός μοι-φησί-παρίτω υἱός». ὢ τῆς θείας ἐκείνης φωνῆς, ὢ τῆς ἐμῆς ἀτυχοῦς καὶ ζωῆς καὶ ψυχῆς, ὤ, πῶς ἂν καὶ λέγων ἐνέγκω τὴν συμφοράν; καὶ αὖθις· «ἀλλὰ ποῦ δὴ ἐκεῖνος;». ἐπὶ τούτῳ ἄλλοι ἐπ' ἄλλοις παρῄεσαν, ἀλλ' ὅ μοι λόγος ἀναμεινάτω. ὡς δὲ καὶ πάλιν τὴν αὐτὴν ἀφῆκε φωνὴν καὶ οὔθ' ὁ ἀγγέλλων ἐμοὶ τὸν λόγον ἐπτέρωτο, οὔτε μὲ πνεῦμα ἐκεῖσε ἐκόμιζεν ὡς τὸν Ἀμβακούμ, αὖθις τὸ ὀφθὲν ἰδοῦσα καὶ οἷον συμπροθυμηθεῖσα ἐκείνῳ καὶ κουφισθεῖσα τοῦ ἐδάφους ὅσον ἐξῆν, εἶτα δὴ καὶ τὰς χεῖρας συμπλεξαμένη κατὰ τοῦ στήθους, ἡδέως ἅμα καὶ ὁμαλῶς «ἀφῆκε τὴν ψυχὴν» «τοῖς ἀπάγουσι», πληρωθέντος αὐτῇ τοῦ τῆς ζωῆς μέτρου καὶ τοῦ δεσμοῦ χαλασθέντος τῆς φύσεως καὶ τῆς ψυχῆς πρᾴως ἀπελθούσης, ἅτε τῷ φανέντι διαχυθείσης φωτί, καὶ πρὸς τὸ συγγενὲς ἀναδραμούσης καὶ εἰς Θεὸν ἀποπτάσης. 24. Καὶ τὰ μὲν ἐκείνης οὕτως. ἐγὼ δὲ τὴν ἀγγελίαν ἀκούσας «δρόμῳ ᾔειν» καὶ ἀκαθέκτῳ φορᾷ ζῶσαν τὴν μητέρα ἰδεῖν καὶ «λόγων ἐξιτηρίων» ἀκοῦσαι καί τι καὶ ὄνασθαι ταύτῃ τῆς μεταθέσεως. ὡς δὲ οὐκ ἦν με τυχεῖν πάντως τοῦ ἐφετοῦ, νεκρὰν ἤδη ἑωρακώς, δακρύων ἀθρόον ἀμυθήτων πλησθεὶς καὶ τὴν ψυχὴν ὀδύνῃ δριμείᾳ κατασχεθείς, ὡς εἶχον κορυβαντιασμοῦ, ὡς εἰπεῖν, καὶ ἐκβακχεύσεως, ἐπ' αὐτοῦ τοῦ ἱεροῦ καὶ θείου σώματος καὶ ζῶντος ὡς ἀληθῶς-»ἀψευδὴς γὰρ ὁ εἰπών»-καταπεσὼν ἐκείμην νεκρός, οὐδὲν ὧν ἐπεποιήκειν ἢ ἐπεπόνθειν εἰδώς, ἕως με οἱ παρόντες οἰκτείραντες καὶ διειληφότες, εἶτα δὴ διαναστήσαντες καὶ ψυχρῷ ὕδατι καταρράναντες, εἶτα δὴ καὶ δακτύλοις εὐωδιάζουσι τῶν ῥινῶν ἐπαφώμενοι, συνήγαγόν τέ μοι τὸν νοῦν καὶ τὰς δυνάμεις ἀνεκαλέσαντο. Ὡς δὲ αὖθις συνίην οἷ κακοῦ ἦν, πικρῶς τε ἀπωδυρόμην καὶ μέγα ἀπῴμωζον· «ὦ μῆτερ-λέγων-καὶ τοῦτο τῇ φύσει μόνῃ, τῷ δὲ τῆς ψυχῆς ἀξιώματι καὶ δεσπότις καὶ εὐεργέτις. ἀλλ', ὦ μῆτερ, κλῇσις γλυκεῖα-τοῦτο γὰρ βιάζομαι λέγειν εἰ καὶ παρὰ τὴν ἐμὴν ἀξίαν τὸ ὄνομα-, ὦ φύσις μόνη τῶν ἐπὶ γῆς θειοτέρα καὶ πλέον ἐμοί, οὐ σωματικῶς μόνον κυήσασά με καὶ ὠδινήσασα, ἀλλὰ καὶ ψυχικῶς ἀποτεκοῦσα καὶ λόγοις κοσμήσασα καὶ «τρόποις εὐσεβείας» διαποικίλλασα καὶ δοῦσα ἐπὶ σοὶ καὶ σεμνύνεσθαι καὶ καλλύνεσθαι, καὶ μείζονα τῶν ἄλλων ἐντεῦθεν φαίνεσθαί τε καὶ ὀνομάζεσθαι, ὦ πηγὴ ἔμψυχε, ὦ φωστὴρ νοητέ, βλύσασα μέν μοι τοὺς τῶν σῶν ἀγαθῶν ποταμοὺς καὶ τῷ τῶν σῶν ἀρετῶν φωτὶ καταστράψασα, νῦν δέ μοι