John Chrysostom, On Virginity

the struggle which seemed so unbearable to many, but she stood nobly and undertook the battle that comes from nature. How then could one admire her worthily, when others need even second marriages so that they are not consumed by passion, while she, having touched not even one, is always holy and unwounded? For these reasons, and before these, on account of the rewards laid up in heaven for widowhood, he who had Christ speaking in him said: "It is good for them if they remain as I am." Were you not strong enough to ascend to the highest peak? At least do not fall away from the one after that; let your virgin have this much more, that desire never once wrestled her down, whereas you, though it overcame you before, it was not strong enough to hold you always. And you indeed conquered after defeat, but she has a victory pure of all defeat, and while being joined to you in the end, she surpasses you only in the beginning.

38 Why does he give much comfort to the married, but does not give the virgin rest from her labors. How then? To the married he gives much comfort, that they are not to deprive one another even if one is unwilling, nor to prolong the deprivation which occurs by agreement for a long time. And he again permitted a second marriage, if they wish, in order not to be aflame with passion. But to those living in virginity he has given no such comfort, but while giving the former rest for so long, he again releases them, but the latter, who does not get even a little breathing space but fights through it all, he leaves to stand continually and to be assailed by desires, and does not allow her to take hold of even a small truce. For why did he not say to her also: "But if she cannot exercise self-control, let her marry"? Because one would not say to an athlete, after he has thrown off his cloak and anointed himself and entered the stadium and sprinkled himself with dust: Withdraw and flee your opponent; but it is necessary henceforth for one of two things: either to depart crowned, or having fallen and been put to shame. For in a training school and wrestling ground, where the training is with his own people and he grapples with friends as if they were opponents, he himself is master of whether to labor or not to labor. But when he has enrolled and a theater is assembled, and the judge is present and the spectators are seated, and the opponent is brought in and drawn up against him, the law of the games has taken away their authority. And so for the virgin, as long as she were deliberating beforehand whether she should marry or not marry, marriage is without danger. But when she has chosen and enrolled herself, she has brought herself into the stadium. Who then will dare, when the theater is assembled and angels are watching from above, and Christ is judging the contest, and the devil is raging and gnashing his teeth and grappling for the wrestling match and holding the middle ground, to come into the middle and say: Flee the enemy, give in to the labors, withdraw from the grip, do not throw down, nor trip up the antagonist, but concede the victory to him? And why do I speak to virgins? To widows no one would dare to utter this saying, but instead of this, that fearful one that, "When they grow wanton against Christ, they desire to marry, and will incur condemnation for having violated their first pledge." And yet he himself says that, "I say to the unmarried and to widows, it is good for them if they remain as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry." And again: "If her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord."

39 To which widow and to which virgin does Paul permit marriage. How then does he again punish her whom he lets go free, and the marriage which he says is in the Lord, this he condemns as happening unlawfully? Do not fear; not the same but a different one. For just as when saying, "If a virgin marries, she has not sinned," he does not speak concerning one who has renounced marriage; for it is clear to all that she has sinned, and an unbearable sin. But concerning one still inexperienced in marriage, who has not yet decided on this or that, but remaining in the middle ground between both of these thoughts. So also here he means a widow who simply does not have a husband, but not yet also by her own choice

συμβολὴν τὴν οὕτως ἀφόρητον τοῖς πολλοῖς εἶναι δοκοῦσαν ἀλλ' ἔστη γενναίως καὶ τὴν ἀπὸ τῆς φύσεως ἀνεδέξατο μάχην. Πῶς οὖν ἄν τις αὐτὴν κατ' ἀξίαν θαυμάσειεν ὅταν οἱ μὲν ἄλλοι καὶ δευτέρων δέωνται γάμων ἵνα μὴ κατακαίωνται, αὕτη δὲ μηδὲ ἕνος ἁψαμένη διὰ παντός ἐστιν ἁγία καὶ ἄτρωτος; ∆ιὰ ταῦτα καὶ πρὸ τούτων διὰ τοὺς ἀποκειμένους ἐν τοῖς οὐρανοῖς τῇ χηρείᾳ μισθοὺς ὁ τὸν Χριστὸν ἔχων ἐν ἑαυτῷ λαλοῦντα ἔλεγε· «Καλὸν αὐτοῖς ἐστιν ἐὰν μείνωσιν ὡς κἀγώ.» Οὐκ ἴσχυσας εἰς τὴν ἀνωτάτω κορυφὴν ἀναβῆναι; Τῆς γοῦν μετ' ἐκείνην μὴ ἀποπέσῃς· τοσοῦτον ἡ παρθένος σου ἐχέτω πλέον ὅσον τὴν μὲν οὐδὲ ἅπαξ ἐπιθυμία κατεπάλαισε, σὲ δὲ κρατήσασα πρότερον οὐκ ἴσχυσε διὰ παντὸς κατασχεῖν. Καὶ σὺ μὲν μετὰ τὴν ἧτταν ἐνίκησας, ἐκείνη δὲ καθαρὰν ἥττης ἁπάσης ἔχει τὴν νίκην καὶ τῷ τέλει συναπτομένη σοι κατὰ τὴν ἀρχὴν ὑπερέχει μόνον.

38 ∆ιὰ τί τοῖς μὲν γεγαμηκόσι πολλὴν δίδωσι τὴν παραμυθίαν, τὴν δὲ παρθένον οὐκ ἀναπαύει τῶν πόνων. Πῶς οὖν; Τοῖς μὲν γεγαμηκόσι πολλὴν δίδωσι τὴν παραμυθίαν ὡς μηδὲ ἄκοντος θατέρου ἀποστερεῖν αὐτοὺς ἀλλήλων μήτε τὴν ἐκ συμφωνίας γινομένην στέρησιν ἐπὶ πολὺ προάγειν. Καὶ δεύτερον πάλιν ἐπέτρεψε γάμον, ἐὰν βούλωνται, ὑπὲρ τοῦ μὴ πυροῦσθαι. Τοῖς δὲ παρθενεύουσιν οὐδεμίαν τοιαύτην δέδωκε παραμυθίαν, ἀλλὰ τοὺς μὲν ἐπὶ τοσοῦτον ἀναπαύσας πάλιν ἀνίησι, τὴν δὲ οὐδὲ μικρὸν ἀναπνέουσαν ἀλλὰ δι' ὅλου μαχομένην ἀφίησιν ἑστάναι διηνεκῶς καὶ βάλλεσθαι ὑπὸ τῶν ἐπιθυμιῶν καὶ οὐδὲ μικρᾶς αὐτὴν λαβέσθαι δίδωσιν ἀνακωχῆς. ∆ιὰ τί γὰρ οὐκ εἶπε καὶ πρὸς αὐτήν· «Εἰ δὲ οὐκ ἐγκρατεύεται, γαμησάτω»; Ὅτι οὐδὲ πρὸς τὸν ἀθλητὴν εἴποι τις ἂν μετὰ τὸ ῥῖψαι τὸ ἱμάτιον καὶ ἀλείψασθαι καὶ εἰς τὸ στάδιον εἰσελθεῖν καὶ καταπάσασθαι τὴν κόνιν· ἀπόστηθι καὶ φύγε τὸν ἀνταγωνιστήν· ἀλλ' ἀνάγκη λοιπὸν δυοῖν θάτερον ἢ στεφανωθέντα ἢ πεσόντα καὶ καταισχυνθέντα ἀπελθεῖν. Ἐν παιδοτρίβῳ μὲν γὰρ καὶ παλαίστρᾳ ὅπου πρὸς τοὺς οἰκείους ἡ γυμνασία καὶ τοῖς φίλοις ὡς ἐναντίοις συμπλέκεται καὶ τοῦ πονεῖν καὶ τοῦ μὴ πονεῖν αὐτός ἐστι κύριος. Ὅταν δὲ ἀπογράψηται καὶ συλλέγηται θέατρον καὶ ὁ ἀγωνοθέτης παρῇ καὶ οἱ θεαταὶ καθέζωνται καὶ εἰσάγηται ὁ ἀνταγωνιστὴς καὶ ἀντιπαρατάττηται, τὴν ἐξουσίαν αὐτῶν ὁ τῶν ἀγώνων παρῄρηται νόμος. Καὶ τῇ παρθένῳ τοίνυν, ἕως ἂν μὲν βουλεύοιτο πρότερον δέοι γαμεῖν ἢ μὴ γαμεῖν, ἀκίνδυνος ὁ γάμος. Ἐπειδὰν δὲ ἕληται καὶ ἀπογράψηται, εἰσήγαγεν ἑαυτὴν εἰς τὸ στάδιον. Τίς οὖν τολμήσει, τοῦ θεάτρου συγκροτουμένου καὶ θεωρούντων μὲν ἄνωθεν ἀγγέλων, ἀγωνοθετοῦντος δὲ τοῦ Χριστοῦ, μαινομένου δὲ τοῦ διαβόλου καὶ τρίζοντος καὶ συμπλεκομένου πρὸς τὴν πάλην καὶ μέσου κατεχομένου παρελθὼν εἰς μέσον εἰπεῖν· φύγε τὸν ἐχθρόν, ἔνδος τοῖς πόνοις, ἀπόστηθι τῆς λαβῆς, μὴ καταβάλῃς, μηδὲ ὑποσκελίσῃς τὸν ἀνταγωνιστὴν ἀλλὰ παραχώρει τῆς νίκης αὐτῷ; Καὶ τί λέγω πρὸς τὰς παρθένους; Πρὸς τὰς χήρας οὐκ ἄν τις τολμήσειε ταύτην ῥῆξαι τὴν φωνὴν ἀλλ' ἀντὶ ταύτης ἐκείνην τὴν φοβερὰν ὅτι «Ἐὰν καταστρηνιάσωσι τοῦ Χριστοῦ καὶ γαμῆσαι θελήσωσι, κρίμα ἕξουσιν ὅτι τὴν πρώτην πίστιν ἠθέτησαν.» Καὶ μὴν αὐτός φησιν ὅτι «Λέγω τοῖς ἀγάμοις καὶ ταῖς χήραις, καλὸν αὐτοῖς ἐὰν μείνωσιν ὡς κἀγώ· εἰ δὲ οὐκ ἐγκρατεύονται, γαμησάτωσαν.» Καὶ πάλιν· «Ἐὰν κοιμηθῇ ὁ ἀνὴρ αὐτῆς ἐλευθέρα ἐστὶν ᾧ θέλει γαμηθῆναι, μόνον ἐν κυρίῳ.»

39 Ποίᾳ χήρᾳ καὶ ποίᾳ παρθένῳ ἐπιτρέπει γαμεῖσθαι ὁ Παῦλος. Πῶς οὖν ἣν ἀφίησιν ἐλευθέραν πάλιν κολάζει καὶ ὃν ἐν κυρίῳ φησὶν εἶναι γάμον τοῦτον ὡς παρανόμως γινόμενον κατακρίνει; Μὴ δείσῃς· οὐ τὸν αὐτὸν ἀλλ' ἕτερον. Ὥσπερ γὰρ λέγων· «Ἐὰν γάμῃ ἡ παρθένος οὐχ ἥμαρτεν», οὐ περὶ τῆς ἀποτεταγμένης τῷ γάμῳ φησί· δῆλον γὰρ ἅπασιν ὅτι αὐτὴ ἥμαρτε καὶ ἁμαρτίαν ἀφόρητον. Ἀλλὰ περὶ τῆς ἀπειρογάμου μὲν ἔτι, οὔπω δὲ οὐδὲ τοῦτο οὐδὲ ἐκεῖνο ψηφισαμένης ἀλλ' ἐν μεταιχμίῳ τούτων ἑκατέρων μενούσης τῶν λογισμῶν. Οὕτω καὶ χήραν ἐνταῦθα μὲν τὴν ἁπλῶς οὐκ ἔχουσαν ἄνδρα φησίν, οὔπω δὲ καὶ τῇ τῆς οἰκείας προαιρέσεως