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not wanting to flatter the insolent man and give herself to him for whatever he wants, whether he inflicts blows or washes her with insults, or hands her over to the contempt of servants, or some other such thing. For many ways have been devised by men when they wish to punish their own wives. If she cannot bear these things, she must practice fruitless continence; and I say fruitless because it does not have its proper motivation; for it comes not from a desire for holiness but from anger towards her husband. “Let her remain,” he says, “unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.” What then, if he never wants to be reconciled? she says. You have a second solution and release. What is this? Await his death. For just as it is never lawful for the virgin to marry, so it is not for these women either, when the husband dies. For if it were permitted even while he was alive to leap from this one to another, and again from that one to another, what need would there be for marriage anymore, with men using each other's wives indiscriminately and everyone being mixed up with all of them without distinction? And how would the disposition towards their partners not be corrupted, if today one man, tomorrow another, and then again others were living with the same woman? Rightly, therefore, did the Lord call this adultery.

41 Why God permitted the Jews to give a bill of divorce. How then did he permit this for the Jews? Clearly, because of their hardness of heart, so that they would not fill their own houses with the blood of their kin. For what was better, tell me, for the hated wife to be cast out or to be slaughtered inside? For they would have done this, if it were not permitted for them to cast her out. For this reason he says, “If you hate her, send her away.” But when he speaks to the gentle, and to those whom he does not even permit to be angry, what does he say? “But if she separates, let her remain unmarried.” Do you see the necessity and the inescapable slavery, the bond that surrounds them both? For marriage is truly a bond, not only because of the multitude of cares nor because of the daily griefs, but because it compels the married to be subject to each other more harshly than any servant. “Let the husband,” he says, “rule the wife.” And what is the gain of this mastery? For again it makes him a slave of the one he rules, devising a certain new and paradoxical exchange of slavery; and just as fugitive slaves, bound by their masters individually and then again bound together, fixed to their fetters by a small chain from each end, would not be able to walk with freedom because the one is forced to follow the other. So also the souls of the married have their own cares, and they also have another necessity arising from their bond to one another, which chokes more harshly than any chain and takes away the freedom of both by not entrusting the rule to one completely but by distributing its authority to both. Where, then, are those who for the sake of the comfort of pleasure are ready to bear any condemnation? For not a small part of pleasure is cut away when a long time is often consumed in anger and hatred toward one another. And this slavery, by which one is forced unwillingly to bear the wickedness of the other, is sufficient to overshadow all delight. For this reason that blessed man first checked the impulse toward desire with words meant to shame, speaking of fornication and lack of self-control and burning with passion. But when he saw that for many the argument from condemnation was weak, he again proposed something stronger for dissuasion, which is why the disciples were compelled to say: “It is not expedient to marry.” And this is that none of the married is his own master. And he no longer introduces this in the order of exhortation and counsel but with the necessity of a command and an injunction. For to marry or not to marry is up to us; but to bear the slavery not willingly but unwillingly, is not up to us. Why is that? Because not in ignorance did we choose this rule, but knowing very well its rights and laws, willingly

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τοῦτο μὴ βουλομένην κολακεύειν τὸν ὑβριστὴν καὶ παρέχειν ἑαυτὴν ἐκείνῳ πρὸς ὅπερ ἂν βούληται, εἴτε πληγὰς ἐντείνοι εἴτε λοιδορίαις πλύνοι, εἴτε οἰκετῶν ὑπεροψίᾳ παραδοῦναι εἴτε ἕτερόν τι τοιοῦτον. Πολλαὶ γὰρ ὁδοὶ τοῖς ἀνδράσιν ἐπινενόηνται ὅταν κολάζειν βούλωνται τὰς ἑαυτῶν γυναῖκας. Εἰ δὲ ταῦτα μὴ φέροι, τὴν ἐγκράτειαν ἀσκεῖν χρὴ τὴν ἄκαρπον· τὴν ἄκαρπον δὲ λέγω ἐπειδὴ μὴ τὴν αὐτῇ προσήκουσαν ὑπόθεσιν ἔχει· οὐ γὰρ δι' ἁγιωσύνης ἐπιθυμίαν ἀλλὰ διὰ τὴν πρὸς τὸν ἄνδρα ὀργὴν γίνεται. «Μενέτω», γάρ φησιν, «ἄγαμος ἢ τῷ ἀνδρὶ καταλλαγήτω.» Τί οὖν, ἂν μηδέποτε βούληται καταλλαγῆναι; φησίν. Ἔχεις δευτέραν λύσιν καὶ ἀπαλλαγήν. Τίνα ταύτην; Ἀνάμενε τὸν ἐκείνου θάνατον. Ὥσπερ γὰρ τῇ παρθένῳ γαμεῖν οὐδέποτε ἔξεστι, οὕτως οὐδὲ ταύταις εἶναι, ὅταν ὁ ἀνὴρ ἀποθάνῃ. Εἰ γὰρ ἐξῆν καὶ ζῶντος ἀπὸ τούτου πρὸς ἕτερον καὶ πάλιν, ἀπ' ἐκείνου πρὸς ἄλλον μεταπηδᾶν, τί γάμων ἔδει λοιπόν, ταῖς ἀλλήλων γυναιξὶν ἀδιακρίτως τῶν ἀνδρῶν κεχρημένων καὶ πάσαις ἁπλῶς ἀναμεμιγμένων ἁπάντων; Πῶς δὲ οὐκ ἂν καὶ πρὸς τοὺς συνοικοῦντας διεφθάρη ἡ διάθεσις, τήμερον μὲν τούτου, αὔριον δὲ ἐκείνου, καὶ πάλιν ἄλλων τῇ αὐτῇ συζώντων γυναικί; ∆ικαίως οὖν ὁ κύριος αὐτὸ μοιχείαν ἐκάλεσεν.

41 ∆ιὰ τί τοῖς Ἰουδαίοις συνεχώρησε ἀπόστασιν διδόναι ὁ Θεός. Πῶς οὖν Ἰουδαίοις τοῦτο συνεχώρησεν; ∆ηλονότι διὰ τὴν σκληροκαρδίαν, ἵνα μὴ συγγενικῶν αἱμάτων τὰς ἑαυτῶν πληρῶσιν οἰκίας. Τί γὰρ ἦν ἄμεινον, εἰπέ μοι, τὴν μισηθεῖσαν ἐκβληθῆναι ἔξω ἢ σφαγῆναι ἔνδον; Τοῦτο γὰρ ἂν ἐποίησαν, εἴ γε μὴ ἐξῆν αὐτοῖς ἐκβάλλειν. ∆ιὰ τοῦτό φησιν· «Εἰ μισεῖς, ἐξαπόστειλον.» Ὅταν δὲ τοῖς ἐπιεικέσι διαλέγηται καὶ οἷς μηδὲ ὁργίζεσθαι συγχωρεῖ, τί λέγει; «Ἐὰν δὲ χωρισθῇ, μενέτω ἄγαμος.» Ὁρᾷς τὴν ἀνάγκην καὶ τὴν ἀπαραίτητον δουλείαν, τὸν ἑκατέρους περιβάλλοντα δεσμόν; ∆εσμὸς γὰρ ὄντως ὁ γάμος, οὐ διὰ τὸν τῶν φροντίδων ὄχλον μόνον οὐδὲ διὰ τὰς λύπας τὰς καθημερινὰς ἀλλ' ὅτι παντὸς οἰκέτου χαλεπώτερον ἀλλήλοις ὑποκεῖσθαι τοὺς γεγαμηκότας καταναγκάζει. «Κρατείτω», φησίν, «ὁ ἀνὴρ τῆς γυναικός.» Καὶ τί τῆς δεσποτείας ταύτης τὸ κέρδος; Πάλιν γὰρ αὐτὸν δοῦλον τῆς κρατουμένης ποιεῖ, καινήν τινα καὶ παράδοξον δουλείας ἐπινοήσας ἀντίδοσιν· καὶ καθάπερ ὑπὸ δεσποτῶν φυγάδες οἰκέται καθ' ἑαυτοὺς δεδεμένοι καὶ πάλιν ἀλλήλοις συνδεδεμένοι, διά τινος ἀλύσεως μικρᾶς ἐξ ἑκατέρας ἀρχῆς ταῖς πέδαις προσηλωμένοι, οὐκ ἂν δύναιντο μετ' ἐξουσίας βαδίζειν τῷ τὸν ἕτερον ἀναγκάζεσθαι ἕπεσθαι θατέρῳ. Οὕτω καὶ αἱ τῶν γεγαμηκότων ψυχαὶ ἔχουσι μὲν καὶ ἰδίας φροντίδας, ἔχουσι δὲ καὶ ἑτέραν ἀνάγκην τὴν ἐκ τοῦ πρὸς ἀλλήλους συνδέσμου, πάσης ἀλύσεως χαλεπώτερον ἄγχουσαν καὶ τὴν ἀμφοτέρων ἐλευθερίαν ἀφαιρουμένην τῷ μὴ καθάπαξ ἑνὶ παραδοῦναι τὴν ἀρχὴν ἀλλ' εἰς ἑκατέρους αὐτῆς διανεῖμαι τὴν ἐξουσίαν. Ποῦ τοίνυν εἰσὶν οἱ διὰ τὴν ἐκ τῆς ἡδονῆς παραμυθίαν πᾶσαν ἕτοιμοι κατάγνωσιν ἐνεγκεῖν; Οὐδὲ γὰρ μικρὸν ὑποτέμνεται τῆς ἡδονῆς μέρος ἐν ταῖς πρὸς ἀλλήλους ὀργαῖς καὶ ἀπεχθείαις πολλάκις ἀναλισκομένου χρόνου μακροῦ. Καὶ ἡ δουλεία δὲ αὕτη τῷ τὴν ἑτέρου μοχθηρίαν ἀναγκάζεσθαι καὶ ἄκοντα θάτερον φέρειν ἅπασαν ἱκανὴ συσκιάσαι τρυφήν. ∆ιὰ τοῦτο ὁ μακάριος ἐκεῖνος πρῶτον μὲν δι' ἐντρεπτικῶν ῥημάτων ἀνέστελλε τὴν πρὸς τὴν ἐπιθυμίαν φοράν, διὰ τὰς πορνείας λέγων καὶ ἀκρασίας καὶ πυρώσεις. Ἐπειδὴ δὲ συνεῖδε βραχὺν ὄντα τοῖς πολλοῖς τὸν τῆς καταγνώσεως λόγον, τὸ τούτου πάλιν ἰσχυρότερον πρὸς ἀποτροπὴν τίθησι, διὸ καὶ οἱ μαθηταὶ εἰπεῖν ἠναγκάσθησαν· «Οὐ συμφέρει γαμῆσαι.» Τοῦτο δέ ἐστι τὸ μηδένα ἑαυτοῦ κύριον εἶναι τῶν γεγαμηκότων. Καὶ οὐκέτι τοῦτο ἐν παραινέσεως τάξει καὶ συμβουλῆς εἰσηγεῖται ἀλλ' ἐν ἐπιτάγματος καὶ ἐντολῆς ἀνάγκῃ. Τὸ μὲν γαμεῖν ἢ μὴ γαμεῖν ἐφ' ἡμῖν· τὸ δὲ μὴ ἑκόντας ἀλλ' ἄκοντας φέρειν τὴν δουλείαν, οὐκ ἐφ' ἡμῖν. Τί δήποτε; Ὅτι οὐκ ἀγνοοῦντες ταύτην εἱλόμεθα τὴν ἀρχὴν ἀλλὰ καὶ σφόδρα αὐτῆς ἐπιστάμενοι τὰ δικαιώματα καὶ τοὺς νόμους, ἑκόντες