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Blushing, if they seem wicked, humble men. O flesh-worshippers, and clearly despisers of God, Worshipping Baal-peor, not the existing Master. Where is the mystical table? Let him judge well. Where is the bread, or where the hands, which drew down the Spirit 1294 upon your heads? Shatter, wicked ones, also the grace. But I will release the people from blame. For what is strange in this, that being under such leaders they should commit such sins? For hardly, with wise men leading, would they be good. But these things I never taught you, O children, (Even if for a short time I wielded a foreign rein), to despise a teacher's laws and words. This was still my strength, even while suffering, to endure. For suffering very many things is the teacher of enduring. But what most melted my heart, is that the wise bishops of the peoples deceived me, in word being among friends, and of my vote 1295 as being impartial and friendly, if any, in word, but in deed to where they had inclined, it is not for me to say this. But I was deceived, O Trinity spoken by me. O pulpits, O stonings and all toils, which from my youthful training I accomplished to this point! Faith in God has perished, and perished from mortals. Where can one turn, and to whom become near? If these are lamps, and the light, you consider the darkness. I have been mocked twice, this I know also from having suffered it, if I too have any share of wisdom from God. But biting my lip I endured it (who knows this but God?), imitating, if it is right to say, the goodness of God. Therefore, let me not seem to be the only one neither to hear nor to see at all 1296 the things clear and manifest to all, set forth to the world, so that at least the complexion might remain of the former body, though it is already enfeebled and has fallen miserably. If these things are pleasing to reason, teach me, O wise men. For to me they are not pleasing, and seem exceedingly evil. From here, as from a broken wall, or a flood, every sower of evil and strange doctrines has rushed in; among whom are also new tablets badly written. Who my great God with unjust divisions they cut; alas! placing the one preeminence of all above, and in the middle, and the third below. And they cut, as my God, also the great mortal of God, making him mindless, as if a mindless Adam had fallen, 1297 or, of one fearing that I might not be completely saved by the passion. For it is necessary that my skin alone should obtain salvation, and the other parts, being dishonored, are abandoned by God. Of whom this is also one, a second (I know not from where, nor who) Judaism, and the nonsense of a thousand years, abortions of Greek intoxication and error; who also the beautiful flock, like grievous wolves, falling upon it, mercilessly, bereft of a shepherd they steal, they plunder, to the pain of my soul; who, although I have taken the staff of another flock, yet I am troubled, seeing the dissolution 1298 of my paternal labors. And how could it not be so? and what sensible man would suffer these things with moderation? For no oak, or stone alone nourished me. I may be a liar and a bad man, but I will speak my mind nonetheless. Not even you yourself, I know, remain free from the disease, you who now look disdainfully on my troubles, O dearest friend, even if you seem to have stepped safely and opportunely. A fire is nearby, then, and untrustworthy to the neighboring house. A cedar is shaken, in what way is a pine safe? Keep the battle far off, if you do not desire it near. Someone will remember these words of mine someday, 1299 when there will be nothing more than to be vexed in vain. But now for me a great flood of evils is boiling over. What worse will you bring, my Christ? And what more with fire? I will receive all things eagerly, but may you be gracious. A little while, and we have passed the roughness of life. And what sort of things there? Good for me, even if they are very bad. For there is no duplicity there; for there is only simplicity.

31. A longing for death. Twice, I know this, alas! twice have I been supplanted; If justly,

may God receive you; But if unjustly, may God nevertheless receive you; 1300 for in no way will I hold anything against you even so. But I have departed, and I long for a release from evils. Of things present I am full of all, of wealth, poverty, joys, not joys, of glory, and dishonor, of enemies, of friends; but of things not present I pray to have experience.

30

Ἐρυθριῶντες, εἰ κακοὶ ∆οκοῖεν εὐτελεῖς. Ὦ σαρκολάτραι, καὶ Θεοῦ Περίφρονες σαφῶς, Βεελφεγὼρ σέβοντες, οὐ Τὸν ὄντα ∆εσπότην. Ποῦ δὲ τράπεζα μυστική; Καλῶς δικαζέτω. Ποῦ δ' ἄρτος, ἢ ποῦ χεῖρες, αἳ Τὸ Πνεῦμ' ἐφείλκυσαν 1294 Ὑμῶν καρήνοις; Θρύψατε, Κακοὶ, καὶ τὴν χάριν. Λαὸν δ' ἀφήσω μέμψεως. Τί γὰρ ξένον τόδε, Τὸν ὄντα τοίων προστατῶν Τοιαῦθ' ἁμαρτάνειν; Μόγις γὰρ ἂν, ἡγουμένων Σοφῶν, εἶεν καλοί. Πλὴν οὐ τάδ' ὑμᾶς, ὦ τέκνα, Ἐδίδαξ' ἐγώ ποτε (Εἰ καὶ χρόνον βραχὺν ξένην Νώμησα ἡνίαν), Περιφρονεῖν διδασκάλου Νόμους τε καὶ λόγους. Ταῦτ' ἦν ἔτι σθένος μοι καὶ Πάσχοντι καρτερεῖν. Τὸ γὰρ παθεῖν ὡς πλεῖστα τοῦ Φέρειν διδάσκαλον. Ὃ δ' ἐξέτηξε καρδίαν Μάλιστα τὴν ἐμὴν, Ἔκ μ' ἠπάτησαν οἱ σοφοὶ Λαῶν ἐπίσκοποι, Λόγῳ μὲν ὄντες ἐν φίλοις, Ψήφου τε τῆς ἐμῆς 1295 Ὡς ἀῤῥεποῦς τε καὶ φίλης, Εἴπερ τινὸς, λόγῳ, Ἔργῳ δ' ὅπου νενευκότες, Λέγειν τόδ' οὐκ ἐμόν. Πλὴν ἠπατήθην, ὦ Τριὰς Ἐμοὶ λαλουμένη. Ὢ βήματ', ὢ λιθασμάτων Τε καὶ πόνων ὅλων, Οὓς ἐκ νέας ἀσκήσεως ∆ιήνυσ' εἰς τόδε! Ὄλωλε πίστις εἰς Θεὸν, Ὄλωλε δ' ἐκ βροτῶν. Ποῦ τις μεταστῇ, καὶ τίνων Γένηται πλησίον; Εἰ ταῦτα λύχνοι, καὶ τὸ φῶς, Σκόπει σὺ τὸ σκότος. ∆ὶς ἐμπέπαιγμαι, τοῦτο καὶ Παθὼν ἐπίσταμαι, Εἴπερ τι κἀμοὶ τοῦ φρονεῖν Μέτεστιν ἐκ Θεοῦ. Ἀλλ' ἐνδακὼν ἤνεγκα (τίς Τόδ' οἶδεν ἢ Θεός;), Θεοῦ τὸ χρηστὸν, εἰ θέμις Φράσαι, μιμούμενος. Μήτ' οὖν ἀκούειν, μήθ' ὁρᾷν Ὅλως δοκῶ μόνος 1296 Τὰ πᾶσι δῆλα καὶ σαφῆ, Κόσμῳ προκείμενα, Ὡς ἂν τὸ χρῶμα γοῦν μένῃ Τοῦ πρόσθε σώματος, Ἤδη παρειμένου τε, καὶ Πεσόντος ἀθλίως. Εἰ ταῦτ' ἀρεστὰ τῷ λόγῳ, ∆ιδάξατ', ὦ σοφοί. Ἐμοὶ γὰρ οὐκ ἀρεστὰ, καὶ Λίαν δοκεῖ κακά. Ἐντεῦθεν, ὥσπερ τειχίου Ῥαγέντος, ἢ ῥόου, Ἅπας κακῶν εἰσεῤῥύη Ξένων λόγων σπορεύς· Ὧν εἰσι καὶ νέαι πλάκες Κακῶς γεγραμμέναι. Οἳ τὸν Θεόν μου τὸν μέγαν Οὐκ ἐνδίκοις τομαῖς Τέμνουσιν· οἴμοι! τὴν μίαν Πάντων ὑπερβολὴν Ἄνω τιθέντες, καὶ μέσον, Κάτω τε τὸ τρίτον. Τέμνουσι δ', ὡς Θεόν μου, καὶ Θεοῦ μέγαν βροτὸν, Ἄνουν τιθέντες, ὡς ἄνου Ἀδὰμ πεπτωκότος, 1297 Ἣ, μὴ τελείως τῷ πάθει Σωθῶ, δεδοικότος. Χρὴ γὰρ τὸ δέρμα μου μόνον Τυχεῖν σωτηρίας, Τὰ δ' ἄλλ' ἄτιμα τυγχάνειν Θεῷ παρειμένα. Ὧν καὶ τόδ' ἐστὶ, δεύτερος (Οὐκ οἶδ' ὅθεν, καὶ τίς) Ἰουδαϊσμὸς, χιλίων Τ' ἐτῶν ληρήματα, Ἑλληνικῆς ἀμβλώματα Μέθης τε καὶ πλάνης· Οἳ καὶ τὸ καλὸν ποίμνιον, Ὥσπερ λύκοι βαρεῖς, Ἐπεισπεσόντες, νηλεῶς Ἔρημον ποιμένος Κλέπτουσιν, ἁρπάζουσιν εἰς Πόνον ψυχῆς ἐμῆς· Ὃς, καίπερ ἄλλου ποιμνίου Βακτηρίαν λαβὼν, Ὅμως ἀσῶμαι, πατρικῶν 1298 Ὁρῶν μόγων λύσιν. Πῶς δ' οὐχί; καὶ τίς μετρίως Ταῦτ' ἂν πάθοι φρονῶν; Οὐ γάρ τις δρῦς, τὶς ἢ λίθος Μόνον μ' ἐθρέψατο. Ψεύστης μὲν εἴην καὶ κακὸς, Ἐρῶ δ' ὅμως λόγον. Οὐδ' αὐτὸς, οἶδα, τῆς νόσου Μένεις ἐλεύθερος, Ὁ νῦν ἔποφρυς τοῖς ἐμοῖς Κακοῖς, ὦ φίλτατε, Κἂν ἀσφαλῶς βεβηκέναι Καὶ καιρίως δοκῇς. Πῦρ γεῖτον οὖν, καὶ τῇ πέλας Ἄπιστον οἰκίᾳ. Κέδρος τινάσσεται, πίτυς Τρόπον τίν' ἀσφαλής; Πόῤῥωθεν εἶργε τὴν μάχην, Εἰ μὴ πέλας ποθεῖς. Μεμνήσεταί τις τῶν ἐμῶν Τούτων λόγων ποτὲ, 1299 Ὅτ' οὐδὲν ἔσται πλεῖον, ἢ Τὸ δάκνεσθαι μάτην. Πλὴν νῦν ἐμοὶ περιζέει Πολὺς κλύδων κακῶν. Τί χεῖρον οἴσεις, Χριστέ μου; Πυροῖς δὲ τί πλέον; Πάντα προθύμως δέξομαι, Πλὴν ἵλαος πέλοις. Μικρόν τι, καὶ παρήλθομεν Τὸ τοῦ βίου τραχύ. Κἀκεῖσε δ' οἷα; χρηστά μοι, Κἂν ᾖ λίαν κακά. Οὐ γάρ τις κἀκεῖ διπλόη· Μόνη γὰρ ἁπλότης.

ΛΑʹ. Πόθος τοῦ θανάτου. ∆ὶς, οἶδα τοῦτο, φεῦ! δὶς ἐπτερνισμένος· Εἰ μὲν

δικαίως, προσδέχοιθ' ὑμᾶς Θεός· Εἰ δ' οὐ δικαίως, προσδέχοιθ' ὅμως Θεός· 1300 Οὐδὲν γὰρ ὑμῶν οὐδὲ ὣς καθέξομαι. Πλὴν ἐκλέλοιπα, καὶ ποθῶ λύσιν κακῶν. Τῶν μὲν παρόντων εἰμὶ πάντων ἔμπλεως, Πλούτου, πενίας, χαρμονῶν, οὐ χαρμονῶν, ∆όξης, ἀτιμίας τε, δυσμενῶν, φίλων· Τῶν δ' οὐ παρόντων εὔχομαι πεῖραν λαβεῖν.