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115. So much for that; but what follows? You will of course provide them 35.653 with interpreters of God-borne oracles, as you yourselves would say, and you will unroll books theological and ethical. Which ones are these, tell me, and by whom? Is it good to sing Hesiod's Theogony to them and the wars and tumults there, the Titans, the Giants, with their fearful names and deeds? Cottus, Briareus, Gyges, Enceladus, your serpent-footed ones, the thunder-bearing gods, the islands hurled upon them, at once missiles and tombs for those they hit; their bitter offspring and spawn, Hydras, Chimeras, Cerberuses, Gorgons, an ambition for every evil. Let these be the fine things from Hesiod set before their ears. Let Orpheus enter with his lyre and his all-drawing song, let him thunder to Zeus the great and supernatural words and thoughts of theology: O Zeus, most glorious, greatest of gods, wrapped in the dung of sheep, and of horses, and of mules, so that from this, I suppose, the life-giving and life-bearing power of the god might be shown; for it was not possible otherwise; and not to spare other grandiloquence. So speaking, the goddess, she drew up her two thighs, in order to initiate her lovers, which she still initiates with her gestures. On top of all, Phanes and Ericapaeus, and the one who swallows all the others, then gives forth gods again, so that he might become father of men and of gods. Let these things be brought upon the stage for the wonderful hearers of theology, then let allegories and marvels be devised for them; and let the discourse, falling away from what is set before it, proceed into chasms, and to cliffs of a theory that has no firm standing.

116. But where will you place Homer, the great comedian of your gods, or should I say tragedian? For you will find both in his wonderful poems; some things worthy of misfortune, others of laughter. For indeed it is of no small concern to see that, how Oceanus will be reconciled to Tethys through Hera, who is adorned like a prostitute; since there is danger to the universe if they are temperate for some time; or if indeed the dry nature and the wet must be reconciled, lest the universe be confounded by the excess of one or the other; or if you devise something else more absurd than these. And what of the wonderful union of the cloud-gatherer and the august Hera, when she persuades him to act shamefully in the middle of the day, 35.656 even if the poets with their verses flatter him, strewing dewy lotus beneath, and making crocus and hyacinth grow from the earth? Whence are these things, and what is their meaning? And how is this same Hera, according to you, the sister and spouse of the great Zeus, now hanging in the air and clouds, and dragged down with iron anvils, and punished with golden handcuffs, she, the white-armed and rosy-fingered, so that even for those gods wishing to intercede, benevolence was not without danger; and now drawing to herself the whole girdle of loves through her adornments for Zeus, so that he confessed all his loves for all others fell far short of this one? And what of the fear, lest the gods being moved on behalf of the Laconian adulteress, and heaven sounding the trumpet, the seat of earth be broken up, the sea be rearranged, the kingdom of Hades be made public, and the things long hidden by time come into the open? And what of the nod of the dark brows, and the shaking of the ambrosial locks, shaking all Olympus? And what of Ares being wounded, or shut up in a bronze jar? the inept lover of golden Aphrodite, and thoughtless adulterer, and mastered by the Lame one, and gathering a theater of the gods over his own shameful state, and being released for a small sum?

117. All these things and more than these, so wisely and variously composed, and altogether outside of what is customary, who among you is so lofty and great, and truly a match for Zeus in counsel, as to bring them to a seemly state by words of theory?

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ΡΙΕʹ. Ταῦτα μὲν δὴ ταύτῃ· τί δὲ τὸ ἐντεῦθεν; Παρ 35.653 έξεις αὐτοῖς ὑποφήτας δηλαδὴ θεοφόρων λογίων, ὡς ἂν αὐτοὶ φαίητε, καὶ βίβλους ἀνελίξεις θεολο γικάς τε καὶ ἠθικάς. Τίνας ταύτας, εἰπέ μοι, καὶ τίνων; Καλὸν προσάδεσθαι τὴν Ἡσιόδου Θεογονίαν αὐτοῖς καὶ τοὺς ἐκεῖ πολέμους καὶ κλόνους, τοὺς Τιτᾶνας, τοὺς Γίγαντας, μετὰ τῶν φοβερῶν ὀνομάτων τε καὶ πραγμάτων; Κότος, Βριάρεως, Γύγης, Ἐγκέλαδος, οἱ δρακοντόποδες ὑμῶν, οἱ κεραυνοφόροι θεοὶ, αἱ τούτοις ἐπαφιέμεναι νῆσοι, βέλη τε ὁμοῦ καὶ τάφοι τοῖς ἀπαντήσασι· τὰ πικρὰ τούτων γεννήματα καὶ προβλήματα, Ὕδραι, Χίμαιραι, Κέρβεροι, Γορ γόνες, φιλοτιμία παντὸς κακοῦ. Ταῦτα ἔστω τῶν Ἡσιόδου καλῶν ταῖς ἀκοαῖς προτιθέμενα. Ὀρφεὺς παρίτω μετὰ τῆς κιθάρας καὶ τῆς πάντα ἑλκούσης ᾠδῆς, ἐπιβρεμέτω ∆ιὶ τὰ μεγάλα καὶ ὑπερφυῆ τῆς θεολογίας ῥήματα καὶ νοήματα· Ζεῦ κύδιστε, μέγιστε θεῶν, εἰλυμένε κόπρῳ, ὅση τε μηλείη, ὅση τε ἵππων, ὅση τε ἡμιόνων, ἵν' ἐντεῦθεν, οἶμαι, δειχθῇ τὸ ζωογόνον τοῦ θεοῦ καὶ φερέσβιον· οὐ γὰρ ἄλλως οἷόν τε ἦν· καὶ μηδὲ τῆς ἄλλης φείδεσθαι μεγαληγορίας. Ὣς εἰποῦσα θεὰ, δοιοὺς ἀνεσύρατο μηροὺς, ἵνα τελέσῃ τοὺς ἐραστὰς, ἃ καὶ νῦν ἔτι τελεῖ τοῖς σχήμασιν. Ἐπὶ πᾶσιν ὁ Φάνης τε καὶ ὁ Ἠρικαπαῖος, καὶ ὁ πάντας καταπίνων τοὺς ἄλλους, εἶτ' ἀναδιδοὺς θεοὺς, ἵνα γένηται πατὴρ ἀνδρῶν τε θεῶν τε. Ταῦτα ἐπεισκυκλείσθω τοῖς θαυμαστοῖς τῆς θεολογίας ἀκροαταῖς, εἶτ' ἐπινοείσθω τούτοις ἀλληγο ρήματα καὶ τερατεύματα· καὶ τῶν προκειμένων ἐκ πίπτων ὁ λόγος εἰς βάραθρα χωρείτω, καὶ κρημνοὺς θεωρίας οὐκ ἐχούσης τὸ στάσιμον.

ΡΙςʹ. Ὅμηρον δὲ ποῦ θήσεις, τὸν μέγαν τῶν θεῶν σου κωμῳδιογράφον, εἴ τ' οὖν τραγῳδοποιόν; Ἀμφότερα γὰρ εὑρήσεις ἐν τοῖς θαυμασίοις αὐτοῦ ποιήμασι· τὰ μὲν συμφορᾶς, τὰ δὲ γέλωτος ἄξια. Καὶ γὰρ ὄντως οὐ μικρᾶς τῆς φροντίδος ἐκεῖνο ἰδεῖν, πῶς μὲν Ὠκεανὸς Τηθύϊ καταλλαγήσεται δι' Ἥρας πορνικῶς κοσμουμένης· ἐπειδὴ κίνδυνος τῷ παντὶ χρόνον τινὰ σωφρονούντων αὐτῶν· εἴτ' οὖν τὴν ξηρὰν φύσιν καὶ τὴν ὑγρὰν καταλλάττεσθαι δέοι, μὴ τῷ πλεονασμῷ τοῦ ἑτέρου τὸ πᾶν συγχεθῇ· εἴτε τι ἄλλο τού των ἐπινοεῖς ἀτοπώτερον. Τίς δὲ ἡ θαυμασία μίξις τοῦ νεφεληγερέτου καὶ τῆς σεμνῆς Ἥρας, ἡνίκα ἀσχημονεῖν αὐτὸν ἀναπείθει μεσούσης ἡμέρας, 35.656 κἂν οἱ ποιηταὶ μετὰ τῶν μέτρων αὐτὸν κολακεύωσι, λωτὸν ὑποστρωννύντες ἑρσήεντα, καὶ κρόκον ἀνα φύοντες ἐκ τῆς γῆς καὶ ὑάκινθον; Πόθεν ταῦτα, καὶ τίς τούτων ὁ λόγος; Πῶς δὲ ἡ αὐτὴ καθ' ὑμᾶς Ἥρα, ἡ τοῦ μεγάλου ∆ιὸς ἀδελφὴ καὶ ὁμόζυγος, νῦν μὲν ἐν αἰθέρι καὶ νεφέλαις κρεμαμένη, καὶ σιδηροῖς ἄκμοσι καθελκομένη, καὶ χρυσαῖς τιμωμένη χειρο πέδαις, ἡ λευκώλενός τε καὶ ῥοδοδάκτυλος, ὡς μηδὲ τοῖς παραιτεῖσθαι βουλομένοις τῶν θεῶν ἀκίνδυνον εἶναι τὴν φιλανθρωπίαν· νῦν δὲ ὅλον τὸν τῶν ἐρώτων κεστὸν ἐφ' ἑαυτὴν ἕλκουσα διὰ τῶν πρὸς τὸν ∆ία καλλωπισμάτων, ὡς καὶ πάντας ὁμολογεῖσθαι αὐτῷ τοὺς ἐπὶ πάσαις ἔρωτας ἑνὸς τούτου παραπολὺ λει πομένους; Τίς δὲ ὁ φόβος, μὴ τῶν θεῶν κινουμένων ὑπὲρ τῆς Λακαίνης μοιχάδος, καὶ οὐρανοῦ σαλπίζοντος, ἀναῤῥαγῇ μὲν γῆς ἕδρα, μεθαρμοσθῇ δὲ θάλασσα, δημοσιευθῇ δὲ ᾅδου βασίλεια, καὶ εἰς τοὐμφανὲς ἔλθῃ τὰ τῷ μακρῷ χρόνῳ κεκαλυμμέ να; Τίς δὲ ἡ τῶν κυανέων ὀφρύων ἐπίνευσις, καὶ ἡ τῶν ἀμβροσίων τριχῶν συγκίνησις, ὅλον Ὄλυμπον κατασείουσα; Τίς δὲ ὁ τιτρωσκόμενος Ἄρης, ἢ χαλκῷ κεράμῳ κατακλειόμενος; ὁ τῆς χρυσῆς Ἀφρο δίτης ἀφυὴς ἐραστὴς, καὶ μοιχὸς ἀπερίσκεπτος καὶ τῷ Ἀμφιγυήεντι κρατούμενος, καὶ θέατρον τῶν θεῶν ἐφ' ἑαυτῷ συλλέγων ἀσχημονοῦντι, καὶ μικροῖς χρήμασιν ἀφιέμενος;

ΡΙΖʹ. Ταῦτα πάντα καὶ πλείω τούτων οὕτω σοφῶς καὶ πολυτρόπως συγκείμενα, καὶ παντάπασιν ἔξω τῶν νενομισμένων, τίς οὕτως ὑμῖν ὑψηλός τε καὶ μέγας, καὶ ὄντως ∆ιὶ μῆτιν ἀτάλαντος, ὡς εἰς τὸ εὐπρεπὲς ἀγαγεῖν λόγοις θεωρίας