For such a thing had happened to these men, and Herodotus indeed mentions the story right at the beginning of the first of the Muses. And if you should enter into the third part with the three corresponding heads (dowry, I say, public treasury, and creditor), would you not often be turned around, being twisted and turned back and forth, and like Euthyphro, be pulled about by the Socratic arguments? And how, having taken up inn-keeping, would you ever mix either wine with wine or wine with water, unless you first knew which of the liquids are more easily mixed, and how the dark wine is hard to mix with the light ones on account of its thickness, while the light ones might easily be poured together with one another, and for them mixing and not mixing depends on the color and on the substance and on the vine that produced it; and I say not that all liquids do not have a nature to mix with one another, but that just any wines could not be sold, unless one has a judgment and discernment for them. And so you pay attention to the differences, but have given no thought to correctness, nor have you even distinguished this much, what it is to bring law together with law and to introduce similar heads together and to reconcile the newer ones with the more ancient, just as the demiurge in Plato sits making the heaven, creating it from four elements and working it into a solid, and of these making fire and earth as it were the first underlying principles for it, and using air and water in place of bonds and making two means on account of the solidity of the body. And you know how to be a busybody about the nature of wines, how the dark one is more powerful and remains in the constitutions of the drinkers for a long time, but the white is weak and thin, and the amber one digests more easily, but is outrightly drying; and philosophizing you also utter something in between, just like Theopompus in the seventeenth book of the Philippics, "But you, boy, take some of the dark wine and give it to me to drink, for I have become parched on account of the season." And you trace their genealogies, just as the poets do for men and horses, and you class the Falerian as drinkable, but headache-inducing, and of the Alban you say one is sweetish, another unripe, and the Rhegian as richer than the Sorrentine, but useful not right away but when it has aged; and for you the Formian matures more quickly, but the Trifoline more slowly. And lest I seem superfluous in stealing your childish pursuits, you thus pick the leaves from the wines, but the laws, just as the Latins their clients and the Athenians their laborers, you have overlooked, and these too having been written down with their eponyms and holding the seat of honor on the tribunals. And of the mysteries among the Greeks, no one dared to partake without first being initiated into the Mithraic rite; and yet it was a law for those being initiated into the Eleusinian rites to keep silent and to utter no sound, which is indeed otherwise very easy and opposes no one at all. But you, being about to philosophize with the Muses, and to legislate with the wise, and to judge with your betters, are so confident in all things, that you immediately wipe your hands and take hold of the celestial chariot-rail; then you were so ignorant as not to know that the science of laws has not only made political matters precise, but also holds mysteries of theology and speaks about nature and leaves rhetoric behind, just as Hecate leaves nature, if you have paid any attention to the oracles. I, therefore, have likened your situation to the actors on the stage. For Pataecus and Mithaecus go forth from the stage as Cresphontes and Creons; for they know not the apron made of these rags but the jackdaw with another's feathers. and by as much as they raise their eyebrows and proceed with a pompous gait, by so much more do they incur the laughter of the spectators, whence indeed they also behave unseemly at the heroic cues and their life is hissed at and spun. Thus indeed you also, from your usual occupation, like some charcoal-burner, having stooped to look into the judicial palace, behave unseemly and are hissed at, in the gods'

τούτοις γὰρ τοιοῦτόν τι συμβεβήκει, καὶ μέμνηταί γε τῆς ἱστορίας ἀρχόμενος εὐθὺς τῆς πρώτης τῶν Μουσῶν ὁ Ἡρόδοτος. εἰ δέ γε τῷ τρίτῳ ἐμβαίης ταῖς τρισὶν ἀντιστρόφοις κεφαλαῖς (προικί, φημί, δημοσίῳ καὶ δανειστῇ), οὐκ ἂν πολλάκις περιαχθείης στρεφόμενος καὶ ἀντι στρεφόμενος καὶ ὥσπερ ὁ Εὐθύφρων ὑπὸ τῶν Σωκρατικῶν λόγων ἀνθελιττόμενος; Πῶς δὲ τῆς μὲν καπηλείας ἡμμένος οὐκ ἄν ποτε μίξειας οὔτε οἶνον οἴνῳ οὔτε οἶνον ὕδατι, εἰ μὴ πρότερον γνοίης ποῖα μᾶλλον εὐκέραστα τῶν ὑγρῶν καὶ ὡς ὁ μὲν μέλας δυσκέραστος τοῖς λεπτοῖς διὰ τὴν παχύ τητα, οἱ δέ γε λεπτοὶ εὐκόλως ἀλλήλοις ἀναχυθεῖεν καὶ ἔστιν αὐτοῖς τό γε μίγνυσθαι καὶ μὴ μίγνυσθαι καὶ παρὰ τὴν χρόαν καὶ παρὰ τὴν ὑπόστασιν καὶ παρὰ τὴν γεννήσασαν ἄμπελον· λέγω δὲ οὐχ ὅτι μὴ φύσιν ἔχει πάντ' ἀλλήλοις τὰ ὑγρὰ μίγνυσθαι, ἀλλ' ὡς οὐκ ἂν τὰ τυχόντα καπηλευ θείη, εἰ μή τις αὐτοῖς ἐπισταίη κρίσις τε καὶ διάκρισις. καὶ ταῖς μὲν διαφοραῖς οὕτω προσέχεις τὸν νοῦν, τῆς δὲ ὀρθότητος οὐ πεφρόντικας, ἀλλ' οὐδὲ τοσοῦτον διέγνωκας, ὅτι τοιοῦτόν ἐστι, νόμον νόμῳ συνενεγκεῖν καὶ τὰ ὁμοειδῆ συνεισαγαγεῖν κεφάλαια καὶ τά γε νεώτερα τοῖς ἀρχαιοτέ ροις συγκαταλλάξαι, ὁποῖον ὁ παρὰ Πλάτωνι δημιουργὸς τὸν οὐρανὸν ποιῶν κάθηται ἐκ τεσσάρων μὲν αὐτὸν στοιχείων δημιουργῶν καὶ στερεὸν ἐργαζόμενος, τούτων δὲ πῦρ μὲν καὶ γῆν οἷον ὑποκείμενα πρῶτα τούτῳ ποιῶν, ἀέρι δὲ καὶ ὕδατι ἀντὶ δεσμῶν χρώμενος καὶ δύο μεσότητας ποιούμενος διὰ τὴν τοῦ σώματος στερεότητα. Καὶ τοῖς μὲν οἴνοις τὴν φύσιν πολυπραγμονεῖν ἐπίστασαι, ὡς ὁ μὲν μέλας δυναμικώτερος καὶ μένων ἐν ταῖς ἕξεσι τῶν πινόντων ἄχρι πολλοῦ, ὁ δὲ λευκὸς ἀσθενής τε καὶ λεπτός, ὁ δὲ κιρρὸς πέττει μὲν ῥᾷον, ξηραίνει δὲ ἄντικρυς· φιλοσοφῶν δὲ οὕτω μεταξύ τι καὶ παραφθέγγῃ ὥσπερ Θεόπομπος ἐν ἑπτακαιδεκάτῳ Φιλιππικῶν, «σὺ δέ, ὦ παῖ, τοῦ μέλανος οἴνου λαβὼν δός μοι πιεῖν καταξήρῳ γενομένῳ διὰ τὴν ὥραν». καὶ γενεαλογεῖς δὲ τούτους, ὥσπερ τοὺς ἄνδρας καὶ τοὺς ἵππους οἱ ποιηταί, καὶ τὸν μὲν Φαλερῖνον πότιμον μὲν τιθεῖς, κεφαλαλγῆ δέ, τοῦ δέ γε Ἀλβανοῦ τὸν μὲν γλυκάζοντα λέγεις, τὸν δὲ ὀμφακίαν, τὸν δὲ Ῥηγῖνον λιπαρώτερον μὲν τοῦ Σορεντίνου, χρήσιμον δὲ οὐκ αὐτίκα ἀλλὰ γηράσαντα· καὶ ἀκμάζει μέν σοι τάχιον ὁ Φορμιανός, βραδύτερον δὲ ὁ Τριφολῖνος. καὶ ἵνα μὴ περιττὸς δόξω τὰ σὰ παιδικὰ ὑφαρπάζων, τοὺς μὲν οἴνους οὕτω φυλλοκρινεῖς, τοὺς δὲ νόμους ὥσπερ οἱ Λατῖνοι τοὺς πελάτας καὶ οἱ Ἀθηναῖοι τοὺς θῆτας παρεώρακας, καὶ ταῦτα μετὰ τῶν ἐπωνύμων ἀναγεγραμμένους καὶ προεδρείαν ἐν βήμασιν ἔχοντας. Καὶ τῶν μὲν παρ' Ἕλλησι μυστηρίων οὐδεὶς μετέχειν ἐθάρρει μὴ προτελεσθεὶς τὴν Μιθριακὴν τελετήν· καίτοι γε νόμος τοῖς τελουμένοις τὰ Ἐλευσίνια ἐχεμυθεῖν καὶ μηδεμίαν προϊέναι φωνήν, ὅπερ δὴ ῥᾶστον ἄλλως καὶ οὐδενὶ τῶν πάντων ἀντιπῖπτον. σὺ δὲ φιλοσοφεῖν μὲν μέλλων μετὰ τῶν Μουσῶν, νομοθετεῖν δὲ μετὰ σοφῶν, δικάζειν δὲ μετὰ τῶν κρειττόνων οὕτω πάντα τεθάρρηκας, ὥστε αὐτίκα τὰς χεῖράς τε ἀπο μάξασθαι καὶ τῆς οὐρανίας ἄντυγος ἀντιδράξασθαι· εἶτα τοσοῦτον ἠγνόησας ὡς ἡ τῶν νόμων ἐπιστήμη οὐ μόνον τὰ πολιτικὰ ἠκρίβωσε πράγματα, ἀλλὰ καὶ θεολογίας ἔχει μυστήρια καὶ περὶ φύσεως φθέγγεται καὶ τὴν ῥητορικὴν κατόπιν ἀφίησιν, ὥσπερ τὴν φύσιν ἡ Ἑκάτη, εἴ που τοῖς λογίοις προσέσχηκας. Ἔγωγ' οὖν τὸ κατὰ σὲ πρᾶγμα τοῖς ἐπὶ σκηνῆς ὑποκριταῖς εἴκασα. Πάταικος γὰρ καὶ Μίθαικος ὡς Κρεσφόνται καὶ Κρέοντες ἀπὸ σκηνῆς ἐξίασιν· ἴσασι γὰρ οὐ τὴν ἐκ ῥακέων τούτων ἐπιγουνίδα ἀλλὰ τὸν ἐξ ἀλλοτρίων πτερῶν κολοιόν. καὶ ὅσῳ δὴ ἐκεῖνοι τὰς ὀφρῦς ἀνατείνουσι καὶ μετὰ σοβαροῦ προΐασι τοῦ βαδίσματος, τοσούτῳ δὴ μᾶλλον γέλωτα τοῖς θεαταῖς ὀφλισκάνουσιν ὅθεν δὴ καὶ ἀσχημονοῦσιν ἐπὶ τοῖς ἡρωικοῖς συνθήμασι καὶ συρίττεται αὐτοῖς ὁ βίος καὶ κλώζεται. οὕτω δὴ καὶ αὐτὸς ἀπὸ συνήθους ἐργασίας ὥσπερ ἀνθρακεύς τις ἐπὶ τὰ δικαστικὰ παρακύψας ἀνάκτορα ἀσχημονεῖς καὶ συρίττῃ, ἐν θεῶν