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Thus understand my God as hidden from us, and a great, deep darkness holding us all. But understand here what is by all means more wonderful: For the light of God is not diminished, like that of the sun, but it shines everywhere and illumines all things. And I, in the midst of the universe, am contained in darkness and am deprived of the light that made me. Who then would not weep for me, and who would not mourn, and who would not groan over me and shed tears, that God exists in all things and everywhere and He Himself is wholly light, in whom there is absolutely no shadow of turning, no presence of night, (74) no hindrance of darkness comes to be at all, but He has spread over the universe and shines unapproachably and to the worthy He is seen as approachable and attainable, a little, as we said, compared to the whole ray and to the sun itself, when it will appear whole, but certainly much compared to those sitting in darkness, because they were deemed worthy to see a small dawn. But I, the wretched one, prefer the darkness and care for the things in it and add to the gloom, and it becomes thicker for my humble soul, from which the passions are nourished and are brought to life in me and become for me dragons and reptiles and serpents, always disturbing the members of my soul. For glory bites me, the empty and vain one, and has fixed its teeth in my heart. from which, being utterly weakened and exhausted, the wild dogs came, a multitude of beasts came, and finding me lying down they devoured me. For luxury and praise have torn apart my marrow and my sinews, the soul's strength and zeal. Having been taken away from me, alas, how shall I write everything? And conceit and sloth, setting upon me like robbers, and pleasure and the anxiety of how I might please men, pulling from opposite directions, they divided me. the one my moderation and my sobriety, and the other the good works and divine deeds, pointing to themselves showed me to be dead, leaving conceit, the paradoxical and wonderful and great thing, in me, the defiled one. For how, tell me, is it not wonderful, how is it not full of pity, that so many passions having suddenly fallen upon me and having shown me to be naked of all virtue and dead, (75) I again was unaware of myself, having recognized none of the things that had happened, but I think that I am greater than all and dispassionate and holy and a wise theologian, and rightly honored by all men, but also praised, as worthy of praises

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οὕτω μου νόει τόν Θεόν ἀφ᾿ ἡμῶν κεκρυμμένον καί σκότος μέγα βαθύ πάντας ἡμᾶς κατέχον. Ἀλλά τό θαυμαστότερον νόει πάντως ἐνταῦθα˙ Θεοῦ γάρ οὐ συστέλλεται τό φῶς, ὡς τοῦ ἡλίου, ἀλλά λάμπει πανταχοῦ καί φωτίζει τά πάντα˙ καί μέσον ἐγώ τοῦ παντός περιέχομαι σκότει καί τοῦ ἐμέ ποιήσαντος φωτός ἀποστεροῦμια. Τίς οὖν ἐμέ μή κλαύσειε καί τίς ἄν οὐ πενθήσῃ καί τίς οὐκ ἄν στενάξειεν ἐπ᾿ ἐμοί καί δακρύσῃ, ὅτι Θεός ἐν ἅπασι καί πανταχοῦ ὑπάρχει καί φῶς ὅλος αὐτός ἐστιν, ἐν ᾧ οὐκ ἔστιν ὅλως οὐ τροπῆς ἀποσκίασμα, οὐ νυκτός παρουσία, (74) οὐ σκότος παρεμποδισμός ἐγγίνεται εἰς ἅπαν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐφήπλωται τῷ παντί καί ἀπροσίτως λάμπει καί τοῖς ἀξίοις προσιτός καί ληπτός καθορᾶται, ὀλίγον μέν, ὡς ἔφαμεν, πρός ὅλην τήν ἀκτῖνα καί πρός τόν ἥλιον αὐτόν, ὅτε φανεῖται ὅλος, πολύ δέ πάντως πρός αὐτούς τούς σκότει καθημένους, ὅτι κατηξιώθησαν μικράν αὐγήν ἰδέσθαι. Ἐγώ δέ, ὁ ταλαίπωρος, προτιμῶμια τό σκότος καί μεριμνῶ τά ἐν αὐτῷ καί προστιθῶ τόν ζόφον, καί γίνεται παχύτερον τῇ ταπεινῇ ψυχῇ μου, ἐξ οὖ τά πάθη τρέφονται καί ἐν ἐμοί ζωοῦνται καί δράκοντές μοι γίνονται καί ἑρπετά καί ὄφεις διαταράσσοντες ἀεί τῆς ψυχῆς μου τά μέλη˙ καί γάρ ἡ δόξα δάκνει με, ἡ κενή καί ματαίᾳ, καί τούς ὀδόντας πέπηγεν ἐν τῇ ἐμῇ καρδίᾳ˙ ἐξ ἧς ἀδυνατήσαντος καί ἐκλυθέντος ὅλως ἦλθον κύνες οἱ ἄγριοι, ἦλθεν θηρίων πλῆθος, καί εὑρόντα με κείμενον κατεμασήσαντό με. Τρυφή γάρ καί ὁ ἔπαινος μυελόν καί τά νεῦρα διέσπασάν μου, τῆς ψυχῆς ἰσχύν καί προθυμίαν. Ἀφῃρηκότα ἀπ᾿ ἐμοῦ, οἴμοι, πῶς πάντα γράψω; Οἴησιν δέ καί ὄκνον μοι ὡς λῃστάς ἐπιθέντες, ἡδονήν τε καί μέριμναν, πῶς ἀνθρώποις ἀρέσω, ἀπ᾿ ἐναντίας σύροντες διεμερίσαντό με˙ ἡ μέν τήν σωφροσύνην μου καί τό νηφάλιόν μου, ἡ δέ τά ἔργα τά καλά καί πράξεις τάς ἐνθέους ἐφ᾿ ἑαυτάς δεικνύοντες νεκρόν ἀπέδειξάν με, οἴησιν, τό παράδοξον καί θαυμαστόν καί μέγα, καταλιπόντες ἐν ἐμοί τῷ κατερρυπωμένῳ. Πῶς γάρ, εἰπέ, οὐ θαυμαστόν, πῶς οὐ πλῆρες ἐλέους, ὅτι τοσαῦτα πάθη με ἐπιπεσόντα αἴφνης καί πάσης ἀρετῆς γυμνόν καί νεκρόν δείξαντά με (75) ἔλαθον πάλιν ἐμαυτόν μηδέν τῶν γενομένων ἐπεγνωκώς, ἀλλ᾿ οἴομαι μείζων πάντων ὑπάρχειν καί ἀπαθής καί ἅγιος καί σοφός θεολόγος, δικαίως καί τιμώμενος παρά πάντων ἀνθρώπων, ἀλλά καί ἐπαινούμενος, ὡς ἄξιος ἐπαίνων