John Chrysostom, On Virginity

could console him? For whether he must turn to his bed, or take food and drink, he will think his table is full of poisonous drugs rather than of food. And on his bed he will not bear to be still even for a short time, but as if live coals were lying underneath, so is he disturbed and turns over and over; and neither the company of friends, nor the care of business, nor the fear of dangers, nor an excess of pleasure, nor anything else will be able to lead him away from such a storm; but more tyrannically than any good thing, and than any grievous thing, does this tempest master his soul. Having considered these things, Solomon said: "Jealousy is cruel as the grave." And again: "For the wrath of her husband is full of jealousy, he will not spare in the day of judgment and he will not exchange his enmity for any ransom, nor will it be dissolved by many gifts." For so great is the madness of this disease, that not even after the punishment of the one who has caused the pain is he released from the anguish. At any rate, many have often killed the adulterer, yet have not been able to kill their anger and despondency. And there are some who, even after slaughtering their own wives, have remained similarly or even more consumed by the pyre. And so the husband lives with so many evils, even when it happens that nothing is true; but that wretched and miserable woman endures things far harsher than her husband. For when she sees the one who ought to be a comfort in all sorrows and from whom she should have expected protection, to be in a savage state toward her and more hostile than all enemies, where will she be able to look then? To whom shall she flee for refuge? From where may she find release from her troubles, when her harbor is silted up and full of countless reefs? Then both the manservants and maidservants of her husband treat her more insolently. For this class of people is suspicious and thankless at the best of times, but when it also gains greater boldness and sees its masters at variance with each other, they take their masters' war as no small pretext for their own reviling. For then it is possible for them with all impunity to compose and invent whatever they wish, and they make the suspicion stronger with their slanders. For the soul that has once been seized by this wicked disease readily believes everything, and having opened its hearing equally to all, it does not tolerate distinguishing the slanderers from those who are not such, but those who raise suspicion, those who strive to bring her down, seem most of all to speak credibly. From this point on, it is necessary for her to fear and tremble at those living in the house no less than those runaway slaves and their women, and having given up her proper station to them, to take theirs in return. When, then, will she be able to pass her time without tears? What night? What day? What festival? When without groans and wailing and lamentations? Threats and insults and revilings constantly—some from her husband who is wounded in vain, others from the vile servants—, watches, guards, and everything full of fear and trembling. For not only are her entrances and exits meddlesomely watched, but also her words and glances and groans are scrutinized with great precision, and it is necessary either to be more motionless than stones and to bear all things in silence and to be nailed to her chamber continually, worse than a prisoner. Or, if she wishes to speak and groan and go out, she must be accountable for everything and give an account to those corrupt judges, I mean the maidservants and the multitude of household slaves. Amidst these dreadful things, place, if you will, even unspeakable wealth and luxury of the table and droves of servants, splendor of family, greatness of power, much glory, the renown of ancestors. Leave out nothing at all of those things that seem to make the present life enviable, but having gathered all things together precisely, set them against this grief, and you will not even see the pleasure from them appearing, but so vanished as it is likely for a small spark falling into a great sea to be extinguished. And these things, when the husband is jealous; but if ever the passion should pass to the wife—and this is accustomed to happen not infrequently—,

αὐτὸν παραμυθήσασθαι δύναιτ' ἄν; Ἄν τε γὰρ εἰς εὐνὴν τρέπεσθαι, ἄν τε σῖτον ἑλέσθαι καὶ πότον δέῃ, τὴν μὲν τράπεζαν οἰήσεται δηλητηρίων γέμειν φαρμάκων μᾶλλον ἢ ἐδεσμάτων. Ἐπὶ δὲ τῆς εὐνῆς οὐδὲ μικρὸν ἀτρεμεῖν ἀνέξεται χρόνον, ἀλλ' ὥσπερ ἀνθράκων ὑποκειμένων οὕτως θορυβεῖται καὶ μεταστρέφεται· καὶ οὔτε συνουσία φίλων οὔτε πραγμάτων φροντὶς οὔτε κινδύνων φόβος οὔτε ἡδονῆς ὑπερβολὴ οὔτε ἄλλο οὐδὲν τῆς τοιαύτης αὐτὸν ζάλης ἀπαγαγεῖν δυνήσεται· ἀλλὰ παντὸς μὲν χρηστοῦ, παντὸς δὲ λυπηροῦ τυραννικώτερον οὗτος αὐτοῦ κατακρατεῖ τὴν ψυχὴν ὁ χειμών. Ταῦτα διασκεψάμενος ὁ Σολομὼν ἔλεγε· «Σκληρὸς ὡς Ἅιδης ζῆλος.» Καὶ πάλιν· «Μεστὸς γὰρ ζήλου θυμὸς ἀνδρὸς αὐτῆς, οὐ φείσεται ἐν ἡμέρᾳ κρίσεως καὶ οὐκ ἀνταλλάξεται οὐδενὸς λύτρου τὴν ἔχθραν οὐδὲ μὴ διαλυθῇ πολλῶν δώρων.» Τοσαύτη γὰρ ἡ τῆς νόσου ταύτης μανία, ὡς μηδὲ μετὰ τὴν τοῦ λελυπηκότος τιμωρίαν ἀφεῖσθαι τῆς ὀδύνης. Πολλοὶ γοῦν πολλάκις ἀνελόντες τὸν μοιχόν, τὸν θυμὸν καὶ τὴν ἀθυμίαν οὐκ ἴσχυσαν ἀνελεῖν. Εἰσὶ δὲ οἳ καὶ μετὰ τὸ κατασφάξαι τὰς ἑαυτῶν γυναῖκας ἔμειναν ὁμοίως ἢ καὶ μειζόνως τηκόμενοι τῇ πυρᾷ. Καὶ ὁ μὲν ἀνὴρ τοσούτοις συζῇ κακοῖς καὶ ὅταν μηδὲν ἀληθὲς ὂν τύχῃ· ἡ δὲ ἀθλία καὶ ταλαίπωρος ἐκείνη πολλῷ χαλεπώτερα ὑπομένει τἀνδρός. Ὅταν γὰρ τὸν ὀφείλοντα εἶναι παραμυθίαν τῶν λυπηρῶν ἁπάντων καὶ ὅθεν προστασίαν ἐχρῆν προσδοκᾶν, τοῦτον ἐκτεθηριωμένον καὶ πάντων πολεμιώτερον ἴδῃ διακείμενον πρὸς αὐτήν, ποῦ δυνήσεται βλέψαι λοιπόν; Πρὸς τίνα καταφύγῃ; Πόθεν τῶν κακῶν εὕρῃ τὴν ἀπαλλαγήν, τοῦ λιμένος αὐτῇ προσκεχωσμένου καὶ μυρίων γέμοντος προβόλων; Τότε καὶ οἰκέται καὶ θεράπαιναι τἀνδρὸς ὑβριστικώτερον αὐτῇ κέχρηνται. Ὕποπτον μὲν γὰρ καὶ ἄλλως καὶ ἀχάριστον τοῦτο τὸ γένος, ὅταν δὲ καὶ παρρησίας μείζονος ἐπιλάβηται καὶ διαστασιάζοντας πρὸς ἀλλήλους ἴδῃ τοὺς κρατοῦντας αὐτῶν οὐ μικρὰν ἀφορμὴν τῆς οἰκείας λοιδορίας τὸν ἐκείνων λαμβάνουσι πόλεμον. Καὶ γὰρ συντιθέναι καὶ πλάττειν ὅσαπερ ἂν βούλοιντο, ἔξεστιν αὐτοῖς μετὰ ἀδείας ἁπάσης τότε, καὶ τὴν ὑποψίαν ταῖς παρ' αὐτῶν διαβολαῖς δυνατωτέραν ποιοῦσιν. Ἡ γὰρ ἅπαξ τῇ μοχθηρᾷ ταύτῃ νόσῳ κατασχεθεῖσα ψυχὴ πάντα ἐυκόλως τίθεται καὶ πᾶσιν ἀναπετάσασα ἐξ ἴσης τὴν ἀκοὴν οὐκ ἀνέχεται διακρίνειν τοὺς συκοφάντας τῶν μὴ τοιούτων, ἀλλὰ καὶ αὐτοὶ μάλιστα πιστὰ λέγειν δοκοῦσιν, ὅσοι τὴν ὑποψίαν ἐπαίρουσιν, ὅσοι σπουδάζουσιν αὐτῆς καθελεῖν. Ἐντεῦθεν λοιπὸν ἀνάγκη δεδοικέναι καὶ τρέμειν τοὺς συνοικοῦντας οὐχ ἧττον τοὺς δραπέτας ἐκείνους καὶ τὰς ἐκείνων γυναῖκας καὶ τὴν αὐτῇ πρέπουσαν τάξιν προεμένην αὐτοῖς τὴν ἐκείνων ἀντιλαβεῖν. Πότε οὖν ἀδακρυτὶ διαγαγεῖν δυνήσεται; Ποίαν νύκτα; Ποίαν ἡμέραν; Ποίαν ἑόρτην; πότε στεναγμῶν χωρὶς καὶ θρήνων καὶ ὀδυρμῶν; Ἀπειλαὶ καὶ ὕβρεις καὶ λοιδορίαι διὰ παντός-αἱ μὲν παρὰ τοῦ τετρωμένου μάτην ἀνδρός, αἱ δὲ παρὰ τῶν μιαρῶν θεραπόντων-, φυλακαί, προφυλακαί, καὶ ἅπαντα δέους καὶ τρόμου μεστά. Οὐ γὰρ εἴσοδοι καὶ ἔξοδοι πολυπραγμονοῦνται μόνον ἀλλὰ καὶ ῥήματα καὶ βλέμματα καὶ στεναγμὸς μετὰ πολλῆς βασανίζεται τῆς ἀκριβείας καὶ ἀνάγκη ἢ τῶν λίθων ἀκινητοτέραν εἶναι καὶ σιγῇ πάντα φέρειν καὶ τῷ θαλάμῳ προσηλῶσθαι διαπαντὸς δεσμώτου χεῖρον. Ἢ βουλομένην φθέγγεσθαι καὶ στένειν καὶ ἐξιέναι πάντων εὐθύνας ὑπέχειν καὶ λόγον ἐν τοῖς διεφθαρμένοις ἐκείνοις δικασταῖς, ταῖς θεραπαινίσι λέγω καὶ τῷ πλήθει τῶν οἰκετῶν. Τούτων, εἰ βούλει, μεταξὺ τῶν δεινῶν τίθει καὶ πλοῦτον ἄφατον καὶ τραπέζης πολυτέλειαν καὶ οἰκετῶν ἀγέλας, γένους λαμπρότητα, δυναστείας μέγεθος, δόξαν πολλήν, προγόνων περιφάνειαν. Μηδὲν ὅλως ἀφῇς τῶν δοκούντων ζηλωτὸν τὸν παρόντα βίον ποιεῖν ἀλλὰ πάντα ἀκριβῶς συναγαγὼν ἀντίθες ταύτῃ τῇ λύπῃ καὶ οὐδὲ φαινομένην ὄψει τὴν ἐξ ἐκείνων ἡδονήν, ἀλλ' οὕτως ἠφανισμένην ὥσπερ ἐν πελάγει πολλῷ σπινθῆρα μικρὸν ἐμπεσόντα σβεσθῆναι εἰκός. Καὶ ταῦτα μὲν ὅταν ὁ ἀνὴρ ζηλοτυπῇ· ἂν δὲ ἐπὶ τὴν γυναῖκά ποτε μεταβαίη τὸ πάθος-οὐκ ὀλιγάκις δὲ τοῦτο εἴωθε γίνεσθαι-,