37

he will bear it more easily than the woman, but the greater part of the pain has fallen back upon that wretched woman. For she will not be able to use the same weapons against the one who is suspected. For who will endure a wife ordering him to stay at home always? And which of the servants will dare to watch the master and not be immediately led off to the pit? Therefore, she will not be able to console herself with these devices, nor even to vent her anger through words, but the husband will perhaps bear with her being angry once and twice. But if she persists in accusing him continually, he will quickly teach her that it is better to bear such things in silence and to waste away. And these things are in the case of suspicions; but when the terrible thing happens to be true, no one will rescue the wife from the hands of the wronged man, but having the laws helping him, he, having brought her who was dearest of all to him to court, has slaughtered her. But the husband escapes the punishment from the laws, but is reserved for that from above and for the judgment of God. But this is not sufficient to console that wretched woman, but it is necessary for her to endure a certain long and pitiful death, that from sorceries, that from potions which prostituted women prepare. And there are some who did not even need a plot against the wronged women, but they were already snatched away beforehand by the vehemence of their despondency. So that even if all men were to run to marriage, women ought not to pursue it. For they could not say that the tyranny of desire is so great among them and they themselves reap the greater share of the evils of the matter, as indeed the argument has shown. What then? he says, is this present in all marriages? But neither is it absent from all, and it is far and distant from all virginity. And the married woman, even if she does not fall into the terrible thing, will yet fall into the expectation of the terrible thing. For it is not possible for a woman who is about to have intercourse with a man not to consider all the terrible things with the intercourse and to be afraid. But the virgin is delivered not only from the difficult matters but also from the suspicion. This is not present in all marriages. For neither do I say this, but if this is not present, many other things are present, and if one escapes those things, he will not be able to escape all things completely. But just as in the case of thorns that get stuck in one's clothes while crossing hedges, when one turns back to remove one, he is caught by several more, so also in the affairs of marriage, the one who has escaped this is caught again by that, and the one who has slipped through this has stumbled upon another, and in short it is not possible to find a marriage free from all unpleasantness.

53 That to marry from a rich family is not enviable but more difficult than marrying from a poor one. But, if you wish, let us for the time being set aside the difficult things and, bringing into the open that which seems to be blessed in it and which many often, or rather all, pray to obtain, let us examine it now. What then is this? For one who is poor and of low estate and humble to take a wife from a great and powerful family that possesses much money. But this enviable thing we shall find has no fewer calamities than that which is to be prayed against. For in other respects also the race of women is disdainful and weaker, for which reason it is also more easily captured by passion. But when it also has many opportunities for disdain, there is nothing that restrains them. But just as a flame that has taken hold of some material, so they rise to an unspeakable height and reverse the order and turn everything upside down. For the wife does not allow the husband to remain in the place of the head, but having pushed him from that rank out of pride and madness and leading him into the place of subjection that is proper to her, she herself becomes head and ruler. What then could be worse than this irregularity? And I am silent about the reproaches, the insults, the unpleasantnesses, which are more unbearable than all things.

54 That even if one is able to subject a rich wife, the unpleasantness is greater. But if someone should say—for I have heard many saying it, when such arguments arise—:

37

ἐκεῖνος μὲν ῥᾷον διακείσεται τῆς γυναικός, τὸ δὲ πλέον τῆς ὀδύνης πάλιν ἐπὶ τὴν ἀθλίαν ἐκείνην μετέπεσεν. Οὔτε γὰρ τοῖς αὐτοῖς ὅπλοις χρήσασθαι ἐπὶ τὸν ὑποπτευθέντα δυνήσεται. Τίς γὰρ ἀνέξεται γυναικὸς κελευούσης οἴκοι μένειν διὰ παντός; Τίς δὲ τὸν δεσπότην τολμήσει παρατηρεῖσθαι τῶν οἰκετῶν καὶ οὐκ εὐθέως ἐπὶ τὸ βάραθρον ἀπαχθήσεται; Οὔτε οὖν τούτοις δυνήσεται ἑαυτὴν παραμυθήσασθαι τοῖς μηχανήμασιν οὔτε γοῦν τὴν ὀργὴν διὰ τῶν ῥημάτων ἐξενεγκεῖν, ἀλλ' ἅπαξ μὲν αὐτὴν ἴσως χαλεπαίνουσαν οἴσει καὶ δὶς ὁ ἀνήρ. Ἐὰν δὲ ἐπιμείνῃ συνεχῶς ἐγκαλοῦσα, διδάξει ταχέως αὐτὴν ὅτι βέλτιον σιγῇ τὰ τοιαῦτα φέρειν καὶ τήκεσθαι. Καὶ ταῦτα μὲν ἐν ταῖς ὑποψίαις· ὅταν δὲ ἀληθὲς ὂν τύχῃ τὸ δεινόν, τὴν μὲν γυναῖκα οὐδεὶς ἐξαιρήσεται τῶν τοῦ ἠδικημένου χειρῶν, ἀλλ' ἔχων αὐτῷ βοηθοῦντας τοὺς νόμους τὴν ἁπάντων αὐτῷ φιλτάτην εἰς δικαστήριον ἀγαγὼν κατέσφαξεν. Ὁ δὲ ἀνὴρ τὴν μὲν ἀπὸ τῶν νόμων διαφεύγει τιμωρίαν, τὴν δὲ ἄνωθεν καὶ τῇ τοῦ Θεοῦ τετήρηται ψήφῳ. Ἀλλ' οὐχ ἱκανὸν τοῦτο παραμυθήσασθαι τὴν ἀθλίαν ἐκείνην, ἀλλ' ἀνάγκη μακρόν τινα καὶ ἐλεεινὸν ὑπομένειν θάνατον, τὸν ἀπὸ τῶν μαγγάνων, τὸν ἀπὸ τῶν φαρμάκων ἅπερ αἱ πορνευόμεναι γυναῖκες κατασκευάζουσιν. Εἰσὶ δὲ αἷς οὔτε ἐπιβουλῆς ἐπὶ τὰς ἠδικημένας ἐδέησεν ἀλλ' ἔφθασαν ἐκεῖναι προαναρπασθεῖσαι τῇ τῆς ἀθυμίας σφοδρότητι. Ὥστε εἰ καὶ πάντες ἄνδρες ἐπέτρεχον τῷ γάμῳ, τὰς γυναῖκας οὐκ ἐχρῆν αὐτὸν διώκειν. Οὔτε γὰρ ἂν ἔχοιεν εἰπεῖν ὡς τοσαύτη παρ' αὐταῖς τῆς ἐπιθυμίας ἡ τυραννὶς καὶ τῶν τοῦ πράγματος κακῶν τὸ πλέον αὐταὶ καρποῦνται μέρος, ὥσπερ οὖν καὶ ὁ λόγος ἀπέδειξε. Τί οὖν; φησίν, ἅπασι τοῦτο πρόσεστι τοῖς γάμοις; Ἀλλ' οὐδὲ πάντων ἄπεστι, παρθενίας δὲ πόρρω καὶ μακρὰν πάσης ἐστί. Καὶ ἡ μὲν γαμηθεῖσα κἂν μὴ τῷ δεινῷ περιπέσῃ ἀλλὰ τῇ τοῦ δεινοῦ προσδοκίᾳ περιπεσεῖται. Οὐ γὰρ ἔστι τὴν ἀνδρὶ μέλλουσαν ὁμιλεῖν μὴ μετὰ τῆς ὁμιλίας πάντα ἀναλογίζεσθαι καὶ δεδοικέναι τὰ δεινά. Ἡ δὲ παρθένος οὐ μόνον τῶν δυσχερῶν πραγμάτων ἀλλὰ καὶ τῆς ὑποψίας ἀπήλλακται. Οὐ πρόσεστι τοῦτο πᾶσι τοῖς γάμοις. Οὐδὲ γὰρ ἐγὼ τοῦτό φημι, ἀλλ' ἐὰν τοῦτο μὴ προσῇ, πολλὰ ἕτερα πρόσεστι, κἂν ἐκεῖνά τις διαφύγῃ, πάντα ἁπλῶς διαφυγεῖν οὐ δυνήσεται. Ἀλλ' ὥσπερ ἐπὶ τῶν ἀκανθῶν τῶν τοῖς ἱματίοις προσπηγνυμένων ἐν τῷ τὰς αἱμασιὰς διαβαίνειν, ὅταν ἐπιστραφῇ τις τὴν μίαν ἐξελεῖν, ἑτέραις κατέχεται πλείοσιν, οὕτω καὶ ἐπὶ τῶν τοῦ γάμου πραγμάτων ὁ τοῦτο διαδρὰς ἐκείνῳ περιπείρεται πάλιν, καὶ ὁ τοῦτο διαδὺς ἄλλῳ προσέπταισε, καὶ ὅλως οὐκ ἔνι γάμον πάσης εὑρεῖν ἀηδίας ἐλεύθερον.

53 Ὅτι τὸ ἀπὸ πλουσίων γαμεῖν οὐ ζηλωτὸν ἀλλὰ τοῦ ἀπὸ πενήτων χαλεπώτερον. Ἀλλά, εἰ βούλει, τὰ δυσχερῆ τέως ἀφέντες τὸ δοκοῦν εἶναι ἐν αὐτῷ μακαριστὸν καὶ οὗ πολλοὶ πολλάκις, μᾶλλον δὲ πάντες εὔχονται ἐπιτυχεῖν, τοῦτο ἀγαγόντες εἰς μέσον ἐξετάσωμεν νῦν. Τί δὴ τοῦτό ἐστιν; Τὸ πένητα ὄντα καὶ εὐτελῆ καὶ ταπεινὸν ἀπὸ μεγάλων καὶ δυνατῶν καὶ πολλὰ χρήματα κεκτημένων γυναῖκα λαβεῖν. Ἀλλὰ τοῦτο τὸ ζηλωτὸν ἐκείνου τοῦ ἀπευκτοῦ οὐκ ἐλάττους εὑρήσομεν ἔχον συμφοράς. Ἔστι μὲν γὰρ καὶ ἄλλως τὸ τῶν γυναικῶν γένος ὑπεροπτικὸν καὶ ἀσθενέστερον, διὸ καὶ μᾶλλον ὑπὸ τοῦ πάθους ἁλίσκεται. Ὅταν δὲ καὶ ἀφορμὰς ἔχῃ τῆς ὑπεροψίας πολλάς, οὐδέν ἐστι τὸ κατέχον αὐτάς. Ἀλλ' ὥσπερ ὕλης τινὸς λαβομένη φλὸξ οὕτως εἰς ὕψος ἄφατον αἴρονται καὶ τὴν τάξιν ἀντιστρέφουσι καὶ πάντα ἄνω καὶ κάτω ποιοῦσιν. Οὐ γὰρ ἀφίησιν ἐν τῇ τῆς κεφαλῆς χώρᾳ μένειν τὸν ἄνδρα ἡ γυνή, ἀλλ' ὑπὸ φρονήματος καὶ ἀπονοίας ἀπωσαμένη τῆς τάξεως αὐτὸν ἐκείνης καὶ εἰς τὴν αὐτῇ προσήκουσαν ἄγουσα τὴν τῆς ὑποταγῆς, αὐτὴ γίνεται κεφαλὴ καὶ ἀρχή. Τί οὖν ταύτης τῆς ἀνωμαλίας χεῖρον γένοιτ' ἄν; Καὶ σιωπῶ τὰ ὀνείδη, τὰς ὕβρεις, τὰς ἀηδίας, ἃ πάντων ἐστὶν ἀφορητότερα.

54 Ὅτι κἂν δυνηθῇ τις τὴν πλουτοῦσαν ὑποτάξαι γυναῖκα μείζων ἡ ἀηδία. Εἰ δὲ λέγοι τις-καὶ γὰρ πολλῶν ἤκουσα λεγόντων ἐγώ, ὅταν τοιοῦτοι γίνωνται λόγοι-·