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Let her only be rich and wealthy, and it is no task to bring her down and humble her pride. If someone then should say these things, first he is ignorant that it is one of the very difficult things. Then, that even if it should happen, the loss it involves is not small. For to be subjected to her husband by necessity and in fear and with violence will be more burdensome and more unpleasant than for her to command him with all authority. Why so? Because this violence casts out all friendship and pleasure; and when friendship does not exist, nor desire, but in their place fear and necessity, of what will such a marriage be worthy then?

55 That it is an unbearable evil to take a richer husband. And these things are so when the wife is wealthy. But if it should happen that she has nothing, while the man is rich, she becomes a handmaid instead of a wife, and a slave instead of a free woman, and having lost the freedom of speech that belongs to her, she will be in no better a state than the silver-bought slaves, but even if he should wish to be licentious or drunken, or to bring upon her very bed a multitude of prostituting women, she must bear all things and be content, or be cast out of the house. And not only is this the terrible thing, but that with her husband being so disposed, she will be able to command neither menservants nor maidservants with freedom, but as if living in another's house and enjoying things that are not hers and cohabiting with a master rather than a husband, so she is compelled both to do and to suffer all things. But if one should wish to marry from among equals, again the law of subjection mars the state of equal honor, as the measure of property persuades her to be equal to her husband. What then could one do, when such difficulty is everywhere present? For do not bring into the midst for me those marriages, if anywhere very few and easily numbered have escaped these things; for it is fitting to characterize matters not from the rare cases but from those that always happen.

56 That the married woman has many necessary griefs. For in virginity it is difficult for these things to happen, or rather, impossible, but in marriage it is difficult for them not to happen. But if in those that seem to be good so many unpleasantnesses and calamities are produced, what could one say about those that are admittedly grievous? For she does not fear for one death only, although she is destined to die but once, nor does she care for one soul, having only one, but she trembles for her husband, and she trembles for her children, and she trembles for their respective wives again and children, and by as many branches as the root extends, by so much do her cares also increase, and for each one of these, whether a loss of money or a sickness of body or some other unwanted thing should happen, she must lament and mourn no less than the sufferers themselves. And if they all depart before her, the grief is unbearable; but if some remain, and others are carried off by untimely deaths, not even so could one find a pure consolation. For the constant fear for the living that shakes the soul is no less than the grief for the departed, but, if I must say something astonishing, it is more grievous. For the despondency for the dead, time has softened; but the cares for the living must either remain always or cease only with death. But if we are not sufficient for our own sufferings, what kind of life shall we live, being compelled to mourn the calamities of others? Many women often have been born of illustrious parents, were raised with much luxury, were given in marriage to one of the men of great power, then suddenly before being blessed for these things, when some danger like a squall or a gust of wind fell upon them, they too were sunk and shared in the terrors of the shipwreck, and after enjoying countless good things before marriage, they fell from marriage into the uttermost calamity. But not even these things, he says, are accustomed to happen to all, nor always. But neither are they separate from all—for I too will say the same thing again—, that such things have come upon some through experience, but as many as the experience

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πλουτείτω μόνον καὶ εὔπορος ἔστω, καὶ οὐδὲν ἔργον ἐστὶ κατενεγκεῖν αὐτῆς καὶ ταπεινῶσαι τὸ φρόνημα. Εἴ τις οὖν ταῦτα λέγοι, πρῶτον μὲν ἀγνοεῖ ὅτι τῶν σφόδρα δυσκόλων ἐστίν. Ἔπειτα ὅτι κἂν γένοιτο, οὐ μικρὰν ἔχει τὴν ζημίαν. Τὸ γὰρ ἀνάγκῃ καὶ δεδοικυῖαν καὶ μετὰ βίας ὑποτετάχθαι τῷ ἀνδρὶ τοῦ μετὰ πάσης ἐξουσίας ἐπιτάττειν αὐτῷ βαρύτερον ἔσται καὶ ἀηδέστερον. Τί δήποτε; Ὅτι πᾶσαν ἐκβάλλει φιλίαν καὶ ἡδονὴν αὕτη ἡ βία· φιλίας δὲ οὐκ οὔσης οὐδὲ πόθου, ἀλλ' ἀντὶ τούτων φόβου καὶ ἀνάγκης τίνος ὁ τοιοῦτος ἄξιος ἔσται γάμος λοιπόν;

55 Ὅτι ἀφόρητον κακὸν πλουσιώτερον ἄνδρα λαβεῖν. Καὶ ταῦτα μὲν ὅταν ἡ γυνὴ εὔπορος ᾖ. Εἰ δὲ συμβαίη ταύτην μὲν μηδὲν ἔχειν, τὸν δὲ ἄνδρα πλουτεῖν, θεράπαινα μὲν ἀντὶ γαμετῆς καὶ ἀντ' ἐλευθέρας γίνεται δούλη, καὶ τὴν αὐτῇ προσήκουσαν παρρησίαν ἀπολέσασα, τῶν ἀργυρωνήτων οὐδὲν ἄμεινον διακείσεται, ἀλλὰ κἂν ἀσελγαίνειν κἂν παροινεῖν ἐκεῖνος ἐθέλῃ κἂν ἀγαγεῖν ἐπ' αὐτὴν τὴν ἐκείνης εὐνὴν ἑταιριζομένων πλῆθος γυναικῶν, πάντα φέρειν ἀνάγκη καὶ ἀσμενίζειν ἢ τῆς οἰκίας ἐκπεσεῖν. Καὶ οὐ τοῦτο μόνον ἐστὶ τὸ δεινὸν ἀλλ' ὅτι τἀνδρὸς οὕτω διακειμένου οὔτε οἰκέταις οὔτε θεραπαινίσι μετ' ἐλευθερίας ἐπιτάττειν δυνήσεται, ἀλλ' ὥσπερ ἐν ἀλλοτρίοις ζῶσα καὶ τῶν οὐ προσηκόντων ἀπολαύουσα καὶ δεσπότῃ μᾶλλον ἢ ἀνδρὶ συνοικοῦσα οὕτω καὶ πράττειν καὶ πάσχειν ἅπαντα ἀναγκάζεται. Εἰ δὲ καὶ ἐξ ὁμοίων τις θέλοι γαμεῖν, πάλιν τῷ τῆς ὑποταγῆς νόμῳ τὰ τῆς ὁμοτιμίας λυμαίνεται, τοῦ τῆς οὐσίας μέτρου πείθοντος αὐτὴν ἐξισοῦσθαι τῷ ἀνδρί. Τί οὖν ἄν τις ποιήσειε τοσαύτης δυσκολίας πανταχοῦ οὔσης; Μὴ γάρ μοι, εἴ που σφόδρα ὀλίγοι καὶ εὐαρίθμητοι ταῦτα διέφυγον γάμοι, τούτους εἰς μέσον ἀγάγῃς· οὐ γὰρ ἀπὸ τῶν σπανιζόντων ἀλλ' ἀπὸ τῶν ἀεὶ συμβαινόντων χαρακτηρίζειν τὰ πράγματα προσῆκεν.

56 Ὅτι πολλὰς ἔχει λύπης ἀνάγκας ἡ γαμηθεῖσα. Ἐπὶ μὲν γὰρ τῆς παρθενίας δύσκολον ταῦτα γενέσθαι, μᾶλλον δὲ ἀδύνατον, ἐπὶ δὲ τῶν γάμων δύσκολον μὴ γενέσθαι. Εἰ δὲ ἐπὶ τοῖς δοκοῦσιν εἶναι χρηστοῖς τοσαῦται τίκτονται ἀηδίαι καὶ συμφοραί, τί ἄν τις ἐπὶ τοῖς ὡμολογημένοις εἴποι λυπηροῖς; Οὐ γὰρ ὑπὲρ ἑνὸς δέδοικε θανάτου μόνον, καίτοι γε ἅπαξ μέλλουσα ἀποθανεῖσθαι, οὐδὲ ὑπὲρ μιᾶς φροντίζει ψυχῆς μίαν ἔχουσα μόνην, ἀλλὰ τρέμει μὲν ὑπὲρ ἀνδρός, τρέμει δὲ ὑπὲρ παίδων, τρέμει δὲ ὑπὲρ τῶν ἐκείνοις προσηκόντων γυναικῶν πάλιν καὶ παίδων, καὶ ὅσῳπερ ἂν εἰς πλειόνας ἐκτείνηται κλάδους ἡ ῥίζα, τοσούτῳ πλεονάζει καὶ τὰ τῶν φροντίδων αὐτῇ, καὶ καθ' ἕκαστον τούτων εἴτε ζημία χρημάτων εἴτε σώματος ἀρρωστία εἴτε ἕτερόν τι συμβαίη τῶν ἀβουλήτων, ἀνάγκη κόπτεσθαι καὶ θρηνεῖν τῶν πασχόντων οὐχ ἧττον αὐτῶν. Κἂν μὲν προαπέλθωσιν ἅπαντες ἀφόρητον τὸ πένθος, ἂν δὲ οἱ μὲν μένωσιν, οἱ δὲ ἀώροις ἀπενεχθῶσι θανάτοις, οὐδὲ οὕτως καθαρὰν εὕροι τις ἂν παραμυθίαν. Ὁ γὰρ ὑπὲρ τῶν ζώντων ἀεὶ φόβος κατασείων τὴν ψυχὴν οὐκ ἐλάττων τῆς ἐπὶ τοῖς τετελευτηκόσι γίνεται λύπης ἀλλ' εἰ δεῖ τι καὶ θαυμαστὸν εἰπεῖν, χαλεπώτερος. Τὴν μὲν γὰρ ἐπὶ τοῖς κειμένοις ἀθυμίαν ὁ χρόνος ἐμάλαξε, τὰς δὲ ὑπὲρ τῶν ζώντων φροντίδας ἢ μένειν ἀνάγκη διὰ παντὸς ἢ θανάτῳ παύσασθαι μόνῳ. Εἰ δὲ τοῖς οἰκείοις οὐκ ἀρκοῦμεν πάθεσι, ποῖον βιωσόμεθα βίον τὰς ἑτέρων πενθεῖν ἀναγκαζόμενοι συμφοράς; Πολλαὶ πολλάκις ἐγένοντο γονέων λαμπρῶν, ἀνετράφησαν μετὰ πολλῆς τῆς τρυφῆς, ἐξεδόθησάν τινι τῶν μεγάλα δυναμένων ἀνδρῶν, εἶτα ἐξαίφνης πρὶν ἐπὶ τούτοις μακαρισθῆναι, κινδύνου τινὸς καθάπερ καταιγίδος ἢ πνεύματος προσπεσόντος, κατέδυσαν καὶ αὗται καὶ τῶν τοῦ ναυαγίου συμμετέσχον δεινῶν καὶ μυρίων πρὸ τοῦ γάμου καλῶν ἀπολαύουσαι πρὸς τὴν ἐσχάτην ἀπὸ τοῦ γάμου κατέπεσον συμφοράν. Ἀλλ' οὐδὲ ταῦτα, φησί, πᾶσιν οὐδὲ ἀεὶ συμπίπτειν εἴωθεν. Ἀλλ' οὐδὲ πάντων κεχώρισται-καὶ γὰρ κἀγὼ τὸ αὐτὸ πάλιν ἐρῶ-, ὅτι τοῖς μὲν τοιαῦτα καὶ διὰ τῆς πείρας ἐπῆλθεν, ὅσοι δὲ τὴν πεῖραν