38
except that I see a single drop from the abyss. And as in a drop the whole of the waters is shown, of what quality and what sort of nature it is, as from the edge of the fringe the whole garment and, as they say, from its claws the beast, the lion, so I see the whole embraced in a little, and I worship Him Himself, my Christ and God. And I had in my mind a small consolation that I might not be consumed by fire, that I might not be burned up like wax by a fire, as the prophet said, being far from the unapproachable fire and standing in the midst of darkness and being hidden in it, from where as from a small hole I both saw and was dizzy. While I was engaged in these things and my mind was occupied and I seemed to be gazing as if into heaven and trembling, lest having received me more fully He might lick me up, I found Him Himself, whom I was seeing from afar, whom Stephen saw when the heavens opened and Paul again later saw and was blinded, the whole of Him as a true fire in the middle of my heart. Therefore, startled by the wonder and greatly trembling, I was beside myself, completely undone, utterly at a loss, and not bearing the unendurable glory, I turned away, and in the night I fled from the senses here and, covered by my thoughts, I was hidden in them, (71) as if entering a tomb, and instead of a stone, placing this most heavy body upon it, I was covered and hidden, so it seemed, from the one who is present everywhere, the one who long ago raised me when I was dead and buried. For shuddering and not having the strength to see His glory, I have chosen to slip away and remain in the tomb and dwell with the dead, I myself alive in the tomb, rather than be consumed by fire and utterly perish. There I must certainly sit and lament without ceasing, and it is necessary for the prodigal to weep, because I have failed to attain what I longed for and have come to lie in the tomb. But as a living dead man, under the ground, covered by a stone, I found life, God Himself, the one who gives life, to whom is due glory and honor now and unto the ages; amen.
38
πλήν ὅτι μίαν καθορῶ ἐξ ἀβύσσου σταγόνα. Ὡς ἐν σταγόνι δέ τό πᾶν δείκνυται τῶν ὑδάτων, ὁποῖον τήν ποιότητα καί ποταπόν τό εἶδος, ὡς ἐξ ἄκρου τοῦ κρασπέδου ὅλον τό ὕφασμα καί, ὥς φασιν, ἐξ ὀνύχων τό θηρίον, ὁ λέων, οὕτως ὅλον ἐν ὀλίγῳ ἀσπαζόμενον βλέπω, αὐτόν τ᾿ ἐκεῖνον προσκυνῶ, τόν Χριστόν καί Θεόν μου. Εἶχον δ᾿ ἐν διανοίᾳ μου μικράν παραμυθίαν τοῦ μή καταφλεχθῆναί με, τοῦ μή κατακαῆναι ὥσπερ κηρός ἀπό πυρός, ὡς εἶπεν ὁ προφήτης, τό μακρόθεν ὑπάρχειν με πυρός τοῦ ἀπροσίτου καί σκότους μέσον ἵστασθαι καί κρύπτεσθαι ἐν τούτῳ, ὅθεν ὡς ἐξ ὀπῆς μικρᾶς καί ὁρῶν ἰλιγγίων. Ἐν τούτοις μου διάγοντος καί τόν νοῦν ἀσχολοῦντος καί οἱονεί ἐν οὐρανῷ δοκοῦντος ἀτενίζειν καί τρέμοντος, μή πλεῖόν με παραδεχθείς ἐκλείξῃ, αὐτόν ἐκεῖνον εὕρηκα, ὅν μακρόθεν ἑώρων, ὅν Στέφανος ἑώρακεν οὐρανῶν ἀνοιγέντων καί Παῦλος πάλιν ὕστερον ἰδών ἀπετυφλώθη, ὅλον ὡς πῦρ ἐπ᾿ ἀληθῶς μέσον ἐμῆς καρδίας. Θροηθείς οὖν τῷ θαύματι καί τρομάξας μεγάλως ἐξέστην, ὅλος ἐκλυθείς, ὅλος ἐξαπορήσας, μή φέρων τε τό ἄστεκτον τῆς δόξης ἀπεστράφην, ἐν τῇ νυκτί τε ἔφυγον αἰσθήσεων τῶν ὧδε καί σκεπασθείς τοῖς λογισμοῖς ἀπεκρύβην ἐν τούτοις, (71) ὥσπερ ἐν μνήματι ἐμβάς, καί ἀντί λίθου τοῦτο τό σῶμα τό βαρύτατον ἐπιθείς ἐσκεπάσθην καί ἀπεκρύβην τῷ δοκεῖν τόν πανταχοῦ παρόντα, τόν πάλαι με ἐγείραντα νεκρόν καί τεθαμμένον. Φρίξας γάρ καί μή ἰσχύων βλέπειν αὐτοῦ τήν δόξαν ὑπεισελθεῖν προῄρημαι καί προσμεῖναι τῷ τάφῳ καί κατοικεῖν μετά νεκρῶν, ζῶν αὐτός ἐν τῷ τάφῳ, ἤπερ καταφλεχθῆναί με καί ἄρδην ἀπολέσθαι. Ἐκεῖ πάντως καθήμενον δεῖ με θρηνεῖν ἀπαύστως, καί κλαίειν χρή τόν ἄσωτον, ὅτι τοῦ ποθουμένου ἀπέτυχον καί γέγονα κείμενος ἐν τῷ τάφῳ. Ζῶν δέ νεκρός, ὑπόγειος, λίθῳ κακαλυμμένος ζωήν εὗρον, Θεόν αὐτόν, τόν τήν ζωήν διδόντα, ᾧ πρέπει δόξα καί τιμή νῦν καί εἰς τούς αἰῶνας˙ ἀμήν.