38

and from your face all creation is shaken. But when I say these things and close my eyes, that is, turn my mind downward, being unable to look at or behold your unbearable sight, then I lament, deprived of your beauty, my God, not bearing the separation from you, the only lover of mankind. But as I lament and weep, you shine all around me, alas, and I am astonished and weep even more, marveling at your compassion towards me, the prodigal. Then I see the great ugliness of the body (86) and the unworthiness of my wretched soul, and discerning these things I am beside myself, crying out: Who then am I, God and maker of all things, and what good have I ever done in my life, or what commandment of yours have I ever worked, that you glorify me, the humble one, with such glory? And from where or why have you deemed it worthy to shine around me, the wretched one, thus by night and day? For did I ever thirst seeking you, my King, did I ever suffer in the labors of your commandments, did I endure temptations and scourges, as all the saints from of old who endured these things, so that by numbering me with them, Christ, you might save me? For you will not save me without works while I am idle; even if you are exceedingly philanthropic as the creator of men. I hear Paul saying that faith without works is dead, and I shudder at the punishments certainly awaiting me there, the negligent one. How then could I dare, as a faithful one, to be counted with them, Master, who have worked beforehand, I who have never kept even one of your commandments? But I know, you can do all things, you do all things as you will, and to the last, Master, you give as also to the first, and first, O the wonder, of the first to the last. As I say these things to you, the maker of the world, who before appeared above and long ago were hidden from me and later surrounded me completely with rays, suddenly I behold all of you having become within me, you who before appeared above, but hidden again in a cloud, just as the sun is entirely without rays. As therefore that one is approachable to those who behold it (87) and then it is rather as if wholly seen by all, so also you are approachable to me, being hidden within me, you the unapproachable, seen by my noetic eyes, as you know, growing little by little, being shown more brightly, flashing more brightly; at another time again you appear to me completely unapproachable. Therefore I also magnify your incomprehensibility, proclaiming your goodness I cry out to you:

38

καί ἀπό τοῦ προσώπου σου κλονεῖται πᾶσα κτίσις. Ὅταν δέ ταῦτα εἴποιμι καί ὀφθαλμούς καμμύσω, τουτέστι κάτω μου τόν νοῦν ἀποστρέψω, μή βλέπειν ἤ καθορᾶν δυνάμενος τήν ἄστεκτόν σου θέαν, τότε θρηνῶ στερούμενος τοῦ κάλλους σου, Θεέ μου, μή φέρων σοῦ τόν χωρισμόν, τοῦ φιλανθρώπου μόνου. Θρηνοῦντα δέ καί κλαίοντα ὅλον με περιλάμπεις, βαβαί, καί καταπλήττομαι καί ἐπί πλεῖον κλαίω, τό πρός ἐμέ σου εὔσπλαγχονον τόν ἄσωτον θαυμάζων. Τότε βλέπω τοῦ σώματος πολλήν ἀσχημοσύνην (86) καί τήν ἀναξιότητα ψυχῆς μου τῆς ἀθλίας, καί ταῦτα τεκμαιρόμενος ἐξίσταμαι κραυγάζων˙ Τίς οὖν ἐγώ εἰμι, Θεέ καί ποιητά τῶν ὅλων, καί τίς ὅλως πεποίηκα ἀγαθόν ἐν τῷ βίῳ, ἤ ποίαν ὅλως σοῦ ποτε ἐντολήν εἰργασάμην, ὅτι τοιαύτῃ δόξῃ με τόν ταπεινόν δοξάζεις; Καί πόθεν ἤ καί διά τί οὕτως με περιλάμπειν, τόν ἄθλιον, ἠξίωσας ἐν νυκτί καί ἡμέρᾳ; Μή γάρ ποτε ἐδίψησα σέ ζητῶν, Βασιλεῦ μου, μή γάρ ἐκακοπάθησα σῶν ἐντολῶν τοῖς πόνοις, μή πειρασμούς ὑπέμεινα καί μάστιγας, ὡς πάντες οἱ ταῦτα καρτερήσαντες ἅγιοι ἀπ᾿ αἰῶνος, ὅπως ἐκείνοις με, Χριστέ, συναριθμήσας σώσῃς; Οὐ γάρ τῶν ἔργων με χωρίς σύ ῥᾳθυμοῦντα σώσεις˙ κἄν σφόδρα σύ φιλάνθρωπος ὡς πλάστης τῶν ἀνθρώπων,. Ἀκούω Παύλου λέγοντος νεκράν εἶναι τήν πίστιν ἔργων χωρίς τυγχάνουσαν καί φρίττω τιμωρίας πάντως ἐκεῖ μενούσας με, τόν κατημελημένον. Πῶς οὖν ἐγώ θαρρήσαιμι ὡς πιστός σύν ἐκείνοις ἀριμνηθῆναι, ∆έσποτα, τοῖς προεργασαμένοις, ὁ μηδέν μίαν ἐντολήν ποτε τετηρηκώς σου; Ἀλλ᾿ οἶδα, πάντα δύνασαι, πάντα ποιεῖς, ὡς θέλεις, καί τοῖς ἐσχάτοις, ∆έσποτα, δίδως ὡς καί τοῖς πρώτοις, καί πρῶτον, ὤ τοῦ θαύματος, τῶν πρώτων τοῖς ἐσχάτοις. Ταῦτα πρός σέ λέγοντος, τόν ποιητήν τοῦ κόσμου, τόν ἄνω πρίν φαινόμενον καί πάλαι με κρυβέντα καί ὕστερον ἀκτῖσί με ὅλον περικυκλοῦντα, αἴφνης σε ὅλον ἐν ἐμοί καθορῶ γεγονότα, τόν ἄνω πρίν φαινόμενον, ἀλλά κρυβέντα πάλιν νέφει, καθάπερ ἥλιος ἀκτίνων ὅλως δίχα. Ὡς οὖν ἐκεῖνος προσιτός ἐστι τοῖς καθορῶσι (87) καί τότε μᾶλλον οἱονεί ὅλος πᾶσιν ὁρᾶται, οὕτω καί σύ μοι προσιτός κεκρυμμένος ἐντός μου τυγχάνεις, ὁ ἀπρόσιτος, ὄμμασι νοεροῖς μου, ὡς οἶδας, ὀπτανόμενος, κατά μικρόν αὐξάνων, φαιδρότερον δεικνύμενος, φαιδρότερον ἀστράπτων˙ ἄλλοτε πάλιν φαίνῃ μοι ἀπρόσιτος εἰς ἅπαν. ∆ιό καί μεγαλύνω σου τήν ἀκαταληψίαν, τήν ἀγαθότητα τήν σήν κηρύττων ἐκβοῶ σοι˙