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escaped, it vexed these through anticipation. But every virgin stands above both the experience and the anticipation.

57 Concerning the sorrows inherent in every marriage. But if it seems good, leaving aside those things which are by nature allotted to marriage and which no one could escape, either willingly or unwillingly, let us now examine these things. What then are these things? Birth pangs and childbirths and children. But rather let us take the argument higher and learn as much as possible about the things before the marriage. For only those who have suffered them know them with accuracy. The time for betrothal has come, and immediately there are successive and various cares, what sort of husband she will get: not low-born, not one of the dishonored, not arrogant, not a deceiver, not a braggart, not rash, not jealous, not some petty man, not simple-minded, not wicked, not harsh, not unmanly. For while it is not necessary for all these things to happen to all who are married, it is necessary to worry and be anxious about all of them. For since he who will be chosen by lot is not yet clear, but while hope still remains in suspense, the soul fears and trembles at everything, and there is none of these things which it does not consider. But if someone should say that by anticipating the opposite things she might be able to rejoice, let him know well that the hopes of good things do not comfort us so much as the expectations of bad things grieve us. For good things, when they are hoped for with certainty, only then give birth to pleasure; but bad things, even if they are only suspected, immediately confound and disturb the soul. And just as in the case of slaves the uncertainty of their future masters does not allow their soul to be at rest, so also in the case of virgins, throughout the whole time of their betrothal their soul is like a storm-tossed ship, as each day their parents approve some men and reject others. For the one who prevailed among the suitors yesterday, another has surpassed today, and another in turn has cast this one out. And there are times when, even at the very doors of the wedding, the expected bridegroom has departed empty-handed, and the parents have given the girl to one who was not expected. But not only women, but also men have difficult cares. For it is possible for these men to be inquisitive, but how could anyone scrutinize her who is always shut up within, either for the sake of her character or her appearance? And these things happen during the time of the betrothal; but when the time for the wedding arrives, the anxiety increases and the fear is greater than the pleasure, lest from that very evening she might seem to be unpleasing and much inferior to his expectation. For to have been well-approved at the beginning and later to be despised is bearable; but when from the very starting-line, so to speak, she appears wearisome, when will she be able to be admired hereafter? And do not say this to me: What if she happens to be beautiful? For not even so is she free from this care. At any rate, many who were exceedingly resplendent in the bloom of their bodies were not able to captivate their own husbands, but those men, leaving them, gave themselves up to women far inferior to them. And when this care has been resolved, another again enters in: for the unpleasantnesses in the payment of the dowry—the father-in-law not paying with eagerness, since he is paying a dowry, and the bridegroom eager to receive everything, but forced to make the collection with shame, and the wife, in the delay of the payment, being ashamed and blushing before her husband, having a father more ungrateful than any debtor—I pass over for now. But when that care has been resolved, the fear of childlessness immediately enters in, and in addition to this, again the care of having many children, and though none of these things is yet manifest, from the beginning they are troubled by both anxieties. And if she conceives right away, the joy is again with fear; for none of the things in marriage is without fear. And the fear is, lest if a miscarriage should occur, the thing conceived might be destroyed, and the pregnant woman herself might be in extreme danger. But if much time passes in between, the wife is without confidence, as if she herself were mistress of bearing children. But when the time for childbirth arrives, birth pangs cut through and tear apart the womb that has been labored over for so long a time, which

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διέφυγον, τούτους διὰ τῆς προσδοκίας ἠνίασε. Παρθένος δὲ πᾶσα καὶ τῆς πείρας καὶ τῆς προσδοκίας ἕστηκεν ἀνωτέρω.

57 Περὶ τῶν παντὶ γάμῳ προσόντων λυπηρῶν. Πλὴν ἀλλ' εἰ δοκεῖ ἐκεῖνα ἀφέντες, ἃ συγκεκλήρωται φύσει τῷ γάμῳ καὶ ἅπερ οὐδεὶς ἂν οὔτε ἑκὼν οὔτε ἄκων διαφύγοι, ταῦτα ἐπισκεψώμεθα νῦν. Τίνα οὖν ἐστι ταῦτα; Ὠδῖνες καὶ τόκοι καὶ παιδία. Μᾶλλον δὲ ἀνωτέρω τὸν λόγον ἀγάγωμεν καὶ τὰ πρὸ τοῦ γάμου καταμάθωμεν ὡς δυνατόν. Μετὰ ἀκριβείας γὰρ οἱ παθόντες ἴσασι μόνοι. Ἐπέστη τῆς μνηστείας ὁ καιρός, καὶ φροντίδες εὐθέως ἐπάλληλοι καὶ ποικίλαι, τίνα ἄρα λήψεται ἄνδρα μὴ δυσγενῆ, μὴ τῶν ἀτίμων τινά, μὴ αὐθάδη, μὴ ἀπατεῶνα, μὴ ἀλαζόνα, μὴ θρασύν, μὴ ζηλότυπον, μὴ σμικρολόγον τινά, μὴ εὐήθη, μὴ πονηρόν, μὴ σκληρόν, μὴ ἄνανδρον. Ταῦτα γὰρ ἅπαντα συμβαίνειν μὲν οὐκ ἀνάγκη ταῖς γαμουμέναις ἁπάσαις, μεριμνᾶν δὲ ἀνάγκη καὶ φροντίζειν ἅπαντα. Οὔπω γὰρ ὄντος τοῦ κληρωθησομένου δήλου ἀλλ' ἔτι τῆς ἐλπίδος μετεώρου μενούσης πάντα ἡ ψυχὴ δέδοικε καὶ τρέμει καὶ οὐδέν ἐστιν ὅπερ οὐ λογίζεται τούτων. Εἰ δὲ λέγοι τις ὅτι καὶ τὰ ἐναντία προσδοκῶσα εὐφραίνεσθαι δύναιτ' ἄν, εὖ ἴστω ὅτι οὐχ οὕτως ἡμᾶς αἱ τῶν ἀγαθῶν ἐλπίδες παραμυθοῦνται, ὡς αἱ τῶν πονηρῶν προσδοκίαι λυποῦσι. Τὰ μὲν γὰρ ἀγαθὰ ὅταν ἐλπισθῇ βεβαίως, τότε μόνον τίκτει τὴν ἡδονήν, τὰ κακὰ δὲ κἂν ὑποπτευθῇ μόνον, εὐθέως συνέχεε καὶ συνετάραξε τὴν ψυχήν. Ὥσπερ δὲ ἐπὶ τῶν ἀνδραπόδων ἡ τῶν ἐσομένων ἀδηλία δεσποτῶν οὐκ ἀφίησιν ἠρεμῆσαι τὴν ἐκείνων ψυχήν, οὕτως καὶ ἐπὶ τῶν παρθένων πάντα τὸν ἀπὸ τῆς μνηστείας καιρὸν χειμαζομένῳ πλοίῳ προσέοικεν αὐτῶν ἡ ψυχή, καθ' ἑκάστην ἡμέραν τῶν γονέων τοὺς μὲν ἐγκρινόντων, τοὺς δὲ ἐκβαλλόντων. Τὸν γὰρ νικήσαντα χθὲς τῶν μνηστήρων σήμερον παρευδοκίμησεν ἕτερος καὶ τοῦτον πάλιν ἐξέβαλεν ἄλλος. Ἔστι δὲ ὅτε καὶ πρὸς αὐταῖς τοῦ γάμου ταῖς θύραις ὁ μὲν προσδοκηθεὶς νυμφίος κεναῖς ἀπήλλακται χερσί, τῷ δὲ μὴ ἐλπισθέντι τὴν κόρην παρέδωκαν οἱ γονεῖς. Οὐ γυναῖκες δὲ μόνον ἀλλὰ καὶ ἄνδρες χαλεπὰς ἔχουσι τὰς φροντίδας. Τούτους μὲν γὰρ καὶ πολυπραγμονεῖν ἔνεστι, τὴν δὲ ἔνδον συγκεκλεισμένην διὰ παντὸς πῶς ἄν τις περιεργάσαιτο ἢ τρόπων ἕνεκεν ἢ μορφῆς; Καὶ ταῦτα μὲν κατὰ τὸν τῆς μνηστείας καιρόν, ὅταν δὲ ὁ τοῦ γάμου παραγένηται, ἐπιδίδωσιν ἡ ἀγωνία καὶ τῆς ἡδονῆς πλείων ὁ φόβος, μήποτε ἀπ' αὐτῆς τῆς ἑσπέρας ἀηδής τις εἶναι δόξῃ καὶ τῆς προσδοκίας πολλῷ καταδεεστέρα. Τὸ μὲν γὰρ παρὰ τὴν ἀρχὴν εὐδοκιμήσασαν ὕστερον καταφρονηθῆναι φορητόν· ὅταν δὲ ἀπ' αὐτῆς, ὡς ἂν εἴποι τις, τῆς γραμμῆς φαίνηται προσκορής, πότε δυνήσεται θαυμασθῆναι λοιπόν; Καὶ μή μοι τοῦτο εἴπῃς· τί δαὶ ἂν εὔμορφος οὖσα τύχῃ; Οὐδὲ γὰρ οὕτω ταύτης ἀπήλλακται τῆς φροντίδος. Πολλαὶ γοῦν διαλάμψασαι σφόδρα κατὰ τὴν τοῦ σώματος ὥραν οὐκ ἴσχυσαν ἄνδρας ἑλεῖν τοὺς αὑτῶν, ἀλλὰ ἀφέντες αὐτὰς ἐκεῖνοι ταῖς σφόδρα λειπομέναις αὐτῶν ἐξέδωκαν ἑαυτούς. Καὶ ταύτης δὲ τῆς φροντίδος λυθείσης ἑτέρα πάλιν ἐπεισέρχεται· τὰς γὰρ ἀηδίας τὰς ἐν τῇ τῆς προικὸς καταβολῇ ὅ τε κηδεστὴς οὐ μετὰ προθυμίας ἀποδιδούς, ἅτε προῖκα κατατιθείς, ὅ τε νυμφίος πάντα μὲν ἀπολαβεῖν σπεύδων, τὴν δὲ εἴσπραξιν μετὰ αἰδοῦς ποιεῖσθαι ἀναγκαζόμενος, ἥ τε γυνὴ ἐν τῇ τῆς ἐκτίσεως ἀναβολῇ αἰσχυνομένη καὶ ἐρυθριῶσα τὸν ἄνδρα παντὸς μᾶλλον ἀγνώμονος ὀφειλέτου τυχοῦσα πατρός- παρίημι νῦν. Ἀλλὰ γὰρ ἐκείνης τῆς φροντίδος λυθείσης ὁ τῆς ἀπαιδίας εὐθέως ἐπεισέρχεται φόβος καὶ πρὸς τούτῳ πάλιν ἡ τῆς πολυπαιδίας φροντὶς καὶ οὐδενὸς ὄντος τούτων οὐδέπω φανεροῦ ταῖς ἀμφοτέρων ἐξ ἀρχῆς ταράττονται φροντίσι. Κἂν μὲν εὐθέως κυήσῃ, μετὰ φόβου πάλιν ἡ χαρά· οὐδὲν γὰρ τῶν ἐν τῷ γάμῳ φόβου χωρίς. Ὁ δὲ φόβος, μήποτε γενομένης ἀμβλώσεως διαφθαρῇ μὲν τὸ συλληφθέν, κινδυνεύσει δὲ περὶ τῶν ἐσχάτων ἡ κύουσα. Ἂν δὲ πολὺς μεταξὺ γένηται χρόνος, ἀπαρρησίαστος ἡ γυνὴ ὥσπερ αὐτὴ κυρία οὖσα τοῦ τεκεῖν. Ὅταν δὲ ὁ τοῦ τόκου καιρὸς ἐπιστῇ διακόπτουσι μὲν καὶ διασπῶσι τὴν ἐπὶ τοσούτῳ χρόνῳ πονηθεῖσαν νηδὺν ὠδῖνες, αἳ