John Chrysostom, On Virginity

to be thought of as comparable; so it is both lighter than that and much easier. And all these things we have demonstrated through the preceding arguments; “The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, but he who is married is anxious about the things of the world,” but the one passes away, while the other remains. Is this alone, then, not sufficient to show the dignity of virginity? For as great as is the difference between God and the world, so much better is this care than that. How then do you allow marriage, which nails us to cares and leads us away from spiritual things? For because of this, he says, I said: that even those who have wives should be as though they had none, so that those who have already been bound, or are about to be, might in some other way make the bond looser. For since it is not possible to break it once it has been put on, make it more tolerable. For it is possible, if we wish, to cut off all superfluous things and not to add those cares arising from our own laziness to those that are born from the nature of the matter.

75 How it is possible for one who has a wife to not have one. But if someone should wish to learn more clearly what it is for one who has a wife to not have one, let him consider how those who do not have one, those who have been crucified, are disposed. How then are they disposed? They are not forced to buy a multitude of maidservants, nor gold and necklaces, nor splendid and large houses, nor so and so many acres of land. But leaving all these things, they are concerned for one garment and for their own food. It is possible even for one who has a wife to bring himself to this philosophy. For what was said above, “Do not deprive one another,” was said concerning intercourse alone. For in this he commands them to follow one another and allows neither to be master of himself; but where it is necessary to practice the other philosophy, that in clothing, that in diet, that in all other things, the one is no longer responsible to the other, but it is possible for the men, even if the wife is not willing, to cut off all luxury and the overflowing crowd of cares. And for a wife again, similarly, there is no necessity, if she is unwilling, to adorn herself and be vainglorious and have superfluous cares, with good reason. For that desire is something natural and for this reason has received much forgiveness, and the one is not master to deprive the other if unwilling; but the desire for luxury and for superfluous attention and for unprofitable care does not spring from nature but is born of laziness and much insolence. For this reason, he does not compel married people in these things also to be subject to one another, as in those. This, then, is to have a wife as though not having one, when we do not accept the superfluous cares that come from the affectation and effeminacy of women, but we take on only as much additional care as is reasonable when one soul has been added to us, and that choosing to live philosophically and simply. For that this is what he means, he showed by what follows. “And those who weep as though not weeping, and those who rejoice in possessions as though not rejoicing.” For those who do not rejoice will not even care for possessions, and those who do not weep will be able neither to bear poverty nor to turn away from self-sufficiency. This is to have a wife and not have one, this is to use the world and not abuse it. “But he who is married is anxious about the things of the world.” When, therefore, there is anxiety both here and there, and here it is in vain and to no purpose, but rather also for sorrow— “For such will have affliction in the flesh,” he says— but there it is for the ineffable goods, why do we not rather choose this care, not for having such and so many rewards, but also for being by nature lighter than that one? For what is the unmarried woman anxious about? Is it about money, about servants, about stewards, about fields and the other things? Does she stand over cooks and weavers and the rest of the household staff? By no means. None of these things enters her mind, but she is concerned about one thing only: to build up her own soul, to adorn that holy temple not with braided hair or gold or pearls, not with cosmetics nor eye-shadow, not with the other difficulties and wickednesses, but with the

παραβαλλομένην νομίζεσθαι· οὕτως κουφότερά τέ ἐστιν ἐκείνης καὶ σφόδρα εὐκολωτέρα. Καὶ ταῦτα ἅπαντα διὰ τῶν ἔμπροσθεν ἀπεδείξαμεν λόγων· «Ὁ ἄγαμος μεριμνᾷ τὰ τοῦ κυρίου, ὁ δὲ γαμήσας μεριμνᾷ τὰ τοῦ κόσμου», ἀλλ' ὁ μὲν παράγει, ὁ δὲ μένει. Τοῦτο οὖν μόνον οὐχ ἱκανὸν δεῖξαι τὸ τῆς παρθενίας ἀξίωμα; Ὅσον γὰρ τοῦ Θεοῦ πρὸς τὸν κόσμον τὸ διάφορον, τοσοῦτον αὕτη βελτίων ἐκείνης ἡ φροντίς. Πῶς οὖν συγχωρεῖς τὸν γάμον τὸν προσηλοῦντα ἡμᾶς ταῖς φροντίσι καὶ τῶν πνευματικῶν ἀπάγοντα; ∆ιὰ γὰρ τοῦτο, φησίν, εἶπον· ἵνα καὶ οἱ ἔχοντες γυναῖκας ὡς μὴ ἔχοντες ὦσιν, ἵνα οἱ φθάσαντες ἤδη δεθῆναι ἢ καὶ μέλλοντες ἑτέρῳ τινὶ τρόπῳ χαυνότερον ἐργάσωνται τὸν δεσμόν. Ἐπειδὴ γὰρ διαρρῆξαι αὐτὸν οὐκ ἔνι περιβληθέντα ἅπαξ, ἀνεκτότερον αὐτὸν ποίησον. Ἔξεστι γάρ, ἂν βουλώμεθα, πάντα περικόπτειν τὰ περιττὰ καὶ μὴ μειζόνως τῶν ἀπὸ τῆς τοῦ πράγματος φύσεως τικτομένων φροντίδων τὰ παρὰ τῆς ἡμετέρας προστιθέναι νωθείας.

75 Πῶς ἔστιν ἔχοντα γυναῖκα μὴ ἔχειν. Εἰ δὲ καὶ σαφέστερόν τις θέλοι μαθεῖν τί ποτέ ἐστιν ἔχοντα γυναῖκα μὴ ἔχειν, τοὺς οὐκ ἔχοντας ἐννοείτω τοὺς ἐσταυρωμένους πῶς διάκεινται. Πῶς οὖν ἐκεῖνοι διάκεινται; Οὐ θεραπαινίδων ἀναγκάζονται πλῆθος ὠνεῖσθαι, οὐ χρυσία καὶ περιδέραια, οὐκ οἰκίας λαμπρὰς καὶ μεγάλας, οὐ πλέθρα γῆς τόσα καὶ τόσα. Ἀλλὰ ταῦτα πάντα ἀφέντες ὑπὲρ ἱματίου φροντίζουσιν ἑνὸς καὶ τροφῆς τῆς αὐτῶν. Ἔξεστι καὶ τῷ γυναῖκα ἔχοντι εἰς ταύτην ἑαυτὸν ἀγαγεῖν τὴν φιλοσοφίαν. Τὸ γὰρ ἀνωτέρω λεχθέν· «Μὴ ἀποστερεῖτε ἀλλήλους», περὶ μίξεως εἴρηται μόνης. Ἐν τούτῳ γὰρ ἕπεσθαι ἀλλήλοις κελεύει καὶ οὐδένα ἀφίησιν ἑαυτοῦ κύριον εἶναι· ἔνθα δὲ ἂν δέῃ τὴν ἄλλην φιλοσοφίαν ἀσκεῖν, τὴν ἐν τοῖς ἱματίοις, τὴν ἐν τῇ διαίτῃ, τὴν ἐν τοῖς ἄλλοις ἅπασιν, οὐκέτι θατέρῳ λοιπὸν ὁ ἕτερος ὑπεύθυνος γίνεται ἀλλ' ἔξεστι τοῖς ἀνδράσι, κἂν ἡ γυνὴ μὴ βούληται, περικόψαι τρυφὴν ἅπασαν καὶ τὸν περιρρέοντα τῶν φροντίδων ὄχλον. Καὶ γυναικὶ πάλιν ὁμοίως οὐδεμία ἀνάγκη μὴ βουλομένῃ καλλωπίζεσθαι καὶ κενοδοξεῖν καὶ περιττὰ μεριμνᾶν, εἰκότως. Ἐκείνη μὲν γὰρ ἡ ἐπιθυμία φυσική τίς ἐστι καὶ διὰ τοῦτο πολλῆς ἔτυχε τῆς συγγνώμης καὶ οὐκ ἔστι κύριος ὁ ἕτερος ἀποστερεῖν τὸν ἕτερον μὴ βουλόμενον· ἡ δὲ τῆς τρυφῆς καὶ τῆς θεραπείας τῆς περιττῆς καὶ τῆς φροντίδος τῆς ἀνονήτου οὐκ ἀπὸ τῆς φύσεως ὁρμᾶται ἀλλ' ἀπὸ τῆς ῥαθυμίας καὶ τῆς πολλῆς ὕβρεως τίκτεται. ∆ιὰ τοῦτο οὐκ ἀναγκάζει καὶ ἐν τούτοις τοὺς γεγαμηκότας ὑποκεῖσθαι ἀλλήλοις καθάπερ καὶ ἐν ἐκείνοις. Τοῦτο τοίνυν ἐστὶν ἔχοντα γυναῖκα μὴ ἔχειν ὅταν τὰς περιττὰς φροντίδας τὰς διὰ τὸν ἀκκισμὸν καὶ τὴν διάθρυψιν γινομένας τῶν γυναικῶν μὴ δεχώμεθα, ἀλλὰ τοσαύτην λάβωμεν προσθήκην φροντίδος ὅσην εἰκὸς μιᾶς ψυχῆς προστεθείσης ἡμῖν καὶ ταύτης φιλοσόφως καὶ εὐτελῶς ζῆν προαιρουμένης. Ὅτι γὰρ τοῦτό φησι, διὰ τῆς ἐπαγωγῆς ἐδήλωσε. «Καὶ οἱ κλαίοντες ὡς μὴ κλαίοντες καὶ οἱ χαίροντες ἐν κτήσεσιν ὡς μὴ χαίροντες.» Οἱ γὰρ μὴ χαίροντες οὐδὲ τῆς κτήσεως ἐπιμελήσονται καὶ οἱ μὴ κλαίοντες οὔτε τὴν πενίαν δυνήσονται φέρειν οὔτε τὴν αὐτάρκειαν ἀποστρέφεσθαι. Τοῦτό ἐστιν ἔχειν γυναῖκα καὶ μὴ ἔχειν, τοῦτό ἐστι κεχρῆσθαι τῷ κόσμῳ καὶ μὴ κατακεχρῆσθαι. «Ὁ δὲ γαμήσας μεριμνᾷ τὰ τοῦ κόσμου.» Ὅταν οὖν καὶ ἐνταῦθα κἀκεῖ μέριμνα ᾖ, καὶ ἐνταῦθα μὲν εἰκῇ καὶ μάτην, μᾶλλον δὲ καὶ ἐπὶ λύπῃ- «Θλῖψιν γὰρ τῇ σαρκί», φησίν, «ἕξουσιν οἱ τοιοῦτοι»-, ἐκεῖ δὲ ἐπὶ τοῖς ἀπορρήτοις ἀγαθοῖς, τί μὴ ταύτην αἱρούμεθα μᾶλλον τὴν φροντίδα, οὐ τῷ τοιαύτας καὶ τοσαύτας ἔχειν τὰς ἀντιδόσεις ἀλλὰ καὶ τῇ φύσει κουφοτέραν οὖσαν ἐκείνης; Τί γὰρ ἡ μὴ γαμηθεῖσα μεριμνᾷ; Ἆρα ὑπὲρ χρημάτων, ὑπὲρ οἰκετῶν, ὑπὲρ οἰκονόμων, ὑπὲρ ἀγρῶν καὶ τῶν ἄλλων; Μαγείροις ἐφέστηκε καὶ ὑφάνταις καὶ τῇ λοιπῇ θεραπείᾳ; Ἄπαγε. Οὐδὲν τούτων εἰς νοῦν βάλλεται ἀλλ' ἓν φροντίζει μόνον τὴν αὑτῆς οἰκοδομεῖν ψυχήν, τὸν ναὸν κοσμεῖν ἐκεῖνον τὸν ἅγιον οὐκ ἐν πλέγμασιν ἢ χρυσῷ ἢ μαργαρίταις, οὐκ ἐπιτρίμμασιν οὐδὲ ὑπογραφαῖς, οὐ ταῖς ἄλλαις δυσκολίαις καὶ μοχθηρίαις, ἀλλὰ τῇ