58
and it makes those who have acquired it to be perpetually gloomy as slaves, as worthy of many stripes, as expecting at every hour the cutting off of death and seeing the sickle (101) and not knowing the hour and having no hope, nor indeed the assurance of perfect forgiveness, but trembling at the end, but shuddering at the conclusion, as bearing about the uncertain sentence of that judgment, my God. The flower, then, which it bears, is ineffable in its form, more ineffable in its manner; for it is seen to blossom forth, but is immediately hidden, which is not of nature, nor of sequence, but a nature beyond nature, surpassing all nature. For a time a beautiful flower is shown beyond all telling and it seizes my whole mind for its sight, allowing me to remember none of the things which fear knows how to provide, but it then works in me a forgetfulness of all these things and flies away quickly. But the tree of fear is again without a flower, and I grieve and I groan and I cry out fervently to you and I see the flower again (102) in the branches of the tree and having my eye, O my Christ, only on the flower
58
καί τούς τοῦτον κτησαμένους ἀενάως σκυθρωπάζειν ἀπεργάζεται ὡς δούλους, ὡς πολλῶν πληγῶν ἀξίους, ὡς ἐλπίζοντας καθ᾿ ὥραν ἐκτομήν τήν τοῦ θανάτου καί τό δρέπανον ὁρῶντας (101) καί τήν ὥραν ἀγνοοῦντας καί μή ἔχοντας ἐλπίδα, μήτε μήν πληροφορίαν συγχωρήσεως τελείας, ἀλλά τρέμοντας τό πέρας, ἀλλά φρίττοντας τό τέλος ὡς ἀμφίβολον τῆς δίκης περιφέροντας ἐκείνης τήν ἀπόφασιν, Θεέ μου. Τό γοῦν ἄνθος, ὅπερ φέρει, ἄφραστον τῷ εἴδει πέλει, ἀφραστότερον τῷ τρόπῳ˙ ἐξανθοῦν γάρ καθορᾶται, ἀποκρύπτεται δ᾿ εὐθέως, ὅπερ φύσεως οὐκ ἔστιν, ἀλλ᾿ οὐδέ ἀκολουθίας, ὑπέρ φύσεως δέ φύσιν, πᾶσαν φύσιν ὑπεραῖρον. Τέως δείκνυται ὡραῖον ἄνθος ὑπέρ πάντα λόγον καί ἁρπάζει πρός τήν θέαν τήν ἐκείνου ὅλον νοῦν μου, μηδενός ἐῶν μεμνῆσθαι, ἅ παρέχειν οἶδε φόβον, ἀλλά λήθην τούτων πάντων ἀπεργάζεταί μοι τότε καί ἀφίπταται συντόμως. Τό δέ δένδρον τό τοῦ φόβου πάλιν ἄνθους ἔστι δίχα, καί λυποῦμαι καί στενάζω καί πρός σέ θερμῶς κραυγάζω καί τό ἄνθος πάλιν βλέπω (102) ἐν τοῖς κλαδοις τοῖς τοῦ δένδρου καί τό ὄμμα, ὦ Χριστέ μου, πρός τό ἄνθος μόνον ἔχων