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I was more inflamed and could not bear the constraint, so that I would pour out tears like a river and thus often rise from the table. For I, the insensitive one, thought that he was hindering my purpose, not knowing what sort of innermost pain he had, and being thus I, the wretched one, was ignorant that he also knew the secret thoughts of my heart. For this will be revealed through the things that follow.
On one occasion, then, it happened that we entered the city in which he also had his dwelling, in order to visit his spiritual children. Having spent the whole day, then, among them—for he benefited many just by his appearance—we came in the evening to the cell and, having become very hungry and thirsty from much toil and heat—for he had no custom of taking sleep anywhere, although it was summertime and he himself was an old man, having reached about sixty years of age—we sat down to partake of bread, but I did not eat. For I was completely exhausted in body. For I was reasoning that if I partook of food and drink, I would not be able to stand at all in my prayer for the seeking of the desired one. Thinking these things," he says, "I sat as if I were out of my mind.
So the saint, seeing me and considering the toil which I had toiled with him, and knowing the cause—since he was adorned with the gift of clear-sightedness, as has been said—for which I was enduring these things, was moved to great compassion and says to me with a rebuke: "Eat, child, and drink, and do not grieve from now on. (233) For if God had not wished to have mercy on you, He would not have been pleased for you to come to us". So we ate," he says, "and drank even more than was necessary; for he also ate, accommodating my weakness. Then, when the table was cleared, he says to me: "Know, child, that God does not rejoice and reveal Himself through fasting, nor through vigil, nor through bodily labor, nor through any other of the right actions, but only to a humble and simple and good soul and heart ". Therefore, hearing these things and marveling at the word and counsel of the saint, and being greatly inflamed, and with the swiftness of my mind bringing all my sins to my memory in a flash, I was flooded with tears and, falling at his holy feet and grasping them, I said: "Pray for me, O saint of God, that through you I may find mercy, since of the good things you have spoken, not one belongs to me, but only many sins, which you yourself also know". So the saint, having had great compassion on me and weeping, then, having ordered me to rise from the ground, says: "I trust in God, who has richly granted His grace to me, that He will grant this twofold to you also, for the sake of the faith alone which you have both toward Him and toward my lowliness". Therefore, having received this word as from God Himself, and having considered what happened from Elijah to Elisha, and believing that, even if I am unworthy, yet God is the lover of mankind, swiftly doing the will of those who fear Him, and making a prostration again and asking for a prayer, I went away to my cell, having received a command from him to say only the Trisagion and go to sleep.
(234) So, having entered where I was accustomed to pray and having begun the "Holy God," and remembering the words of the saint, I was immediately moved to such tears and divine longing that I am not able to convey in words the joy and pleasure that came to me then. But indeed, having immediately fallen prostrate on the ground I saw, and behold a great light shone on me intellectually and took my whole mind along with my soul to itself, so that I was amazed at the suddenness of the wonder and became as if in ecstasy. Moreover, I even forgot the place in which I was standing, and who I was, and where, only crying out "Lord, have mercy," as I also realized upon coming to my senses that I was saying this; but who it was that was speaking, father, or moving my tongue, I do not know," he says—"God knows. For whether in the body or out of the body I conversed with this light, that light itself knows, which also
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πλεῖον ἐφλεγόμην καί τήν ἀνάγκην οὐκ ἔφερον, ὡς καί ποταμηδόν ἐκχέειν με τά δάκρυα καί οὕτω τῆς τραπέζης πολλάκις ἀνίστασθαι. Ἐδόκουν γάρ ὁ ἀναίσθητος ὅτι ἐμποδίζει μου τήν πρόθεσιν, μή εἰδώς οἶον ἔχων πόνον ἐνδότατον, καί οὕτως ἔχων ἠγνόουν ὁ ἄθλιος ὅτι καί τούς λογισμούς ἐγίνωσκε τούς κρυπτούς τῆς καρδίας μου. Τοῦτο γάρ διά τῶν ἑξῆς δηλωθήσεται.
Ἐν μιᾷ οὖν συνέβη ἡμῖν ἐν τῇ πόλει εἰσελθεῖν, ἐν ᾗ καί τήν κατοίκησιν εἶχε, πρός τό τούς πνευματικούς αὐτοῦ ἐπισκέψασθαι παῖδας. ∆ι᾿ ὅλης τοίνυν τῆς ἡμέρας ἐν αὐτοῖς διατρίψαντες - πολλούς γάρ ὠφέλει καί μόνον φαινόμενος , ἑσπέρας ἐλθόντες ἐν τῷ κελλίῳ καί ὥσπερ ἀπό τοῦ πολλοῦ κόπου καί καύματος πρόσπεινοι γεγονότες καί ἔκδιψοι - οὐδαμοῦ γάρ εἶχεν ἔθος ὕπνου μεταλαμβάνειν, καίπερ θερινῆς οὔσης τῆς ὥρας καί αὐτός γέρων ὤν, ὡς περί τά ἑξήκοντα ἐληλακώς ἔτη , καθεσθέντες πρός τό μεταλαβεῖν ἄρτου, ἐγώ οὐκ ἤσθιον. Ἤμην γάρ τῷ σώματι πλήρης κατάκοπος. Ἐλογιζόμην γάρ ὅτι, εἰ μεταλάβω τροφῆς καί πόσεως, οὐ μή δυνηθῶ ἐν τῇ εὐχῇ μου στῆναι τό σύνολον πρός τήν τοῦ ποθουμένου ζήτησιν. Ταῦτα - φησίν ἐννοῶν, ἐκαθεζόμην ὥσπερ ἐξεστηκώς.
Ὁ οὖν ἅγιος ἰδών με καί τόν κόπον ὅν μετ᾿ αὐτοῦ ἐκοπίασα ἀναλογισάμενος καί γνούς τήν αἰτίαν, οἷα δή τῷ διορατικῷ κεκοσμημένος, ὥσπερ εἴρηται, χαρίσματι, δι᾿ ἥν ταῦτα ὑπέμενον, εἰς συμπάθειαν ἐκινήθη πολλήν καί λέγει μοι μετ᾿ ἐπιτιμίου· "Φάγε, τέκνον, καί πίε καί μή λυποῦ ἀπό τοῦ παρόντος. (233) Εἰ γάρ μή ἤθελεν ὁ Θεός ἐλεῆσαί σε, οὐκ ἄν ηὐδόκησεν ἐλθεῖν πρός ἡμᾶς". Ἐφάγομεν οὖν - φησί - καί ἐπίομεν καί ὑπέρ τήν χρείαν· ἤσθιε γάρ τῇ ἐμῇ κἀκεῖνος ἐξακολουθῶν ἀσθενείᾳ. Εἶτα τῆς τραπέζης ἀρθείσης φησί πρός ἐμε· "Γίνωσκε, τέκνον, ὅτι οὔτε νηστείᾳ, οὔτε ἀγρυπνίᾳ, οὔτε κόπῳ σωματικῷ, οὔτε τινί ἑτέρῳ τῶν δεξιῶν πράξεων χαίρει ὁ Θεός καί ἐμφανίζεται, εἰ μή ταπεινῇ τε καί μόνῃ ἀπεριέργῳ καί ἀγαθῇ ψυχῇ καί καρδίᾳ ". Ταῦτα τοιγαροῦν ἀκούσας ἐγώ καί θαυμάσας ἐπί τῷ λόγῳ καί τῇ παραινέσει τοῦ ἁγίου, ἐπί πλεῖστόν τε ἐκκαιόμενος καί τάς ἁμαρτίας μου τῇ τοῦ νοός ὀξύτητι πάσας ἐν ῥιπῇ ἐπί μνήμης μου φέρων, περιελιμναζόμην τοῖς δάκρυσι καί πεσών εἰς τούς πόδας αὐτοῦ τούς ἁγίους καί τούτους κρατήσας· "Εὔχου ὑπέρ ἐμοῦ, ἔφην, ἅγιε τοῦ Θεοῦ, ἵνα διά σοῦ εὕρω ἔλεος, ἐπεί ἐξ ὧν εἶπας ἀγαθῶν, ἐμοί οὐδέ ἕν πρόσεστιν, εἰ μή πολλαί ἁμαρτίαι, ἅς ἐπίστασαι καί αὐτός". Συμπαθήσας οὖν με ἐπί πλεῖον ὁ ἅγιος καί δακρύσας, εἶτα κελεύσας με ἀναστῆναι ἀπό τοῦ ἐδάφους, φησί· "Θαρρῶ τῷ Θεῷ, τῷ τήν χάριν αὐτοῦ πλουσίως μοι δωρησαμένῳ, ὅτι ταύτην καί σοί δισσῶς δωρήσεται ὑπέρ τῆς πίστεως μόνης ἧς ἔχεις καί πρός αὐτόν καί πρός τήν ἐμήν ταπείνωσιν". Τοῦτον τοίνυν τόν λόγον ὡς ἐξ αὐτοῦ δεξάμενος τοῦ Θεοῦ καί τό παρά Ἠλιοῦ πρός Ἐλισαιέ γενόμενον ἐννοήσας καί πιστεύσας ὅτι, εἰ καί ἀνάξιος ἐγώ, ἀλλ᾿ ὁ Θεός φιλάνθρωπος, συντόμως ποιῶν τό θέλημα τῶν φοβουμένων αὐτόν, βαλών καί αὖθις μετάνοιαν καί αἰτήσας εὐχήν, ἀπῆλθον πρός τό κελλίον μου, ἐντολήν λαβών ἐξ αὐτοῦ τοῦ ποιῆσαι μόνον Τρισάγιον καί ὑπνῶσαι.
(234) Εἰσελθών οὖν ἔνθα εἰώθην προσεύχεσθαι καί τό "Ἅγιος ὁ Θεός" ἐναρξάμενος, μνησθείς τε τῶν λόγων τοῦ ἁγίου, εὐθέως εἰς δάκρυα καί εἰς πόθον θεῖον ἐπί τοσοῦτον ἐκινήθην, ὥστε μή δύνασθαί με διά λόγου παραστῆσαι τήν γενομένην μοι τηνικαῦτα χαράν τε καί ἡδονήν. Ἀλλά γάρ εὐθύς πρηνής πεσών ἐπί γῆς εἶδον, καί ἰδού φῶς πολύ νοερῶς ἐπιλάμψαν μοι καί προσλαβόμενόν μου τόν νοῦν ὅλον ἅμα πρός ἑαυτό καί τήν ψυχήν, ὥστε τῷ ἀθρόῳ τοῦ θαύματος ἐκπλαγῆναί με καί ὡς ἐν ἐκστάσει γενέσθαι. Οὐ μήν ἀλλά γάρ καί ἐπελαθόμην τοῦ τε τόπου, ἐν ᾧ ἱστάμην, καί ὅστις ὑπῆρχον καί ποῦ, μόνον κράζων τό "Κύριε ἐλέησον", καθώς καί ἐν συναισθήσει γενόμενος τοῦτο λέγων ἐπέγνων· τίς δέ ἦν ὁ λαλῶν, πάτερ, ἤ κονῶν μου τήν γλῶτταν, οὐκ οἶδα - φησίνὁ Θεός οἶδεν. Εἴτε γάρ ἐν σώματι, εἴτε ἐκτός σώματος τῷ φωτί τούτῳ προσωμίλησα, οἶδεν αὐτό τό φῶς, τό καί