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90

(240) To which with trembling and joy I answered and said: "Who am I, Lord, the sinner and impure one, that you have even looked upon me at all and deemed me worthy of conversation? You who are undefiled, invisible, and to all unapproachable, how are you shown to me as approachable and sweet and appearing most beautiful through your resplendent glory and grace?".

I heard these things mystically and paradoxically I answered, but what was beyond nature astonished me, and its awesomeness forced me to stand back. The ineffable beauty of the one appearing wounded my heart and drew me to infinite love, and this love made me not to turn to the things below, but as one who had already become completely and outside the bonds of the flesh, I rejoiced and again I was a whole man. Assurance of the forgiveness of sins was given to me and I saw myself as more sinful than any man. I could not disbelieve the one speaking, yet I was afraid to believe for fear of the fall from pride. I am involuntarily drawn down from this by the measure of humanity and what is safer in humility. I know many things that are unknown to most, and I am more boorish than all men. I rejoice that Christ, in whom I have believed, has granted me a kingdom eternal and unshakable, and as one unworthy of the things there, I weep constantly and I will not cease from weeping. I do not dare to open my mouth and ask for forgiveness for the things I have done, yet out of love I speak boldly for others and—that I might speak foolishly—I am even heard. As a son I stand near, and yet I am disposed as a stranger without boldness. ( 241) "Well done, faithful servant" I hear, and the rest, and yet in truth I find myself not having kept even the one talent out of all those given to me. I seem to grasp the summit of good things, yet lying below in the abyss of my sins I am held fast and am plunged into despair; and when I become lower than all, then I am lifted up above the heavens and by love I am again united with Christ our God, in whom I also hope, when I am deprived of this earthy and heavy flesh, to stand nearer, and not only that but also to be initiated more clearly into the eternal gladness and exultation of the love that is there.

These things, therefore, my brothers, I wanted to write, not as one wishing to hunt for glory—for such a one is foolish and a stranger to the glory above—but so that you might know the immeasurable love of God for mankind, and what sort of thing the very light burden of the commandments of our Savior Christ and God is, and how great is the reward for his gift, and learning these things, you might either long to attain his love, or fear and tremble at failing to attain it as at an eternal death, and you will be taught in addition to these things also the height of humility and the proof of perfect love, and furthermore you will know the commerce of the condescension of God, and you will understand the gift of his great and inexhaustible emptying of himself for us, and you will learn the awesome manner of the remolding of the man of dust, and how those who willed to believe in the crucified Christ live, namely those who have imitated his (242) obedience and humility and who willed to turn from worse things to better things, and how those who for the love of him who loved us leave all things behind are changed, while being deprived of none of the present or future things, how paradoxically the dark ones become light, having drawn near to the great light, who also are established as gods of those below, just as Moses once was, being united with those above, and being with all are in no way defiled by their association with others; and by doing good to those who approach they suffer no loss of the good, but by imparting mercy also to others they receive more than they give, rather by becoming like the lover of mankind in a loving way, inasmuch as they ascend by being humbled and inasmuch as they are humbled by being exalted, lacking all necessary things in humility yet wanting for nothing, being nourished by the eternal life of holy love.

90

(240) Πρός ἅ τρόμῳ καί χαρᾷ ἀνταπεκρινάμην καί ἔλεγον· "Τίς εἰμί ἐγώ, Κύριε, ὁ ἁμαρτωλός καί ἀκάθαρτος, ὅτι δή καί ὅλως ἐπέβλεψας ἐπ᾿ ἐμέ καί ὁμιλίας ἠξίωσας; Ὁ ἄχραντος, ὁ ἀόρατος καί τοῖς πᾶσιν ἀπρόσιτος, πῶς ἐμοί προσιτός καί γλυκύς καί φαινόμενος ὡραιότατος διά τῆς ἀπαστραπτούσης σου δόξης καί χάριτος δείκνυσαι;".

Ταῦτα ἤκουον μέν μυστικῶς καί παραδόξως ἀπεκρινάμην, τό δέ ὑπέρ φύσιν ἐξέπληττε καί τό φοβερόν ἀποστῆναί με ἠνάγκαζε. Τό ἄφραστον κάλλος τοῦ φαινομένου ἐτίτρωσκέ μου τήν καρδίαν καί πρός ἀγάπην εἷλκε με ἄπειρον, ἡ δέ ἀγάπη ἐποίει με πρός τά κάτω μή στρέφεσθαι, ἀλλ᾿ ὡς ἤδη τελείως καί ἔξω τῶν δεσμῶν τῆς σαρκός γεγονώς, ἔχαιρον καί πάλιν ἤμην τό ὅλον ἄνθρωπος. Πληροφορία τῆς συγχωρήσεως τῶν ἁμαρτιῶν μοι ἐδίδοτο καί ὑπέρ πάντα ἄνθρωπον ἔβλεπον ἐμαυτόν ἁμαρτωλότερον. Ἀπιστῆσαι τῷ λαλοῦντι οὐκ εἶχον καί πιστεῦσαι ἐφοβούμην διά τήν τῆς ἐπάρσεως ἔκπτωσιν. Ἀκουσίως ταύτης καθέλκομαι διά τό μέτρον τῆς ἀνθρωπότητος καί τό τῆς ταπεινώσεως ἀσφαλέστερον. Πολλά γινώσκω τῶν τοῖς πλείοσιν ἀγνοουμένων καί ὑπέρ ἅπαντας ἀνθρώπους εἰμί ἀγροικότερος. Χαίρω ὅτι μοι Χριστός, ᾧ πεπίστευκα, ἐδωρήσατο βασιλείαν αἰώνιον καί ἀσάλευτον καί ὡς ἀνάξιος τῶν ἐκεῖσε κλαίω διαπαντός καί κλαίων οὐ παύσομαι. Ἀνοῖξαι τό στόμα καί συγχώρησιν αἰτήσασθαι τῶν ἐμοί πεπραγμένων οὐ τολμῶ καί ὑπέρ ἄλλων ἐξ ἀγάπης παρρησιάζομαι και ἵν᾿ ἀφρόνως εἴπω καί εἰσακούομαι. Ὡς υἱός παρίσταμαι καί οὕτω διάκειμαι ὡς ξένος ἀπαρρησίαστος. ( 241) "Εὖ δοῦλε πιστέ" ἀκούω καί τά ἑξῆς, καί ὅλως ἐν ἀληθείᾳ εὑρίσκομαι μηδέ τό ἕν φυλάξας τάλαντον ἐκ πάντων ὁμοῦ τῶν δοθέντων μοι. Τῶν καλῶν καταλαβεῖν δοκῶ τό ἀκρότατον καί εἰς τήν ἄβυσσον τῶν ἁμαρτιῶν μου κάτω κείμενος κατέχομαι καί τῇ ἀπογνώσει βυθίζομαι καί ὅταν πάντων κατώτερος γένωμαι, τότε ὑπεράνω τῶν οὐρανῶν ἀναφέρομαι καί τῇ ἀγάπῃ πάλιν ἑνοῦμαι Χριστῷ τῷ Θεῷ ἡμῶν, ᾧ καί ἐλπίζω, τῆς γεώδους ταύτης καί βαρείας σαρκός στερηθείς, παραστῆναι ἐγγύτερον, οὐ μήν ἀλλά γάρ καί μυηθῆναι σαφέστερον τῆς ἐκεῖ ἀγάπης τήν αἰώνιον εὐφροσύνην καί ἀγαλλίασιν.

Ταῦτα τοιγαροῦν, ἀδελφοί μου, γράψαι ἠθέλησα οὐχ ὡς δόξαν θηρᾶσαι βουλόμενος ἄφρων γάρ ὁ τοιοῦτος καί τῆς ἄνω δόξης ἀλλότριος , ἀλλ᾿ ὅπως εἰδότες ἔσεσθε τήν ἄμετρον φιλανθρωπίαν τοῦ Θεοῦ καί οἷον ὑπάρχει τῶν ἐντολῶν τό φορτίον τό ἐλαφρότατον αὐτοῦ τοῦ Σωτῆρος ἡμῶν Χριστοῦ καί Θεοῦ καί ὅση τῆς αὐτοῦ δωρεᾶς ἡ ἀντίδοσις ἅ καί μανθάνοντες ἤ ἐπιποθήσατε τῆς αὐτοῦ ἀγάπης ἐπιτυχεῖν ἤ τό ταύτης ἀποτυχεῖν ὡς αἰώνιον θάνατον φοβήθητε καί φρίξατε , διδαχθήσεσθε δέ πρός τούτοις καί ταπεινώσεως ὕψος καί τελείας ἀγάπης τεκμήριον, ἔτι δέ καί τό ἐμπόρευμα τῆς τοῦ Θεοῦ συγκαταβάσεως γνώσεσθε καί τό δῶρον τῆς μεγάλης αὐτοῦ καί ἀκενώτου πρός ἡμᾶς κενώσεως εἴσεσθε καί τόν φρικτόν τρόπον τῆς χοϊκῆς ἀναπλάσεως καταμάθετε, ὅπως τε ζῶσιν οἱ πιστεῦσαι θελήσαντες τῷ σταυρωθέντι Χριστῷ, οἱ μιμησάμενοι δηλονότι τήν αὐτοῦ (242) ὑπακοήν καί ταπείνωσιν καί νεῦσαι βουληθέντες ἐκ τῶν χειρόνων ἐπί τά κρείττονα, καί ὅπως ἀλλοιοῦνται οἱ διά τήν ἀγάπην τοῦ ἡμᾶς ἀγαπήσαντος πάντα καταλιμπάνοντες, μηδενός δέ τῶν ἐνεστώτων ἤ μελλόντων στερούμενοι, ὅπως γίνονται παραδόξως οἱ σκοτεινοί φῶς, τῷ μεγάλῳ φωτί πλησιάσαντες, οἵ καί τῶν κάτω, καθά καί Μωσῆς ποτε, θεοί ἀποκαθίστανται, τοῖς ἄνω ἑνούμενοι, καί μετά πάντων ὄντες οὐδαμῶς ἐκ τῆς συνουσίας τῶν ἄλλων μολύνονται· καί εὐεργετοῦντες τούς πλησιάζοντας ζημίαν τοῦ καλοῦ οὐδεμίαν ὑφίστανται, ἀλλά μεταδίδοντες καί ἑτέροις τόν ἔλεον λαμβάνουσι πλέον ἤ διδοῦσι, μᾶλλον τῷ ὁμοιοῦσθαι φιλανθρώπως τῷ φιλανθρώπῳ, ὅσον ἀνέλθωσι ταπεινούμενοι καί ὅσον ταπεινωθῶσιν ὑψούμενοι, πάντων ἀποροῦντες τῇ ταπεινώσει τῶν ἀναγκαίων καί μηδενός λειπόμενοι, τρεφόμενοι τῇ αἰωνίῳ ζωῇ τῆς ἁγίας ἀγάπης.