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For having once made a beginning in them, coming to my senses a little from the depth of evils and darkness, I was on the one hand held by fear, being bound by my evils, but on the other hand love truly and the desire for the good for the most part turned me toward it.

The whole thing that was happening was a flight from evils, pushing me together toward the good things. Only one thing existed in the midst of these things that disgusted me: the habit of prejudices and an evil and pleasure-loving character, which is made to disappear by the persistent work of prayer and the study of the divine oracles and by coming to be in a state of good things. For just as when the sun rises little by little, the darkness recedes and disappears, (239) so also when virtue shines forth, wickedness, like some kind of darkness, is driven out and shown to be without substance, and then we remain good forever, just as formerly we were wicked. Therefore, through a little endurance and the slightest resolve, or rather to say, by the help of the living God, we are re-formed and renewed, being purified in soul and body and mind, and we become what we happen to be unaware of, being covered by the passions, and we receive what we are not worthy of.

From which I also received, I the most worthless and useless of all—for it is good to proclaim gratefully the benefactions of the philanthropic God—by the grace of my Savior Jesus Christ. And I received grace upon grace, and benefaction upon benefaction, and fire upon fire, and flame upon flame, and ascents were added to my ascent, and at the end of the ascent, light, and to the light, a clearer light. And in the midst of this, a bright sun shone again, and from it a ray appeared, and this filled all things, and the thing understood was incomprehensible, in which I remained, weeping most sweetly and marveling at the ineffable things. And a divine mind communed with my mind and taught, saying thus: "Have you known what my power has philanthropically made of you on account of a little faith and endurance, confirming your love? Behold, being under death, you have become immortal, and being held by corruption, you are found above it. You inhabit the world and you exist with me; you are clothed in a body and are not dragged down by any of the pleasures of the body. You are small in what is seen, and you see with the mind. It was certainly I who brought you from non-being into being."

(240) To which things I responded with trembling and joy, and I said: "Who am I, Lord, the sinner and unclean one, that you have even looked upon me at all and deemed me worthy of conversation? You who are undefiled, invisible, and to all unapproachable, how are you shown to me as approachable and sweet and appearing most beautiful through your dazzling glory and grace?".

I heard these things mystically and I answered paradoxically, but the supernatural element was astounding and the terrible element compelled me to stand away. The ineffable beauty of what appeared wounded my heart and drew me to infinite love, and love made me not turn to the things below, but as one who had already become completely and outside the bonds of the flesh, I rejoiced and again I was a whole man. Full assurance of the forgiveness of my sins was given to me, and I saw myself as more sinful than any person. I could not disbelieve the one speaking, and I was afraid to believe because of the fall from pride. Unwillingly I am drawn down from this because of the measure of humanity and the greater safety of humility. I know many of the things unknown to the many, and I am more boorish than all people. I rejoice that Christ, in whom I have believed, has given me an eternal and unshakable kingdom, and as one unworthy of the things there, I weep always and weeping I will not cease. I do not dare to open my mouth and ask forgiveness for the things I have done, and yet for others out of love I speak boldly and, to speak foolishly, I am even heard. I stand by as a son, and yet I am disposed as a stranger without boldness. ( 241) "Well done, faithful servant," I hear, and the things

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Ἀρχήν γάρ ποτε βαλών ἐν αὐταῖς, μικρόν ἀνανήψας ἐκ βάθους κακῶν καί σκοτώσεως, φόβῳ μέν συνειχόμην τοῖς κακοῖς μου σφιγγόμενος, ἀγάπη δέ ὡς ἀληθῶς καί τοῦ καλοῦ με ἡ ἔφεσις πρός αὐτό τό πλεῖστον ἐπέστρεφεν.

Ὅλον δέ ἦν τό τελούμενον φυγή κακῶν, πρός τά καλά συνωθοῦσά με. Ἕν μόνον ἐν μέσῳ τούτων ὑπῆρχε τό ἀηδίζον με, τῶν προλήψεων ἡ συνήθεια καί ἦθος κακόν καί φιλήδονον, ὅπερ τῇ ἐπιμόνῳ τῆς εὐχῆς ἐργασίᾳ καί τῇ μελέτῃ τῶν θείων λογίων καί τῷ ἐν ἕξει γενέσθαι τῶν ἀγαθῶν ἀφανίζεται. Ὥσπερ γάρ τοῦ ἡλίου κατά μικρόν ἀνετέλλοντος ὑποχωρεῖ τό σκότος καί ἀφανίζεται, (239) οὕτω καί ἀρετῆς αὐγαζούσης οἵα δή σκότος ἡ κακία ἐλαύνεται καί ἀνυπόστατος δείκνυται, καί τηνικαῦτα μένομεν διαπαντός ἀγαθοί, καθά πρώην ὑπήρχομεν πονηροί. ∆ιά μικρᾶς οὖν ὑπομονῆς καί προαιρέσεως ἐλαχίστου ἤ μᾶλλον εἰπεῖν Θεοῦ βοηθείᾳ τοῦ ζῶντος ἀναπλαττόμεθα καί ἀνανεούμεθα, ψυχήν καί σῶμα καί διάνοιαν καθαιρόμενοι, καί γινόμεθα ἅπερ ἀγνοοῦντες τυγχάνομεν, ὑπό τῶν παθῶν καλυπτόμενοι, καί προσλαμβάνομεν ἅ οὐκ ἐσμέν ἄξιοι.

Ἐξ ὧν ἔλαβον κἀγώ, ὁ πάντων εὐτελέστερος καί ἀχρεῖος - καλόν γάρ ἀνακηρύττειν εὐγνωμόνως τάς εὐεργεσίας τοῦ Θεοῦ τοῦ φιλανθρώπου , τῇ τοῦ ἐμοῦ Σωτῆρος Ἰησοῦ Χριστοῦ χάριτι. Ἔλαβον δέ τῇ χάριτι χάριν καί τῇ εὐργεσίᾳ εὐεργεσίαν καί τῷ πυρί πῦρ, φλόγα δέ τῇ φλογί καί τῇ ἀναβάσει προσετέθησαν ἀναβάσεις μοι, τῷ δέ τέλει τῆς ἀναβάσεως φῶς καί τῷ φωτί φῶς τρανότερον. Καί μέσον τούτου πάλιν φαιδρός ἔλαμψεν ἥλιος καί ἐξ αὐτοῦ ἐφάνη ἀκτίς καί αὕτη τά πάντα ἐπλήρωσε καί τό νοούμενον ἀκατάληπτον, ἐν οἷς ἔμεινά τε ἐγώ δακρύων ἡδύτατα καί θαυμάζων τά ἄφραστα. Νοῦς δέ θεῖος τῷ ἐμῷ νοΐ προσωμίλει καί οὕτω λέγων ἐδίδασκεν· "Ἔγνως οἷόν σε ἡ ἐμή δύναμις ἀπετέλεσε φιλανθρώπως δία πίστιν καί ὑπομονήν μικράν, τήν ἀγάπην σου βεβαιοῦσαν; Ἰδού ὑπό θάνατον ὤν, ἐγένου ἀθάνατος καί κρατούμενος τῇ φθορᾷ, εὑρίσκῃ ταύτης ἐπάνω. Κόσμον οἰκεῖς καί σύν ἐμοί ὑπάρχεις, σῶμα ἐνδέδυσαι καί οὐδεμιᾷ τῶν τοῦ σώματος ἡδονῶν ὑποσύρῃ. Μικρός εἶ τό ὁρώμενον καί νοερῶς ὁρᾷς. Πάντως ἐγώ σε ἐκ τοῦ μή ὄντος εἰς τό εἶναι παρήγαγον".

(240) Πρός ἅ τρόμῳ καί χαρᾷ ἀνταπεκρινάμην καί ἔλεγον· "Τίς εἰμί ἐγώ, Κύριε, ὁ ἁμαρτωλός καί ἀκάθαρτος, ὅτι δή καί ὅλως ἐπέβλεψας ἐπ᾿ ἐμέ καί ὁμιλίας ἠξίωσας; Ὁ ἄχραντος, ὁ ἀόρατος καί τοῖς πᾶσιν ἀπρόσιτος, πῶς ἐμοί προσιτός καί γλυκύς καί φαινόμενος ὡραιότατος διά τῆς ἀπαστραπτούσης σου δόξης καί χάριτος δείκνυσαι;".

Ταῦτα ἤκουον μέν μυστικῶς καί παραδόξως ἀπεκρινάμην, τό δέ ὑπέρ φύσιν ἐξέπληττε καί τό φοβερόν ἀποστῆναί με ἠνάγκαζε. Τό ἄφραστον κάλλος τοῦ φαινομένου ἐτίτρωσκέ μου τήν καρδίαν καί πρός ἀγάπην εἷλκε με ἄπειρον, ἡ δέ ἀγάπη ἐποίει με πρός τά κάτω μή στρέφεσθαι, ἀλλ᾿ ὡς ἤδη τελείως καί ἔξω τῶν δεσμῶν τῆς σαρκός γεγονώς, ἔχαιρον καί πάλιν ἤμην τό ὅλον ἄνθρωπος. Πληροφορία τῆς συγχωρήσεως τῶν ἁμαρτιῶν μοι ἐδίδοτο καί ὑπέρ πάντα ἄνθρωπον ἔβλεπον ἐμαυτόν ἁμαρτωλότερον. Ἀπιστῆσαι τῷ λαλοῦντι οὐκ εἶχον καί πιστεῦσαι ἐφοβούμην διά τήν τῆς ἐπάρσεως ἔκπτωσιν. Ἀκουσίως ταύτης καθέλκομαι διά τό μέτρον τῆς ἀνθρωπότητος καί τό τῆς ταπεινώσεως ἀσφαλέστερον. Πολλά γινώσκω τῶν τοῖς πλείοσιν ἀγνοουμένων καί ὑπέρ ἅπαντας ἀνθρώπους εἰμί ἀγροικότερος. Χαίρω ὅτι μοι Χριστός, ᾧ πεπίστευκα, ἐδωρήσατο βασιλείαν αἰώνιον καί ἀσάλευτον καί ὡς ἀνάξιος τῶν ἐκεῖσε κλαίω διαπαντός καί κλαίων οὐ παύσομαι. Ἀνοῖξαι τό στόμα καί συγχώρησιν αἰτήσασθαι τῶν ἐμοί πεπραγμένων οὐ τολμῶ καί ὑπέρ ἄλλων ἐξ ἀγάπης παρρησιάζομαι και ἵν᾿ ἀφρόνως εἴπω καί εἰσακούομαι. Ὡς υἱός παρίσταμαι καί οὕτω διάκειμαι ὡς ξένος ἀπαρρησίαστος. ( 241) "Εὖ δοῦλε πιστέ" ἀκούω καί τά