101
they wounded my heart like an arrow, and not only that, but having become a fire in it, they continually consume and burn me up - for I will not hide what I have suffered from you, though I have done you no wrong; these things have made me grieve equally day and night, these things also drive away the sweetness of sleep and compel me to refuse food. My thirst for water has ceased in my constant thirsting for the outcome of these words, and I do not at all wish to see the light of the perceptible sun, for I desire to see my brother at some time fervently approaching the noetic Sun. My tears themselves also flow most fervently and are offered to Christ on behalf of the longed-for one, so that he might be washed clean through them and, looking up with his mind, might recognize his own Creator. Groans are sent forth from the depths of my heart, that I might bring up from the abyss of evils the soul which I have loved. I lie on my face continually wailing, that I might raise up the one lying below who is most beloved to me. Calling upon the Lord Almighty I cry aloud, that He might snatch from the bonds of the ruler of this world the one who is willingly held fast. And perhaps I do and say other things, which it is not right to write, but are known to God alone, to whom they are also directed. And if I lie or have spoken simply and at random even a single word and have not fulfilled these things in deed, may I not be counted among those who believe in the Lord, (269) nor may I behold the glory of the saints, but may I fail to attain the hope for which I left the world.
These are the things I have suffered from you and these are the wrongs I have suffered. Tell me then, to which of you have we caused such grief? Return, brothers, equal love to me who am tyrannized by love. Confirm your words by deeds, that I might find a little relief. Reveal to me, if you truly love me, the counsels of your hearts. Let me know not only by words, but by actions, that God has been with you and I have not labored in vain. But if you are not willing, why have you come and caused me a burden, and by withdrawing weigh me down even more? A burden that, most paradoxically, works in me both unspeakable joy and infinite grief: joy, because I pray for you and rejoice, hoping to receive you back; but grief, because I fear lest you be choked by the world and, being deceived, prove false to Christ, which I shudder to think of and am beside myself. And this is the consumption of my soul and it does not allow me to rest or to rejoice. And because of this I go about mourning and downcast in truth, and lamenting, I renounce my life, because I do not consider it a gain to be saved alone, nor do I wish to glorify God without you. If, then, these things are sufficient from my side, make your defense too if you wish, and say to which side you align yourselves, and ratify your word by deed, so that I may either be rejoicing or again be grieving in the same way. But I hope and, looking invisibly to the Lord, I pray that you will not be false nor utter one thing for another, (270) but will rather show by deed what you have promised in words. Therefore, do not hesitate in these matters, nor let thoughts of unbelief arise in your hearts, my brothers, but listen to my words spoken with pain and see that I will say nothing empty or deceptive.
Look up to the heaven above and to the earth below and understand what great works God has done for us all. See and examine carefully how not one of all these things is permanent, but the soul of man alone among all visible things is invisibly seen and believed to be immortal; which, while being with and dwelling in the body, sees and understands all things material and created and composed of bodily things, but when detached from it, at that very hour it is set outside all such knowledge, and is numbered only among things immaterial and intelligible. If then it is illuminated by the light of Christ's commandments, it comes to be in the infinite light of His merciful Divinity, finding unspeakable and unending gladness; but if it is encompassed by the darkness of sins, in unending darkness, alas,
101
καρδίαν ὡς βέλος ἔτρωσαν, οὐ μόνον δέ, ἀλλά καί πῦρ γενόμενα ἐν αὐτῇ διαπαντός με καί δαπανῶσι καί καταφλέουσιν - οὐ μή γάρ κρύψω ἅ μηδέν ἠδικηκώς ὑμᾶς παρ᾿ ὑμῶν πέπονθα , ταῦτά με ἡμέραν καί νύκτα ἴσον ἀλγεῖν πεποιήκασι, ταῦτα καί γλυκύτητα ὕπνου ἀποδιώκουσι καί τροφήν ἀποσείεσθαι ἀναγκάζουσι. ∆ίψα δέ μοι πέπαυται ὕδατος ἐν τῷ ἀεί διψᾶν τῶν ῥημάτων τήν ἔκβασιν, τό δέ φῶς τοῦ αἰσθητοῦ ἡλίου οὐδόλως καθορᾶν βούλομαι, ἐπιθυμῶ γάρ ἰδεῖν ποτε τόν ἐμόν ἀδελφόν τῷ νοητῷ ἡλίῳ θερμῶς προσερχόμενον. ∆άκρυά μου καί αὐτά θερμότατα ῥέουσι καί Χριστῷ ὑπέρ τοῦ πεποθημένου προσφέρονται, ὅπως ἐκπλυθῇ διά τούτων καί νοερῶς ἀναβλέψας τόν ἑαυτοῦ Ποιητήν ἐπιγνώσεται. Στεναγμοί ἐκ βάθους μου τῆς καρδίας ἐκπέμπονται, ἵν᾿ ἐκ βυθοῦ τῶν κακῶν ἀνενέγκω ψυχήν ἥν ἠγάπησα. Ἐπί πρόσωπον κεῖμαι διαπαντός ὀλολύζων, ὅπως κάτω κείμενον ἀναστήσω τόν ἐμοί προσφιλέστατον. Τόν Παντοκράτορα Κύριον ἐπικαλούμενος ἀνακράζω, ἵνα τοῦ κοσμοκράτορος τῶν δεσμῶν ἐξαρπάσῃ τόν ἑκουσίως κρατούμενον. Ποιῶ δέ καί λέγω ἴσως καί ἕτερα, ἅ γράφειν οὐ δίκαιον, Θεῷ δέ μόνῳ γνωστά, πρός ὅν καί γίνονται. Καί εἰ ψεύδομαι ἤ ἁπλῶς καί ὡς ἔτυχε μέχρι καί μόνου ἑνός ῥήματος εἴρηκα καί οὐχί ἔργῳ ταῦτα ἐπλήρωσα, μή λογισθείην μετά τῶν πιστευόντων ἐπί τόν Κύριον, (269) μηδέ τήν δόξαν τῶν ἁγίων θεάσαιμι, ἀλλά ἀποτύχω τῆς ἐλπίδος, δι᾿ ἥν τόν κόσμον κατέλιπον.
Ταῦτά εἰσιν ἅ παρ᾿ ὑμῶν πέπονθα καί ταῦτα ἅπερ ἠδίκημαι. Εἴπατε οὖν καί ὑμεῖς τίνι ἐκ ὑμῶν τοιαύτην λύπην προεξενήσαμεν; Ἀπόδοτε, ἀδελφοί, ἴσην καί ὑμεῖς τήν ἀγάπην ἐμοί τῷ ἐξ ἀγάπης τυραννουμένῳ. Βεβαιώσατε τους λόγους ὑμῶν ἔργοις, ἵνα μικράν ἀνάψυξιν εὕροιμι. Φανερώσατέ μοι, εἰ ἀληθῶς ἀγαπᾶτέ με, τάς βουλάς τῶν καρδιῶν ὑμῶν. Γνῶ κἀγώ μή μόνον τοῖς λόγοις, ἀλλά ταῖς πράξεσιν, ὅτι ὁ Θεός μεθ᾿ ὑμῶν γέγονε καί οὐκ εἰς κενόν ἐκοπίασα. Εἰ δέ μή βούλεσθε, τί μοι βάρος ἐλθόντες προεξενήσατε καί ὑποχωροῦντες πλέον καταβαρύνετε; Βάρος ὅ καί χαράν ἄφραστον καί λύπην ἄπειρον ἐν ἐμοί ἐπεργάζεται, τό παραδοξότατον· χαράν μέν ὅτι ὑπέρ ὑμῶν εὔχομαι καί εὐφραίνομαι ἐλπίζων ἀπολαβεῖν ὑμᾶς, λύπην δέ ὅτι φοβοῦμαι μή συμπνιγῆτε τῷ κόσμῳ καί ἀπατηθέντες Χριστῷ ψεύσησθε, ὅπερ φρίττω ἐννοῶν καί ἐξίσταμαι. Καί τοῦτό ἐστι τῆς ἐμῆς ψυχῆς ἡ δαπάνη καί οὐκ ἐᾷ με ἀναπαυθῆναι ἤ χαρῆναι. Καί πενθῶν διά τοῦτο καί σκυθρωπάζων ἐγώ ἐν ἀληθείᾳ πορεύομαι καί τήν ζωήν μου θρηνῶν ἀπολέγομαι, ὅτι οὐ κέρδος ἡγοῦμαι τόν μόνος σῴζεσθαι οὐδέ χωρίς ὑμῶν δοξάζειν θέλω τόν Θεόν. Εἰ μέν οὖν ἱκανά ταῦτα τό κατ᾿ ἐμέ, ἀπολογήσασθε καί ὑμεῖς εἴτι βούλεσθε, καί οἵῳ μέρει προστίθεσθε εἴπατε, καί ἔργῳ τόν λόγον κυρώσατε, ἵνα ἤ εὐφραινόμενος ἔσομαι ἤ πάλιν ὡσαύτως λυπούμενος. Ἐλπίζω δέ καί ἀοράτως βλέπων πρός Κύριον εὔχομαι ὅτι οὐ ψεύσεσθε οὐδέ ἄλλα ἀντ᾿ ἄλλων φθέγγεσθε, (270) ἔργῳ δέ μᾶλλον ἐνδείξεσθε ἅ λόγοις προσεπηγγείλασθε. Μηδέν οὖν εἰς ταῦτα διστάσητε, μηδέ ἀπιστίας διαλογισμοί ἐν ταῖς καρδίαις ὑμῶν, ἀδελφοί μου, ἀνέλθωσιν, ἀλλά ἀκούσατέ μου τῶν μετ᾿ ὀδύνης ῥημάτων καί ἴδετε ὡς οὐδέν κενόν ἤ ἀπατηλόν λέξω.
Ἀναβλέψατε εἰς τόν οὐρανόν ἄνω καί εἰς τήν γῆ κάτω καί κατανοήσατε, ὁποῖα ἔργα καί ὅσα ὁ Θεός δι᾿ ἡμᾶς πάντα πεποίηκεν. Ἴδετε καί ἀκριβῶς ἐξετάσατε ὡς οὐδέ ἕν τούτων ἁπάντων ὑπάρχει μόνιμον, ἀνθρώπου δέ ψυχήν ἐν πᾶσι τοῖς ὁρωμένοις μόνη ἀοράτως ὁρᾶται καί πιστεύεται εἶναι ἀθάνατος, ἥτις συνοῦσα μέν καί ἐνοικοῦσα τῷ σώματι πάντα βλέπει καί κατανοεῖ τά ὑλικά καί κτιστά καί ἐκ σωματικῶν συνιστάμενα, ἀποσπασθεῖσα δέ τούτου αὐτῇ τῇ ὥρᾳ ἐκτός πάσης καθίσταται γνώσεως, μόνοις δέ τοῖς ἀΰλοις καί νοουμένοις ἐγκαταλέγεται. Εἰ μέν οὖν τῷ φωτί τῶν ἐντολῶν τοῦ Χριστοῦ καταλάμπεται, καί ἐν φωτί γίνεται ἀπείρῳ τῆς αὐτοῦ εὐσπλάγχνου Θεότητος, ἄρρητον εὑροῦσα τήν εὐφροσύνην καί ἀτελεύτητον· εἰ δέ σκότει τῶν ἁμαρτιῶν περιέχεται, ἐν ἀτελευτήτῳ σκότει, φεῦ,