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104

believes me when I say, my soul being naturally moved and, so to speak, kindled with love, he spoke words and made a pact with Christ, which I never expected to hear from him, words which God himself wrote down and which wounded my heart like an arrow, and not only that, but also becoming a fire in it they continually both consume and burn me up - for I will not hide what I have suffered from you, though I have done you no wrong, these things have made me grieve equally day and night, these things also drive away the sweetness of sleep and compel me to refuse food. My thirst for water has ceased in my always thirsting for the outcome of these words, and I do not at all wish to see the light of the perceptible sun, for I desire to see my brother one day fervently approaching the noetic sun. My tears also flow most hotly and are offered to Christ for the sake of the one I long for, so that he may be washed by them and, looking up with his mind, may recognize his Maker. Groans are sent forth from the depth of my heart, so that from the abyss of evils I might bring up the soul which I loved. I lie on my face constantly wailing, so that I might raise up the one who is lying down, who is most beloved to me. Calling upon the Lord Almighty, I cry out, that He might snatch from the bonds of the ruler of this world the one who is willingly held captive. And I do and perhaps say other things, which it is not right to write, but known to God alone, to whom they are also directed. And if I lie or have spoken simply and randomly even a single word and have not fulfilled these things in deed, may I not be counted among those who believe in the Lord, (269) nor behold the glory of the saints, but may I fail to obtain the hope for which I left the world.

These are the things I have suffered from you and these are the wrongs I have suffered. Tell me then, you also, to which one of you have I caused such grief? Return, brothers, an equal love also to me who am tyrannized by love. Confirm your words with deeds, that I may find a little relief. Reveal to me, if you truly love me, the counsels of your hearts. Let me know not only by words, but by actions, that God has been with you and that I have not labored in vain. But if you do not wish to, why have you caused me a burden by coming and weigh me down more by withdrawing? A burden which works in me both unutterable joy and infinite grief, a most paradoxical thing; joy, because I pray for you and rejoice, hoping to receive you back, but grief, because I am afraid lest you be choked by the world and, being deceived, you prove false to Christ, which I shudder to think of and am beside myself. And this is the consuming of my soul and does not allow me to rest or to rejoice. And mourning because of this and being downcast I truly go about, and lamenting I renounce my life, because I do not consider it a gain to be saved alone, nor do I wish to glorify God without you. If, then, these things are sufficient for my part, make your defense if you wish, and say to which side you align yourselves, and confirm your word by deed, that I may either be rejoicing or again be grieving in the same way. But I hope and, looking invisibly to the Lord, I pray that you will not be false nor utter one thing for another, (270) but will rather show in deed what you have professed in words. Therefore, do not hesitate at all in these matters, nor let thoughts of disbelief arise in your hearts, my brothers, but listen to my words spoken with pain and see that I will say nothing empty or deceptive.

Look up to heaven above and to the earth below and consider what works and how many things God has made for our sake. See and examine carefully that not one of all these things is permanent, but the soul of man alone among all visible things is invisibly seen and is believed to be immortal, which, while being with and dwelling in the body, sees and understands all material and created things and from

104

πιστεύει μοι λέγοντι, τῆς ἐμῆς ψυχῆς φυσικῶς κινουμένης καί ἵν᾿ οὕτως εἴπω ἐκκαιομένης τῷ ἔρωτι, λόγους εἶπε καί συνταγήν τῷ Χριστῷ ἐποιήσατο, ἥν ἀκοῦσαι παρ᾿ αὐτοῦ οὐδέποτε προσεδόκησα, ῥήματα ἅ αὐτός ὁ Θεός ἀπεγράψατο καί τήν ἐμήν καρδίαν ὡς βέλος ἔτρωσαν, οὐ μόνον δέ, ἀλλά καί πῦρ γενόμενα ἐν αὐτῇ διαπαντός με καί δαπανῶσι καί καταφλέουσιν - οὐ μή γάρ κρύψω ἅ μηδέν ἠδικηκώς ὑμᾶς παρ᾿ ὑμῶν πέπονθα , ταῦτά με ἡμέραν καί νύκτα ἴσον ἀλγεῖν πεποιήκασι, ταῦτα καί γλυκύτητα ὕπνου ἀποδιώκουσι καί τροφήν ἀποσείεσθαι ἀναγκάζουσι. ∆ίψα δέ μοι πέπαυται ὕδατος ἐν τῷ ἀεί διψᾶν τῶν ῥημάτων τήν ἔκβασιν, τό δέ φῶς τοῦ αἰσθητοῦ ἡλίου οὐδόλως καθορᾶν βούλομαι, ἐπιθυμῶ γάρ ἰδεῖν ποτε τόν ἐμόν ἀδελφόν τῷ νοητῷ ἡλίῳ θερμῶς προσερχόμενον. ∆άκρυά μου καί αὐτά θερμότατα ῥέουσι καί Χριστῷ ὑπέρ τοῦ πεποθημένου προσφέρονται, ὅπως ἐκπλυθῇ διά τούτων καί νοερῶς ἀναβλέψας τόν ἑαυτοῦ Ποιητήν ἐπιγνώσεται. Στεναγμοί ἐκ βάθους μου τῆς καρδίας ἐκπέμπονται, ἵν᾿ ἐκ βυθοῦ τῶν κακῶν ἀνενέγκω ψυχήν ἥν ἠγάπησα. Ἐπί πρόσωπον κεῖμαι διαπαντός ὀλολύζων, ὅπως κάτω κείμενον ἀναστήσω τόν ἐμοί προσφιλέστατον. Τόν Παντοκράτορα Κύριον ἐπικαλούμενος ἀνακράζω, ἵνα τοῦ κοσμοκράτορος τῶν δεσμῶν ἐξαρπάσῃ τόν ἑκουσίως κρατούμενον. Ποιῶ δέ καί λέγω ἴσως καί ἕτερα, ἅ γράφειν οὐ δίκαιον, Θεῷ δέ μόνῳ γνωστά, πρός ὅν καί γίνονται. Καί εἰ ψεύδομαι ἤ ἁπλῶς καί ὡς ἔτυχε μέχρι καί μόνου ἑνός ῥήματος εἴρηκα καί οὐχί ἔργῳ ταῦτα ἐπλήρωσα, μή λογισθείην μετά τῶν πιστευόντων ἐπί τόν Κύριον, (269) μηδέ τήν δόξαν τῶν ἁγίων θεάσαιμι, ἀλλά ἀποτύχω τῆς ἐλπίδος, δι᾿ ἥν τόν κόσμον κατέλιπον.

Ταῦτά εἰσιν ἅ παρ᾿ ὑμῶν πέπονθα καί ταῦτα ἅπερ ἠδίκημαι. Εἴπατε οὖν καί ὑμεῖς τίνι ἐκ ὑμῶν τοιαύτην λύπην προεξενήσαμεν; Ἀπόδοτε, ἀδελφοί, ἴσην καί ὑμεῖς τήν ἀγάπην ἐμοί τῷ ἐξ ἀγάπης τυραννουμένῳ. Βεβαιώσατε τους λόγους ὑμῶν ἔργοις, ἵνα μικράν ἀνάψυξιν εὕροιμι. Φανερώσατέ μοι, εἰ ἀληθῶς ἀγαπᾶτέ με, τάς βουλάς τῶν καρδιῶν ὑμῶν. Γνῶ κἀγώ μή μόνον τοῖς λόγοις, ἀλλά ταῖς πράξεσιν, ὅτι ὁ Θεός μεθ᾿ ὑμῶν γέγονε καί οὐκ εἰς κενόν ἐκοπίασα. Εἰ δέ μή βούλεσθε, τί μοι βάρος ἐλθόντες προεξενήσατε καί ὑποχωροῦντες πλέον καταβαρύνετε; Βάρος ὅ καί χαράν ἄφραστον καί λύπην ἄπειρον ἐν ἐμοί ἐπεργάζεται, τό παραδοξότατον· χαράν μέν ὅτι ὑπέρ ὑμῶν εὔχομαι καί εὐφραίνομαι ἐλπίζων ἀπολαβεῖν ὑμᾶς, λύπην δέ ὅτι φοβοῦμαι μή συμπνιγῆτε τῷ κόσμῳ καί ἀπατηθέντες Χριστῷ ψεύσησθε, ὅπερ φρίττω ἐννοῶν καί ἐξίσταμαι. Καί τοῦτό ἐστι τῆς ἐμῆς ψυχῆς ἡ δαπάνη καί οὐκ ἐᾷ με ἀναπαυθῆναι ἤ χαρῆναι. Καί πενθῶν διά τοῦτο καί σκυθρωπάζων ἐγώ ἐν ἀληθείᾳ πορεύομαι καί τήν ζωήν μου θρηνῶν ἀπολέγομαι, ὅτι οὐ κέρδος ἡγοῦμαι τόν μόνος σῴζεσθαι οὐδέ χωρίς ὑμῶν δοξάζειν θέλω τόν Θεόν. Εἰ μέν οὖν ἱκανά ταῦτα τό κατ᾿ ἐμέ, ἀπολογήσασθε καί ὑμεῖς εἴτι βούλεσθε, καί οἵῳ μέρει προστίθεσθε εἴπατε, καί ἔργῳ τόν λόγον κυρώσατε, ἵνα ἤ εὐφραινόμενος ἔσομαι ἤ πάλιν ὡσαύτως λυπούμενος. Ἐλπίζω δέ καί ἀοράτως βλέπων πρός Κύριον εὔχομαι ὅτι οὐ ψεύσεσθε οὐδέ ἄλλα ἀντ᾿ ἄλλων φθέγγεσθε, (270) ἔργῳ δέ μᾶλλον ἐνδείξεσθε ἅ λόγοις προσεπηγγείλασθε. Μηδέν οὖν εἰς ταῦτα διστάσητε, μηδέ ἀπιστίας διαλογισμοί ἐν ταῖς καρδίαις ὑμῶν, ἀδελφοί μου, ἀνέλθωσιν, ἀλλά ἀκούσατέ μου τῶν μετ᾿ ὀδύνης ῥημάτων καί ἴδετε ὡς οὐδέν κενόν ἤ ἀπατηλόν λέξω.

Ἀναβλέψατε εἰς τόν οὐρανόν ἄνω καί εἰς τήν γῆ κάτω καί κατανοήσατε, ὁποῖα ἔργα καί ὅσα ὁ Θεός δι᾿ ἡμᾶς πάντα πεποίηκεν. Ἴδετε καί ἀκριβῶς ἐξετάσατε ὡς οὐδέ ἕν τούτων ἁπάντων ὑπάρχει μόνιμον, ἀνθρώπου δέ ψυχήν ἐν πᾶσι τοῖς ὁρωμένοις μόνη ἀοράτως ὁρᾶται καί πιστεύεται εἶναι ἀθάνατος, ἥτις συνοῦσα μέν καί ἐνοικοῦσα τῷ σώματι πάντα βλέπει καί κατανοεῖ τά ὑλικά καί κτιστά καί ἐκ