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it shook my mind, it broke my heart, I wept bitterly, I was overwhelmed with lamentation as I have never known, not on account of their falling asleep, but because in such a place, fearing lest my command was the cause (for he joyfully obeyed, ready to walk into fire out of faith and not be harmed at all), nevertheless, because I did not at all choose for them to set out in the winter. But I was persuaded, since the oikonomos had prepared their journey. Such are the things that have happened. However, I did not remain, my child, in grief, but having recovered my reasoning and having concluded that only one death is evil, that of sin, and it is not the place, but the manner of death that is sought, I gave thanks to the Lord in what had happened, yielding everything to the unseen judgments of His providence; who from before the foundation of the world has profitably assigned to each one both the time and the place of their end. In these things be of good cheer yourself also, my ever-longed-for brother, placing Zosimas and the wonderful Gaianus among them, brothers equal in spirit as also in body; may I, the unworthy one, be of their portion. Pray for me unceasingly that I may be saved, beloved child. 115 {1Ναυκρατίῳ τέκνῳ}1 Even when no occasion for a letter presents itself I love to converse with you; how much more so when one is found? I have received good news, therefore, through your letters, child, good things; for it is good news to me that my true brother and archbishop is being exiled for Christ's sake, and the rest of my fathers and brothers. And who might give me strength to break forth to them with a voice of acclamation? However, I believe I shall receive it sometime; for when the emperor seems to have cut off my voice from every side, then I shall cry out, winged by the spirit and finding the ways out. You, therefore, my beloved child, be strong in the Lord, in no way losing heart in the expectation of your transfer; stand firm, confess when you are asked the good confession. If you must be struck, be struck with Christ, be imprisoned, drink the gall of afflictive circumstances, go up upon the cross in your resolve; for thus it will be reckoned to everyone who chooses to bear the sufferings. Is it not enough for you to become a son of God? Is it not sufficient for you to become a joint heir with Christ? Whose is it to boast, whose is it to rejoice and exult and be well-off? Is it not of those who suffer and are confined for Christ's sake? Would that I might suffer other things also, like the Master. And who is worthy? But grace is likewise for those who have gone before. I the wretched one have never rejoiced so much, nor have I continued so well off (yes, yes, even in the previous exiles), and I have not forgotten the benefactions of my Lord, but simply and now, because I have sent forth my blessed father with my holy Calogerus, I reign, I am master, I rejoice, I dance. Thus I receive the ill-treatments from the world as luxuries. Fearless, unterrified I dare to say with the holy David, if an army should encamp against me, my heart will not be afraid; death is desirable to me for the sake of eternal life. And yet, being so and in such a state, I confess that I am an abomination of all men and cast away from God on account of my measureless sins. So are these things; for perhaps it is with a final voice. Being exiled by God's command, you are by all means taking Callistus and whatever other brother you wish, either immediately or later; but leave Proterius for me here, hidden somewhere and ministering to me, if God prospers it. Christ be with your spirit. 116 {1Τῷ αὐτῷ}1 Whenever I learn that the messenger alone has arrived, until I read the letter, I am in convulsions and babbling about what the meanings might be; which I have also suffered now. I have learned therefore what has happened, at which how can one who hears not groan? Especially that Nectarius, the old traitor, is one of those demanding the written professions of impiety; whom the ruler has made his apostle not so much for the need, as for the fact that he was once of the fullness of our brotherhood. Grievous things, therefore, in truth, but also full of joy, because our fathers are unconquered by the attack of the
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ἐκλόνησέν μου τὸν νοῦν, συνέτριψέν μου τὴν καρδίαν, ἐδάκρυσα πικρά, συνεχύθην τῷ ὀδυρμῷ ὡς οὐδέποτε οἶδα, οὐχ εἵνεκα τῆς κοιμήσεως αὐτῶν, ἀλλ' ὅτι ἐν τοιούτῳ τόπῳ, δεδοικὼς μὴ ἡ προσταγή μου αἰτία (καὶ γὰρ ἐπειθάρχει χαίρων εἰς πῦρ βαίνειν ἐκ πίστεως καὶ μηδὲν βλάπτεσθαι), ὅμως ὅτι οὐ προαιρούμην πάντως ἐξορμεῖν αὐτοὺς ἐν τῷ χειμῶνι. πέπεικα δὲ προητοιμακότος τοῦ οἰκονόμου τὴν πορείαν αὐτῶν. Τοιαῦτα τὰ συμβεβηκότα. οὐ μὴν ἐναπέμεινα, τέκνον μου, ἐν τῷ πένθει, ἀνενέγκας δὲ τὸν λογισμὸν καὶ συλλογισάμενος ὅτι εἷς θάνατος μόνος πονηρός, ὁ τῆς ἁμαρτίας, καὶ οὐχ ὁ τόπος, ἀλλ' ὁ τρόπος τοῦ θανάτου ὁ ζητούμενος ηὐχαρίστησα ἐν τῷ συμβάντι τῷ Κυρίῳ, τοῖς ἀθεωρήτοις αὐτοῦ κρίμασι τῆς οἰκονομίας παραχωρήσας τὸ πᾶν· ὃς πρὸ καταβολῆς κόσμου συμφερόντως καὶ τὸν καιρὸν καὶ τὸν τόπον τοῦ τέλους ἀπένειμεν ἑνὶ ἑκάστῳ. Ἐν τούτοις εὐθύμει καὶ αὐτός, ἀδελφέ μου ἀειπόθητε, τάττων μετὰ Ζωσιμᾶ καὶ Γαϊανὸν τὸν θαυμάσιον, τοὺς ἴσους ἀδελφοὺς τῷ πνεύματι ὡς καὶ τὰ σώματα· ὧν εἴην τῆς μερίδος ὁ ἀνάξιος. προσεύχου μοι ἀενάως ἵνα σῴζωμαι, τέκνον ἠγαπημένον. 115 {1Ναυκρατίῳ τέκνῳ}1 Καὶ μὴ παρεμπιπτούσης ἀφορμῆς γραμμάτων φιλῶ σοι διαλέγεσθαι, πόσῳ γε μᾶλλον ἐξευρισκομένης; εὐηγγελίσθην οὖν διὰ τῶν γραμμάτων σου, τέκνον, τὰ ἀγαθά· εὐαγγέλια γὰρ ἐμοὶ τὸ τὸν ὄντως ἐμὸν ἀδελφὸν καὶ ἀρχιεπίσκοπον ἐξορίζεσθαι διὰ Χριστὸν καὶ τοὺς λοιποὺς πατέρας μου καὶ ἀδελφούς. καὶ τίς ἄν μοι ἔδωκεν ἰσχὺν ῥῆξαι πρὸς αὐτοὺς φωνὴν ἀλαλαγμοῦ; πλὴν πιστεύω λήψεσθαί ποτε· ὅτε γὰρ δόξειεν ὁ βασιλεὺς πανταχόθεν περικόψαι μου τὴν φωνήν, τηνικαῦτα βοήσομαι πνεύματι πτερούμενος καὶ εὑρίσκων τὰς διεξόδους. Σὺ οὖν, τέκνον μου ἀγαπητόν, ἐνδυναμοῦ ἐν Κυρίῳ, μηδόλως καταπίπτων ἐν τῇ ἐκδοχῇ τῆς μεταστάσεως· στῆθι κραταιῶς, ὁμολόγησον ἐρωτώμενος τὴν καλὴν ὁμολογίαν. ἐὰν δεῖ ῥαπισθῆναι, ῥαπίσθητι μετὰ Χριστοῦ, φυλακίσθητι, πίε χολὴν θλιβερῶν περιστάσεων, ἄνιθι ἐπὶ τὸν σταυρὸν τῇ προαιρέσει· οὕτω γὰρ λογισθήσεται παντὶ τῷ προαιρουμένῳ οἴσειν τὰ πάθη. οὐκ ἀρκεῖ σοι υἱὸν θεοῦ γενέσθαι; οὐχ ἱκανοῖ σοι συγκληρονόμον γενέσθαι Χριστοῦ; τίνων τὸ αὔχειν, τίνων τὸ χαίρειν καὶ ἀγάλλεσθαι καὶ εὐπαθεῖν; ἀλλ' οὐχὶ τῶν διὰ Χριστὸν πασχόντων καὶ περιοριζομένων; εἴθε καὶ ἄλλα παθεῖν ὁμοίως τῷ δεσπότῃ. καὶ τίς ἄξιος; ἀλλὰ χάρις ὁμοίως καὶ τοῖς φθάσασιν. Ἐγὼ ὁ τάλας οὔποτε ἐχάρην τοσοῦτον οὐδὲ εὐπαθῶν διετέλεσα (ναί, ναί, καὶ ἐν ταῖς προλαβούσαις ἐξορίαις) καὶ οὐκ ἐπιλέλησμαι τῶν τοῦ Κυρίου μου εὐεργεσιῶν, ἀλλὰ ἁπλῶς καὶ ἄρτι διὰ τὸ παραπέμψαι τὸν μακάριόν μου πατέρα σὺν τῷ ἁγίῳ μου Καλογήρῳ βασιλεύω, δεσπόζω, γήθω, χορεύω. οὕτως ἐκδέχομαι τὰς παρὰ τοῦ κόσμου κακώσεις ὡς τρυφάς. ἄφοβος, ἀπτόητος τολμῶ λέγειν μετὰ τοῦ ἁγίου ∆αυίδ, ἐὰν παρατάξεται ἐπ' ἐμὲ παρεμβολή, οὐ φοβηθήσεται ἡ καρδία μου· ὁ θάνατός μοι ἐπιθυμητὸς διὰ τὴν ζωὴν τὴν αἰώνιον. καί γε οὕτως καὶ τηλικούτως διατιθέμενος ὁμολογῶ βδέ λυγμα εἶναι πάντων ἀνθρώπων καὶ ἀπερριμμένον ἀπὸ θεοῦ διὰ τὰ ἄμετρά μου ἁμαρτήματα. Οὕτως ταῦτα· ἴσως γὰρ καὶ τελευταίᾳ φωνῇ. ἐξοριζόμενος θεοῦ κελεύσει αἴρεις πάντως τὸν Κάλλιστον καὶ ὃν ἄλλον βούλει ἀδελφὸν ἢ εὐθὺς ἢ ὕστερον· ἔασον δέ μοι τὸν Προτέριον ὦδέ που περικρυβόμενον καὶ διακονοῦντά μοι, εἴπερ εὐοδοῖ θεός. Ὁ Χριστὸς μετὰ τοῦ πνεύματός σου. 116 {1Τῷ αὐτῷ}1 Ὁπόταν μάθω τὸν χελανδάριον ἐπιστῆναι μόνον, ἕως ἂν ἀναγνῶ τὴν ἐπιστολήν, σφαδάζων εἰμὶ καὶ ἀδολεσχῶν τί τὰ σημαινόμενα· ὃ καὶ νῦν πέπονθα. ἔγνων οὖν τὰ γεγενημένα, ἃ πῶς οὐκ ἔστιν ἀκούοντα στενάζειν; ὅτι γε μάλιστα καὶ Νεκτάριος ὁ ἀρχαῖος προδότης εἷς ἐστι τῶν τὰ τῆς ἀσεβείας χειρόγραφα ἀπαιτούντων· ὃν ὁ κρατῶν οὐ τοσοῦτον διὰ τὴν χρείαν, ὅσον διὰ τὸ ἐκ τοῦ πληρώματος τῆς καθ' ἡμᾶς ἀδελφότητος χρηματίσαι ἀπόστολον αὐτοῦ πεποίηκεν. λυπηρὰ μὲν οὖν ὡς ἀληθῶς, ἀλλὰ καὶ χαρᾶς ἀνάπλεα, ὅτι οἱ πατέρες ἡμῶν ἀχείρωτοι τῆς ἐπιχειρήσεως τῶν