Chapter XXII.

Virtue must never be given up for the sake of a friend. If, however, one has to bear witness against a friend, it must be done with caution. Between friends what candour is needed in opening the heart, what magnanimity in suffering, what freedom in finding fault! Friendship is the guardian of virtues, which are not to be found but in men of like character. It must be mild in rebuking and averse to seeking its own advantage; whence it happens that true friends are scarce among the rich. What is the dignity of friendship? The treachery of a friend, as it is worse, so it is also more hateful than another’s, as is recognized from the example of Judas and of Job’s friends.

125. Nothing, then, must be set before virtue; and that it may never be set aside by the desire for friendship, Scripture also gives us a warning on the subject of friendship. There are, indeed various questions raised among philosophers;728    Cic. de Off. III. 10. for instance whether a man ought for the sake of a friend to plot against his country or not, so as to serve his friend? Whether it is right to break one’s faith, and so aid and maintain a friend’s advantage?

126. And Scripture also says: “A maul, and a sword, and a sharp arrow, so is a man that beareth false witness against his friend.”729    Prov. xxv. 18. But note what it adds. It blames not witness given against a friend, but false witness. For what if the cause of God or of one’s country compels one to give witness? Ought friendship to take a higher place than our religion, or our love for our fellow-citizens? In these matters, however, true witness is required so that a friend may not be assailed by the treachery of a friend, by whose good faith he ought to be acquitted. A man, then, ought never to please a friend who desires evil, or to plot against one who is innocent.

127. Certainly, if it is necessary to give witness, then, when one knows of any fault in a friend, one ought to rebuke him secretly—if he does not listen, one must do it openly. For rebukes are good,730    Cic. de Off. I. 17. and often better than a silent friendship. Even if a friend thinks himself hurt, still rebuke him; and if the bitterness of the correction wounds his mind, still rebuke him and fear not. “The wounds of a friend are better than the kisses of flatterers.”731    Prov. xxvii. 6. Rebuke, then, thy erring friend; forsake not an innocent one. For friendship ought to be steadfast732    Cic. de Amic. 19, § 67. and to rest firm in true affection. We ought not to change our friends in childish fashion at some idle fancy.

128. Open thy breast to a friend that he may be faithful to thee, and that thou mayest receive from him the delight of thy life. “For a faithful friend is the medicine of life and the grace of immortality.”733    Ecclus. vi. 16. Give way to a friend as to an equal, and be not ashamed to be beforehand with thy friend in doing kindly duties. For friendship knows nothing of pride. So the wise man says: “Do not blush to greet a friend.”734    Ecclus. xxii. 25. Do not desert a friend in time of need, nor forsake him nor fail him, for friendship is the support of life. Let us then bear our burdens as the Apostle has taught:735    Gal. vi. 2. for he spoke to those whom the charity of the same one body had embraced together. If friends in prosperity help friends, why do they not also in times of adversity offer their support? Let us aid by giving counsel, let us offer our best endeavours, let us sympathize with them with all our heart.

129. If necessary, let us endure for a friend even hardship. Often enmity has to be borne for the sake of a friend’s innocence; oftentimes revilings, if one defends and answers for a friend who is found fault with and accused. Do not be afraid of such displeasure, for the voice of the just says: “Though evil come upon me, I will endure it for a friend’s sake.”736    Ecclus. xxii. 26. In adversity, too, a friend is proved, for in prosperity all seem to be friends. But as in adversity patience and endurance are needed, so in prosperity strong influence is wanted to check and confute the arrogance of a friend who becomes overbearing.

130. How nobly Job when he was in adversity said: “Pity me, my friends, pity me.”737    Job xix. 21. That is not a cry as it were of misery, but rather one of blame. For when he was unjustly reproached by his friends, he answered: “Pity me, my friends,” that is, ye ought to show pity, but instead ye assail and overwhelm a man with whose sufferings ye ought to show sympathy for friendship’s sake.

131. Preserve, then, my sons, that friendship ye have begun with your brethren, for nothing in the world is more beautiful than that. It is indeed a comfort in this life to have one to whom thou canst open thy heart,738    Cic. de Amic. 6, § 22. with whom thou canst share confidences, and to whom thou canst entrust the secrets of thy heart. It is a comfort to have a trusty man by thy side, who will rejoice with thee in prosperity, sympathize in troubles, encourage in persecution. What good friends those Hebrew children were whom the flames of the fiery furnace did not separate from their love of each other!739    Dan. iii. 16 ff. Of them we have already spoken. Holy David says well: “Saul and Jonathan were lovely and pleasant, inseparable in their life, in death they were not divided.”740    2 Sam. [2 Kings] i. 23.

132. This is the fruit of friendship; and so faith741    Cic. de Off. III. 10, § 44. may not be put aside for the sake of friendship. He cannot be a friend to a man who has been unfaithful to God. Friendship is the guardian of pity and the teacher of equality, so as to make the superior equal to the inferior, and the inferior to the superior.742    Cic. de Amic. 19, § 69. For there can be no friendship between diverse characters,743    Cic. de Amic. 14, § 50. and so the good-will of either ought to be mutually suited to the other. Let not authority be wanting to the inferior if the matter demands it, nor humility to the superior. Let him listen to the other as though he were of like position—an equal, and let the other warn and reprove like a friend, not from a desire to show off, but with a deep feeling of love.

134. Let not thy warning be harsh, nor thy rebuke bitter,744    Cic. de Off. I. 38, § 137. for as friendship ought to avoid flattery, so, too, ought it to be free from arrogance. For what is a friend but a partner in love,745    Cic. de Amic. 21, § 80. to whom thou unitest and attachest thy soul, and with whom thou blendest so as to desire from being two to become one; to whom thou entrustest thyself as to a second self, from whom thou fearest nothing, and from whom thou demandest nothing dishonourable for the sake of thine own advantage. Friendship is not meant as a source of revenue,746    Cic. de Amic. 15, § 51. but is full of seemliness, full of grace. Friendship is a virtue, not a way of making money. It is produced, not by money, but by esteem; not by the offer of rewards, but by a mutual rivalry in doing kindnesses.

134. Lastly, the friendships of the poor are generally better than those of the rich,747    Cic. Lact. 15, § 53. and often the rich are without friends, whilst the poor have many. For true friendship cannot exist where there is lying flattery. Many try fawningly to please the rich, but no one cares to make pretence to a poor man. Whatsoever is stated to a poor man is true, his friendship is free from envy.

135. What is more precious than friendship which is shared alike by angels and by men? Wherefore the Lord Jesus says: “Make to yourselves friends of the mammon of unrighteousness, that they may receive you into eternal habitations.”748    S. Luke xvi. 9. God Himself makes us friends instead of servants, as He Himself says: “Ye are My friends if ye do whatsoever I command you.”749    S. John xv. 14. He gave us a pattern of friendship to follow. We are to fulfil the wish of a friend, to unfold to him our secrets which we hold in our own hearts, and are not to disregard his confidences. Let us show him our heart and he will open his to us. Therefore He says: “I have called you friends, for I have made known unto you all things whatsoever I have heard of My Father.”750    S. John xv. 15. A friend, then, if he is a true one, hides nothing; he pours forth his soul as the Lord Jesus poured forth the mysteries of His Father.

136. So he who does the will of God is His friend and is honoured with this name. He who is of one mind with Him, he too is His friend. For there is unity of mind in friends, and no one is more hateful than the man that injures friendship. Hence in the traitor the Lord found this the worst point on which to condemn his treachery, namely, that he gave no sign of gratitude and had mingled the poison of malice at the table of friendship. So He says: “It was thou, a man of like mind, My guide and Mine acquaintance, who ever didst take pleasant meals with Me.”751    Ps. liv. [lv.] 13, 14. That is: it could not be endured, for thou didst fall upon Him Who granted grace to thee. “For if My enemy had reproached Me I could have borne it,752    Ps. liv. [lv.] 12. and I would have hid Myself from him who hated Me.” An enemy can be avoided; a friend cannot, if he desires to lay a plot. Let us guard against him to whom we do not entrust our plans; we cannot guard against him to whom we have already entrusted them. And so to show up all the hatefulness of the sin He did not say: Thou, My servant, My apostle; but thou, a man of like mind with Me; that is: thou art not My but thy own betrayer, for thou didst betray a man of like mind with thyself.

137. The Lord Himself, when He was displeased with the three princes who had not deferred to holy Job, wished to pardon them through their friend, so that the prayer of friendship might win remission of sins. Therefore Job asked and God pardoned. Friendship helped them whom arrogance had harmed.753    Job xlii. 7, 8.

138. These things I have left with you, my children, that you may guard them in your minds—you yourselves will prove whether they will be of any advantage. Meanwhile they offer you a large number of examples, for almost all the examples drawn from our forefathers, and also many a word of theirs, are included within these three books; so that, although the language may not be graceful, yet a succession of old-time examples set down in such small compass may offer much instruction.

CAPUT XXII.

Honestatem amici causa non deserendam; si tamen adversus amicum testimonium dicendum fuerit, cautionem adhibendam. Inter amicos quis candor in aperiendo pectore, quae generositas in patiendo, quae in arguendo libertas requiratur? Amicitiam virtutum custodem esse, nec nisi in similium morum hominibus inveniri. Eamdem in corripiendo mitem, atque a propriis commodis alienam esse oportere; et inde quam rari divitibus veri amici! Quanta amicitiae dignitas; quae quo major, eo detestabilior amici perfidia, ut Judae atque amicorum Job exemplis cognoscitur.

0180B 125. Nihil igitur praeferendum honestati, quae tamen ne amicitiae studio praetereatur, etiam hoc Scriptura admonet de amicitia. Sunt enim pleraeque philosophorum quaestiones: utrum amici causa quisquam contra patriam sentire necne debeat, ut 3amico obediat? Utrum oporteat ut fidem deserat, dum indulget atque intendit amici commoditatibus?

126. Et Scriptura quidem ait: Clava, et gladius, et sagitta ferrata, sic homo est testimonium dans falsum adversus amicum suum (Prov. XXV, 18). Sed considera quid astruat. Non testimonium reprehendit dictum in amicum, sed falsum testimonium. Quid enim si Dei causa, quid si patriae cogatur aliquis dicere testimonium? Numquid praeponderare debet amicitia religioni, praeponderare charitati civium? 0180C 139 In his tamen ipsis rebus requirenda est veritas testimonii; ne amicus appetatur amici perfidia, cujus fide absolvi debeat. Amicus itaque neque noxio gratificari debet, neque innocenti insidiari.

127. Sane si necesse sit dicere testimonium, si quid in amico vitii cognoverit, corripere occulte; si non audierit, corripere palam. Sunt enim bonae correptiones, et plerumque meliores quam tacita amicitia. Et si laedi se putat amicus, tu tamen corripe; et si amaritudo correctionis animum ejus vulneret, tu tamen corripe, ne verearis: Tolerabilia sunt enim amici vulnera, quam adulantium oscula (Prov. XXVII, 6). Errantem igitur amicum corripe, innocentem amicum ne deseras. Constans enim debet esse amicitia, perseverare in affectu; 0180D non puerili modo amicos mutare vaga quadam debemus sententia.

128. Aperi pectus tuum amico, ut fidelis sit tibi 0181A et capias ex eo vitae tua jucunditatem. Fidelis enim amicus medicamentum est vitae, et immortalitatis gratia (Eccli. VI, 16), Defer amico ut aequali, nec te pudeat ut praevenias amicum officio; amicitia enim nescit superbiam. Ideo enim Sapiens dicit: Amicum salutare non erubescas (Eccli. XXII, 31). Nec deseras amicum in necessitate, nec derelinquas eum, neque destituas; quoniam amicitia vitae adjumentum est. Ideo onera nostra portemus, sicut Apostolus docuit (Galat. VI, 2); dicit enim his quos ejusdem corporis complexa est charitas. Etenim si amici secundae res amicos adjuvant, cur non et in adversis amici rebus amicorum adjumentum suppetat? Juvemus consilio, conferamus studia, compatiamur affectu.

0181B 129. Si necesse est, toleremus propter amicum etiam aspera. Plerumque inimicitiae subeundae sunt propter amici innocentiam, saepe obtrectationes, si restiteris vel responderis, cum amicus arguitur et accusatur. Nec te poeniteat ejusmodi offensionis; justi enim vox est: Etsi mala mihi evenerint propter amicum, sustineo (Eccli. XXII, 31). In adversis enim amicus probatur; nam in prosperis amici omnes videntur. Sed ut in adversis amici patientia et tolerantia necessaria, sic in prosperis auctoritas congrua est; ut insolentiam extollentis se amici reprimat et redarguat.

130. Quam pulchre in adversis positus Job dicit: Miseremini mei, amici, miseremini (Job. XIX, 21). Non quasi abjecta vox ista est, sed quasi censoria. 0181C Nam cum injuste argueretur ab amicis, respondit: Miseremini mei, amici; hoc est, misericordiam debetis facere: opprimitis autem vos et impugnatis hominem, cujus aerumnis compati 140 pro amicitia vos oportebat.

131. Servate igitur, filii, initam cum fratribus amicitiam, qua nihil est in rebus humanis pulchrius. Solatium quippe vitae hujus est, ut habeas cui pectus aperias tuum, cum quo arcana participes, cui committas secretum pectoris tui; ut colloces tibi fidelem virum, qui in prosperis gratuletur tibi, in tristibus compatiatur, in persecutionibus adhortetur. Quam boni amici Hebraei pueri, quos a sui 0182A amore nec fornacis ardentis flamma divisit (Dan. III, 16 et seq.)! De quo supra diximus (Supr. c. 9). Bene ait sanctus David: Saul et Jonathas speciosi et charissimi, inseparabiles in vita sua, et in morte non sunt separati (II Reg. I, 23).

132. Hic est amicitiae fructus, ut non fides propter amicitiam destruatur. Non potest enim homini amicus esse, qui Deo fuerit infidus. Pietatis custos amicitia est, et aequalitatis magistra; ut superior inferiori se exhibeat aequalem, inferior superiori. Inter dispares enim mores non potest esse amicitia; et ideo convenire sibi utriusque debet gratia. Nec auctoritas desit inferiori, si res poposcerit, nec humilitas superiori. Audiat quasi parem, quasi aequalem: et ille quasi amicus moneat, objurget, 0182B non jactantiae studio, sed affectu charitatis.

133. Neque monitio aspera sit, neque objurgatio contumeliosa; sicut enim adulationis fugitans amicitia debet esse, ita etiam aliena insolentiae. Quid est enim amicus, nisi consors amoris, ad quem animum tuum adjungas atque applices, et ita misceas, ut unum velis fieri ex duobus, cui te tamquam alteri tibi committas, a quo nihil timeas, nihil ipse commodi tui causa inhonestum petas? Non enim vectigalis amicitia est, sed plena decoris, plena gratiae. Virtus est enim amicitia, non quaestus; quia non pecunia paritur, sed gratia: nec licitatione pretiorum, sed concertatione benevolentiae.

134. Denique meliores amicitiae sunt inopum plerumque quam divitum: et frequenter divites sine 0182C amicis sunt, quibus abundant pauperes. Non est enim vera amicitia, ubi est fallax adulatio. Divitibus itaque plerique assentatorie gratificantur: erga pauperem nemo simulator est. Verum est quidquid defertur pauperi, hujus amicitia invidia vacat.

135. Quid amicitia pretiosius, quae angelis communis et hominibus est? Unde et Dominus Jesus dicit: Facite vobis amicos de iniquo mammona, qui recipiant vos in aeterna tabernacula sua (Luc. XVI, 9). Ipse nos Deus amicos ex servulis facit, sicut ipse 141 ait: Jam vos amici mei estis, si feceritis quae ego praecipio vobis (Joan. XV, 14). Dedit formam amicitiae quam sequamur, ut faciamus amici voluntatem, utaperiamus 0183A secreta nostra amico quaecumque in pectore habemus, et illius arcana non ignoremus. Ostendamus illi nos pectus nostrum, et ille nobis aperiat suum. Ideo, inquit, vos dixi amicos, quia omnia quaecumque audivi a Patre meo, nota feci vobis (Joan. XV, 14). Nihil ergo occultat amicus, si verus est: effundit animum suum, sicut effundebat mysteria Patris Dominus Jesus.

136. Ergo qui facit mandata Dei, amicus est; et hoc honoratur nomine. Qui est unanimis, ipse amicus est: quod unitas animorum in amicis sit: neque quisquam detestabilior, quam qui amicitiam laeserit. Unde in proditore Dominus hoc gravissimum invenit, quod ejus condemnaret perfidiam, quod gratiae vicem non repraesentaverit, et conviviis amicitiae 0183B venenum malitiae miscuerit. Itaque sic ait: Tu vero homo unanimis, dux meus et notus meus, qui semper mecum dulces capiebas cibos (Psal. LIV, 14)! Hoc est, non potest sustineri istud, quia unanimis appetisti eum, qui tibi donaverat gratiam: Nam si inimicus meus maledixisset mihi, sustinuissem utique (Ibid., 13); et ab eo 142 qui me oderat, 0184A absconderem me. Inimicus vitari potest, amicus non potest, si insidiari velit. Illum cavemus cui non committimus consilia nostra: hunc cavere non possumus, cui commisimus. Itaque ad acervandam peccati invidiam non dixit: Tu vero servus meus, apostolus meus; sed: Unanimis meus; hoc est, non meus, sed etiam tuus proditor es, qui unanimem prodidisti.

137. Dominus ipse cum a tribus regibus offensus esset, qui sancto Job non detulissent, ignoscere his per amicum maluit, ut amicitiae suffragium remissio fieret peccatorum. Itaque rogavit Job, et Dominus ignovit. Profuit illis amicitia, quibus obfuerat insolentia (Job, XLII, 7 et seq.).

CONCLUSIO.

138. Haec apud vos deposui, filii, quae custodiatis 0184B in animis vestris: quae utrum aliquid profectus habeant, vos probabitis; interim copiam multam exemplorum offerunt: nam prope omnia Majorum exempla, plurima quoque dicta his tribus inclusa libris tenentur; ut et si sermo nihil deferat gratiae, series tamen vetustatis quodam compendio expressa plurimum instructionis conferat.