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116

he received. In another way, and even more so, this account is an exhortation towards withdrawal. For if that man, who was involved in the midst of life and had never considered anything about renunciation or poverty or obedience, was shown such mercy, having believed from his soul and called upon God, for how many more goods ought those to hope to obtain who leave behind all the things of life and all people at once, and give up their own very souls to death for God's sake, just as God himself commanded? For he who has begun to do good things with unwavering faith and whole-souled purpose and to perceive the benefit that comes from them, will know from himself that a great obstacle for those who have chosen to live according to God is the care of the world and the way of life in it. For the aforementioned account concerning this young man is both wonderful and strange, and we have not heard if anything of this sort has happened to anyone else. But if it has happened to some, or will happen, let them know that if they do not withdraw from the world quickly, they will fall away from such a good thing, since I have learned this too with exactness from that young man.

(299) For I later met him after he had become a monk, when he was in his third or even fourth year in the monastic way of life and in the thirty-second year of his physical age. For I knew him well, as he was a friend and we had been raised together, which is why he added and related these things to me: "That after that wondrous transformation and the superhuman help that came to me, not many," he said, "days had passed when continuous temptations of life fell upon me, by which I saw myself being hindered from hidden works and little by little falling short of the good, and I longed to be outside of the whole world and to seek in solitude the one who had appeared to me - for I am convinced, brother, that He was pleased to appear to me for this reason: that He might draw me, the unworthy one, to Himself and separate me from the entire world. But since I was not strong enough to do this quickly, little by little forgetting all the things mentioned before, I came to a state of complete darkness, so that I did not remember anything small or great of what I have said before, not even as a mere thought. Rather, I fell into more evils than had happened to me before, and I was in such a state as if I had never considered or heard the holy words of Christ. But also that holy man, who had shown me mercy then and had given me the small commandment and had sent the aforementioned book, I looked upon as one of the ordinary men and did not entertain even a mere thought about the things that had been seen by me through him. These things," he said, "I tell you, so that you may learn precisely into what a pit of destruction I, the wretched one, was brought down out of negligence, and that you may marvel at and be astounded by God's unspeakable goodness shown to me even after these things.

(300) For, I know not how to say it, in some unknown way love and faith for the holy elder thus remained in my miserable heart, on account of which, I think, after the passing of so many years, the philanthropic God, having had mercy on me through his prayers, rescued me again through him, snatching me from great error and from the abyss of evils. For I, the unworthy one, did not completely separate myself from him, but I would confess the things that were happening, and I would go quite often to his cell whenever I happened to be in the city, even if I, the unconscionable one, did not keep his commandments. But now, as you see, the merciful Lord, overlooking the great multitude of my sins, has arranged for me to become a monk through that holy elder, and has deemed me, who am truly unworthy, worthy to be with him continuously. Therefore, with much toil and many tears and precise exile and perfect obedience and complete cutting off of my own will and many other most austere practices and

116

ἔλαβεν. Ἄλλως δέ καί μᾶλλον ἡ ὑπόθεσις αὕτη προτρεπτική ὑπάρχει πρός ἀναχώρησιν. Εἰ γάρ ἐκεῖνος, ὁ ἐν μέσῳ τῷ βίῳ στρεφόμενος καί μηδέν περί ἀποταγῆς ἤ ἀκτημοσύνης ἤ ὑπακοῆς ποτε λογισάμενος, οὕτως ἠλεήθη, πιστεύσας ἀπό ψυχῆς και τόν Θεόν ἐπικαλεσάμενος, πόσων ἀγαθῶν ἐλπίζειν μᾶλλον τεύξεσθαι χρή τούς ἅπαντα τά τοῦ βίου καί πάντας ἅμα καταλιμπάνοντας καί αὐτάς αὐτῶν τάς ἰδίας ψυχάς ἐκδιδόντας διά τόν Θεόν εἰς θάνατον, καθώς αὐτός ὁ θεός ἐνετείλατο; Καί γάρ ὁ ἀρξάμενος τά καλά πράσσειν ἀδιστάκτῳ πίστει καί ὁλοψύχῳ προθέσει καί τήν ἐξ αὐτῶν ἐγγινομένην ὠφέλειαν ἐπαισθάνεσθαι, αὐτός ἀφ᾿ ἑαυτοῦ γνώσεται ὅτι μέγα ἐμπόδιον τοῖς κατά Θεόν ζῆν ἑλομένοις ἡ φροντίς τοῦ κόσμου καί ἡ ἐν αὐτῷ διαγωγή. Ἡ γάρ ῥηθεῖσα περί τοῦ νέου τούτου ὑπόθεσις θαυμαστή τέ ἐστι καί παράδοξος καί οὐδέ εἰ ἐν ἄλλῳ τινί τοιοῦτόν τι γεγένηται ἠκούσαμεν. Εἰ δέ καί γέγονεν ἔν τισιν ἤ γενήσεται, εἰ μή ἐκ τοῦ κόσμου συντόμως ὑποχωρήσουσιν, ἐκπεσεῖν τοῦ τοιούτου καλοῦ γινωσκέτωσαν, ἐπειδή καί τοῦτο ἐξ ἐκείνου τοῦ νέου μεμάθηκα ἀκριβῶς.

(299) Μοναχῷ γάρ γεγονότι ὕστερον ἐνέτυχον, τρίτον ἔτος ἤ καί τέταρτον ἐν τῇ μοναδικῇ πολιτείᾳ διατελοῦντι καί τόν τριακοστόν δεύτερον τῆς ἡλικίας τοῦ σώματος αὐτοῦ χρόνον ἄγοντι. Ἀκριβῶς γάρ αὐτόν ἐγίνωσκον, ὡς φίλον ὄντα καί συνανάτροφον, διό καί προσθείς ὑφηγήσατό μοι ταῦτα· "Ὅτι μετά τήν θαυμαστήν ἐκείνην ἀλλοίωσιν καί τήν εἰς ἐμέ ὑπέρ ἄνθρωπον γενομένην ἀντίληψιν οὐ πολλαί, φησίν, ἡμέραι διεληλύθησαν καί συνεχεῖς μοι τοῦ βίου ἐπέπεσον πειρασμοί, ὑφ᾿ ὧν καί ἐμαυτόν ἑώρων πρός κρυπτάς ἐργασίας ἐμποδιζόμενον καί τοῦ καλοῦ κατά μικρόν ὑστερούμενον, καί ἐγλιχόμην ἔξω τοῦ κόσμου γενέσθαι παντός καί κατά μόνας ἐκζητεῖν τόν ὀφθέντα μοι - τούτου γάρ χάριν πέπεισμαι, ἀδελφέ, ὅτι ὅλως φανῆναί μοι εὐδόκησεν, ἵνα πρός ἑαυτόν με τόν ἀνάξιον ἐφελκύσηται καί παντός τοῦ κόσμου ἀποχωρίσῃ με . Ἐπεί δέ τοῦτο ποιῆσαι συντόμως οὐκ ἴσχυσα, κατά μικρόν μικρόν πάντων τῶν προλεχθέντων ἐπιλαθόμενος, εἰς παντελῆ κατήντησα σκότωσιν, ὥστε μή μεμνῆσθαί μέ τινος μικροῦ ἤ μεγάλου μέχρι ψιλῆς ἐννοίας ποτέ, ἐξ ὧνπερ προείρηκα. Εἰς πλείονα δέ μᾶλλον κακά ὑπέρ τά συμβάντα μοι πρώην περιέπεσον καί οὕτω διεκείμην, ὡς μηδέ ἐννοήσας ποτέ ἤ ἀκούσας τά ἅγια ῥήματα τοῦ Χριστοῦ. Ἀλλά καί τόν ἅγιον ἐκεῖνον, τόν τότε με ἐλεήσαντα καί τήν μικράν μοι ἐντολήν δεδωκότα καί τήν ῥηθεῖσαν βίβλον ἐξαποστείλαντα, ὡς ἕνα τῶν τυχόντων ἀνθρώπων ἔβλεπον καί οὐδέ ψιλήν ἔννοιαν περί τῶν ὁραθέντων μοι δι᾿ αὐτόν ἐλάμβανον. Ταῦτα δέ, φησί, λέγω σοι, ἵνα μάθῃς ἀκριβῶς εἰς οἷον ἀπωλείας βόθρον ἐκ ῥαθυμίας κατηνέχθην ἐγώ ὁ ἄθλιος καί τοῦ Θεοῦ θαυμάσῃς καί ἐκπλαγῇς τήν καί μετά ταῦτα εἰς ἐμέ γενομένην ἀγαθότητα ἄφατον.

(300) Καί γάρ, οὐκ οἶδ᾿ ὅπως εἴπω, ἀγνώστως οὕτως ἐν τῇ ταλαιπώρῳ καρδίᾳ μου ἡ πρός τόν ἅγιον γέροντα ἀγάπη καί πίστις διέμενε, δι᾿ ἥν, ὡς οἶμαι, μετά τήν τοσούτων χρόνων παρέλευσιν ὁ Θεός ὁ φιλάνθρωπος ταῖς ἐκείνου εὐχαῖς ἐλεήσας με, δι᾿ αὐτοῦ με πάλιν ἐκ τῆς πολλῆς πλάνης καί τοῦ βυθοῦ τῶν κακῶν ἐξαρπάσας ἐρρύσατο. Οὐ γάρ ἀπέστην τελείως ἐξ αὐτοῦ ὁ ἀνάξιος, ἀλλά καί τά γινόμενα ἐξηγόρευον καί εἰς τό κελλίον αὐτοῦ, ὅτε ἐν τῇ πόλει ἐτύγχανον, ἀπηρχόμην συχνότερον, εἰ καί τάς ἐντολάς αὐτοῦ ὁ ἀσυνείδητος οὐκ ἐφύλαττον. Νυνί δέ, καθάπερ ὁρᾷς, τά πολλά τῶν ἁμαρτημάτων μου πλήθη παριδών ὁ εὔσπλαχνος Κύριος καί μοναχόν με γενέσθαι παρ᾿ αὐτοῦ τοῦ ἁγίου γέροντος ᾠκονόμησε καί μετ᾿ αὐτοῦ συνεῖναί με διηνεκῶς, τόν ἐπ᾿ ἀληθείας ἀνάξιον, κατηξίωσε. Κόπῳ τοίνυν πολλῷ καί πλείοσι δάκρυσι καί ἀκριβεῖ ξενιτεία καί τελείᾳ ὑπακοῇ καί ἐκκοπῇ παντελεῖ τοῦ οἰκείου θελήματος καί πολλοῖς ἄλλοις σκηροτάτοις ἐπιτηδεύμασί τε