126
they do not know, they choose to live in the monastic habit, who, falling into pits and onto cliffs, are not aware of it.
You therefore, beloved brother, be willing to keep these things, even if you must also die; for otherwise you will not be strong enough to escape the demon of gluttony. But know that as you keep these things, the devil, not bearing to see you, will stir up all the slothful against you, and they will revile you and laugh and envy and mock and bring countless afflictions upon you, so that they may turn you away from your good intention and your saving deeds; which if you endure, beloved, you will find great help and comfort from our God and Savior. Therefore, while others are sitting at dinner and eating, and you are not eating but either serving or not, do not forget also to say these things to yourself: "If I had completely repented and my sins had been forgiven, I too would be rejoicing and eating with my brothers. But since I, wretched one, have made myself unworthy through my shameful deeds, may I receive here according to my works! " and saying these things, control your stomach, with as much strength as you have. Never seek or desire the first seat, but hate it with all your soul as it is a cause and occasion of pride. For your humility will exalt you, and your being last of all will make you first, since it is written: "Everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."
(337) After then you have risen with the whole brotherhood and given thanks to God and been dismissed by the priest, run in silence to your cell, and having closed the door take up your book. And having read a little, if it is the days of summer, recline on your mat and take a very short sleep; for abstaining from satiety and using a frugal table with bread and a measured amount of water and vegetables or pulses, you will sleep less and rise up quicker, but if it is winter, after reading a little take up your handiwork and persevere in it until the wood signifies the hymnody of the lamp-lighting service.
Then again, having entered into the gathering, stand in fear and attention before God, chanting to Him and confessing and speaking to no one at all. And when the lamp-lighting service is finished, if you are strong enough to refrain from eating or drinking at all, having judged to eat once a day, you will find no small benefit in your attendance at the evening service and in your nightly prayer and vigil; but if not, then be content with one biscuit and one cup of water without weakness and faintness of your stomach. And after offering up the evening prayers to God together with your brothers, making a prostration at the feet of the superior as if to the very feet of Christ, and having received a blessing from there and having venerated the holy forms of the saints, enter your little cell in silence, speaking to no one at all, and having closed the doors first take up your book, (338) and having read about three leaves in it attentively, stand for prayer, quietly chanting and praying to God as if heard by no one. But stand bravely, gathering your thoughts and not allowing them to wander elsewhere, clasp your hands, join your feet likewise, unmoving on one base, and close your eyes so as not to look at anything else and scatter your mind, but raise your mind itself and your whole heart to the heavens and God, from there calling for mercy with tears and groans. And let there be for you psalms assigned by your spiritual father, as many as bear words of repentance and compunction and as many as are sufficient for your strength and your intention. For you must measure by your strength and your courage both the hymnody of the psalms and their number
126
οὐκ ἴσασιν, ἐν μοναχικῷ τῷ σχήματι προαιροῦνται ζῆν, οἵ καί εἰς βάραθρα καί εἰς κρημνούς καταπίπτοντες οὐκ αἰσθάνονται.
Σύ οὖν, περιπόθητε ἀδελφέ, ταῦτα φυλάξαι θέλησον, εἰ κἄν δέῃ σε καί ἀποθανεῖν· ἄλλως γάρ τόν τῆς γαστριμαργίας δαίμονα ἐκφυγεῖν οὐκ ἰσχύσεις. Ἴσθι δέ ὅτι ταῦτα φυλάσσοντός σου, μή φέρων ὁ διάβολος ὁρᾶν σε, πάντας τούς ῥαθύμους ἐξεγερεῖ κατά σου, καί καταλοιδορήσουσί σε καί γελάσουσι και φθονήσουσι καί ἐμπαίξουσι καί μυρίας θλίψεις σοι ἐπενέγκωσιν, ὅπως σε τῆς ἀγαθῆς προθέσεως καί τῶν σωτηρίων πράξεων ἀποστήσωσιν· ἅπερ ἐάν ὑπομείνῃς, ἀγαπητέ, μεγάλην ἀπό τοῦ Θεοῦ καί Σωτῆρος ἡμῶν εὑρήσεις βοήθειαν καί παράκλησιν. Τοιγαροῦν καί ἑτέρων ἐν τῷ δείπνῳ καθημένων καί ἐσθιόντων, σοῦ δέ μή ἐσθίοντος ἀλλ᾿ εἴτε διακονοῦντος εἴτε καί μή, μή ἐπιλάθῃ καί ταῦτα λέγων πρός ἑαυτόν· "Εἰ ἤμην πάντως μετανοήσας καί αὐτός καί τάς ἁμαρτίας μου συγχωρηθείς, ἔχαιρον ἄν κἀγώ καί μετά τῶν ἀδελφῶν μου συνήσθιον. Ἐπειδή δέ ἀνάξιον ἐμαυτόν δά τῶν αἰσχρῶν μου πράξεων, ὁ ἄθλιος, πεποίηκα, ἀπολάβω ἐνταῦθα κατά τά ἔργα μου! " καί ταῦτα λέγων κράτει γαστρός, ὅση σοι δύναμις. Πρωτοκαθεδρίαν μήποτε ζητήσεις μήτε ἐπιθυμήσεις, ἀλλά μίσησον ταύτην ἀπό ψυχῆς ὡς ὑπερηφανίας αἰτίαν καί πρόξενον οὖσαν. Ἡ γάρ ταπείνωσίς σου ὑψώσει σε, καί τό ἔσχατον εἶναί σε πάντων πρῶτον σε ἀποκαταστήσει, ἐπειδή γέγραπται· "Πᾶς ὁ ὑψῶν ἑαυτόν ταπεινωθήσεται, ὁ δέ ταπεινῶν ἑαυτόν ὑψωθήσεται".
(337) Μετά γοῦν τό συναναστῆναί σε πάσῃ τῇ ἀδελφότητι καί ἀποδοῦναι τήν εὐχαριστίαν Θεῷ καί παρά τοῦ ἱερέως ἀπολυθῆναι, ἀπότρεχε σιωπῶν ἐν τῇ κέλλῃ σου, καί κλείσας τήν θύραν ἐπιλαβοῦ τοῦ βιβλίου. Καί ἀναγνούς ὀλίγον, εἰ μέν ἡμέραι τοῦ θέρους εἰσίν, ἀνακλίθητι ἐπί τό ψιάθιόν σου καί βραχυτάτου μετάλαβε ὕπνου ἀπεχόμενος γάρ τοῦ κόρου καί λιτῇ χρώμενος τῇ τραπέζῃ μετά ἄρτου καί μεμετρημένου ὕδατος καί λαχάνων ἤ ὀσπρίων, ἧττον ὑπνώσεις καί θᾶττον ἐξαναστήσῃ , εἰ δέ τοῦ χειμῶνός εἰσι, μετά τό μικρόν ἀναγνῶναι ἐπιλαβοῦ τοῦ ἐργοχείρου σου καί προσκαρτέρησον ἐν αὐτῷ ἕως οὗ τό ξύλον τήν ὑμνῳδίαν σημάνῃ τοῦ λυχνικοῦ.
Εἶτα πάλιν εἰς τήν σύναξιν εἰσελθών, στῆθι ἐν φόβῳ καί προσοχῇ ἐνώπιον τοῦ Θεοῦ, ψάλλων αὐτῷ καί ἐξομολογούμενος καί μηδενί ὁμιλῶν τό παράπαν. Καί τελεσθέντος τοῦ λυχνικοῦ, εἰ μέν ἐγκρατεύσασθαι ἰσχύσεις τοῦ μή φαγεῖν ἤ πιεῖν τό καθόλου, ἅπαξ κεκρικώς τήν ἡμέραν ἐσθίειν, εὑρήσεις οὐ τήν τυχοῦσαν ὠφέλειαν ἐν τῇ παραστάσει τῆς ἑσπερινῆς σου ἀκολουθίας καί ἐν τῇ νυκτερινῇ δεήσει καί ἀγρυπνίᾳ· εἰ δ᾿ οὖν ἀλλ᾿ ἑνί παξαματίῳ ἀρκέσθητι καί ἑνί ποτηρίῳ ὕδατος ἄνευ ἀσθενείας καί ἀτονίας στομάχου σου. Καί μετά τό συνάμα τοῖς ἀδελφοῖς σου ἀποδοῦναι τάς ἑσπερινάς εὐχάς τῷ Θεῷ, βαλών μετάνοιαν εἰς τούς πόδας τοῦ προεστῶτος ὡς εἰς αὐτούς τούς πόδας τοῦ Χριστοῦ, καί εὐχήν ἐκεῖθεν λαβών καί ἀσπασάμενος τάς ἁγίας μορφάς τῶν ἁγίων, εἴσελθε σιωπῶν μηδενί μηδαμῶς ὁμιλῶν εἰς τό κελλίον σου, καί κλείσας τάς θύρας ἐπιλαβοῦ πρῶτον τοῦ βιβλίου, (338) καί ἀναγνούς ὡσεί τρία φύλλα προσεχῶς ἐν αὐτῷ στῆθι εἰς προσευχήν, ἡσύχως ψάλλων καί προσευχόμενος τῷ Θεῷ ὡς παρά μηδενός ἀκουόμενος. Στῆθι δέ γενναίως ἐπισυνάγων σου τούς λογισμούς καί μή ἐῶν ῥέμβεσθαι αὐτούς ἀλλαχοῦ, σφίγξον σου τάς χεῖρας, ἕνωσόν σου τούς πόδας ἐπίσης ἀσαλεύτους ἐν βάσει μιᾷ, καί τούς μέν ὀφθαλμούς μῦσον τοῦ μή πρός ἄλλο τι βλέπειν καί τόν νοῦν διασκίδνασθαι, τόν δέ νοῦν αὐτόν καί ὅλην τήν καρδίαν ἆρον εἰς οὐρανούς καί Θεόν, ἐκεῖθεν μετά δακρύων καί στεναγμῶν τόν ἔλεον ἐκκαλούμενος. Ἔστωσάν σοι δέ ψαλμοί τεταγμένοι παρά τοῦ πνευματικοῦ σου πατρός, ὅσοι ῥήματα μετανοίας καί κατανύξεως φέρουσι καί ὅσοι τῇ δυνάμει ἐξικανοῦσι καί τῇ προθέσει σου. ∆εῖ γάρ σε μετρεῖν τῇ τε ἰσχύϊ και τῇ ἀνδρείᾳ σου τήν τε τῶν ψαλμῶν ὑμνῳδίαν καί τό πλῆθος