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my days in the present life! Who will not weep for me, who will not mourn vehemently, because I fled the world and the things in the world, and have not been separated from the perception of the world? I have been clothed in the habit of monks and like a worldly person I love the things in the world, glory, and wealth and pleasures and delights. Upon my shoulders I bear the cross of Christ and I utterly refuse to endure the reproaches of the cross, I do not want it at all, but I insert myself among the glorious and with them I want to be glorified. O the misfortune, o the insensibility! I am worthy of a double condemnation; for having stumbled much before in life (200) I promised to repent well; but now I have appeared an ungrateful transgressor of all the good things which God has provided for me, and I have been shown to be a denier of the covenants and unworthy of all loving-kindness. But O my God, O alone all-merciful, hasten, come before, turn me again toward repentance, toward tears, toward mourning, so that I may be washed and cleansed and see your glory shining clearly in me, which you grant to me now and unto the ages as I glorify you with unceasing voices, the Maker and Master of the ages.

25.

Concerning the vision of the divine light that came to him, and how the divine light is not overcome by darkness; in which also, being astounded on account of the abundance of the revelations, he is mindful of human weakness and condemns himself. (201)

How shall I describe, Master, the sight of your face, how shall I speak of the ineffable vision of your beauty? How will the utterance of a tongue contain him whom the world does not contain, how might someone be able to express your love for mankind? For sitting in the light of a lamp shining for me

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τάς ἡμέρας μου ἐν τῷ παρόντι βίῳ! Τίς μή κλαύσῃ με, τίς μή σφοδρῶς πενθήσῃ, ὅτι ἔφυγον κόσμον καί τά ἐν κόσμῳ, καί τῇ αἰσθήσει κόσμου οὐκ ἐχωρίσθην; Τό τῶν μοναχῶν περιβέβλημαι σχῆμα καί ὡς κοσμικός ἀγαπῶ τά ἐν κόσμῳ, δόξαν, πλοῦτόν τε καί ἡδονάς καί τέρψεις. Ἐπί τῶν ὤμων τόν σταυρόν Χριστοῦ φέρω καί ὑποφέρειν τά τοῦ σταυροῦ ὀνείδη ὅλως ἀπαναίνομαι, ὅλως οὐ θέλω, ἀλλά ἐνδόξοις ἐμαυτόν παρενείρω καί σύν ἐκείνοις τό δοξάζεσθαι θέλω. Ὤ τῆς συμφορᾶς, ὤ τῆς ἀναισθησίας! ∆ιπλῆς ὑπάρχω ἄξιος κατάδίκης˙ πταίσας γάρ πολλά πρότερον ἐν τῷ βίῳ (200) ἐπηγγειλάμην καλῶς μετανοῆσαι˙ νῦν ἐφάνην δέ παραβάτης ἀγνώμων πάντων τῶν καλῶν, ὧν μοι Θεός παρέσχε, καί τῶν συνθηκῶν ἀρνητής ἀπεδείχθην καί ἀνάξιος πάσης φιλανθρωπίας. Ἀλλ᾿ ὦ Θεέ μου, ὦ πανοικτίρμον μόνε, σπεῦσον, πρόφθασον, ἐπίστρεψόν με πάλιν πρός μετάνοιαν, πρός δάκρυα, πρός πένθος, ἵνα λούσωμαι καί καθαρθῶ καί ἴδω λάμψασαν τρανῶς ἐν ἐμοί τήν σήν δόξαν, ἥν μοι χάρισαι νῦν καί εἰς τούς αἰῶνας δοξάζοντί σε φωναῖς ἀκαταπαύστοις, τόν τῶν εἰώνων Ποιητήν καί ∆εσπότην.

ΚΕ'.

Περί τῆς γενομένης θεωρίας αὐτῷ τοῦ θείου φωτρός, καί ὅπως τό θεῖον φῶς οὐ καταλαμβάνεται ὑπό σκότους˙ ἐν οἷς καί διά τήν ὑπερβολήν τῶν ἀποκαλύψεων ἐκπληττόμενος μέμνηται τῆς ἀνθρωπίνης ἀσθενείας καί ἑαυτόν κατακρίνει. (201)

Πῶς διαγράψω, ∆έσποτα, προσώπου σου τήν θέαν, πῶς εἴπω τήν ἀνέκφραστον θεωρίαν τοῦ κάλλους; Πῶς ὅν ὁ κόσμος οὐ χωρεῖ, γλώσσης φθογγή χωρήσει, πῶς τις ἐκφράσαι δυνηθῇ τήν σήν φιαλνθρωπίαν; Καθήμενος γάρ ἐν φωτί λαμπάδος μοι φαινούσης