134

My shame will be worse than any punishment. For who, taking these things into mind—my licentiousness, my profligacy, my profane embraces, my shameful deeds, by which I am even now defiled—having seen them, will not be astounded? having seen them, will not shudder at all? having seen them, will not cry out, and immediately turn away his gaze and say: 'Take away, Master, this utterly profane man'? Command the hands and feet of this wretched one to be bound and to be cast into the gloomy fire with haste, (206) lest he be seen by us, your genuine servants. Truly worthily, Master, truly justly will they all utter this, and you yourself will do it, and I shall be cast into the fire, the prodigal and fornicator. But, O you who came down to save the prodigal and the fornicators, do not put me to shame, Christ, on the day of judgment, when you will set your sheep at your right hand and me and the goats at your left, but let the immaculate light, the light of your countenance, cover my works and the nakedness of my soul and adorn me brightly, so that with confidence I may unashamedly be numbered among the sheep on the right and with them I may glorify you unto the ages of ages. Amen.

26.

That he who lives still in ignorance of God is dead in the midst of those living in the knowledge of God, and that for those who partake of the mysteries unworthily, the divine body and blood of Christ become intangible. (207)

Now among the living as dead, O Master, I exist, and among the dead as living I am, wretched beyond all people on the earth, whom you created, my God. For my being dead among those who live according to you proves me in every way worse than those not created, while to live the irrational life among the dead like the beasts of those who do not know you as God is truly similar. For how is it not similar, and how is it not equal? Even if I seem to know you, even if I seem to believe, even if I seem to praise you and call upon you, for my mouth speaks words which I was taught,

134

χεῖρον πάσης κολάσεως ἡ ἐντροπή μου ἔσται. Τίς γάρ τάς ἀσελγείας μου, τίς δέ τάς ἀσωτίας, τίς τούς βέβηλους ἀσπασμούς, τίς τάς αἰσχράς μου πράξεις, ἐν αἷς καί νῦν μολύνομαι, ταύτας ἐν νῷ λαμβάνων, ἰδών οὐκ ἐκπλαγήσεται, ἰδών ὅλως οὐ φρίξει, ἰδών οὐ κράξει, καί εὐθύς ἀποστραφῇ τάς ὄψεις καί˙ Ἆρον, εἴπῃ, ∆έσποτα, τόν παμβέβηλον τοῦτον; Χεῖρας δεθῆναι πρόσταξον καί πόδας τοῦ ἀθλίου καί ἐμβληθῆναι εἰς τό πῦρ τό ζοφῶδες ἐν τάχει, (206) μή καθορᾶται παρ᾿ ἡμῶν τῶν σῶν γνησίων δούλων. Ὄντως ἀξίως, ∆έσποτα, ὄντως δικαίως τοῦτο κἀκεῖνοι πάντες φθέγξονται καί σύ αὐτός ποιήσεις, καί εἰς τό πῦρ βληθήσομαι, ὁ ἄσωτος καί πόρνος. Ἀλλ᾿, ὁ ἀσώτους κατελθών καί πόρνους σύ τοῦ σῶσαι, μή καταισχύνῃς με, Χριστέ, ἐν ἡμέρᾳ τῆς δίκης, ὅτε τά πρόβατα τά σά ἐκ δεξιῶν σου στήσεις κἀμέ καί τά ἐρίφια ἐκ τῶν ἀριστερῶν σου, ἀλλά τό φῶς τό ἄχραντον, τό φῶς τοῦ σοῦ προσώπου τά ἔργα καλυψάτω μου καί γύμνωσιν ψυχῆς μου καί στολισάτω με φαιδρῶς, ἵνα ἐν παρρησίᾳ ἀνεπαισχύντως δεξιοῖς καταλεγῶ προβάτοις καί σύν αὐτοῖς δοξάσω σε εἰς αἰῶνας αἰώνων. Ἀμήν.

ΚΣΤ'.

Ὅτι ὁ ἐν ἀγνωσίᾳ Θεοῦ ἔτι ζῶν νεκρός ἐστι μέσον τῶν ζώντων ἐν γνώσει Θεοῦ καί ὅτι τοῖς ἀναξίως τῶν μυστηρίων μεταλαμβάνουσιν ἄληπτον τό θεῖον σῶμα καί αἷμα τοῦ Χριστοῦ γίνεται. (207)

Νῦν ἐν τοῖς ζῶσιν ὡς νεκρός, ὦ ∆έσποτα, ὑπάρχω καί ἐν νεκροῖς ὡς ζῶν εἰμι, ἄθλιος ὑπέρ πάντας ἀνθρώπους τούς ἐπί τῆς γῆς, οὕς ἔκτισας, Θεέ μου. Τό γάρ νεκρόν ὑπάρχειν με ἐν τοῖς κατά σε ζῶσι τῶν μή κτισθέντων χείρω με ἀποδείκνυσι πάντως, τό δ᾿ ἐν νεκροῖς τήν ἄλογον ζωήν ζῆν ὡς τά κτήνη τῶν μή εἰδότων σε Θεόν ὅμοιον ὄντως πέλει. Πῶς γάρ οὐκ ἔστιν ὅμοιον, πῶς δέ οὐκ ἔστιν ἶσον; Εἰ καί δοκῶ εἰδέναι σε, εἰ καί δοκῶ πιστεύειν, εἰ καί δοκῶ σε ἀνυμνεῖν καί σέ ἐπικαλεῖσθαι καί γάρ λαλεῖ τό στόμα μου λόγους, οὕς ἐδιδάχθην,