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and to squeeze out preconceptions. Help me, I fall down before you, and do not abandon me, nor for long allow me to be ridiculed and mocked by the enemy, your servant from this moment, O Good One”.
Therefore, he ought to reason and to will these things within himself throughout the whole day, he who has just fled the world and is eager to repent, brothers, he who wishes to learn this art of arts of the life of struggle and asceticism, and for this reason has entered the stadium of its contest. Wherefore also (389) I will make my exhortation to such a one, if he perhaps stands in our midst and thirsts to hear the more laborious things from us and hastens to begin the work of true repentance.
In addition to what has been said, beloved, do not partake of food until evening. In the evening, entering into your cell, sit on your bed and having considered all the things that have been said within yourself, give thanks first that you were deemed worthy to reach the end of the day and the beginning of the night. Then, consider yourself and remember how many things you have sinned against God who made you and how many years He has been long-suffering with you, allowing you to live and granting you all things for the enjoyment of the body, I mean food and drink, clothing and shelter, and even this very cell to sit in, and He was not angry, He did not turn away from you because of your sins, nor did He deliver you over to death or to demons to destroy you. Having therefore remembered all these things well, arise and place the mat upon the ground and a small stone for a pillow, prepare the bed on which you are about to recline.
And listen! I suggest to you also another way of truly fervent repentance, one that will quickly become for you a source of tears and compunction, and especially if you are someone with a heart of stone and slow to mourning and without compunction. But let not what I am about to advise you appear paradoxical and unusual to the faithful without examination.
For he who has kept himself unstained for God after baptism and has preserved the image undefiled for Him who made and formed him, will need nothing else (390) of the things being set forth for his recall, being in God. But he who after this has defiled himself with unseemly and lawless deeds and has prodigally made the temple of his body, I mean the house of God, a house of pleasures and passions and demons, not only needs the manner of repentance that I am about to tell and advise you, but also many other methods and devices of repentance in order to propitiate God and to recall to himself the divine dignity which he lost through his sinful life. And may the discourse "On Repentance" of the Ladder of John, the divine father, containing many such things, persuade you.
But what is the way of repentance which, giving fatherly counsel, I suggest to you, hear without scandal and with understanding, brother. So then after you have prepared, as has been said, the mat for the bed on which you are about to recline, stand for prayer as one condemned. First say the Trisagion, then say the Our Father; and saying this, remember who you are and what sort of Father you are calling upon. But when you come to say 'Lord, have mercy' and wish to stretch out your hands to the height of heaven, looking up to it with your perceptible eyes, and paying attention to your hands, and gathering yourself together in your mind, remember your wicked deeds, and how much you have sinned through them, and what sort of deeds, perhaps shameful ones, you have ever touched through them, and be afraid, saying within yourself: “Woe to me, the unclean and defiled! Lest God, seeing me shamelessly stretching out my hands before Him, remember my iniquities, which I have done through them, and send down fire upon me and destroy me”. Turning them then behind your back (391) and binding them, as one being led to death, groaning from the depth of your soul, say with a pitiful
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καί ἐκθλίβειν προλήψεις. Βοήθησόν μοι, προσπίπτω σοι, καί μή ἐγκαταλίπῃς με, μηδέ ἐπί πολύ καταγελᾶσθαί με ἐάσῃς καί καταπαίζεσθαι ὑπό τοῦ ἐχθροῦ, τόν ἀπό τοῦ παρόντος δοῦλον σόν, ἀγαθέ".
Ταῦτα τοίνυν δι᾿ ὅλης τῆς ἡμέρας διαλογίζεσθαι καί βούλεσθαι ὀφείλει ἐν ἑαυτῷ ὁ ἄρτι τόν κόσμον ἀποφυγών καί μετανοῆσαι προθυμηθείς, ἀδελφοί, ὁ μαθεῖν βουληθείς τήν τέχνην ταύτην τῶν τεχνῶν τῆς ἐναγωνίου ζωῆς καί ἀσκήσεως, καί διά τοῦτο πρός τό στάδιον τῆς ἀθλήσεως αὐτῆς εἰσελθών. ∆ιό καί (389) πρός τοιοῦτον ποιήσομαι τήν παραίνεσιν, εἴπου καί μέσον ἡμῶν ἕστηκε καί τά ἐπιπονώτερα παρ᾿ ἡμῶν ἀκοῦσαι διψᾷ καί τοῦ ἔργου ἐπείγεται τῆς ἀληθινῆς μετανοίας ἀπάρξασθαι.
Πρός γοῦν τοῖς εἰρημένοις, ἀγαπητέ, μηδέ τροφῆς μεταλάβῃς ἕως ἑσπέρας. Ἑσπέρας δέ εἰσελθών ἐν τῷ κελλίῳ, κάθισον ἐπί τῆς κλίνης σου καί ἅπαντα τά εἰρημένα ἐν σεαυτῷ ἀναλογισάμενος εὐχαρίστησον ἐν πρώτοις ὅτι φθάσαι κατηξιώθης τό τέλος τῆς ἡμέρας καί τήν ἀρχήν τῆς νυκτός. Εἶτα κατανόησον σεαυτόν καί ἐνθυμήθητι ὅσα ἥμαρτες τῷ ποιήσαντί σε Θεῷ καί πόσα ἔτη ἐμακροθύμησεν ἐπί σοί, ἐάσας σε ζῆν καί χαρισάμενός σοι ἅπαντα τά πρός ἀπόλαυσιν τοῦ σώματος, τροφήν λέγω καί πόσιν, ἐνδύματα καί σκεπάσματα καί αὐτήν τήν κέλλαν καθίσαι, καί οὐκ ὠργίσθη, οὐκ ἀπεστράφη σε διά τάς ἁμαρτίας σου, οὐδέ τῷ θανάτῳ ἤ τοῖς δαίμοσιν παραδέδωκε τοῦ ὀλέσαι σε. Τούτων οὖν ἁπάντων ἀναμνημονεύσας καλῶς, ἀνάστα καί τό ψιάθιον θείς ἐπί γῆς καί μικρόν τινα λίθον εἰς προσκεφάλαιον, προευτρέπισον τήν κοίτην ἐν ᾗ μέλλεις ἀνακλιθῆναι.
Καί ἄκουσον! Ὑποτίθητί σοι καί ἕτερον τρόπον θερμῆς ὡς ἀληθῶς μετανοίας, πρόξενόν σοι γενόμενον διά τάχους δακρύων καί κατανύξεως, καί μάλιστα εἰ λιθώδης τις εἶ τῇ καρδίᾳ καί πρός πένθος βραδύς καί ἀκατάνυκτος. Ἀλλά μή παράδοξόν σοι καί ἀσύνηθες τοῖς πσιτοῖς, ὅ μέλλω σοι συμβουλεύσασθαι, ἀβασανίστως καταφανῇ.
Ὁ μέν γάρ ἑαυτόν φυλάξας μετά τό βάπτισμα ἄσπιλον τῷ Θεῷ καί τό κατ᾿ εἰκόνα διατηρήσας τῷ ποιήσαντι καί πλάσαντι ἄχραντον, οὐδενός ἑτέρου (390) πρός ἀνάκλησιν ἐπιδεηθῇ τῶν ἱσταμένων, τυγχάνων ἐν τῷ Θεῷ. Ὁ δέ μολύνας ἑαυτόν μετά τοῦτο πράξεσιν ἀτόποις καί ἀνομίαις καί τόν ναόν τοῦ σώματος αὐτοῦ, τόν οἶκόν φημι τοῦ Θεοῦ, οἶκον ἡδονῶν καί παθῶν καί δαιμόνων ἀσώτως ἀπεργασάμενος, οὐ μόνον οὗ μέλλω εἰπεῖν σοι καί συμβουλεύσασθαι τρόπου πρός μετάνοιαν χρῄζει, ἀλλά καί ἑτέρων μεθόδων πολλῶν καί ἐπινοῶν μετανοίας εἰς τό ἐξιλεώσασθαι τόν Θεόν καί ἀνακαλέσασθαι πρός ἑαυτόν, ὅπερ διά τῆς ἐφαμάρτου ζωῆς ἀπώλεσε, θεῖον ἀξίωμα. Καί πειθέτω σε τοιαῦτα πολλά περιέχων ὁ "Περί μετανοίας" λόγος τῆς Κλίμακος Ἰωάννου, τοῦ θείου πατρός.
Τίς δέ ἐστιν ὁ τρόπος, ὅν σοι πατρικῶς συμβουλεύων ὑποτίθημι, τῆς μετανοίας, ἄκουσον ἀσκανδαλίστως καί συνετῶς, ἀδελφέ. Μετά γοῦν τό προευτρεπίσαι, ὥσπερ εἴρηται, τό τῆς κοίτης ψιάθιον ἐν ᾗ μέλλεις ἀνακλιθῆναι, στῆθι εἰς προσευχήν ὡς κατάκριτος. Ποίησον ἐν πρώτοις Τρισάγιον, εἶτα εἶπον τό Πάτερ ἡμῶν· καί τοῦτο λέγων μνήσθητι τίς ὤν ὁποῖον καί τίνα πατέρα καλεῖς. Ὅτε δέ εἰπεῖν ἔλθῃς τό Κύριε ἐλέησον καί ἐκτεῖναι θελήσῃς τάς χεῖράς σου εἰς τό ὕψος τοῦ οὐρανοῦ, πρός αὐτόν ἐμβλέψας τοῖς αἰσθητοῖς ὀφθαλμοῖς καί προσχών αὐταῖς καί τῇ διανοίᾳ ἑαυτόν ἐπισυνάξας, μνήσθητι τῶν φαύλων σου ἔργων, καί ὅσα ἥμαρτες δι΄ αὐτῶν καί ὁποίων ποτέ ἥψω ἔργων ἴσως αἰσχρῶν δι᾿ αὐτῶν, καί φοβήθητι λέγων ἐν σεαυτῷ· "Οὐαί μοι τῷ ἀκαθάρτῳ καί μιαρῷ! Μήποτε ἰδών με ὁ Θεός τάς χεῖράς μου ἁπλοῦντα ἀναιδῶς ἔμπροσθεν αὐτοῦ μνησθῇ μου τῶν ἀνομιῶν, ὧν ἔπραξα δι᾿ αὐτῶν, καί πῦρ ἐκπέμψει κατ᾿ ἐμοῦ καί ἐκλείξει με". Στρέψας οὖν αὐτάς εἰς τά ὀπίσω (391) καί συνδήσας, ὡς ἐπί θάνατον ἀγόμενος, ἐκ βάθους στενάξας ψυχῆς εἶπον ἐλεεινῇ τῇ