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until I am not even able to move my tongue for (387) conversation, and I will afflict my stomach with hunger and thirst, and my untamed tongue will certainly be tamed, but indeed, along with these things, I will also come into gloom and paleness and grief and I will be freed from the haughtiness of my thoughts and along with these things I will easily cease from being puffed up and playing and laughing. I will put on cheap things and give the precious things to the poor, along with them I will also scatter whatever gold I possess into the hands of the needy; for what is it to me to be anxious about these things from now on, if I shall consecrate my whole self to the one who nourishes all things? I will renounce riding horses and mules, I will deny all relatives and friends and acquaintances; for he who loves anyone more than God is not worthy of him, as he himself says. I will not touch a bath, I will not get into my bed of sheets, but I will eagerly give myself over to sleeping on the ground and a hard bed, so that I may sleep a little, even unwillingly, being distressed by the harshness. For what if I should even die? Am I worthy to live?

"For doing so, rising at midnight, I will fall down and weep in the affliction of my sinful soul and with groans and tears I would say to God: Master, Lord of heaven and earth, I know that I have sinned more than every nature of men and even the irrational animals and reptiles before you, my awesome and unapproachable God, and I am not worthy to receive mercy from you ever at all. For because of this I did not dare to approach or fall before you, O philanthropic king, had I not heard your holy voice saying: (388) "I have no pleasure in the death of the sinner, but that he should turn and live," and again that "there is joy in heaven over one sinner who repents." But indeed, remembering also the parable about the prodigal son which you spoke, Master, how when he was coming, before he got near you, you, the compassionate one, ran and fell on his neck and kissed him, taking courage in the sea of your goodness, I have come to you in pain and grief and gloom of my heart, being hardened and terribly wounded and lying grievously on the brink of hades because of my iniquities. Nevertheless, from now on I give you my word, Lord, that as long as you command me to be in this life and in this body, I will not forsake you, nor will I turn back, no longer will I touch vain and evil things. But you, my God, you know my weakness, my misery, my faint-heartedness and the preconceptions that are going to tyrannize and afflict me. Help me, I fall down before you, and do not abandon me, nor allow me to be long mocked and scorned by the enemy, me who from the present am your servant, O good one."

These things, therefore, throughout the whole day, he ought to reason and to will within himself, he who has just fled the world and is eager to repent, brothers, he who has wished to learn this art of arts of the life of struggle and ascetic practice, and for this reason has entered the stadium of its contest. Therefore (389) I will make my exhortation to such a one, if indeed he stands in our midst and thirsts to hear the more laborious things from us and is eager to begin the work of true repentance.

In addition to what has been said, beloved, do not partake of food until evening. And in the evening, having entered your cell, sit upon your bed and having considered all the things that have been said within yourself, give thanks first that you were deemed worthy to reach the end of the day and the beginning of the night. Then consider yourself and remember how much you have sinned against God who made you and how many years he has been long-suffering with you, allowing you to live and granting you all things for the enjoyment of the body, I mean food and drink, clothing and shelter and

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ἕως οὗ μηδέ τήν γλῶσσαν πρός (387) συντυχίαν κινῆσαί με δύνασθαι, θλίψω δέ τήν γαστέρα ἐν πείνῃ καί δίψῃ, καί δαμασθήσεται πάντως ἡ ἀδάμαστος γλῶσσα μου, ἀλλά μήν καί εἰς στυγνότητα καί ὠχρότητα καί λύπην ἅμα τούτοις ἐλεύσομαι καί τοῦ γαυριάματος τῶν λογισμῶν ἐλευθερωθήσομαι καί τοῦ μετεωρίζεσθαι καί παίζειν καί γελᾶν σύν τούτοις εὐκόλως παύσομαι. Περιβαλοῦμαι εὐτελῆ καί τά πολύτιμα δώσω τοῖς πένησι, σκορπίσω σύν αὐτοῖς καί ὅσον χρυσίον κέκτημαι εἰς χεῖρας τῶν δεομένων· τί γάρ μοι καί τό μεριμνᾶν περί τούτων ἀπό τοῦ νῦν, εἰ τῷ τά πάντα τρέφοντι ὅλον ἐμαυτόν ἀναθήσομαι; Ἵππους ἐπιβαίνειν καί ἡμιόνους ἀποτάξομαι, τούς συγγενεῖς καί φίλους καί συνήθεις ἅπαντας ἀρνήσομαι· ὁ γάρ πλέον τοῦ Θεοῦ πάντως τινά ἀγαπῶν οὐκ ἔστιν αὐτοῦ ἐκείνου, ὡς αὐτός λέγει, ἄξιος. Λοετροῦ οὐχ ἅψομαι, ἐπί κλίνης στρωμνῆς μου οὐκ ἀναβήσομαι, ἀλλά χαμευνίᾳ καί ξηροκοιτίᾳ ἐμαυτόν προθύμως ἐκδῶ, ἵνα ὀλίγον ὑπνώσω καί μή βουλόμενος, ὑπό τῆς ξηρασίας στενοχωρούμενος. Τί γάρ, ἐάν καί ἀποθάνοιμι, ἆρα δέ ζῆν εἰμι ἄξιος;

"Οὕτω γάρ ποιῶν, ἐγειρόμενος μεσονύκτιον, προσπέσω καί κλαύσω ἐν θλίψει τῆς ἁμαρτησάσης ψυχῆς μου καί πρός τόν Θεόν ἐν στεναγμοῖς καί δάκρυσιν εἴποιμι· ∆έσποτα, Κύριε τοῦ οὐρανοῦ καί τῆς γῆς, οἶδα ὅτι ἥμαρτον ὑπέρ πᾶσαν φύσιν ἀνθρώπων καί αὐτῶν τῶν ἀλόγων ζῴων καί ἑρπετῶν ἐνώπιόν σου, τοῦ φοβεροῦ καί ἀπροσίτου Θεοῦ μου, καί οὐκ εἰμί ἄξιος ἐλέους τυχεῖν ὅλως ποτέ παρά σοῦ. ∆ιά γάρ τοῦτο οὐδέ ἐτόλμων προσελθεῖν ἤ προσπεσεῖν σοι, φιλάνθρωπε βασιλεῦ, εἰ μή ἤκουσα τῆς ἁγίας φωνῆς σου λεγούσης· (388) "Οὐ θελήσει θέλω τόν θάνατον τοῦ ἁμαρτωλοῦ, ὡς τό ἐπιστρέψαι καί ζῆν αὐτόν", καί πάλιν ὅτι "χαρά γίνεται ἐν τῷ οὐρανῷ ἐπί ἑνί ἁμαρτωλῷ μετανοοῦντι". Ἀλλά γάρ μνησθείς καί τῆς περί τοῦ ἀσώτου υἱοῦ παραβολῆς ἥνπερ εἴρηκας, ∆έσποτα, ὅπως ἐρχομένου αὐτοῦ, πρό τοῦ πλησίον σου γενέσθαι αὐτόν, σύ ὁ εὔσπλαχνος προσελθών ἐπέπεσας τῷ τραχήλῳ αὐτοῦ καί κατεφίλησας αὐτόν , θαρρήσας εἰς τό πέλαγος τῆς σῆς ἀγαθότητος προσῆλθόν σοι ἐν ὀδύνῃ καί λύπῃ καί στυγνότητι τῆς καρδίας μου, πεπωρωμένος ὤν καί τετραυματισμένος δεινῶς καί εἰς πέταυρον ᾅδου τῶν ἐμῶν ἀνομιῶν χαλεπῶς κείμενος. Πλήν ἀπό τοῦ νῦν λόγον σοι δίδωμι, Κύριε, ὅτι ἕως κελεύσεις εἶναί με ἐν τῷ βίῳ καί τούτῳ τῷ σώματι, οὐκ ἐγκαταλείψω σε, οὐδέ εἰς τά ὀπίσω στραφήσομαι, οὐκέτι ἅψομαι τῶν ματαίων καί πονηρῶν. Σύ δέ, ὁ Θεός μου, ἐπιγινώσκεις μου τήν ἀσθένειαν, τήν ταλαιπωρίαν, τήν ὀλιγοψυχίαν μου καί τάς μελλούσας με τυραννεῖν καί ἐκθλίβειν προλήψεις. Βοήθησόν μοι, προσπίπτω σοι, καί μή ἐγκαταλίπῃς με, μηδέ ἐπί πολύ καταγελᾶσθαί με ἐάσῃς καί καταπαίζεσθαι ὑπό τοῦ ἐχθροῦ, τόν ἀπό τοῦ παρόντος δοῦλον σόν, ἀγαθέ".

Ταῦτα τοίνυν δι᾿ ὅλης τῆς ἡμέρας διαλογίζεσθαι καί βούλεσθαι ὀφείλει ἐν ἑαυτῷ ὁ ἄρτι τόν κόσμον ἀποφυγών καί μετανοῆσαι προθυμηθείς, ἀδελφοί, ὁ μαθεῖν βουληθείς τήν τέχνην ταύτην τῶν τεχνῶν τῆς ἐναγωνίου ζωῆς καί ἀσκήσεως, καί διά τοῦτο πρός τό στάδιον τῆς ἀθλήσεως αὐτῆς εἰσελθών. ∆ιό καί (389) πρός τοιοῦτον ποιήσομαι τήν παραίνεσιν, εἴπου καί μέσον ἡμῶν ἕστηκε καί τά ἐπιπονώτερα παρ᾿ ἡμῶν ἀκοῦσαι διψᾷ καί τοῦ ἔργου ἐπείγεται τῆς ἀληθινῆς μετανοίας ἀπάρξασθαι.

Πρός γοῦν τοῖς εἰρημένοις, ἀγαπητέ, μηδέ τροφῆς μεταλάβῃς ἕως ἑσπέρας. Ἑσπέρας δέ εἰσελθών ἐν τῷ κελλίῳ, κάθισον ἐπί τῆς κλίνης σου καί ἅπαντα τά εἰρημένα ἐν σεαυτῷ ἀναλογισάμενος εὐχαρίστησον ἐν πρώτοις ὅτι φθάσαι κατηξιώθης τό τέλος τῆς ἡμέρας καί τήν ἀρχήν τῆς νυκτός. Εἶτα κατανόησον σεαυτόν καί ἐνθυμήθητι ὅσα ἥμαρτες τῷ ποιήσαντί σε Θεῷ καί πόσα ἔτη ἐμακροθύμησεν ἐπί σοί, ἐάσας σε ζῆν καί χαρισάμενός σοι ἅπαντα τά πρός ἀπόλαυσιν τοῦ σώματος, τροφήν λέγω καί πόσιν, ἐνδύματα καί σκεπάσματα καί