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149

When you awaken, do not turn to the other side, but immediately rising, pray again in the aforementioned manner and sleep no more, but persevere in prayer and (392) reading, until the wood is struck, and then with everyone go to the gathering and stand in the church, as with angels in heaven, trembling, considering yourself unworthy even of standing there with the brethren. And while standing, pay attention to yourself, not to look here and there and be curious about the brethren, how each one stands or how he chants, but pay attention only to yourself and to the psalmody and to your sins. Remember also the prayer in the cell, do not engage at all in any idle talk in the assembly, do not leave from there before the final prayer. If possible, do not even sit for the reading, but withdraw to a hidden place and stand listening, as if the God over all Himself is speaking to you through the reader. But if you yourself are urged to read, be so disposed, as one who is unworthy to relate through your mouth the God-inspired Scriptures to your brethren, and having finished the divine reading and being about to make the customary prostration to both choirs, do not do so contemptuously nor lazily, but considering them all as sons of God and saints, fall down and bringing your head near the ground, say mystically in your heart to all of them: "Pray and forgive me, the sinner and unworthy of heaven and earth, O saints of God." And if you are ordered to lead the chant, do not do this lazily or listlessly, but with understanding and sobriety, as if distributing the divine words to the brethren through your voice as by hand in the presence of the King over all, Christ, and be afraid lest you contemptuously fail (393) to give to someone the life-giving bread, that is, the word of God, as has been said, and you be cast out as a scorner, I do not mean outside this church, but outside the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, upon leaving after the dismissal, remember how you passed yesterday and, if you erred in anything, correct it today.

Therefore, if you persist in doing these things, the Lord will not delay in showing His mercy to you, I am the guarantor of the compassionate One, I, of the Lover of mankind, though it is bold to say, submit myself as surety! I will die, if He overlooks you. In your place I will be handed over to the eternal fire, if He abandons you. Only do not do these things with a doubting heart, nor with a double-mindedness!

And what is it to be with doubt and double-mindedness? Pay attention, beloved! Doubt of heart is to reckon or to consider at all within yourself, "Will God have mercy on me or not?" This "not" is of unbelief. But if you do not believe that He wishes to have mercy on you even more than you expect, why do you even approach Him to ask? And double-mindedness is not to give oneself over completely to death for the sake of the kingdom of heaven, but to be anxious at all for the life of his flesh. Know well, one who repents with toil ought to guard against this alone: that he not kill himself by some device and become a suicide, for instance either by throwing himself from a cliff or by using a noose or by committing some other contrary act. But of the other things, by which the body is accustomed to be nourished and to live, let him have no care, according to the saying: "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, (394) and all these things, that is, what is necessary for the need of your body, will be added to you." For one who has a life of struggle and lives according to the Gospel is able to be nourished each day with only bread and water and to live, and he is in better health than those who enjoy more delicate tables. For this reason Paul, knowing, said and always says: "Having food and clothing, with these we shall be content," and again: "that we, having the sentence of death in ourselves, should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead."

149

Ὅτε δέ ἔξυπνος γένῃ, μή στραφῇς ἐπί τό ἕτερον μέρος, ἀλλ᾿ εὐθύς ἀναστάς πάλιν εὖξαι τῷ προειρημένῳ τρόπῳ καί μηκέτι ὑπνώσῃς, ἀλλά εὐχῇ καί (392) ἀναγνώσει καρτέρησον, ἕως οὗ τό ξύλον κρούσει, καί τότε μετά πάντων εἰς τήν σύναξιν ἄπελθε καί στῆθι ἐν τῷ ναῷ, ὡς μετά ἀγγέλων ἐν τῷ οὐρανῷ, σύντρομος, ἀνάξιον ἑαυτόν ἡγούμενος καί τῆς ἐκεῖσε μετά τῶν ἀδελφῶν παραστάσεως. Ἱστάμενος δέ πρόσεχε σεαυτῷ, τοῦ μή βλέπειν ὧδε κἀκεῖσε καί περιεργάζεσθαι τούς ἀδελφούς, πῶς ἕκαστος ἵσταται ἤ πῶς ψάλλει, ἀλλά σεαυτῷ μόνῳ καί τῇ ψαλμωδίᾳ καί ταῖς ἁμαρτίαις σου πρόσεχε. Μιμνήσκου δέ καί τῆς ἐν τῷ κελλίῳ εὐχῆς, μή συντύχῃς ὅλως ἐν τῇ συνάξει τινί λόγον ἀργόν, μή ἐξέλθῃς ἐκεῖθεν πρό τῆς ἐσχάτης εὐχῆς. Εἰ δυνατόν, μηδέ εἰς ἀνάγνωσιν καθίσῃς, ἀλλ᾿ ἐν τόπῳ κρυπτῷ ὑποχώρει καί ἵστασο ἀκούων, ὡς ἐκείνου αὐτοῦ σοι λαλοῦντος διά τοῦ ἀναγνώστου, τοῦ ἐπί πάντων Θεοῦ. Εἰ δέ καί αὐτός προτραπῇς εἰς ἀνάγνωσιν, ὡς ἀνάξιος ὤν τοῦ ἐκδιηγεῖσθαι διά τοῦ στόματός σου τάς θεοπνεύστους τοῖς ἀδελφοῖς σου Γραφάς, οὔτω διάκεισο, καί τελειώσας τήν θείαν ἀνάγνωσιν καί τήν συνήθη μέλλων εἰς ἀμφοτέρους τούς χορούς βαλεῖν μετάνοιαν, μή καταφρονητικῶς μηδέ ῥᾳθύμως, ἀλλ᾿ ὡς υἱούς Θεοῦ καί ἁγίους ἅπαντας λογιζόμενος, προσπεσών καί τῷ ἐδάφει προσεγγίσας τήν κεφαλήν σου, λέγε μυστικῶς ἐν τῇ καρδίᾳ σου πρός πάντας αὐτούς· "Εὔξασθε καί συγχωρήσατέ μοι, τῷ ἁμαρτωλῷ καί ἀναξίῳ τοῦ οὐρανοῦ καί τῆς γῆς, ἅγιοι τοῦ Θεοῦ". Ἐάν δέ καί κανοναρχῆσαι προσταχθῇς, μή ῥαθύμως μηδέ ἐκλυομένως τοῦτο ποιῇς, ἀλλά νουνεχῶς καί νηφόντως ὡς ἐνώπιον τοῦ ἐπί πάντων βασιλέως Χριστοῦ τά θεῖα λόγια διά τῆς σῆς φωνῆς ὡς διά χειρός τοῖς ἀδελφοῖς διανέμων, καί φοβοῦ μή τινι καταφρονητικῶς παραλείψῃς (393) δοῦναι τόν ζωοποιόν ἄρτον ἤτοι τόν λόγον, ὡς εἴρηται, τοῦ Θεοῦ καί ἐκβληθήσῃ ἔξω ὡς καταφρονητής, οὐ λέγω σοι ταύτης ἔξω τῆς ἐκκλησίας, ἀλλά τῆς βασιλείας τῶν οὐρανῶν. Ἐξελθών οὖν μετά τήν ἀπόλυσιν, μνήσθητι ὅπως τήν χθές ἡμέραν διηνύσας καί, εἰ ἐσφάλης ἔν τινι, διόρθωσαι σήμερον.

Ταῦτα τοιγαροῦν εἰ ἐμμείνῃς ποιῶν, οὐ βραδύνει Κύριος τοῦ ποιῆσαι ἔλεος αὐτοῦ μετά σοῦ, ἐγώ τοῦ εὐσπλάχνου ἐγγυητής, ἐγώ τοῦ φιλανθρώπου, εἰ καί τολμηρόν εἰπεῖν, ἐμαυτόν ὑποτίθημι ἀντιφωνητήν! Ἀποθανοῦμαι ἐγώ, ἐάν ὑπερίδῃ σε. Ἀντί σοῦ τῷ πυρί τῷ αἰωνίῳ παραδοθήσομαι, ἐάν ἐγκαταλείψῃ σε. Μόνον μή ἐν δισταγμῷ καρδίας, μηδέ ἐν διψυχίᾳ ταῦτα ποιῇς!

Τί δέ ἐστι τό ἐν δισταγμῷ καί διψυχίᾳ; Πρόσεχε, ἀγαπητέ! ∆ισταγμός καρδίας ἐστί τό λογίζεσθαι ἤ ὅλως ἐνθυμεῖσθαι ἐν ἑαυτῷ ὅτι "Ἤ ἐλεήσει με ὁ Θεός ἤ οὔ;". Τό "οὔ" τοῦτο ἀπιστίας ἐστίν. Εἰ δέ μή πιστεύεις ὅτι ἐλεῆσαί σε θέλει μᾶλλον ἐκεῖνος πλέον ἤ ὅσον προσδοκᾷς σύ, τί καί προσέρχῃ παρακαλῶν αὐτόν; ∆ιψυχία δέ ἐστι τό μή εἰς θάνατον τελείως ἑαυτόν ἐκδοῦναι ὑπέρ τῆς βασιλείας τῶν οὐρανῶν, ἀλλά μεριμνᾶν ὅλως τι εἰς ζωήν τῆς σαρκός αὐτοῦ. Τοῦτο μόνον, εὖ ἴσθι, ὀφείλει φυλάξασθαι ὁ ἐμπόνως μετανοῶν, ἵνα μή ἑαυτόν διά τινος μηχανῆς ἀποκτείνῃ καί αὐτοφονευτής γένηται, οἷον ἤ κρημνῷ ῥίψας ἑαυτόν ἤ ἀγχόνῃ χρησάμενος ἤ ἕτερόν τι ἐναντίον διαπραξάμενος. Τῶν δέ λοιπῶν, δι᾿ ὧν οἶδε τρέφεσθαι τό σῶμα καί ζῆν, μηδεμίαν φροντίδα προείτω κατά τό λόγιον· "Ζητεῖτε πρῶτον τήν βασιλείαν τοῦ Θεοῦ καί τήν δικαιοσύνην αὐτοῦ (394) καί ταῦτα πάντα, τά εἰς χρείαν δηλονότι τοῦ σώματος ὑμῶν ἐπιτήδεια, προστεθήσεται ὑμῖν". ∆ύναται γάρ ὁ ἐναγώνιον ἔχων τόν βίον καί ζῶν κατά τό Εὐαγγέλιον, μετά μόνου ἄρτου καί ὕδατος ἀποτρέφεσθαι καθ᾿ ἑκάστην καί ζῆν, καί μᾶλλον ἐκεῖνος εὐεκτεῖ ἤ οἱ τῶν ἁβροτέρων τραπεζῶν ἀπολαύοντες. ∆ιό τοῦτο καί ὁ Παῦλος εἰδώς ἔλεγε καί ἀεί λέγει· "Ἔχοντες διατροφάς καί σκεπάσματα, τούτοις ἀρκεσθησόμεθα", καί πάλιν· "Ἵνα ἐν ἑαυτοῖς τό ἀπόκριμα τοῦ θανάτου ἔχοντες, μή ὦμεν πεποιθότες ἐφ᾿ ἑαυτοῖς, ἀλλ᾿ ἐπί τῷ Θεῷ τῷ ἐγείροντι τούς νεκρούς".