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153

you have done such and such things?" and so having scourged yourself sufficiently, then bind your hands in front of you and stand with a cheerful soul. And having recited two or three psalms with understanding and made as many prostrations as you perceive you are able, stand again with your mind collected and reflect upon the aforementioned things within yourself, if perhaps God may also grant that tears and compunction come upon you. And if this should happen, do not withdraw until they pass away; but if not, do not be afflicted, but say these things to yourself: "Compunction and tears belong to those who are worthy and have been well-prepared for these things. But how many years have you beseeched God or served Him? Through what works of yours have you prepared yourself for their reception? Is it not enough for you that you are even alive?". Having said these things and given thanks, having sealed your face and breast and your whole body with the sign of the precious cross, lie down, having fallen upon your mat.

But when you awaken, do not turn over to the other side, but immediately rising up again, pray in the aforementioned manner and do not sleep any more, but persevere in prayer and (392) reading, until the wood sounds, and then with everyone else go to the synaxis and stand in the church, as if with angels in heaven, trembling, considering yourself unworthy even of standing there with the brethren. And while standing, pay attention to yourself, not looking here and there and being curious about the brethren, how each one stands or how he chants, but pay attention only to yourself and to the psalmody and to your sins. And remember the prayer in the cell, lest you meet anyone at all in the synaxis with an idle word, do not depart from there before the final prayer. If possible, do not even sit down for the reading, but withdraw to a hidden place and stand listening, as if He Himself, the God over all, were speaking to you through the reader. But if you yourself are also urged to do the reading, be so disposed as one who is unworthy of relating through your mouth the God-inspired Scriptures to your brethren, and having finished the divine reading and being about to make the customary prostration to both choirs, not contemptuously nor slothfully, but considering them all sons of God and saints, falling down and bringing your head near the ground, say mystically in your heart to all of them: "Pray for and forgive me, the sinner and one unworthy of heaven and earth, O saints of God." And if you are commanded to lead the canon, do not do this slothfully nor laxly, but with understanding and vigilance, as if distributing the divine oracles to the brethren with your voice as with your hand in the presence of the king over all, Christ, and be afraid lest you contemptuously omit (393) to give someone the life-giving bread, that is, the word of God, as has been said, and you be cast out as a scorner, not, I say to you, outside this church, but outside the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, going out after the dismissal, remember how you spent yesterday and, if you erred in anything, correct yourself today.

Therefore, if you persist in doing these things, the Lord will not be slow to show His mercy upon you, I am a guarantor of the merciful One, I of the lover of mankind, if it be bold to say, I offer myself as surety! I will die, if He overlooks you. In your place I will be delivered to the eternal fire, if He forsakes you. Only do not do these things in doubt of heart, nor in double-mindedness!

But what is it to be in doubt and double-mindedness? Pay attention, beloved! Doubt of heart is to reckon or consider at all within oneself, "Will God have mercy on me or not?". This "not" is of unbelief. But if you do not believe that He wants to have mercy on you more than you expect, why do you even approach beseeching Him? And double-mindedness is not to give oneself over completely unto death for the sake of the kingdom of heaven, but

153

τά καί τά πεπεοίηκας;" καί οὕτω μαστίξας σεαυτόν ἱκανῶς, δῆσον τότε τάς χεῖράς σου ἔμπροσθεν καί στῆθι ἐν ἱλαρᾷ τῇ ψυχῇ. Ποιήσας δέ ψαλμούς δύο ἤ τρεῖς νουνεχῶς καί προσκυνήσεις, ὅσας νοήσεις σεαυτόν δύνασθαι, στῆθι πάλιν σύννους καί τά προειρημένα ἀναλογίζου ἐν σεαυτῷ, εἴποτε καί δῴη ὁ Θεός ἐλθεῖν ἐπί σέ δάκρυα καί κατάνυξιν. Καί εἰ μέν τοῦτο γένηται, μή ὑποχωρήσῃς ἕως ἄν παρέλθωσιν· εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, μή θλιβῇς, ἀλλ᾿ εἰπέ ταῦτα πρός ἑαυτόν· "Ἡ κατάνυξις καί τά δάκρυα τῶν ἀξίων καί πρός ταῦτα ηὐπρεπισμένων εἰσί. Σύ δέ πόσα ἔτη παρεκάλεσας τόν Θεόν ἤ ἐδούλευσας αὐτῷ; ∆ιά ποίων σου ἔργων ηὐτρέπισας πρός ὑποδοχήν αὐτῶν σεαυτόν; Οὐκ ἀρκεῖ σοι ὅτι καί ζῇς;". Ταῦτα εἰπών καί εὐχαριστήσας κατασφραγισάμενος πρόσωπόν τε καί στῆθος καί ὅλον τό σῶμά σου τῷ σημείῳ τοῦ τιμίου σταυροῦ, ἐπί τοῦ ψιαθίου σου πεσών ἀνακλίθητι.

Ὅτε δέ ἔξυπνος γένῃ, μή στραφῇς ἐπί τό ἕτερον μέρος, ἀλλ᾿ εὐθύς ἀναστάς πάλιν εὖξαι τῷ προειρημένῳ τρόπῳ καί μηκέτι ὑπνώσῃς, ἀλλά εὐχῇ καί (392) ἀναγνώσει καρτέρησον, ἕως οὗ τό ξύλον κρούσει, καί τότε μετά πάντων εἰς τήν σύναξιν ἄπελθε καί στῆθι ἐν τῷ ναῷ, ὡς μετά ἀγγέλων ἐν τῷ οὐρανῷ, σύντρομος, ἀνάξιον ἑαυτόν ἡγούμενος καί τῆς ἐκεῖσε μετά τῶν ἀδελφῶν παραστάσεως. Ἱστάμενος δέ πρόσεχε σεαυτῷ, τοῦ μή βλέπειν ὧδε κἀκεῖσε καί περιεργάζεσθαι τούς ἀδελφούς, πῶς ἕκαστος ἵσταται ἤ πῶς ψάλλει, ἀλλά σεαυτῷ μόνῳ καί τῇ ψαλμωδίᾳ καί ταῖς ἁμαρτίαις σου πρόσεχε. Μιμνήσκου δέ καί τῆς ἐν τῷ κελλίῳ εὐχῆς, μή συντύχῃς ὅλως ἐν τῇ συνάξει τινί λόγον ἀργόν, μή ἐξέλθῃς ἐκεῖθεν πρό τῆς ἐσχάτης εὐχῆς. Εἰ δυνατόν, μηδέ εἰς ἀνάγνωσιν καθίσῃς, ἀλλ᾿ ἐν τόπῳ κρυπτῷ ὑποχώρει καί ἵστασο ἀκούων, ὡς ἐκείνου αὐτοῦ σοι λαλοῦντος διά τοῦ ἀναγνώστου, τοῦ ἐπί πάντων Θεοῦ. Εἰ δέ καί αὐτός προτραπῇς εἰς ἀνάγνωσιν, ὡς ἀνάξιος ὤν τοῦ ἐκδιηγεῖσθαι διά τοῦ στόματός σου τάς θεοπνεύστους τοῖς ἀδελφοῖς σου Γραφάς, οὔτω διάκεισο, καί τελειώσας τήν θείαν ἀνάγνωσιν καί τήν συνήθη μέλλων εἰς ἀμφοτέρους τούς χορούς βαλεῖν μετάνοιαν, μή καταφρονητικῶς μηδέ ῥᾳθύμως, ἀλλ᾿ ὡς υἱούς Θεοῦ καί ἁγίους ἅπαντας λογιζόμενος, προσπεσών καί τῷ ἐδάφει προσεγγίσας τήν κεφαλήν σου, λέγε μυστικῶς ἐν τῇ καρδίᾳ σου πρός πάντας αὐτούς· "Εὔξασθε καί συγχωρήσατέ μοι, τῷ ἁμαρτωλῷ καί ἀναξίῳ τοῦ οὐρανοῦ καί τῆς γῆς, ἅγιοι τοῦ Θεοῦ". Ἐάν δέ καί κανοναρχῆσαι προσταχθῇς, μή ῥαθύμως μηδέ ἐκλυομένως τοῦτο ποιῇς, ἀλλά νουνεχῶς καί νηφόντως ὡς ἐνώπιον τοῦ ἐπί πάντων βασιλέως Χριστοῦ τά θεῖα λόγια διά τῆς σῆς φωνῆς ὡς διά χειρός τοῖς ἀδελφοῖς διανέμων, καί φοβοῦ μή τινι καταφρονητικῶς παραλείψῃς (393) δοῦναι τόν ζωοποιόν ἄρτον ἤτοι τόν λόγον, ὡς εἴρηται, τοῦ Θεοῦ καί ἐκβληθήσῃ ἔξω ὡς καταφρονητής, οὐ λέγω σοι ταύτης ἔξω τῆς ἐκκλησίας, ἀλλά τῆς βασιλείας τῶν οὐρανῶν. Ἐξελθών οὖν μετά τήν ἀπόλυσιν, μνήσθητι ὅπως τήν χθές ἡμέραν διηνύσας καί, εἰ ἐσφάλης ἔν τινι, διόρθωσαι σήμερον.

Ταῦτα τοιγαροῦν εἰ ἐμμείνῃς ποιῶν, οὐ βραδύνει Κύριος τοῦ ποιῆσαι ἔλεος αὐτοῦ μετά σοῦ, ἐγώ τοῦ εὐσπλάχνου ἐγγυητής, ἐγώ τοῦ φιλανθρώπου, εἰ καί τολμηρόν εἰπεῖν, ἐμαυτόν ὑποτίθημι ἀντιφωνητήν! Ἀποθανοῦμαι ἐγώ, ἐάν ὑπερίδῃ σε. Ἀντί σοῦ τῷ πυρί τῷ αἰωνίῳ παραδοθήσομαι, ἐάν ἐγκαταλείψῃ σε. Μόνον μή ἐν δισταγμῷ καρδίας, μηδέ ἐν διψυχίᾳ ταῦτα ποιῇς!

Τί δέ ἐστι τό ἐν δισταγμῷ καί διψυχίᾳ; Πρόσεχε, ἀγαπητέ! ∆ισταγμός καρδίας ἐστί τό λογίζεσθαι ἤ ὅλως ἐνθυμεῖσθαι ἐν ἑαυτῷ ὅτι "Ἤ ἐλεήσει με ὁ Θεός ἤ οὔ;". Τό "οὔ" τοῦτο ἀπιστίας ἐστίν. Εἰ δέ μή πιστεύεις ὅτι ἐλεῆσαί σε θέλει μᾶλλον ἐκεῖνος πλέον ἤ ὅσον προσδοκᾷς σύ, τί καί προσέρχῃ παρακαλῶν αὐτόν; ∆ιψυχία δέ ἐστι τό μή εἰς θάνατον τελείως ἑαυτόν ἐκδοῦναι ὑπέρ τῆς βασιλείας τῶν οὐρανῶν, ἀλλά