164

of me according to Aquila, or: I said when I became sick according to Theodotion, but according to Symmachus: I said when my days were silenced; for, seeing myself now finally approaching “the gates of death,” I despaired and lost hope for my life among men. Therefore I said: I will leave behind my remaining years, but I also said this to myself, that being deprived of life I shall not see the salvation of God in the land of the living. But according to Symmachus: I will not see, he says, the Lord in the land of the living. And these things I said to myself, he says, considering lest I might be unworthy of the life with God after death and of the portion of those who live with him, where the salvation of God was; for he was not ignorant of the oracle that said in the Psalms: “Return, my soul, to your rest, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you,” “I will please the Lord in the land of the living,” and again: “I will please the Lord in the light of the living”; therefore, knowing another “land of the living” besides the present life, and “the soul's rest” with God and “light,” not that from the sun, but that “of those living with God,” then being anxious lest he be deprived of these things and fall away from the salvation of God, which was his Christ. Understandably, being in an agony over the things after his departure from life, he reminds God of his own piety; and through his weeping he beseeched that he might not fall from “the land of the living.” And this too he was in extreme agony over, lest after death he should not see a man of God and should not rest with the blessed and God-loving souls. Furthermore, in addition to what has been said, this also grieved Hezekiah, that he had no successor from his seed, as he had not yet had a child at the time he said these things. Since, therefore, he was about to die childless, leaving no successor from whom the salvation for mankind was expected to come, he lamented, as one being deprived of the birth of Christ “from the seed of David,” and I said, he says, to myself that my spirit went forth and departed like one who pitches a tent, then strikes the tent, calling the body a tent, since the divine Apostle also called it a “tent,” saying: “For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened,” and the striking of the tent is the putting off of the body, which the spirit did, striking and leaving the body. But also just as the web of a weaver when she is finally cutting off the fabric, so too the fabric of my life and of all my existence was drawing to a close, being cut off; for each of the saints weaves a garment and puts an adornment on his own soul through his actions. Therefore he said he was like a weaver's web, and added that it was near to being cut off on account of the death that had come upon him, as he says: I was delivered as to some man-eating lion, which for a time, through the sickness laid upon me, crushed all my bones through every night and day, and was about to swallow me whole. Nevertheless, though being in these circumstances, I did not grow weak nor did I depart from my God, but recovering myself with faith and good hope, I gave myself over to weeping and wailing and prayer. Then I cried out like a swallow, lamenting, and I meditated like a dove, weeping, and as I was praying, he says, persistently and being intent on supplication to God, my eyes failed from looking to the height of heaven toward the Lord. But he, not delaying, delivered me and took away the pain of my soul, confirming, as it were, the same word which he promised to his saints, saying: “While you are yet speaking, I will say, 'Behold, I am here.'” Thus, therefore, he also “delivered my soul from death.” For concerning it I was reporting and for it I was beseeching through prayer; for I was most concerned for my soul, that it not be swallowed up by death, but having heard, you raised me up, O Lord, and having been entreated, I lived, and according to Symmachus: You made me flourish, he says, and you gave me life and you changed my bitterness into

164

μου κατὰ τὸν Ἀκύλαν, ἤ· ἐγὼ εἶπα ἐν τῷ ἀρρωστῆσαί με κατὰ τὸν Θεοδοτίωνα, κατὰ δὲ τὸν Σύμμαχον· ἐγὼ εἶπον ἐν τῷ κατασιγασθῆναι τὰς ἡμέρας μου· συνιδὼν γὰρ ἐμαυτὸν «ταῖς τοῦ θανάτου πύλαις» ἤδη λοιπὸν πλησιάζοντα ἀπέγνων καὶ ἀπήλπισα ἐμαυτοῦ τὴν ἐν ἀνθρώποις ζωήν. διὸ εἶπον· καταλείψω τὰ ἔτη τὰ ἐπίλοιπα, ἀλλὰ καὶ τοῦτο εἶπον παρ' ἐμαυτῷ, ὅτι στερηθεὶς τῆς ζωῆς οὐ μὴ ἴδω τὸ σωτήριον τοῦ θεοῦ ἐπὶ γῆς ζώντων. κατὰ δὲ τὸν Σύμμαχον· οὐκ ὄψομαί φησι τὸν κύριον ἐπὶ γῆς ζώντων. ταῦτα δὲ εἶπον πρὸς ἐμαυτόν φησιν ἐννοῶν, μὴ ἄρα ποτὲ ἀνάξιος εἴην τῆς μετὰ τὸν θάνατον παρὰ θεῷ ζωῆς καὶ τῆς μερίδος τῶν παρ' αὐτῷ ζώντων, ἔνθα τὸ σωτήριον ἦν τοῦ θεοῦ· οὐ γὰρ ἠγνόει τὸ φῆσαν λόγιον ἐν Ψαλμοῖς· «ἐπίστρεψον, ἡ ψυχή μου, εἰς τὴν ἀνάπαυσίν σου, ὅτι κύριος εὐηργέτησέ σε», «εὐαρεστήσω τῷ κυρίῳ ἐν χώρᾳ ζώντων», καὶ αὖθις· «εὐαρεστήσω τῷ κυρίῳ ἐν φωτὶ ζώντων»· «χώραν» οὖν «ζώντων» ἑτέραν εἰδὼς παρὰ τὸν ἐνεστῶτα βίον καὶ «ψυχῆς ἀνάπαυσιν» τὴν παρὰ τῷ θεῷ καὶ «φῶς», οὐ τὸ ἐξ ἡλίου, τὸ δὲ «τῶν παρὰ θεῷ ζώντων» ἐπιστάμενος, εἶτα πεφροντικὼς μήποτε στερηθείη τούτων μηδὲ ἐκπέσοι τοῦ σωτηρίου τοῦ θεοῦ, ὅπερ ἦν ὁ Χριστὸς αὐτοῦ. εἰκότως ἐν ἀγῶνι καταστὰς τῶν μετὰ τὴν ἀπαλλαγὴν τοῦ βίου ὑπομιμνῄσκει μὲν τῆς ἑαυτοῦ θεοσεβείας τὸν θεόν· διὰ δὲ τοῦ κλαυθμοῦ μὴ ἐκπεσεῖν «τῆς χώρας τῶν ζώντων» κατηντιβόλει. καὶ τοῦτο δὲ ὑπερηγωνία μὴ μετὰ θάνατον οὐ μὴ ἴδῃ ἄνθρωπον θεοῦ καὶ οὐ μὴ μετὰ τῶν μακαρίων καὶ θεοφιλῶν ψυχῶν ἀναπαύσοιτο. Ἔτι καὶ τοῦτο πρὸς τοῖς εἰρημένοις ἐλύπει τὸν Ἑζεκίαν τὸ μηδένα διάδοχον ἐκ σπέρματος ὑπάρχειν αὐτοῦ, μήπω παιδὸς αὐτῷ γενομένου, καθ' ὃν χρόνον ταῦτα ἔλεγεν. ἐπειδὴ τοίνυν ἄπαις ἔμελλε τελευτᾶν μηδένα καταλείπων διάδοχον, ἐξ οὗ τὸ σωτήριον γενέσθαι ἀνθρώποις προσεδοκᾶτο, εἰκότως ὡς ἂν τῆς τοῦ Χριστοῦ γενέσεως τῆς «ἐκ σπέρματος ∆αυὶδ» στερόμενος ἀπεκλαίετο, ἔλεγον δέ φησι παρ' ἐμαυτῷ ὡς ἄρα ἐξῆλθε τὸ πνεῦμά μου καὶ ἀπῆλθεν ὥσπερ ὁ πήξας σκηνήν, ἔπειτα καταλύων σκηνήν, σκηνὴν μὲν λέγων τὸ σῶμα, ἐπεὶ καὶ ὁ θεῖος Ἀπόστολος «σκῆνος» ὠνόμαζεν αὐτὸ λέγων· «ἡμεῖς οἱ ὄντες ἐν τῷ σκήνει στενάζομεν βαρούμενοι», λύσιν δὲ τῆς σκηνῆς τὴν ἀπόθεσιν τοῦ σώματος, ἣν ἐποιεῖτο τὸ πνεῦμα καταλύον καὶ καταλεῖπον τὸ σῶμα. ἀλλὰ καὶ ὥσπερ ἱστὸς ἐρίθου τὸ ὕφασμα λοιπὸν ἀποτεμνούσης, οὕτω καὶ τὰ τῆς ἐμῆς ζωῆς καὶ τοῦ βίου παντὸς τὸ ὕφασμα περὶ τέλος ἤλαυνεν ἀποτεμνόμενον· ἕκαστος γοῦν τῶν ἁγίων στολὴν ὑφαίνει καὶ κόσμον τῇ ἑαυτοῦ περιτίθησι ψυχῇ διὰ τῶν αὐτοῦ πράξεων. διὸ ὥσπερ ἱστὸν ἐρίθου ἑαυτὸν ἔλεγεν, ἐγγιζούσης δὲ ἐκτεμεῖν προσετίθη διὰ τὸν ἐπιστάντα αὐτῷ θάνατον ὥς φησι· παρεδόθην ὥσπερ τινὶ ἀνθρωποβόρῳ λέοντι, ὃς τέως μὲν διὰ τῆς ἐπιτεθείσης μοι ἀρρωστίας διὰ πάσης νυκτὸς καὶ ἡμέρας συνέτριψε πάντα τὰ ὀστᾶ μου, μικροῦ δὲ δεῖν καὶ ὅλον αὐτὸν καταπίνειν με ἔμελλεν. ὅμως δ' οὖν ἐν τούτοις γενόμενος οὐκ ἐξησθένησα οὐδὲ τοῦ θεοῦ μου ἀνεχώρησα ἀναλαβὼν δὲ ἐμαυτὸν πίστει καὶ ἐλπίδι ἀγαθῇ, κλαυθμῷ καὶ γόοις καὶ προσευχῇ παρέδωκα ἐμαυτόν. Εἶθ' ὡς χελιδὼν ἐφώνουν ἀποδυρόμενος καὶ ὡς περιστερὰ ἐμελέτων ἀποκλαόμενος, εὐχομένου δέ μού φησιν ἐπιμόνως καὶ ἐγκειμένου τῇ πρὸς τὸν θεὸν ἱκετηρίᾳ ἐξέλιπον οἱ ὀφθαλμοί μου τοῦ βλέπειν εἰς τὸ ὕψος τοῦ οὐρανοῦ πρὸς τὸν κύριον. ὁ δὲ μὴ μελήσας ἐξείλετό με καὶ ἀφείλετό μου τὴν ὀδύνην τῆς ψυχῆς, μονονουχὶ τὸν αὐτὸν λόγον πιστωσάμενος, ὃν ἐπήγγελται τοῖς ἁγίοις αὐτοῦ εἰπών· «ἔτι λαλοῦντός σου ἐρῶ Ἰδοὺ ἐγὼ πάρειμι». Οὕτως οὖν καὶ «τὴν ψυχήν μου ἐρρύσατο ἐκ θανάτου». περὶ αὐτῆς γὰρ ἀπήγγελον καὶ ὑπὲρ αὐτῆς διὰ τῆς προσευχῆς παρεκάλουν· μάλιστα γάρ μοι τῆς ψυχῆς ἔμελλεν, ὅπως μὴ ὑπὸ τοῦ θανάτου καταποθῇ, ἀλλ' εἰσακούσας ἐξήγειράς με, ὦ κύριε, καὶ παρακληθεὶς ἔζησα, κατὰ δὲ τὸν Σύμμαχον· ἀνέθαλάς μέ φησι καὶ ἐζώωσάς με καὶ μετέβαλες τὴν πικρίαν μου εἰς