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to me. And so, as you came for a time and went away, little by little you appeared more and more, and you sprinkled me with the waters and granted me to see more clearly and more light.
After you had done this for a long time, you deemed me worthy to see a dread thing and mystery. For as you came and seemed to wash me with the waters and sprinkle and often immerse me in them, I beheld the lightnings that shone around me and the rays of your face mixed with the waters, and I was astounded, seeing myself being washed with light-like water. (454) And whence and who was the provider of this, I did not know, but only, being washed, I rejoiced, growing in faith, winged with hope and ascending up to heaven, but those deceivers, those who suggested to me the words of deceit and falsehood, I vehemently hated and pitied for their delusion, nor did I come together with them at all for a meeting or conversation, but I even fled the harm of their sight, but my fellow-worker and helper, I mean your holy disciple and apostle, as you yourself who fashioned me, I revered, I honored, I loved from my soul, falling at his feet night and day and beseeching him, "If you can do anything, help me," having full assurance that whatever he wishes, he can do with you.
So then, continuing for a considerable time in your grace, I saw again another dread mystery. For having taken me, having ascended into the heavens, you led me up with you, whether in the body, I do not know, or out of the body, you alone know, you who did this. But indeed, having spent an hour there with you, and at the greatness of the glory—of what or whom I know not—being astonished, and at the immeasurable height being amazed, I shuddered all over. Then again you left me alone on earth, where I was standing before, and I was found lamenting and amazed at my wretchedness. Then, when I had not been below for long, you deigned to show me your face above in the heavens, as they opened, like a formless sun. And whoever you were, not even so did you grant me to know—for how, without speaking to me? but you immediately hid yourself, and I went about seeking you, whom I did not know, and I longed to see your form and to know clearly (455) who you were. Therefore, also from the great violence and fire of your love I wept continually, not knowing who you yourself are, you who brought me from non-being into being, and led me out of the mire, and to whom all the things I have mentioned have happened.
As therefore you thus appeared again many times and many times again, without speaking, hid yourself from me, not being seen at all, but seeing the lightnings and the radiance of your face, just as before in the waters, again and many times encircling me, but being wholly unable to hold them, I would remember where I had once seen you above, and foolishly suspecting it to be another, I sought again with tears to see you. So then, in much grief and affliction and anguish, pressing myself and forgetting myself and the whole world entirely and the things in the world, and not perceiving a shadow, nor anything, nor that there is anything at all that is seen, you yourself, the one invisible to all, the intangible and incomprehensible, shone and seemed to me to be purifying my mind and widening the soul's vision and granting me to see your glory more fully, and that you yourself grow more and, shining more, expand, and by the withdrawal of the darkness I perceived you yourself approaching and coming, just as we often experience also in sensible things. For when the moon appears and the clouds are as it were walking by, the moon is seen and seems to run very fast, adding nothing to its usual course nor altering its original path. So then, Master, you, the motionless, seemed to come, and you, the unchangeable, to grow, and you, the formless, to take form.
(456) For just as in the case of a blind man who is beginning to see little by little and is discerning the features of the person and is learning by degrees what he is like, it is not the
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μοι. Οὕτω δέ ἐρχομένου ἐπί χρόνον και ἀπιόντος σου, κατ᾿ ὀλίγον ἐφαίνου πλέον καί πλέον κἀμέ περιήντλεις τοῖς ὕδασι καί καθαρώτερον ὁρᾶν καί πλέον φῶς ἐχαρίζω μοι.
Τοῦτο δέ ἐγχρονίσας ποιῶν, φρικτόν με πρᾶγμα καί μυστήριον ἰδεῖν κατηξίωσας. Σοῦ γάρ παραγινομένου καί τῷ δοκεῖν με τοῖς ὕδασι πλύνοντος καί περιαντλοῦντος καί ἐν αὐτοῖς πολλάκις ἐμβάπτοντος, τάς ἀστραπάς τάς περιλαμπούσας με καί τάς ἀκτῖνας τοῦ προσώπου σου ἀναμιγείσας ἐθεασάμην τοῖς ὕδασι καί ἐξέστην, ὁρῶν φωτοειδεῖ με ὕδατι ἐκπλυνόμενον. (454) Καί ποῦ ποθεν ἦν τίς ὁ τούτου πάροχος, οὐκ ἐγίνωσκον, μόνον δέ λουόμενος ἔχαιρον τῇ πίστει αὐξάνων, τῇ ἐλπίδι πτερούμενος καί ἕως οὐρανοῦ ἀνερχόμενος, τούς δέ πλάνους ἐκείνους, τούς τά ῥήματα τῆς ἀπάτης καί τοῦ ψεύδους ὑποτιθεμένους μοι, σφόδρα μισῶν καί τῆς πλάνης κατελεῶν, οὐδέ πρός συντυχίαν ἤ ὁμιλίαν ὅλως αὐτοῖς συνηρχόμην, ἀλλά καί τῆς θέας αὐτῶν τήν βλάβην ἐξέφευγον, τόν δέ συνεργόν καί βοηθόν μου, τόν ἅγιόν σου λέγω μαθητήν καί ἀπόστολον, ὡς αὐτόν σέ τόν ἐμέ πλάσαντα, ἐσεβόμην, ἐτίμων, ἠγάπων ἀπό ψυχῆς, προσπίπτων αὐτοῦ τοῖς ποσί νυκτός καί ἡμέρας καί "Εἴ τι δύνασαι, βοήθει μοι" αὐτόν ἐξαιτούμενος, πληροφορίας ἔχων ὅτι ὅσα καί βούλεται, δύναται παρά σοί.
Οὕτως οὖν ἐφ᾿ ἱκανόν χρόνον τῇ χάριτί σου διατελῶν, ἄλλο πάλιν εἶδον φρικτόν μυστήριον. Λαβόμενος γάρ με, εἰς οὐρανούς ἀνελθών, συνανήγαγες, εἴτε ἐν σώματι, οὐκ οἶδα, εἴτε ἐκτός τοῦ σώματος, σύ μόνον οἶδας, ὁ καί τοῦτο ποιήσας. Ἀλλά γάρ ὥραν ἐκεῖσε μετά σοῦ με ποιήσαντα, καί τῆς δόξης - τίνος δέ ἀγνοῶ καί οὗτινος - τό μέγεθος, ἐκπλαγείς καί τῷ ἀμετρήτῳ ὕψει ἐκθαμβηθείς, ὅλος ἔφριξα. Πάλιν δέ με μόνον ἀφῆκας ἐν γῇ, ἐν ᾗ καί ἱστάμην τό πρότερον, καί εὑρέθην θρηνῶν καί τήν παλαιπωρίαν μου ἐκθαμβούμενος. Εἶτα κάτω μετ᾿ οὐ πολύ ὄντος μου, ἄνω εἰς οὐρανούς, διανοιχθέντων αὐτῶν, τό πρόσωπόν σου, ὡς ἥλιον ἄμορφον, κατηξιώσας ὑποδεῖξαί μοι. Καί ὅστις ποτέ ᾖς, οὐδ᾿ οὕτω μοι γνῶναι δέδωκας - πῶς γάρ, μή λαλήσας μοι; ἀλλ᾿ ἐκρύβης εὐθύς κἀγώ περιῄν ζητῶν σε, ὅν οὐκ ἐγίνωσκον, καί μορφήν σου ἰδεῖν καί γνωστῶς γνῶναι (455) ὅστις ᾖς ἐπεπόθουν. ∆ιό καί ἀπό τῆς πολλῆς βίας καί τοῦ πυρός τῆς ἀγάπης σου διαπαντός ἔκλαιον, μή εἰδώς αὐτόν σέ ὅστις εἶ, τόν ἐκ τοῦ μή ὄντος εἰς τό εἶναι παραγαγόντα με καί ἐκ τοῦ βορβόρου ἐξαγαγόντα καί τά εἰρημένα ἅπαντα γεγονότα μοι.
Ὡς οὖν οὕτω πάλιν πολλάκις ὤφθης καί πολλάκις πάλιν μή λαλήσας ἐκρύβης μοι μηδόλως ὁρώμενος, τάς ἀστραπάς δέ καί τήν αἴγλην τήν τοῦ προσώπου σου ὁρῶν, ὥσπερ πρότερον ἐν τοῖς ὕδασι, πάλιν καί πολλάκις περικυκλούσας με, κρατεῖν δέ ταύτας ὅλως ἀμηχανῶν, ἐμιμνησκόμην ὅπου ποτέ ἄνω εἶδόν σε, καί ἄλλον εἶναι ἀφρόνως ὑπονοούμενος πάλιν ἐζήτουν μετά δακρύων ἰδέσθαι σε. Οὕτως οὖν ἐν πολλῇ λύπῃ καί θλίψει καί στενοχωρίᾳ ἐμαυτόν ἐκπιέζων καί ἐμαυτοῦ ἐπιλανθανόμενος καί ὅλου ὅλως τοῦ κόσμου καί τῶν ἐν κόσμῳ, καί μηδέ σκιάν, μηδέ ὁτιοῦν ἤ ὅτι ἐστί τί ποτε τό ὁρώμενον ἐννοῶν, αὐτός ὁ πάσιν ἀόρατος, ὁ ἀναφής καί ἄληπτος, ἔφανας καί ἐδόκεις μοι τόν ἐμόν νοῦν καθαίρων καί πλατύνων τό τῆς ψυχῆς ὀπτικόν καί ἐπί πλεῖον παρέχων ὁρᾶν τήν δόξαν σου, καί ὅτι μᾶλλον αὐξάνεις αὐτός καί λάμπων πλέον πλατύνῃ, καί τῇ τοῦ σκότους ὑποχωρήσει αὐτόν σε πλησιάζοντα καί ἐρχόμενον κατεμάνθανον, καθά πολλάκις καί ἐν τοῖς αἰσθητοῖς πάσχομεν. Σελήνης γάρ φαινούσης καί περιπατούντων οἱονεί τῶν νεφῶν, ἡ σελήνη ὁρᾶται καί δοκεῖ τρέχειν ταχύτατα, μηδέν τῷ συνήθει προστιθεῖσα δρόμῳ ἤ τήν ἐξ ἀρχῆς ὑπαλλάσσουσα πορείαν. Οὕτως οὖν, ∆έσποτα, ἐδόκεις ἔρχεσθαι ὁ ἀκίνητος καί ὁ ἀναλλοίωτος μεγεθύνεσθαι καί μορφοῦσθαι ὁ ἄμορφος.
(456) Ὥσπερ γάρ ἐπί τυφλοῦ κατά μικρόν ἀναβλέποντος καί τόν χαρακτῆρα τοῦ ἀνθρώπου κατανοοῦντος καί οἷός ἐστιν ἐκ τοῦ κατ᾿ ὀλίγον ἀνιστοροῦντος, οὐχ ὁ