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173

a form is transformed or remolded for sight, but rather the sight of his eyes, being purified, sees the form as it is, its entire likeness being impressed, as it were, on the sight and through this penetrating and being imprinted and, as on a tablet, engraved on the intellectual and mnemonic faculty of the soul, so also were You seen, having wholly cleansed my mind with the clear light of the Holy Spirit. And as it saw more clearly and more purely, You Yourself seemed to come forth to me from somewhere and to appear more brilliant, and You granted me to see the form of a formless shape, and You then made me outside the world—I think I might say even of the body, for You did not grant me to know this precisely—but you shone down and were seen by me who, as it seemed, saw wholly well with the whole of me, and as I was saying, "O Master, who might You be?", then for the first time You deemed me, the prodigal, worthy of a voice and thus kindly addressed me, as I rose up, astonished and trembling, and somehow considering within myself and saying: "What then can this glory and the magnitude of this splendor mean? And how or from where have I been deemed worthy of such good things?" — "I," He says, "am God, who for your sake became man, and because you have sought me with your whole soul, behold, from now on you shall be my brother and my co-heir and my friend." As I was astonished (457) at these things and poured out in soul and my strength scattered, and as I answered, "Who am I or what have I done, wretched and miserable man that I am, Master, that You should make me worthy of such good things and a partaker and co-heir of such glory?"—and as I considered this glory and joy to be beyond understanding, You, the Master, again, as if a friend conversing with a friend through Your Spirit speaking in me, said to me: "These things I have granted to you, and will yet grant, on account of your purpose and choice and faith alone. For what else do you have or have you ever had of your own, having been brought forth naked by me, that I, taking that, should give you these things in its place? For unless you are released from the flesh, you will not behold perfection, nor will you be able to enjoy the whole of it well." And when I said, "And what is greater or more glorious than this? For me, for now, it is enough to be thus even after death"—"How very fainthearted you are," you said, "to be content with such things. For these things, in comparison with the things to come, are equivalent to heaven depicted on paper and held in the hands; for by as much as this falls short of the true heaven, by so much more incomparably will the glory to come be revealed beyond what is now seen by you."

Having said these things You fell silent, and little by little, sweet and good Master, You were hidden from my eyes, whether I moved far from You, or You departed from me, I do not know. For the time being, then, I came to be wholly within myself again, thinking I had come from somewhere, and I entered into my first dwelling. Wherefore remembering the beauty of the glory and of Your words, (458) walking, sitting, eating, drinking, and praying, I wept and passed my time in inexpressible joy, having come to know You, the Maker of all things. For how could I not rejoice? But then again, grieving and thus longing to see You again, when I once went to venerate the immaculate icon of her who bore You and fell before it, You Yourself, before I rose, within my wretched heart, making it as light, were seen by me, and then I knew that I have You knowably within me. From then on, therefore, I loved You not by remembering You and the things concerning You from the memory of such things, but I truly believed I had You, hypostatic love, within me. For You are truly love, O God.

Therefore, hope, having been implanted in faith and watered in it by repentance and tears, and then also illuminated by Your light, took root and grew well. Then You Yourself, the good craftsman and creator, arriving with the knife of temptations, I mean of humility, those to a great height

173

χαρακτήρ πρός τήν ὅρασιν μεταποιεῖται ἤ μεταπλάττεται, ἀλλά τό ὀπτικόν μᾶλλον τῶν ὀφθαλμῶν αὐτοῦ ἀποκαθαιρόμενον, τόν χαρακτῆρα, οἷός ἐστιν, ὁρᾷ, ἐντυπουμένης οἱονεί τῆς ἐμφερείας αὐτοῦ ὅλης τῷ ὀπτικῷ καί διά τούτου διϊκνουμένης καί ἀπομασσομένης καί ὡς ἐν πίνακι ἐγχαραττομένης τῷ νοερῷ τε καί μνημονευτικῷ τῆς ψυχῆς, οὕτω καί αὐτός ὡράθης, τῷ φωτί τρανῶς τοῦ Ἁγίου Πνεύματος ἐκκαθάρας μου τόν νοῦν ὁλικῶς. Κἀκείνου τρανότερον καί καθαρώτερον βλέποντος, αὐτός μοί ποθεν ἐδόκεις ἐξέρχεσθαι καί λαμπρότερος φαίνεσθαι, καί χαρακτῆρα μορφῆς ἀμόρφου ὁρᾶν ἐμπαρεῖχές μοι, καί ἔξω με τοῦ κόσμου τότε πεποίηκας - δοκῶ εἰπεῖν καί τοῦ σώματος, τοῦτο γάρ ἀκριβῶς γνῶναι οὐκ ἔδωκας , ὑπερηύγασας δ᾿ οὖν καί τῷ δοκεῖν ὅλως ὅλῳ καλῶς βέποντι ὤφθης μοι, καί "Ὦ ∆έσποτα" λέγοντά με, "τίς ποτε ᾖς;", τότε φωνῆς με πρῶτον τόν ἄσωτον κατηξίωσας καί οὑτωσί προσηνῶς προσεφθέγξω μοι, ἐξανισταμένῳ καί θαμβουμένῳ καί τρέμοντι καί ἐν ἐμαυτῷ ποσῶς ἐννοοῦντι καί λέγοντι· "Τί ποτε ἄρα ἡ δόξα αὕτη καί τό τῆς λαμπρότητος ταύτης μέγεθος βούλεται; Πῶς δέ ἤ πόθεν ἐγώ τοιούτων ἀγαθῶν κατηξίωμαι;" - "Ἐγώ, φησίν, εἰμί ὁ Θεός ὁ διά σέ γεγονώς ἄνθρωπος, καί ὅτι με ἐξ ὅλης ψυχῆς ἐπεζήτησας, ἰδού ὑπάρξεις ἀπό τοῦ νῦν ἀδελφός μου καί συγκληρονόμος μου καί φίλος μου". Ἐπί τούτοις οὖν καταπλαγέντος (457) μου καί τῇ ψυχῇ ἐκχυθέντος καί τήν ἰσχύν διασκορπισθέντος καί "Τίς εἰμι"ἀνταποκριθέντος "ἐγώ ἤ τί πεποιήκα ὁ ἄθλιος, ∆έσποτα, καί ταλαίπωρος, ἵνα με τοιούτων ἀγαθῶν ἄξιον καταστήσῃς καί τοιαύτης δόξης συμμέτοχον καί συγκληρονόμον ποιήσῃς;" - λογισαμένου μου δέ ταύτην ὑπέρ νοῦν εἶναι τήν δόξαν καί τήν χαράν, ὁ ∆εσπότης πάλιν σύ, οἱονεί φίλος φίλῳ διαλεγόμενος διά τοῦ ἐν ἐμοί λαλοῦντος σου Πνεύματος, εἶπάς μοι· "Ταῦτα διά μόνην τήν πρόθεσιν καί προαίρεσιν καί πίστιν σου ἐδωρησάμην σοι καί ἔτι δωρήσομαι. Τί γάρ ἔχεις ἄλλο ἤ ἔσχες ποτέ σόν, γυμνός παρ᾿ ἐμοῦ παραχθείς, ἵνα ἐκεῖνο λαβών ἀντ᾿ ἐκείνου ταῦτά σοι δώσοιμι; Ἐάν γάρ μή λυθῇς τῆς σαρκός, τό τέλειον οὐ θεάσῃ, οὐδέ ἐπαπολαῦσαι ὅλου αὐτοῦ ἰσχύσεις καλῶς". Ἐμοῦ δέ εἰπόντος· "Καί τί τούτου μεῖζον εἴτε λαμπρότερον; Ἐμοί τέως ἀρκεῖ τό οὕτως εἶναι καί μετά θάνατον" - "Ὡς λίαν εἶ σύ μικρόψυχος, εἶπας, τοῖς τοιούτοις ἀρκούμενος. Ταῦτα γάρ πρός τά μέλλοντα ἴσον εἰσιν ἱστορηθέντος ἐν χάρτῃ οὐρανοῦ καί ταῖς χερσί κρατουμένου· ὅσῳ γάρ οὗτος τοῦ ἀληθινοῦ οὐρανοῦ ἀπολείπεται, τοσούτῳ πλέον ἀσυγκρίτως ἡ μέλλουσα δόξα ὑπέρ τήν νῦν ὁρωμένην σοι ἀποκαλυφθήσεται".

Ταῦτα εἰπών ἐσιώπησας καί μικρόν μικρόν ὁ γλυκύς καί καλός ∆εσπότης ἐκρύβης ἐξ ὀφθαλμῶν μου, εἴτε ἐμοῦ μακρύναντος ἀπό σοῦ, εἴτε σοῦ ἀπ᾿ ἐμοῦ ἀπελθόντος, οὐκ οἶδα. Τέως δ᾿ οὖν ἐγενόμην πάλιν ὅλος ἐν ἐμαυτῷ, ποθέν νομίσας ἐλθεῖν, καί εἰσῆλθον ἐν τῷ πρώτῳ σκηνώματι. Ὅθεν μιμνησκόμενος τοῦ κάλλους τῆς δόξης καί τῶν ῥημάτων σου, (458) περιπατῶν, καθεζόμενος, ἐσθίων, πίνων καί προσευχόμενος, ἔκλαιον καί ἐν χαρᾷ διῆγον ἀνεκφράστῳ γνωρίσας σε, τόν Ποιητήν τῶν ἁπάντων. Πῶς γάρ καί μή ἔχαιρον; Ἀλλά γάρ πάλιν λυπούμενος καί οὕτως αὖθις ἰδεῖν σε ἐπιποθῶν, ὡς ἀπῆλθόν ποτε πρός τό τήν ἄχραντον εἰκόνα τῆς σέ Τεκούσης ἀσπάσασθαι καί ταύτῃ προσέπεσα, αὐτός πρό τοῦ ἀναστῆναί με, ἐντός τῆς ταλαιπώρου καρδίας μου, ὡς φῶς ἀποτελέσας αὐτήν, ὡράθης μοι, καί τότε ἔγνων ὅτι ἐν ἐμοί σε γνωστῶς ἔχω. Ἀπό οὖν τότε οὐχί μνημονεύων σου καί τῶν περί σέ ἠγάπων σε ἀπό τῆς τῶν τοιούτων μνήμης, ἀλλ᾿ ἐν ἐμοί σέ, τήν ἐνυπόστατον ἀγάπην, ἔχειν ἐπ᾿ ἀληθείας ἐπίστευσα. Ἡ γάρ ὄντως ἀγάπη σύ εἶ, ὁ Θεός.

Τῇ οὖν πίστει ἡ ἐλπίς ἐμφυτευθεῖσα καί ἐν αὐτῇ ὑπό τῆς μετανοίας καί τῶν δακρύων ποτισθεῖσα, ἔπειτα καί ὑπό τοῦ σοῦ φωτός ἐλλαμφθεῖσα, ἐρριζώθη καί ηὐξήθη καλῶς. Εἶτα σύ αὐτός, ὁ καλός τεχνίτης καί δημιουργός, παραγεγονώς διά τῆς τῶν πειρασμῶν μαχαίρας, φημί δή τῆς ταπεινώσεως, τούς εἰς πολύ ὕψος