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and as I grew little (449) by little, You yourself also renewed me by Your holy baptism of regeneration, and adorned me with the Holy Spirit, and appointed for me an angel of light as a guardian, and from contrary works and from the snares of the enemy You kept me invulnerable until I reached full age.
But since You ordained that we be saved not by force, but by our own free choice, You permitted me also to be honored with free will and to show love for You voluntarily by keeping Your commandments, but I, the ungrateful and contemptuous one, like a horse freed from its bonds, thus reckoning the value of free will, cast myself over a cliff, having bolted from Your dominion. And while I lay there, rolling about insensibly and being even more crushed, You did not turn away, You did not allow me to lie there and be defiled by the mire, but through the bowels of Your mercy You sent forth and led me up from there and honored me more splendidly, and from kings and rulers, who wished to use me as a dishonorable vessel for the service of their own wills, You delivered me by Your ineffable judgments; gifts of gold and silver, although I was a lover of money, You did not allow me to take, the glory and prominence of life, offered to me for the selling-out of Your holiness, You granted me to consider this as an abomination. But all these things, I confess to You, Lord God of heaven and earth, I once again counted as nothing, and I, the wretched one, threw myself into a pit and the mire of the deep of shameful thoughts and (450) deeds, and having gone down there I fell in with those hidden in the darkness, from whom not I myself alone, but not even the whole world gathered into one could have led me up from there and delivered me from their hands.
Nevertheless, when I was held there, pitifully and wretchedly dragged about and suffocated and mocked by them, You, the compassionate and man-loving Master, did not overlook me, You did not hold a grudge, You did not turn away from my ungrateful mind, You did not for long allow me to be tyrannized voluntarily by the robbers. But even if I, being insensibly carried away, rejoiced with them, You, O Master, could not bear to see me being led about and dragged shamefully, but You had compassion, but You had mercy and You did not send an angel, nor a man to me, the sinner and wretched one, but You Yourself, moved by the bowels of Your goodness, bending over that deepest pit and over me, buried and sitting somewhere below in the depth of the mire, extended Your immaculate hand, though I did not see You - for where could I have or how could I have even been able to look up at all, being covered and suffocated by the mire? - You seized the hairs of my head and dragging me violently You pulled me out from there, while I was aware of the pains and of the sudden upward motion and that I was ascending, but ignorant of by whom at all I was being brought up or who it was that was holding and bringing me up. But having brought me up and set me upon the earth, You handed me over to Your servant and disciple, me, being all filthy and having my eyes, my ears and my mouth stopped up by the mire, (451) and not even thus seeing who You are, except only knowing what a good and man-loving one You are, You who brought me out of that deepest pit and mire. Then saying to me: "Hold on and, clinging to this man, follow; for he will lead you away and wash you," and having granted me firm faith in him, You withdrew. Where You then went, I do not know.
Therefore, to the one pointed out to me by You, all-holy Master, according to Your command I followed without turning back, and when he with much labor led me to the springs and the fountains, being blind and dragged from behind by him by that from You to me
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καί κατά (449) μικρόν αὐξάνοντα, αὐτός καί τῷ τῆς ἀναπλάσεως ἁγίῳ βαπτίσματί σου ἐξανεκαίνισας, καί τῷ Ἁγίῳ Πνεύματι κατεκόσμησας, καί ἄγγελον φωτός φύλακά μοι κατέστησας, καί ἀπό τῶν ἐναντίων ἔργων καί τῶν τοῦ ἐχθροῦ παγίδων μέχρι τελείας ἡλικίας με ἄτρωτον διεφύλαξας.
Ἐπεί δέ οὐ βίᾳ ἡμᾶς, ἀλλ᾿ αὐτοπροαιρέτῳ γνώμῃ σῴζεσθαι ἐδικαίωσας, εἴασας κἀμέ τῷ αὐτεξουσίῳ τιμᾶσθαι καί τήν πρός σέ ἀγάπην ἐκ τῆς τῶν ἐντολῶν σου φυλακῆς αὐτοπροαίρετον ἐπιδείκνυσθαι, ἐγώ δέ ὁ ἀγνώμων καί καταφρονητής, ὥσπερ ἵππος ἀπολυθείς ἐκ δεσμῶν, οὕτω τήν ἀξίαν τῆς αὐτεξουσιότητος λογισάμενος, εἰς κρημνόν ἐμαυτόν, τῆς σῆς δεσποτείας ἀποσκιρτήσας, ἀπέρριψα. Κἀκεῖ με κείμενον καί ἀναισθήτως ἐγκυλιόμενον καί ἐπί πλεῖον συντριβόμενον, οὐκ ἀπεστράφης, οὐκ εἴασας κεῖσθαι καί τῷ βορβόρῳ μολύνεσθαι, ἀλλά διά σπλάγχνα ἐλέους σου ἐξαπέστειλας κἀκεῖθέν με ἀνήγαγες καί λαμπρότερον ἐτίμησας, καί ἀπό βασιλέων καί ἀρχόντων, ὡς σκεῦος ἄτιμον βουληθέντων μοι χρήσασθαι εἰς λειτουργίαν τῶν θελημάτων αὐτῶν, ἀρρήτοις σου κρίμασιν ἀπελύτρωσας· δῶρα χρυσίου καί ἀργυρίου, καίτοι φιλαργύρου μου ὄντος, λαβεῖν με οὐκ εἴασας, δόξαν καί περιφάνειαν βίου, διδομένην μοι εἰς ἀπεμπόλησιν τοῦ ἁγιασμοῦ σου, ὡς βδέλυγμα ταύτην λογίσασθαι ἐδωρήσω μοι. Ἀλλά ταῦτα πάντα, ἐξομολογοῦμαί σοι, Κύριε ὁ Θεός τοῦ οὐρανοῦ καί τῆς γῆς, εἰς οὐδέν πάλιν θέμενος, εἰς λάκκον καί ἰλύν βυθοῦ αἰσχρῶν ἐννοιῶν τε καί (450) πράξεων ἐμαυτόν ὁ ἄθλιος ἐναπέρριψα, κἀκεῖ κατελθών τοῖς ἐγκεκρυμμένοις ἐν τῷ σκότει περιέπεσον, ἐξ ὧν οὐκ ἐμαυτόν ἐγώ μόνον, ἀλλ᾿ οὐδέ ὁ σύμπας κόσμος εἰς ἕν ἀθροισθείς ἐκεῖθεν ἀναγαγεῖν με καί τῶν χειρῶν αὐτῶν ἐξελέσθαι ἠδύνατο.
Ὅμως ἐκεῖσε κρατούμενόν με ἐλεεινῶς καί ἀθλίως περισυρόμενον καί συμπνιγόμενον καί καταπαιζόμενον παρ᾿ αὐτῶν, ὁ εὔσπλαχνος σύ καί φιλάνθρωπος ∆εσπότης, οὐ παρεῖδές με, οὐκ ἐμνησικάκησας, οὐκ ἀπεστράφης μου τήν ἀγνώμονα γνώμην, οὐκ ἐπί πολύ ἀφῆκας ὑπό τῶν ληστῶν ἐθελοντί τυραννεῖσθαί με. Ἀλλ᾿ εἰ καί ἐγώ ἀναισθήτως συναπαγόμενος αὐτοῖς ἔχαιρον, σύ ἀσχημόνως ὁρᾶν με περιαγόμενον καί συρόμενον οὐκ ἔφερες, ∆έσποτα, ἀλλ᾿ ἐσπλαχνίσθης, ἀλλά ἠλέησας καί οὐκ ἄγγελον, οὐδέ ἄνθρωπον πρός μέ τόν ἁμαρτωλόν καί ἄθλιον ἐξαπέστειλας, ἀλλ᾿ αὐτός σύ ὑπό τῶν τῆς ἀγαθότητός σου σπλάγχνων κινούμενος, τῷ βαθυτάτῳ λάκκῳ ἐκείνῳ ἐπικλιθείς καί ἐν τῷ βάθει τοῦ βορβόρου κάτω που συγκεχωσμένῳ καί καθημένῳ τήν ἄχραντόν σου ὑφηπλώσας χεῖρα, κἀμοῦ μή ὁρῶντός σε - ποῦ γάρ καί εἶχον ἤ πῶς ἀναβλέψαι ὅλως ἴσχυσα ἄν, ὑπό τοῦ βορβόρου συγκεκαλυμμένος καί συμπνιγόμενος; τῶν τριχῶν τῆς κεφαλῆς μου ἐκράτησας κἀκθεῖθέν με βιαίως σύρων ἀνέσπασας, ἐμοῦ τῶν μέν πόνων καί τῆς πρός τά ἄνω ἀθρόας φορᾶς αἰσθανομένου καί ὅπως ἀνέρχομαι, ἀγνοοῦντος δέ ὑπό τίνος ὅλως ἀνάγομαι ἤ τίς ποτέ ἐστιν ὁ κρατῶν καί ἀνάγων με. Ἀλλ΄ ἀναγαγών καί στήσας με ἐπί τήν γῆν, δούλῳ σου καί μαθητῇ παραδέδωκας, ὅλον ὄντα με ῥυπαρόν καί ὑπό τοῦ βορβόρου τούς ὀφθαλμούς, τά ὦτα καί τό στόμα ἐμπεφραγμένον, (451) καί μηδέ οὕτω βλέποντα ὅστις εἶ, εἰ μή μόνον γνόντα ὁποῖός τίς ποτε ἀγαθός καί φιλάνθρωπος ὑπάρχεις, τοῦ βαθυτάτου με λάκκου ἐκείνου καί βορβόρου ἐξήγαγες. Εἰπών οὖν μοι· "Κράτησον καί τῷ ἀνθρώπῳ τούτῳ κολληθείς ἀκολούθησον· οὖτος γάρ σε ἀπαγαγών ἀπολούσειε", πίστιν τε βεβαίαν εἰς τοῦτόν μοι χαρισάμενος, ὑπεχώρησας. Ποῦ οὖν γεγονώς ᾖς, ἀγνοῶ.
Τῷ γοῦν ὑποδειχθέντι μοι παρά σοῦ, πανάγιε ∆έσποτα, κατά τό πρόσταγμά σου ἀμεταστρεπτί ἠκολούθησα, κἀκείνου πρός τάς βρύσεις καί τάς πηγάς κόπῳ πολλῷ ἀγαγόντος με, τυφλόν ὄντα καί ὄπισθεν ἐφελκόμενον ἐκείνου τῇ παρά σοῦ μοι