185

of mine," I knew that I had sinned. "My pain was renewed," therefore. But it is blessed for the one who has sinned to be in the renewal of pain and not of pleasure; for he who rejoices in what he has done and brings them forward again, renews them. But he who feels pain, having perceived that he must guard his ways and not sin with his tongue, renews the pain by weeping and grieving with "the sorrow that is according to God, which produces repentance." In the very act of repenting, he feels pain that he has been in such things at all. 4 My heart grew hot within me. He can say this: my heart, as it were, took on heat also from the renewal of the pain. But he can also say this: since I have strongly taken hold of myself and I lament and weep over the pain, "my heart grew hot," it has become fiery. "In" my meditation," at any rate, "a fire was kindled," consuming and scorching me; for there were grass and wood and the other things. Not only in being perfected do I have this fire that consumes the grassy things, but also in my meditating on the pain. And the phrase "within me" is good. Some people's hearts are heated so that the heat also proceeds to what is outside. For those who marry and burn do not have their heart heated within, 274 but it has its conflagration having proceeded to what is outside. Just as if it is said: "I was troubled and I did not speak." He who has some disturbance in his thought or in his reasonings and has done nothing according to the disturbance of his reasonings, nor said anything, has the being troubled and not having spoken. Such a one has his heart heated within. 4 And in my meditation a fire will be kindled. The within me. And thus in each of us two men consist, of whom one is the outer, the other the inner. Therefore, when a disturbance occurs in the soul and one does not transfer the disturbance to the outer man, but keeps it inside so as to condemn it and weep over it, he has his heart heated within, not in order to act, but in order not to act. In my meditation the fire is kindled. In the voice and deed and thought of others a fire is kindled touching them, inflaming them. "Their heart was kindled like an oven of fire." Here the meditation was kindled like a fire, having combustible material underlying it. But the meditation and the heat of the saint is fiery, produced by the fervent spirit. Therefore the fire is kindled, in order that it may effect something, not in order that it may harm and consume. "Was not our heart burning on the road, when he opened the scriptures to us?" This burning is praiseworthy. And consider also in the case of manufactured things: some things are heated, in order to be reshaped and transformed into a vessel, gold, silver. But if wood or something else is set on fire, the heat is harmful. 4 I spoke with my tongue. Even if I did not let it go outside, but remaining within me it produced for me a burning from meditation, yet with my tongue I then spoke: "make known to me, Lord, my end." From my own tongue I said this; for this is the natural tongue of the one who possesses it; for instance, the temperate man speaking of things of temperance speaks in his own tongue, that of the temperate man, not in the tongue of a man. And he who seeks to learn his own end and brings the inquiry to God, with my tongue, not with that of a deceitful man, but of me who wishes to know my end, I spoke with my tongue. This word of mine is not fabricated. When some hypocrite speaks about temperance, not being temperate, he does not speak with his own tongue. But the temperate man when he goes through discourses about temperance, speaks with the tongue of the temperate man. Therefore no hypocrite speaks with his natural tongue, but with a fabricated one. When the wolf, clothed in a sheep's skin, approaches the flock of Christ, he speaks not with his own tongue, but he imitates the voice of the sheep, in order that as a like being having met with like beings, he may do harm. 5 Make known to me, Lord, my end, and what is the number of my days. See how it is the persona of one repenting that says these things. It occurred to me to guard my ways, to put to the

185

μου", ἔγνων ὅτι ἥμαρτον. "ἀνεκαινίσθη" οὖν "τὸ ἄλγημά μου". μακάριον δέ ἐστιν τὸν ἡμαρτηκότα ἐν ἀνακαινισμῷ τοῦ ἀλγήματος γενέσθαι καὶ μὴ τῆς ἡδονῆς· ὁ γὰρ χαίρων ἐφ' οἷς ἔπραξεν καὶ αὖθις αὐτὰ εἰς μέσον φέρων ἀνακαινίζει. ὁ δὲ ἀλγῶν αἰσθηθεὶς ὅτι δεῖ φυλάττειν τὰς ὁδοὺς καὶ μὴ δεῖν ἐν γλώττῃ ἁμαρτάνειν, ἀνακαινίζειν τὸ ἄλγημα κλαίων καὶ λυπούμενος "τὴν κατὰ θεὸν λύπην τὴν μετάνοιαν ἐργαζομένην". ἐν αὐτῷ ὅλως τῷ μεταγιγνώσκειν ἀλγεῖ ὅτι ὅλως γέγονεν ἐν τοιούτοις. 4 ἐθερμάνθη ἡ καρδία μου ἐντός μου. δύναται λέγειν ὁ´̣τ̣ι· ἡ καρδία μου ὥσπερ θέρμην προσέλαβεν καὶ ἐκ τοῦ ἀνακαινισμοῦ τοῦ ἀλγήματος. δύναται δὲ καὶ τοῦτο εἰπεῖν· ἐπεὶ σφοδρῶς καθηψάμην ἐμαυτοῦ καὶ ὀλοφύρομαι καὶ ἀποκλαίομαι τὸ ἄλγημα, "ἐθερμάνθη ἡ καρδία μου", διάπυρος γέγονεν. "ἐν" αὐτῇ γοῦν "τῇ μελέτῃ μου ἐξεκάη πῦρ" ἀναλίσκον καὶ φλουρουντα με· ἦσαν γὰρ χόρτος καὶ ξύλα καὶ τὰ ἄλλα. οὐ μόνον ἐν τῷ τελειοῦσθαι ἔχω τὸ πῦρ τοῦτο τὸ ἀναλωτικὸν τῶν χορτώδων, ἀλλὰ καὶ τῷ μελετᾶν μου τὸ ἄλγημα. εὖ δὲ καὶ τὸ "ἐντός μου". ἐνίων ἡ καρδία θερμαίνεται ὥστε τὴν θέρμην καὶ ἐπὶ τὰ ἔξω χωρῆσαι. οἱ γοῦν̣ γαμοῦντες καὶ πυρούμενοι οὐκ ἔχουσιν ἐντὸς τὴν καρδίαν θερμανθεῖσαν, 274 ἀλλ' ἐπὶ τὰ ἔξω χωρήσασα ἔχει τὸν ἐνπρησμόν. ὥσπερ ἐὰν λέγηται· "ἐταράχθην καὶ οὐκ ἐλάλησα". ὁ σχὼν κατὰ διάνοιαν τάραχόν τινα ἢ ἐν λογισμοῖς καὶ μηδὲν ἐνεργήσας κατὰ τὴν ταραχὴν τῶν λογισμῶν μηδὲ εἰπών, ἔχει τὸ τεταράχθαι καὶ μὴ λελαληκέναι. ὁ τοιοῦτος ἐντὸς ἔχ̣ει τὴν καρδίαν τεθερμανμ̣ένην. 4 καὶ ἐν τῇ μελέτῃ μου ἐκκαυθήσεται πῦρ. τὸ ἐντός μου. καὶ οὕτω καθ' ἕκ̣αστ̣ον ἡμῶν ἄνθρωποι δύο συνεστήκασιν, ὧν ὁ μὲν ἔξω, ὁ δὲ ἔσω. ὅταν τοίνυν ταραχὴ γένηται τῇ ψυχῇ καὶ μὴ ἐπὶ τὸν ἔξω ἄνθρωπον τὴν ταραχὴν μεταγάγῃ, ἀλλὰ τηρήσῃ αὐτὴν ἔνδον ὥστε καταγνῶναι αὐτῆς καὶ ἀποδακρύσασθαι αὐτήν, ἐντὸς ἔχει τὴν καρδίαν θερμανθεῖσαν, οὐχ ἵνα πράξῃ, ἀλλ' ἵνα μὴ πράξῃ. ἐν τῇ ἐμῇ μελέτῃ ἐκκαίεται τὸ πῦρ. ἐν τῇ ἄλλ̣ων φωνῇ καὶ πράξει καὶ διανοίᾳ ἐκκαίεται πῦρ ψαῦον αὐτῶν, πυροῦν αὐτούς. "ἀνεκαύθη ἡ καρδία αὐτῶν ὡς κλίβανος πυρός". ὧδε ἡ μελέτη ὡς πῦρ ἐξεκάη ἔχουσα ὕλην ὑποκειμένην καυστήν. ἡ δὲ μελέτη καὶ ἡ θέρμη τοῦ ἁγίου ἡ δ̣ιάπυρος, ἡ γινομένη ὑπὸ τοῦ ζέοντος πνεύματος. ἐκκαίεται οὖν τὸ πῦρ, ἵν' ἐνεργήσῃ τι, οὐχ ἵνα βλάψῃ καὶ ἀναλώσῃ. "οὐχὶ ἡ καρδία ἡμῶν ἦν καιομένη ἐν τῇ ὁδῷ, ἡνίκα διήνοιγεν ἡμῖν τὰς γραφάς"; ἡ καῦσις αὕτη ἐπαινετή ἐστιν. καὶ ἐπὶ τῶν τεχνητῶν δὲ σκόπει· ἔνια θερμαίνεται, ἵνα μεταρυθμισθῇ καὶ εἰς σκεῦος μεταβῇ, χρυσός, ἄργυρος. ἐὰν δὲ πυρωθῇ ξύλα ἠ`̣ ἄλλο τι, ἡ θέρμη βλαβερά ἐστιν. 4 ἐλάλησα ἐν γλώσσῃ. εἰ καὶ οὐκ ἔασα αὐτὴν ἔξω γενέσθαι, ἀλλ' ἐντός μου μείνασα πύρωσιν ἐκ μελέτης μοι περιεποιήσατο, τῇ δὲ γλώττῃ ἐλάλησα λοιπόν· "γνώρισόν μοι, κύριε, τὸ πέρας μου". ἀπὸ γλώττης τῆς ἐμῆς εἶπον τοῦτο· γλῶσσα γὰρ ἡ κατὰ φύσιν τοῦ ἔχοντος αὕτη ἐστίν· οἷον ὁ σώφρων τὰ σωφροσύνης λαλῶν ἐν γλώττῃ τῇ ἑαυτοῦ λαλεῖ, τοῦ σώφρονος, οὐκ ἐν γλώττῃ τοῦ ἀν θρώπου. καὶ ὁ θηρῶν μὲν τὸ πέρας ἑαυτοῦ μαθεῖν καὶ τῷ θεῷ προσάγων τὴν πεῦσιν, τῇ ἐμῇ γλώττῃ, οὐ τῇ δολίου ἀνθρώπου, ἀλλ' ἐμοῦ τοῦ θέλοντος γνῶναι τὸ πέρας μου ἐν γλώττῃ ἐλάλησα. ὁ λόγος μου οὗτος οὐκ ἐπίπλαστός ἐστιν. ὅταν τις ὑποκριτὴς λέγῃ περὶ σωφροσύνης οὐκ ὢν σώφρων, οὐ τῇ ἑαυτοῦ γλώττῃ λαλεῖ. ὁ δὲ σώφρων ὅτε περὶ σωφροσύνης διεξέρχεται λόγους, τῇ τοῦ σώφρονος γλώττῃ λαλεῖ. οὐδεὶς οὖν ὑποκριτὴς τῇ κατὰ φύσιν γλώττῃ λαλεῖ, ἀλλὰ τῇ ἐπιπλάστῳ. ὁ λύκος ὅτε δορὰν περικείμενος προβάτου πρόσεισιν τῇ Χριστοῦ ποίμνῃ, λαλεῖ οὐ τῇ γλώττῃ τῇ ἑαυτοῦ, ἀλλὰ μιμεῖται τὴν τοῦ προβάτου φωνήν, ἵν' ὡς ὅμοιος ὁμοίοις συντυχὼν βλάψῃ. 5 γνώρισόν μοι, κύριε, τὸ πέρας μου καὶ τὸν ἀριθμὸν τῶν ἡμερῶν μου, τίς ἐστιν. θεώρει ὡς μετανοοῦντός ἐστιν πρόσωπον τὸ ταῦτα λέγον. παρέστη μοι φυλάξαι τὰς ὁδούς μου, θεῖναι τῷ