186

a guard for my mouth. when the sinner stood before me and provoked me, I took into my mind good things that persuaded me not to speak to him. Therefore I say this: since I saw myself lacking many things—for I had barely begun to make progress—, “make known to me, Lord, my end,” so that I may know how much time of life is left for me, if it is sufficient for being perfected and fulfilled. So indeed another also said: “report to me the fewness of my days; do not lead me away in the midst of my days.” In a way, I am in the midst of the days that come from the holy light. Do not, then, lead me away thus. Fulfill, then, my days. But God fulfills the days of some, not by providing an increase of them; for when it says, “with length of days I will satisfy him” concerning the just man, we do not mean that it makes him live many years. There are also impious men who have lived many years. “and the number of my days.” It is also possible to say “the number of my days” means that: You have enlightened me much, I have been in days; for each enlightenment is a day. Therefore, make known to me the number of my enlightenments, so that I may know what I lack. As if someone who had conceived a desire for an art or a science, but not yet having a perfect knowledge of the discipline—says: “reveal to me what are the luminous parts of the science, so that I may know which I have and which I lack.” It is blessed to have countable things and works and thoughts, those worthy of being numbered. Indeed, it is said concerning the harlot: “innumerable are those whom you have slain.” This does not mean at all that they are infinite, but that they are not worthy of being numbered. They are accounted as nothing or no number. 5 so that I may know what I lack. If I learn the number of my days and my end, how long it will be, I know in what things I am lacking, what things I have not yet learned. Those, therefore, who instill a desire for more complete knowledge, as soon as they begin, tell them the theorems that have been grasped by them, so that they may both know how many they lack, and may receive a desire to achieve and take them up. 6 Behold, you have made my days handbreadths. The former, more common reading is this: “You have made my days old.” I am not new or newly made, not now having begun to live, but “you have made my days old.” And this too must be said: that which comes after always makes old what has gone before. Thus, indeed, laws become old. Therefore he says this: the old days which I had, when I lived according to the old man, have become old, they have departed; I have put on the new. The casual reader, however, will say: “Behold, I have become an old man. Make known to me the end, when I will die.” “Behold, you have made my days handbreadths.” Since the word “palaistes” is a homonym—for it means both one who contends in wrestling, and it also indicates a certain measure—, it is possible to take it in both ways. He says: “You have made my days to be spent in wrestling and struggling”; for we always have those who war against us. And at one time a human temptation takes hold and the human passions war and wrestle, at another time, evil powers; for “our wrestling is not against flesh and blood”—for us, but for others, yes—, “but against the principalities, against the powers.” so that it is this, “You have made my days struggles.” But it can also be said with respect to measure: compared to the age of the age, the days that I live have the proportion of a handbreadth. And just as it says all the nations, being many, are “a drop from a bucket”—compared to the bucket of rational beings, all the nations are a drop—and “the turn of a balance”—the weight tips the scale only to the point of turning, not so as to pull the scale-pan down—, so compared to the magnitude of the past ages and the length of days, which one who is able to live well endures: “He who loves,” it says, “his father and mother will be long-lived.” And yet this is not found to be according to the letter. 6 and my substance is as nothing before you. The word “substance” signifies many things. But for the present purpose, two significations are needed. Sometimes being is called substance; as when the Son is said to be

186

στόματί μου φυλακήν. συνστάντος τοῦ ἁμαρτωλοῦ κατεναντίον μου καὶ ἐρεθίζοντος, ἀγαθὰ ἔλαβον ἐν διανοίᾳ τὰ πείσαντά με μὴ λαλῆσαι αὐτῷ. τοῦτο οὖν λέγω· ἐπεὶ πολλῶν ἐμαυτὸν ἐθεώρησα λειπόμενον-μόλις γὰρ ἠρξάμην προκοπῆς̣-, "γνώρισόν μοι, κύριε, τὸ πέρας μου", ἵνα γνῶ, πόσος μοι λείπεται χρόνος τῆς ζωῆς, εἰ αὐτάρκης ἐστὶν π̣ρὸς τὸ τελειωθῆναι καὶ πληρωθῆναι. οὕτω γοῦν καὶ ἄλλος ἔλεγεν· "τὴν ὀλιγότητα τῶν ἡμερῶν ἀπάγγειλόν μοι· μὴ ἀναγάγῃς με ἐν ἡμίσει ἡμε ρῶν μου". τρόπον τινὰ ἐν τῇ ἡμισείᾳ̣ τῶν ἡμερῶν τῶν ἀπὸ τοῦ ἁγίου φωτὸς γινομένων εἰμί. μή με οὖν ἀναγάγῃς οὕτως. πλήρωσον οὖν τὰς ἡμέρας μου. πληροῖ δὲ ὁ θεὸς τάς τινων ἡμέρας οὐκ αὔξησιν αὐτῶν παρέχων· ὅταν γὰρ λέγῃ ὅτι· "μακρότητι ἡμερῶν ἐνπλήσω αὐτὸν" περὶ τοῦ δικαίου, οὐ τοῦτο λέγομεν ὅτι πολυετῆν αὐτὸν ποιεῖ. εἰσὶν καὶ ἀσεβεῖς πολλὰ ἔτη ζήσαντες. "καὶ τὸν ἀριθμὸν τῶν ἡμερῶν μου". δύναται καὶ "τὸν ἀριθμὸν τῶν ἡμερῶν μου" εἰπεῖν ὅτι· πολλά με ἐφώτισας, ἐν ἡμέραις γέγονα· ἕκαστος γὰρ φωτισμὸς ἡμέρα ἐστι´̣ν. τὸν ἀριθμὸν οὖν τῶν φωτισμῶν μου δήλω275 σόν μοι, ἵνα γνῶ, τί μοι λείπει. ὡς εἰ ἔλεγέν τις πόθον λαβὼν τέχνης ἢ ἐπιστήμης, μήπω δὲ τελείαν γνῶσιν ἐσχηκὼς τῆς παιδεύσεως-λέγει· "φανέρωσόν μοι, τίνα ἐστὶν τὰ φωτεινὰ τῆς ἐπιστήμης, ἵνα γνῶ, ποῖα ἔχω καὶ ποῖα λείπομαι". μακάριόν ἐστιν τὸ ἀριθμητὰ ἔχειν πράγματα καὶ ἔργα καὶ νοήματα, τὰ ἄξια τοῦ ἀριθμεῖσθαι. ἀμέλει γοῦν περὶ τῆς πόρνης λέγεται· "ἀναρίθμητοί εἰσιν, οὓς πεφόνευκας". οὐ τοῦτο λέγει πάντως ὅτι ἄπειροί εἰσιν, ἀλλ' οὐκ ἄξιοι τοῦ ἀριθμεῖσθαι. ἐν οὐδενὶ λόγῳ ἢ ἀριθμῷ κεῖνται. 5 ἵνα γνῶ τί ὑστερῶ ἐγώ. ἐὰν μάθω τὸν ἀριθμὸν τῶν ἡμερῶν μου καὶ τὸ πέρας μου, μέχρι πότε̣ παραγίνεται, γιγνώσκω, ἐν τίσιν ὑστερῶ, τίνα ἐστὶν ἃ οὔπω ἔμαθον. οἱ πόθον οὖν ἐνποιοῦντες ἐπιστή μης ὁλοσχερέσ̣τερον ἅμα τῷ ἄρξασθαι λέγουσιν αὐτοῖς τὰ θεωρήματα τὰ καταληφθέντα αὐτοῖς, ἵνα καὶ γνῶσιν, ὅσων λείπονται, καὶ πόθον λάβωσιν τοῦ κατορθῶσαι καὶ ἀναλαβεῖν. 6 ἰδοὺ παλαιστὰς ἔθου τὰς ἡμέρας μου. ἡ προτέρα ἀνάγνωσις ἡ δ̣ημωδεστέρα αὕτη ἐστίν· "παλαιὰς ἔθου τὰς ἡμέρας μου". οὔκ εἰμι νέος ἢ νεοπαγής, οὐ νῦν τοῦ ζῆν ἀρξάμενος, ἀλλὰ "παλαιὰς ἔθου τὰς ἡμέρας μου". καὶ τοῦτο δὲ ῥητέον· ἀεὶ τὸ ἐπερχόμενον παλαιοῖ τὸ φθάσαν. οὕτω γοῦν νόμοι παλαιου῀̣νται. τοῦτο οὖν λέγει· τὰς παλαιὰς ἃς εἶχον ἡμέρας, ὅτε κατὰ τὸν παλαιὸν ἔζων ἄνθρωπον, πεπαλαίωνται, ἀπῆλθαν· τὸν νέον ἐνεδυσάμην. ὁ μέντοι πρόχειρος ἐρεῖ ὅτι· "ἰδοὺ γέρων γέγονα. γνώρισόν μοι τὸ πέρας, πότε ἀποθνῄσκω". "ἰδοὺ παλαιςτὰς ἔθου τὰς ἡμέρας μου". ἐπεὶ ὁμώνυμόν ἐστιν τὸ ὄνομα τὸ "παλαιστής"-σημαίνει δὲ καὶ τὸν α᾿̣θλοῦντα ἐν πάλῃ, δηλοῖ δὲ καὶ μέτρον τι-, ἀμφοτέρως αὐτὸ ἐκλαβεῖν ἔστιν. λέγει ὅτι· "τὰς ἡμέρας μου ἐν πάλῃ κ̣αι`̣ ἀγω̣νίζεσθαι ἔθου"· ἀεὶ γὰρ ἔχομεν τοὺς πολεμοῦντας. καὶ ὁτὲ μὲν πειρασμὸς ἀνθρώπινος λαμβάνει καὶ τὰ ἀνθρώπινα πάθη πολεμεῖ καὶ παλαίει, ποτὲ πονηραὶ δυνάμεις· "οὐκ ἔστιν" γὰρ "ἡμῖν ἡ πάλη πρὸς αἷμα καὶ σάρκα"-ἡμῖν, ἄλλοις δὲ ναί-, "ἀλλὰ πρὸς ἀρχάς, πρὸς τὰς ἐξουσίας". ἵνα ᾖ τοῦτο, "ἀγῶνας ἔθου τὰς ἡμέρας μου". δύναται δὲ καὶ ἐπὶ μέτρου λεχθῆναι· ὡς πρὸς τὸν αἰῶνα τοῦ αἰῶνος αἱ ἡμέραι ἃς ζῶ, παλαιστοῦ λόγον ἐπέχουσιν. καὶ ὥσπερ πάντα τὰ ἔθνη λέγει πολλὰ ὄντα "σταγόνα ἀπὸ κάδου"-ὡς πρὸς τὸν κάδον τῶν λογικῶν σταγὼν ὅλα τὰ ἔθνη εἰσίν-καὶ "ῥοπὴν ζυγοῦ"-μέχρι τοῦ ῥέψαι καταταλαντεύει τὸ βάρος, οὐχ ὥστε κάτω καθελκύσαι τὴν πλάστινγα-, ὡς πρὸς τὸ μέγεθος τῶν παλαἰώνων καὶ τὴν μακρότητα τῶν ἡμερῶν, ἣν ὑφίσταται ὁ δυνάμενος εὖ διάγειν· "ὁ φιλῶν", λέγει, "τὸν πατέρα καὶ τὴν μητέρα μακροχρόνιος ἔσται". καὶ οὐκ ἤδη κατὰ τὸ ῥητὸν τοῦτο εὑρίσκεται. 6 καὶ ἡ ὑπόστασίς μου ὡσεὶ οὐδὲν ἐναντίον σου. τὸ τῆς ὑποστάσεως ὄνομα πολλὰ σημαίνει. ἐπὶ τοῦ παρόντος δὲ δύο σημαινομένων χρεία. λέγεταί ποτε ἡ οὐσία ὑπόστασις· ὡς ὅταν λέγηται ὁ υἱὸς