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208

handed you over into my hands, the hands of the enemy, and suddenly turned away from you, suddenly hated you? Do not, then, abandon me to hear these things, Savior; do not allow me to become a reproach to you, my God, my King, my Lord, you who long ago drew me out of the darkness and from his hands and his throat, and set me free in your light. For seeing you, I am wounded in the depths of my heart, and I am not strong enough to look at you, and not to look I cannot bear; unapproachable is your beauty, inimitable your form, incomparable your glory, and who has ever seen you or who could ever see you whole, you, my God? For what eye will have the strength to behold the whole? And him who is above the whole, what mind might comprehend, or be able to encompass, or be stretched out whole towards the whole and behold the one who holds all things together, who is outside of all things and who fills the whole and all things (313) and is again the same whole outside of them inexpressibly? Yet I see you as a sun and I behold you as a star, and in my bosom I carry you, like a pearl, and I see you as a lamp lit inside a vessel. But because you do not expand, because you do not make me wholly light and show yourself whole to me, what and how great you are, I do not seem to have you at all, my life, but I mourn like one who has become poor from being rich and dishonored from being glorious and having no hope. Seeing this, then, the enemy says to me: You are not being saved; for behold, you have fallen, you have missed your hopes, because you do not have boldness before God as you once did. To him I utter no word, I do not deign, my God, but I breathe on him, and straightway he is made to disappear. Thus I ask, Master, thus I beseech your compassion: grant me then also, my Savior, when my soul departs from my body, to be strong by my breath alone to put to shame all those who are about to run against me, your servant, and to pass through unharmed, guarded by the light of your Spirit, and to stand before your judgment seat, having your grace, Christ, your divine grace with me, protecting me, showing me wholly unashamed. For who would dare to appear before you, unless he is clothed in it, unless within at least

208

εἰς τάς ἐμάς τε, τοῦ ἐχθροῦ, χεῖρας ἐξέδοτό σε καί αἴφνης ἀπεστράφη σε, αἴφνης ἐμίσησέ σε; Μή οὖν ἀκοῦσαι ταῦτά με, Σῶτερ, ἐγκαταλείψῃς, μή ὄνειδος γενήσεσθαι σοῦ ἐάσῃς, Θεέ μου, μή Βασιλεῦ, μή Κύριε, ὁ τοῦ σκότους με πάλαι καί τῶν χειρῶν καί φάρυγγος ἐκείνου με ἐξάξας καί τῷ φωτί ἐλεύθερον τῷ σῷ με παραστήσας. Σέ γάρ ὁρῶν τιτρώσκομαι τά ἐντός τῆς καρδίας καί βλέπειν οὐκ ἰσχύω σε καί μή βλέπειν οὐ φέρω˙ ἀπρόσιτον τό κάλλος σου, ἀμίμητον τό εἶδος, ἀσύγκριτος ἡ δόξα σου, καί τίς ποτέ σε εἶδεν ἤ τίς ἰδεῖν σε δυνηθῇ ὅλον, σέ, τόν Θεόν μου; Τό πᾶν γάρ ποῖος ὀφθαλμός κατιδεῖν ἐξισχύσει; Τόν ὄντα δέ ὑπέρ τό πᾶν ποῖος νοῦς καταλάβῃ, περιλαβεῖν τε δυνηθῇ ἤ ἐκτανθῆναι ὅλος πρός ὅλον καί θεάσασθαι τόν συνοχέα πάντων, τόν πάντων ἔξω καί τό πᾶν καί τά πάντα πληροῦντα (313) καί ἔξω πάλιν τόν αὐτόν ὅλον ὄντα ἀφράστως; Ὅμως ὡς ἥλιον ὁρῶ καί ὡς ἄστρον σε βλέπω, καί ἐν τῷ κόλπῳ φέρω σε, καθάπερ μαργαρίτην, καί ὡς λαμπάδα βλέπω σε σκεύους ἡμμένην ἔνδον. Ὅτι δέ οὐ πλατύνεσαι, ὅτι μή ὅλον φῶς με ἀποτελεῖς καί δείκνυσαι ὅλος μοι, οἷος, ὅσος ὑπάρχεις, ὅλως οὐ δοκῶ ἔχειν σε τήν ζωήν μου, ἀλλά θρηνῶ ὥς τις πτωχός γεγονώς ἐκ πλουσίων καί ἐξ ἐνδόξων ἄτιμος καί μή ἔχων ἐλπίδα. Τοῦτο οὖν βλέπων ὁ ἐχθρός λέγει μοι˙ Σύ οὐ σῴζῃ˙ καί γάρ ἰδού, ἐκπέπτωκας, ἠστόχησας ἐλπίδων, ὅτι οὐκ ἔχεις πρός Θεόν ὡς πάλαι παρρησίαν. Πρός ὅν οὐ βλόγον φθέγγομαι, οὐκ ἀξιῶ, Θεέ μου, ἀλλ᾿ ἐμφυσῶ, καί ἄφαντος εὐθύς ἀποτελεῖται. Οὕτως αἰτοῦμαι, ∆έσποτα, οὕτως παρακαλῶ σου τήν εὐσπλαγχνίαν δώρησαι καί τότε μοι, Σωτήρ μου, ὅτε ψυχή ἐξέλθῃ μου τοῦ σώματος, ἰσχύσαι μόνῳ τῷ ἐμφυσήματι ἅπαντας καταισχύναι τούς κατ᾿ ἐμοῦ, τοῦ δούλου σου, μέλλοντας ἐπιτρέχειν, καί διαβῆναι ἀβλαβῆ φρουρούμενον φωτί σου τοῦ Πνεύματος καί ἔμπροσθεν στῆναι τοῦ βήματός σου, ἔχοντι χάριν σου, Χριστέ, συνοῦσάν μοι τήν θείαν, σκέπουσαν, ἀκαταίσχυντον δεικνύουσάν με ὅλον. Τίς γάρ τολμήσειεν ἄρα ἄμπροσθέν σου ὀφθῆναι, εἰ μή αὐτήν ἐνδέδυται, εἰ μή αὐτήν ἐντός γε