2

Since this seemed good and just, it is an equal evil to me and likewise disorderly for all to wish to rule, and for no one to accept it; for if everyone were to flee this—whether one should call it a ministry or a leadership—the excellent fullness of the Church would be crippled in its greatest part, and would no longer remain excellent. Where, then, and by whom would God be worshipped by us in the mysteries that lead us upward, which is indeed the greatest and most honorable of our practices, if there were no king, no ruler, no priesthood, no sacrifice, nor any of those greatest things for which the disobedient of old were condemned for their great offenses?

Εʹ. But it is not something strange or out of character for the many who philosophize on divine matters to ascend to ruling from being ruled, nor is it outside the accepted bounds of philosophy, or something that brings reproach; just as it is not for a reputable sailor to serve as a lookout, and for one who as lookout has skillfully watched the winds to be entrusted with the rudders; or if you will, for a noble soldier to command a company, and for a good company-commander to become a general and be entrusted with the command of an entire war. Nor, indeed, as some of those utterly perverse and wicked people might suppose, who judge the affairs of others by their own passions, was I ashamed of the order of my rank out of desire for a greater one; I am not so ignorant either of the divine majesty or of human lowliness, 35.413 as not to consider it a great thing for any created nature to somehow draw near to God, who alone is most manifest and most brilliant, and who surpasses every material and immaterial nature in purity.

ςʹ. What is it, then, that I have experienced? And what is the reason for my disobedience? For I did not seem to many to remain myself at that time, nor to be as I was known, but to have become some other person, and to resist and be defiant more than was proper. You, who have long desired it, may now hear the reasons for this. First, I was struck by the unexpectedness of it, like those who are stunned by sudden noises, and I did not restrain my thoughts; and because of this I cast off my reverence, though I had been accustomed to it all my life. Then a certain love for the beauty of tranquility and retirement stole over me; of which I had been a lover from the beginning, as I doubt anyone else among those devoted to learning has been, and which I had promised to God in the greatest and most difficult dangers, and having tasted something of it, as much as being at its threshold, and my longing for it having been kindled the more by the experience, I could not bear being tyrannized and thrust into the midst of turmoil, and being, as it were, violently dragged away from this life as from some holy sanctuary.

Ζʹ. For nothing seemed to me so great as to close the senses, to be outside of flesh and world, to be gathered into oneself, touching nothing human, except what is absolutely necessary; to commune with oneself and with God, to live above the things that are seen, and to bear always in oneself the divine impressions, pure and unmixed with the wandering characters of things below; to be and to become 35.416 a truly spotless mirror of God and of divine things, receiving light for light, and what is more obscure for what is clearer, already reaping by hope the good of the age to come, and to journey with angels, while still above the earth having left the earth, and to be set on high by the Spirit. If any of you is possessed by this love, he knows what I am saying, and will forgive the passion I then felt; for I would probably not persuade the many by speaking, to whom this matter seems laughable, being ill-disposed either because of their own foolishness, or because of those who are unworthy of the profession; who have given a bad name to a good thing, calling philosophy vainglory, having taken as their accomplice envy and the malice of the crowd, which is readier for the worse; so that one thing at least is certainly accomplished by them: either evil is put into practice, or good is disbelieved.

2

Ἐπειδὴ τοῦτο καλὸν ἐφάνη καὶ δίκαιον, ἴσον ἐμοὶ κακὸν καὶ ὁμοίως ἄτα κτον, πάντας τε ἄρχειν ἐθέλειν, καὶ μηδένα δέχε σθαι· ὡς, εἴ γε πάντες φεύγοιεν ταύτην τὴν εἴτε λειτουργίαν χρὴ λέγειν, εἴτε ἡγεμονίαν, χωλεύοι ἂν τῷ μεγίστῳ μέρει, καὶ οὐδ' ἂν καλὸν ἔτι μένοι τὸ κα λὸν τῆς Ἐκκλησίας πλήρωμα. Ποῦ δ' ἂν ἔτι καὶ παρὰ τίνων θρησκεύοιτο ἡμῖν ὁ Θεὸς τὰ μυστικὰ καὶ ἄνω φέροντα, ὃ δὴ μέγιστόν ἐστι τῶν ἡμετέρων καὶ τιμιώτατον, οὐκ ὄντος βασιλέως, οὐδὲ ὄντος ἄρ χοντος, οὐδὲ ἱερατείας, οὐδὲ θυσίας, οὐδ' ὅσα ὡς μέ γιστα ἐπὶ μεγάλοις τοῖς πταίσμασιν, οἱ πάλαι ἀπειθεῖς κατεκρίθησαν;

Εʹ. Ἀλλ' οὐδὲ ξένον τι καὶ ἀπὸ τρόπου τοῖς πολ λοῖς τὰ θεῖα φιλοσοφοῦσιν ἐπὶ τὸ ἄρχειν ἀναβαί νειν ἀπὸ τοῦ ἄρχεσθαι, οὐδὲ ἔξω τῶν νενομισμένων τῆς φιλοσοφίας ὅρων, καὶ φέρον εἰς ὄνειδος· ὥσ περ οὐδὲ ναύτῃ τῶν εὐδοκίμων τὸ πρωρατεῦσαι, καὶ πρωρεῖ καλῶς τοὺς ἀνέμους τηρήσαντι τὸ πιστευθῆ ναι τοὺς οἴακας· εἰ δὲ βούλει, στρατιώτῃ γενναίῳ τὸ ταξιαρχῆσαι, καὶ ταξιάρχῃ καλῷ τὸ στρατηγῆσαί τε καὶ πολέμου παντὸς ἡγεμονίαν ἐγχειρισθῆναι. Οὐ μὴν οὐδ', ὅπερ ἂν ὑπολάβοι τις ἴσως τῶν πάντα ἀτό πων καὶ μοχθηρῶν, οἳ κρίνουσι τὰ τῶν ἄλλων τοῖς οἰ κείοις πάθεσιν, ᾐσχύνθην τοῦ βαθμοῦ τὴν τάξιν ἐπι θυμίᾳ τῆς μείζονος· οὐχ οὕτως ἐγὼ ἢ τοῦ θείου μεγέθους, ἢ τῆς ἀνθρωπίνης ταπεινώσεως ἄπειρος, 35.413 ὡς μὴ μέγα νομίζειν πάσῃ γενητῇ φύσει, καὶ ὁπωσ οῦν πλησιάζειν Θεῷ τῷ μόνῳ φανοτάτῳ καὶ λαμ προτάτῳ, καὶ ὑπερέχοντι πάσης ὑλικῆς τε καὶ ἀΰλου φύσεως καθαρότητι.

ςʹ. Τί οὖν ἐστιν ὃ πέπονθα; καὶ τίς ὁ λόγος τῆς ἐμῆς ἀπειθείας; Οὐδὲ γὰρ ἔδοξα τοῖς πολλοῖς ἐν ἐμαυτῷ τότε μένειν, οὐδ' εἶναι ὥσπερ ἐγινωσκό μην, ἀλλ' ἕτερος ἐξ ἑτέρου τις γεγονέναι, καὶ πλέον ἢ καλῶς εἶχεν ἀντιτείνειν καὶ αὐθαδιάζεσθαι. Τούτου δὴ τὰς αἰτίας ἀκούοιτ' ἂν ἤδη πάλαι ποθοῦν τες. Μάλιστα μὲν τῷ ἀδοκήτῳ πληγεὶς, ὥσπερ οἱ τοῖς αἰφνιδίοις τῶν ψόφων καταπλαγέντες, οὐ κατέσχον τοὺς λογισμούς· καὶ διὰ τοῦτο ἔλυσα τὴν αἰδῶ, πάντα τὸν χρόνον ταύτῃ συνειθισμένος. Ἔπειτά μέ τις ὑπεισῄει ἔρως τοῦ καλοῦ τῆς ἡσυχίας καὶ τῆς ἀναχωρήσεως· ἧς ἐραστὴς γενόμενος ἐξ ἀρχῆς, ὡς οὐκ οἶδ' εἴ τις ἄλλος τῶν περὶ λόγους ἐσπου δακότων, καὶ ἣν ἐν τοῖς μεγίστοις καὶ χαλεπω τάτοις κινδύνοις καθυποσχόμενος τῷ Θεῷ, καί τι καὶ προσαψάμενος ταύτης, ὅσον ἐν προθύροις γενέ σθαι, καὶ πλείονά μοι τὸν πόθον ἐξαφθῆναι διὰ τῆς πείρας, οὐκ ἤνεγκα τυραννούμενος καὶ εἰς μέ σους τοὺς θορύβους ὠθούμενος, καὶ οἷον ἀπὸ ἱεροῦ τι νος ἀσύλου τοῦ βίου τούτου πρὸς βίαν ἀποσπώ μενος.

Ζʹ. Οὐδὲν γὰρ ἐδόκει μοι τοιοῦτον οἷον μύσαντα τὰς αἰσθήσεις, ἔξω σαρκὸς καὶ κόσμου γενόμενον, εἰς ἑαυτὸν συστραφέντα, μηδενὸς τῶν ἀνθρωπίνων προσ απτόμενον, ὅτι μὴ πᾶσα ἀνάγκη, ἑαυτῷ προσλαλοῦν τα καὶ τῷ Θεῷ, ζῇν ὑπὲρ τὰ ὁρώμενα, καὶ τὰς θείας ἐμφάσεις ἀεὶ καθαρὰς ἐν ἑαυτῷ φέρειν ἀμιγεῖς τῶν κάτω χαρακτήρων καὶ πλανωμένων, ὄντως ἔσοπτρον ἀκηλίδωτον Θεοῦ καὶ τῶν θείων καὶ ὂν καὶ ἀεὶ 35.416 γινόμενον, φωτὶ προσλαμβάνοντα φῶς, καὶ ἀμαυρο τέρῳ τρανότερον, ἤδη τὸ τοῦ μέλλοντος αἰῶνος ἀγαθὸν ταῖς ἐλπίσι καρπούμενον, καὶ συμπεριπολεῖν ἀγ γέλοις, ἔτι ὑπὲρ γῆς ὄντα καταλιπόντα τὴν γῆν, καὶ ὑπὸ τοῦ πνεύματος ἄνω τιθέμενον. Εἴ τις ὑμῶν τούτῳ τῷ ἔρωτι κάτοχος, οἶδεν ὃ λέγω, καὶ τῷ τότε πάθει συγγνώσεται· τοὺς γὰρ πολλοὺς οὐδ' ἂν πείσαιμι λέγων ἴσως, ὅσοις καὶ ἐν γέλωτι τὸ πρᾶγμα δοκεῖ, κακῶς διατεθεῖσιν εἴτε ὑπὸ τῆς ἰδίας αὐτῶν ἀνοίας, εἴτε ὑπὸ τῶν ἀναξίων τοῦ ἐπαγγέλματος· οἳ πράγματι καλῷ κακὸν περι τεθείκασιν ὄνομα, τῇ φιλοσοφίᾳ τὴν κενοδοξίαν, συν εργὸν λαβόντες τὸν φθόνον καὶ τὴν τῶν πολλῶν κα κίαν πρὸς τὸ χεῖρον οὖσαν ἑτοιμοτέραν· ἵν' ἕν γέ τι πάντως αὐτοῖς ἁμαρτάνηται, ἢ τὸ κακὸν ἐνερ γούμενον, ἢ τὸ καλὸν ἀπιστούμενον.