Chapter III.

Would indeed that some profit might come to myself from this effort! I should have undertaken this labour with the greater readiness, if I could have hope of sharing, according to the Scripture, in the fruits of the plough and the threshing-floor; the toil would then have been a pleasure. As it is, this my knowledge of the beauty of virginity is in some sort vain and useless to me, just as the corn is to the muzzled ox that treads8    ἐπιστρεφομένῳ τὴν ἅλωνα. This word is used for “walking over,” in Hesiod, Theogon. 753, γαῖαν ἐπιστρέφεται the floor, or the water that streams from the precipice to a thirsty man when he cannot reach it. Happy they who have still the power of choosing the better way, and have not debarred themselves from it by engagements of the secular life, as we have, whom a gulf now divides from glorious virginity: no one can climb up to that who has once planted his foot upon the secular life. We are but spectators of others’ blessings and witnesses to the happiness of another9    ἑτέρων, following Cod. Reg., for ἑκατέρων. class. Even if we strike out some fitting thoughts about virginity, we shall not be better than the cooks and scullions who provide sweet luxuries for the tables of the rich, without having any portion themselves in what they prepare. What a blessing if it had been otherwise, if we had not to learn the good by after-regrets! Now they are the enviable ones, they succeed even beyond their prayers and their desires, who have not put out of their power the enjoyment of these delights. We are like those who have a wealthy society with which to compare their own poverty, and so are all the more vexed and discontented with their present lot. The more exactly we understand the riches of virginity, the more we must bewail the other life; for we realize by this contrast with better things, how poor it is. I do not speak only of the future rewards in store for those who have lived thus excellently, but those rewards also which they have while alive here; for if any one would make up his mind to measure exactly the difference between the two courses, he would find it well-nigh as great as that between heaven and earth. The truth of this statement may be known by looking at actual facts.

But in writing this sad tragedy what will be a fit beginning? How shall we really bring to view the evils common to life? All men know them by experience, but somehow nature has contrived to blind the actual sufferers so that they willingly ignore their condition. Shall we begin with its choicest sweets? Well then, is not the sum total of all that is hoped for in marriage to get delightful companionship? Grant this obtained; let us sketch a marriage in every way most happy; illustrious birth, competent means, suitable ages, the very flower of the prime of life, deep affection, the very best that each can think of the other10    ὑπὲρ τοῦ ἄλλου (a late use of ἄλλος). This was Livineius’ conjecture for τῶν ἄλλων: the interchange of υ and ν is a common mistake., that sweet rivalry of each wishing to surpass the other in loving; in addition, popularity, power, wide reputation, and everything else. But observe that even beneath this array of blessings the fire of an inevitable pain is smouldering. I do not speak of the envy that is always springing up against those of distinguished rank, and the liability to attack which hangs over those who seem prosperous, and that natural hatred of superiors shown by those who do not share equally in the good fortune, which make these seemingly favoured ones pass an anxious time more full of pain than pleasure. I omit that from the picture, and will suppose that envy against them is asleep; although it would not be easy to find a single life in which both these blessings were joined, i.e. happiness above the common, and escape from envy. However, let us, if so it is to be, suppose a married life free from all such trials; and let us see if it is possible for those who live with such an amount of good fortune to enjoy it. Why, what kind of vexation is left, you will ask, when even envy of their happiness does not reach them? I affirm that this very thing, this sweetness that surrounds their lives, is the spark which kindles pain. They are human all the time, things weak and perishing; they have to look upon the tombs of their progenitors; and so pain is inseparably bound up with their existence, if they have the least power of reflection. This continued expectancy of death, realized by no sure tokens, but hanging over them the terrible uncertainty of the future, disturbs their present joy, clouding it over with the fear of what is coming. If only, before experience comes, the results of experience could be learnt, or if, when one has entered on this course, it were possible by some other means of conjecture to survey the reality, then what a crowd of deserters would run from marriage into the virgin life; what care and eagerness never to be entangled in that retentive snare, where no one knows for certain how the net galls till they have actually entered it! You would see there, if only you could do it without danger, many contraries uniting; smiles melting into tears, pain mingled with pleasure, death always hanging by expectation over the children that are born, and putting a finger upon each of the sweetest joys. Whenever the husband looks at the beloved face, that moment the fear of separation accompanies the look. If he listens to the sweet voice, the thought comes into his mind that some day he will not hear it. Whenever he is glad with gazing on her beauty, then he shudders most with the presentiment of mourning her loss. When he marks all those charms which to youth are so precious and which the thoughtless seek for, the bright eyes beneath the lids, the arching eyebrows, the cheek with its sweet and dimpling smile, the natural red that blooms upon the lips, the gold-bound hair shining in many-twisted masses on the head, and all that transient grace, then, though he may be little given to reflection, he must have this thought also in his inmost soul that some day all this beauty will melt away and become as nothing, turned after all this show into noisome and unsightly bones, which wear no trace, no memorial, no remnant of that living bloom. Can he live delighted when he thinks of that? Can he trust in these treasures which he holds as if they would be always his? Nay, it is plain that he will stagger as if he were mocked by a dream, and will have his faith in life shaken, and will look upon what he sees as no longer his. You will understand, if you have a comprehensive view of things as they are, that nothing in this life looks that which it is. It shows to us by the illusions of our imagination one thing, instead of something else. Men gaze open-mouthed at it, and it mocks them with hopes; for a while it hides itself beneath this deceitful show; then all of a sudden in the reverses of life it is revealed as something different from that which men’s hopes, conceived by its fraud in foolish hearts, had pictured. Will life’s sweetness seem worth taking delight in to him who reflects on this? Will he ever be able really to feel it, so as to have joy in the goods he holds? Will he not, disturbed by the constant fear of some reverse, have the use without the enjoyment? I will but mention the portents, dreams, omens, and such-like things which by a foolish habit of thought are taken notice of, and always make men fear the worst. But her time of labour comes upon the young wife; and the occasion is regarded not as the bringing of a child into the world, but as the approach of death; in bearing it is expected that she will die; and, indeed, often this sad presentiment is true, and before they spread the birthday feast, before they taste any of their expected joys, they have to change their rejoicing into lamentation. Still in love’s fever, still at the height of their passionate affection, not yet having grasped life’s sweetest gifts, as in the vision of a dream, they are suddenly torn away from all they possessed. But what comes next? Domestics, like conquering foes, dismantle the bridal chamber; they deck it for the funeral, but it is death’s11    There is a play on the words θάλαμος and θάνατος: “the one is changed into the other.” room now; they make the useless wailings12    ἐτὶ τούτων ἀνακλήσεις: “amongst these”, i.e. the domestics. Livineius reads τούτοις, and renders “Succedunt inutilis revocatio, inanis manuum plausus,” i.e. as the last funeral act. and beatings of the hands. Then there is the memory of former days, curses on those who advised the marriage, recriminations against friends who did not stop it; blame thrown on parents whether they be alive or dead, bitter outbursts against human destiny, arraigning of the whole course of nature, complaints and accusations even against the Divine government; war within the man himself, and fighting with those who would admonish; no repugnance to the most shocking words and acts. In some this state of mind continues, and their reason is more completely swallowed up by grief; and their tragedy has a sadder ending, the victim not enduring to survive the calamity.

But rather than this let us suppose a happier case. The danger of childbirth is past; a child is born to them, the very image of its parents’ beauty. Are the occasions for grief at all lessened thereby? Rather they are increased; for the parents retain all their former fears, and feel in addition those on behalf of the child, lest anything should happen to it in its bringing up; for instance a bad accident, or by some turn of misfortunes a sickness, a fever13    Reading πύρωσιν, with Galesinius: the Paris Editt. read πήρωσιν, any dangerous disease. Both parents share alike in these; but who could recount the special anxieties of the wife? We omit the most obvious, which all can understand, the weariness of pregnancy, the danger in childbirth, the cares of nursing, the tearing of her heart in two for her offspring, and, if she is the mother of many, the dividing of her soul into as many parts as she has children; the tenderness with which she herself feels all that is happening to them. That is well understood by every one. But the oracle of God tells us that she is not her own mistress, but finds her resources only in him whom wedlock has made her lord; and so, if she be for ever so short a time left alone, she feels as if she were separated from her head, and can ill bear it; she even takes this short absence of her husband to be the prelude to her widowhood; her fear makes her at once give up all hope; accordingly her eyes, filled with terrified suspense, are always fixed upon the door; her ears are always busied with what others are whispering; her heart, stung with her fears, is well-nigh bursting even before any bad14    νεώτερον, in a bad sense. So Zosimus, lib. i. p. 658, πράγματα ῾Ρωμαίοις νεώτερα μηχανήσασθαι news has arrived; a noise in the doorway, whether fancied or real, acts as a messenger of ill, and on a sudden shakes her very soul; most likely all outside is well, and there is no cause to fear at all; but her fainting spirit is quicker than any message, and turns her fancy from good tidings to despair. Thus even the most favoured live, and they are not altogether to be envied; their life is not to be compared to the freedom of virginity. Yet this hasty sketch has omitted many of the more distressing details. Often this young wife too, just wedded, still brilliant in bridal grace, still perhaps blushing when her bridegroom enters, and shyly stealing furtive glances at him, when passion is all the more intense because modesty prevents it being shown, suddenly has to take the name of a poor lonely widow and be called all that is pitiable. Death comes in an instant and changes that bright creature in her white and rich attire into a black-robed mourner. He takes off the bridal ornaments and clothes her with the colours of bereavement. There is darkness in the once cheerful room, and the waiting-women sing their long dirges. She hates her friends when they try to soften her grief; she will not take food, she wastes away, and in her soul’s deep dejection has a strong longing only for her death, a longing which often lasts till it comes. Even supposing that time puts an end to this sorrow, still another comes, whether she has children or not. If she has, they are fatherless, and, as objects of pity themselves, renew the memory of her loss. If she is childless, then the name of her lost husband is rooted up, and this grief is greater than the seeming consolation. I will say little of the other special sorrows of widowhood; for who could enumerate them all exactly? She finds her enemies in her relatives. Some actually take advantage of her affliction. Others exult over her loss, and see with malignant joy the home falling to pieces, the insolence of the servants, and the other distresses visible in such a case, of which there are plenty. In consequence of these, many women are compelled to risk once more the trial of the same things, not being able to endure this bitter derision. As if they could revenge insults by increasing their own sufferings! Others, remembering the past, will put up with anything rather than plunge a second time into the like troubles. If you wish to learn all the trials of this married life, listen to those women who actually know it. How they congratulate those who have chosen from the first the virgin life, and have not had to learn by experience about the better way, that virginity is fortified against all these ills, that it has no orphan state, no widowhood to mourn; it is always in the presence of the undying Bridegroom; it has the offspring of devotion always to rejoice in; it sees continually a home that is truly its own, furnished with every treasure because the Master always dwells there; in this case death does not bring separation, but union with Him Who is longed for; for when (a soul) departs15    ἀναλύσῃ: Philip. i. 23. Tertullian (De Patient. 9) translates, “Cupis recipi (i.e. to flit, depart) jam et esse cum Domino.” Beza, however, says that the metaphor is taken from unharnessing after a race. Chrysostom and Jerome seem to take it of loosing off the cable., then it is with Christ, as the Apostle says. But it is time, now that we have examined on the one side the feelings of those whose lot is happy, to make a revelation of other lives, where poverty and adversity and all the other evils which men have to suffer are a fixed condition; deformities, I mean, and diseases, and all other lifelong afflictions. He whose life is contained in himself either escapes them altogether or can bear them easily, possessing a collected mind which is not distracted from itself; while he who shares himself with wife and child often has not a moment to bestow even upon regrets for his own condition, because anxiety for his dear ones fills his heart. But it is superfluous to dwell upon that which every one knows. If to what seems prosperity such pain and weariness is bound, what may we not expect of the opposite condition? Every description which attempts to represent it to our view will fall short of the reality. Yet perhaps we may in a very few words declare the depths of its misery. Those whose lot is contrary to that which passes as prosperous receive their sorrows as well from causes contrary to that. Prosperous lives are marred by the expectancy, or the presence, of death; but the misery of these is that death delays his coming. These lives then are widely divided by opposite feelings; although equally without hope, they converge to the same end. So many-sided, then, so strangely different are the ills with which marriage supplies the world. There is pain always, whether children are born, or can never be expected, whether they live, or die. One abounds in them but has not enough means for their support; another feels the want of an heir to the great fortune he has toiled for, and regards as a blessing the other’s misfortune; each of them, in fact, wishes for that very thing which he sees the other regretting. Again, one man loses by death a much-loved16    ἠγαπημένος παῖς. Cod. Reg. has ὁ καταθύμιος, a favorite word with Gregory. Livineius reads ὁκαθήμενος, which he renders “nanus” (i.e. of low stature), and cites Pollux Onomast. lib. 3, c. 24 (where ἀποκαθήμενος = iners); it might also bear the meaning of “stay-at-home,” in contrast to the prodigal in the next sentence. son; another has a reprobate son alive; both equally to be pitied, though the one mourns over the death, the other over the life, of his boy. Neither will I do more than mention how sadly and disastrously family jealousies and quarrels, arising from real or fancied causes, end. Who could go completely into all those details? If you would know what a network of these evils human life is, you need not go back again to those old stories which have furnished subjects to dramatic poets. They are regarded as myths on account of their shocking extravagance; there are in them murders and eating of children, husband-murders, murders of mothers and brothers, incestuous unions, and every sort of disturbance of nature; and yet the old chronicler begins the story which ends in such horrors with marriage. But turning from all that, gaze only upon the tragedies that are being enacted on this life’s stage; it is marriage that supplies mankind with actors there. Go to the law-courts and read through the laws there; then you will know the shameful secrets of marriage. Just as when you hear a physician explaining various diseases, you understand the misery of the human frame by learning the number and the kind of sufferings it is liable to, so when you peruse the laws and read there the strange variety of crimes in marriage to which their penalties are attached, you will have a pretty accurate idea of its properties; for the law does not provide remedies for evils which do not exist, any more than a physician has a treatment for diseases which are never known.

[3] Κεφάλαιον γʹΜνήμη τῶν ἐκ τοῦ γάμου δυσχερῶν καὶ ἔνδειξις τοῦ τὸν γεγραφότα τὸν λόγον μὴ ἄγαμον εἶναι. Εἴθε πως οἷόν τε ἦν κἀμοί τι γενέσθαι πλέον ἐκ τῆς τοιαύτης σπουδῆς. Ὡς μετὰ πλείονος ἂν τῆς προθυμίας τὸν περὶ τούτων πόνον ἐνεστησάμην, εἴπερ κατὰ τὸ γεγραμμένον «ἐπ' ἐλπίδι τοῦ μετασχεῖν τῶν ἐκ τοῦ ἀρότρου καὶ ἀλοητοῦ» γεννημάτων ἐφιλοπόνουν τὸν λόγον. Νυνὶ δὲ τρόπον τινὰ ματαία καὶ ἀνόνητος ἡ γνῶσις ἐμοὶ τῶν τῆς παρθενίας καλῶν, ὡς τῷ βοῒ τὰ γεννήματα τῷ μετὰ κημῶν ἐπιστρεφομένῳ τὴν ἅλωνα ἢ ὡς τῷ διψῶντι τὸ ὑπορρέον τὸν κρημνὸν ὕδωρ, ὅταν ἀνέφικτον ᾖ. Μακάριοι δὲ οἷς ἐν ἐξουσίᾳ τῶν βελτιόνων ἐστὶν ἡ αἵρεσις, καὶ οὐκ ἀπετειχίσθησαν τῷ κοινῷ προληφθέντες βίῳ, καθάπερ ἡμεῖς οἷόν τινι χάσματι πρὸς τὸ τῆς παρθενίας καύχημα διειργόμεθα, πρὸς ἣν οὐκ ἔστιν ἐπανελθεῖν ἔτι τὸν ἅπαξ τῷ κοσμικῷ βίῳ τὸ ἴχνος ἐναπερείσαντα. Διὰ τοῦτο θεαταὶ μόνον τῶν ἀλλοτρίων ἐσμὲν καλῶν ἡμεῖς καὶ μάρτυρες τῆς ἑτέρων μακαριότητος: κἄν τι δεξιὸν περὶ παρθενίας νοήσωμεν, ταὐτὸν πάσχομεν τοῖς ὀψοποιοῖς τε καὶ ὑπηρέταις, οἳ τὴν ἐπιτραπέζιον τῶν πλουσίων τρυφὴν ἄλλοις ἡδύνουσιν, οὐδενὸς αὐτοὶ τῶν παρεσκευασμένων μετέχοντες. Ὡς μακάριόν γε ἂν ἦν, εἰ μὴ οὕτως εἶχε μηδὲ τῇ ὑστεροβουλίᾳ τὸ καλὸν ἐγνωρίσαμεν. Νυνὶ δὲ ζηλωτοὶ μὲν ὄντως καὶ πάσης εὐχῆς καὶ ἐπιθυμίας ἐπέκεινα πράττοντες, οἷς ἡ δύναμις τῶν ἀπολαύσεων τῶν ἀγαθῶν τούτων οὐκ ἀποκέκλεισται. Ἡμεῖς δὲ καθάπερ οἱ τῇ πολυτελείᾳ τοῦ πλούτου τὴν ἑαυτῶν παραθεωροῦντες πενίαν πλεῖον ἀνιῶνται τοῖς παροῦσι καὶ δυσχεραίνουσι, τὸν αὐτὸν τρόπον ὅσῳ πλέον τὸν τῆς παρθενίας πλοῦτον ἐπιγινώσκομεν, τοσούτῳ μᾶλλον οἰκτείρομεν τὸν ἄλλον βίον διὰ τῆς τῶν βελτιόνων παρεξετάσεως οἵων καὶ ὅσων πτωχεύει καταμανθάνοντες. Οὐ λέγω μόνον ὅσα εἰς ὕστερον τοῖς κατ' ἀρετὴν βεβιωκόσιν ἀπόκειται, ἀλλὰ καὶ ὅσα τῆς παρούσης ἐστὶ ζωῆς. Εἰ γάρ τις ἀκριβῶς ἐξετάζειν ἐθέλοι τοῦ βίου τούτου τὸ πρὸς τὴν παρθενίαν διάφορον, τοσαύτην εὑρήσει τὴν διαφοράν, ὅση σχεδὸν τῶν ἐπιγείων ἐστὶ πρὸς τὰ οὐράνια: ἔξεστι δὲ γνῶναι τὴν τοῦ λόγου ἀλήθειαν αὐτὰ διασκεψαμένους τὰ πράγματα.
Πόθεν δέ τις ἀρξάμενος ἐπαξίως ἂν τὸν βαρὺν τοῦτον βίον ἐκτραγῳδήσειεν; Ἢ πῶς ἄν τις ὑπ' ὄψιν ἀγάγοι τὰ κοινὰ τοῦ βίου κακά, ἃ πάντες μὲν οἱ ἄνθρωποι διὰ τῆς πείρας γινώσκουσιν, οὐκ οἶδα δὲ ὅπως ἐν αὐτοῖς τοῖς εἰδόσιν αὐτὰ λανθάνειν ἡ φύσις ἐμηχανήσατο, ἑκουσίως τῶν ἀνθρώπων ἐν οἷς εἰσιν ἀγνοούντων; Βούλει, ἀπὸ τῶν ἡδίστων ἀρξώμεθα; Οὐκοῦν τὸ κεφάλαιον τῶν ἐν τῷ γάμῳ σπουδαζομένων τὸ κεχαρισμένης ἐπιτυχεῖν συμβιώσεως. Καὶ δὴ ταῦθ' οὕτως ἐχέτω καὶ διὰ πάντων μακαριστὸς ὑπογεγράφθω ὁ γάμος: γένος εὐδόκιμον, πλοῦτος ἀρκῶν, ἡλικία συμβαίνουσα, τῆς ὥρας αὐτὸ τὸ ἄνθος, φίλτρον πολύ, καὶ οἷον ἐν ἑκατέρῳ ὑπὲρ τὸν ἄλλον ὑπονοεῖσθαι, ἡ γλυκεῖα ἐκείνη φιλονεικία τὸ ἑαυτὸν βούλεσθαι νικᾶν ἐν τῇ ἀγάπῃ ἑκάτερον. Προσέστω τούτοις δόξα καὶ δυναστεία καὶ περιφάνεια καὶ πᾶν ὅ τι βούλει. Ἀλλ' ὅρα τὴν τοῖς ἀπηριθμημένοις χρηστοῖς ἀναγκαίως συμπαροῦσαν καὶ ὑποσμύχουσαν λύπην. Οὐ λέγω τὸν τοῖς εὐδοκιμοῦσιν ἐπιφυόμενον φθόνον καὶ τὸ πρόχειρον εἶναι πρὸς ἐπιβουλὴν τῶν ἀνθρώπων τὸ δοκοῦν εὐημερεῖν ἐν τῷ βίῳ, καὶ ὅτι πᾶς ὁ μὴ ἰσομοιρῶν ἐν τῷ κρείττονι φυσικόν τι πρὸς τὸν ὑπερέχοντα τὸ μῖσος ἔχει: καὶ διὰ τοῦτο δι' ὑποψίας τοῖς δοκοῦσιν εὐθυμεῖν ὁ βίος ἐστί, πλείω τῶν ἡδέων τὰ λυπηρὰ παρεχόμενος. Παρίημι ταῦτα ὡς καὶ τοῦ φθόνου κατ' ἐκείνων ἀργοῦντος: καίτοι γε οὐ ῥᾴδιόν ἐστιν εὑρεῖν ὅτῳ τὰ δύο κατὰ ταὐτὸν συνηνέχθη καὶ ὑπὲρ τοὺς πολλοὺς εὐδαιμονεῖν καὶ διαφεύγειν τὸν φθόνον. Πλὴν ἀλλὰ πάντων τῶν τοιούτων ἐλευθέραν αὐτῶν, εἰ δοκεῖ, τὴν ζωὴν ὑποθώμεθα, καὶ ἴδωμεν εἰ δυνατόν ἐστιν εὐθυμεῖν τοὺς ἐν τοσαύτῃ διάγοντας εὐημερίᾳ.
Τί οὖν ἔσται τὸ λυποῦν, ἐρεῖς, εἰ μηδὲ ὁ φθόνος τῶν εὐδαιμονούντων καθάψεται; Τοῦτο αὐτό φημι τὸ διὰ πάντων αὐτοῖς τὸν βίον καταγλυκαίνεσθαι, τοῦτό ἐστι τὸ τῆς λύπης ὑπέκκαυμα. Ἕως γὰρ ἂν ἄνθρωποι ὦσι, τὸ θνητὸν τοῦτο καὶ ἐπίκηρον πρᾶγμα, καὶ τοὺς τάφους τῶν ἀφ' ὧν γεγόνασι βλέπωσιν, ἀχώριστον ἔχουσι καὶ συνεζευγμένην τῇ ζωῇ τὴν λύπην, εἰ καὶ μικρὸν μετέχοιεν τοῦ λογίζεσθαι. Ἡ γὰρ διηνεκὴς τοῦ θανάτου προσδοκία οὐκ ἐπὶ ῥητοῖς τισι σημείοις ἐπιγινωσκομένη, ἀλλὰ διὰ τὴν ἀδηλίαν τοῦ μέλλοντος πάντοτε ὡς ἐνεστηκυῖα φοβοῦσα τὴν ἀεὶ παροῦσαν εὐφροσύνην συγχεῖ, τῷ φόβῳ τῶν ἐλπιζομένων τὰς εὐθυμίας ἐπιταράσσουσα. Εἰ γὰρ ἦν δυνατὸν πρὸ τῆς πείρας τὰ τῶν πεπειραμένων μαθεῖν. Εἰ γὰρ ἐξῆν δι' ἄλλης τινὸς ἐπινοίας ἐντὸς τοῦ βίου γενόμενον ἐποπτεῦσαι τὰ πράγματα, πόσος ἂν ἦν ὁ δρόμος τῶν αὐτομολούντων πρὸς τὴν παρθενίαν ἀπὸ τοῦ γάμου. Πόση φυλακὴ καὶ προμήθεια τοῦ μήποτε ταῖς ἀφύκτοις πάγαις ἐγκρατηθῆναι, ὧν τὴν δυσκολίαν οὐκ ἔστιν ἄλλως δι' ἀκριβείας μαθεῖν, μὴ ἐντὸς τῶν ἀρκύων γενόμενον. Εἶδες γὰρ ἄν, εἴπερ ἰδεῖν ἀκινδύνως ἐξῆν, πολλὴν τῶν ἐναντίων τὴν σύγχυσιν, γέλωτα δακρύοις ἐμπεφυρμένον καὶ λύπην εὐφροσύναις συμμεμιγμένην, πανταχοῦ τοῖς γινομένοις συμπαρόντα διὰ τῶν ἐλπίδων τὸν θάνατον καὶ ἑκάστου τῶν καθ' ἡδονὴν ἐφαπτόμενον. Ὅταν ἴδῃ ὁ νυμφίος τὸ ἀγαπώμενον πρόσωπον, εὐθὺς πάντως καὶ ὁ φόβος τοῦ χωρισμοῦ συνεισέρχεται: κἂν ἀκούσῃ τῆς ἡδίστης φωνῆς, καὶ τὸ μὴ ἀκούσεσθαί ποτε ἐννοήσει: καὶ ὅταν εὐφρανθῇ τῇ θεωρίᾳ τοῦ κάλλους, τότε μάλιστα φρίττει τὴν προσδοκίαν τοῦ πένθους: ἐὰν τὰ τίμια τῇ νεότητι καὶ ὅσα παρὰ τῶν ἀνοήτων σπουδάζεται κατανοήσῃ, οἷον ὀφθαλμὸν τοῖς βλεφάροις λάμποντα καὶ ὀφρῦν περικεχυμένην τῷ ὄμματι καὶ παρειὰν ἐν ἡδεῖ καὶ γλαφυρῷ μειδιάματι καὶ χεῖλος ἐπηνθισμένον τῷ φυσικῷ ἐρυθήματι, κόμην τε χρυσομιγῆ καὶ βαθεῖαν τῷ ποικίλῳ τῆς ἐμπλοκῆς τῇ κεφαλῇ περιστίλβουσαν καὶ πᾶσαν τὴν πρόσκαιρον ἀγλαΐαν ἐκείνην, τότε πάντως, κἂν μικρὸν αὐτῷ προσῇ τοῦ λογίζεσθαι κἀκεῖνο τῇ ψυχῇ ἐννοεῖ, ὅτι τοῦτο μὲν τὸ τοιοῦτον κάλλος οἰχήσεταί ποτε διαρρυὲν καὶ εἰς τὸ μὴ ὂν περιστήσεται, ὀστέα βδελυρά τε καὶ εἰδεχθῆ ἀντὶ τοῦ νῦν φαινομένου γενόμενον, οὐδὲν ἴχνος, οὐδὲν μνημόσυνον, οὐδὲν λείψανον τοῦ παρόντος ἄνθους ἐπιφερόμενον.
Εἰ ταῦτα καὶ τὰ τοιαῦτα διανοοῖτο, ἆρ' ἐν εὐφροσύνῃ βιώσεται; Ἆρα πιστεύσει τοῖς παροῦσιν αὐτῷ χρηστοῖς ὡς ἀεὶ παραμένουσιν; Ἢ δῆλον ἐκ τούτων, ὅτι καθάπερ ἐν ταῖς τῶν ὀνείρων ἀπάταις ἀμηχανήσει καὶ ἀπίστως πρὸς τὸν βίον ἕξει, ὡς ἀλλοτρίοις προσέχων τοῖς φαινομένοις, συνιεὶς πάντως, εἴπερ ἔχοι τινὰ τῶν ὄντων ἐπίσκεψιν, ὅτι οὐδὲν τῶν ἐν τῷ βίῳ φαινομένων ὡς ἔστι φαίνεται, ἀλλὰ κατὰ τὰς ἀπατηλὰς φαντασίας ἕτερα ἀνθ' ἑτέρων ἡμῖν προδείκνυσι διαπαίζων ταῖς ἐλπίσι τοὺς πρὸς αὐτὸν κεχηνότας, καὶ διὰ τῆς τῶν φαινομένων πλάνης συγκαλύπτων αὐτὸς ἑαυτόν, ἕως ἂν ἀθρόως ἐν ταῖς μεταβολαῖς ἐλεγχθῇ ἄλλο τι ὢν παρὰ τὴν ἀνθρωπίνην ἐλπίδα τὴν διὰ τῆς ἀπάτης τοῖς ἀνοήτοις ἐγγινομένην. Ποίας οὖν ἡδονῆς ἄξια τῷ ταῦτα λογιζομένῳ φανεῖται τὰ ἡδέα τοῦ βίου; Πότε ἡσθήσεται κατὰ ἀλήθειαν ὁ ταῦτα φρονῶν καὶ τοῖς δοκοῦσιν αὐτῷ παρεῖναι χρηστοῖς εὐφρανθήσεται; Οὐκ ἀεὶ τῷ φόβῳ τῆς μεταβολῆς ταραττόμενος ἀνεπαίσθητον ἔχει τὴν τῶν παρόντων ἀπόλαυσιν;
Ἐῶ σημεῖα καὶ ὀνείρους καὶ κληδόνας καὶ τοὺς τοιούτους λήρους, πάντα ὑπὸ ματαίας συνηθείας παρατηρούμενα καὶ πρὸς τὸ χεῖρον ὑποπτευόμενα. Ἀλλὰ καιρὸς ὠδίνων τὴν παῖδα καταλαμβάνει καὶ οὐχὶ παιδὸς γένεσις, ἀλλὰ θανάτου παρουσία τὸ πρᾶγμα νομίζεται καὶ θάνατος τῆς κυοφορούσης διὰ τοῦ τόκου ἐλπίζεται. Πολλάκις δὲ καὶ τῆς πονηρᾶς ταύτης μαντείας οὐ διεψεύσθησαν, ἀλλὰ πρὶν ἑορτάσαι τὴν γενέθλιον ἑορτήν, πρίν τινος τῶν κατ' ἐλπίδας ἀγαθῶν ἀπογεύσασθαι, εὐθὺς εἰς θρῆνον τὴν χαρὰν μεθηρμόσαντο. Ἔτι τῷ φίλτρῳ ζέοντες, ἄρτι τοῖς πόθοις ἀκμάζοντες, οὔπω τῶν κατὰ τὸν βίον ἡδίστων λαβόντες τὴν αἴσθησιν, ὥσπερ τινὸς ἐνυπνίου φαντασίᾳ, πάντων ἀθρόως τῶν ἐν χερσὶν ἐχωρίσθησαν. Τὰ δὲ ἐπὶ τούτοις οἷα; Πορθεῖται μὲν ὑπὸ τῶν οἰκείων ὡς ὑπὸ πολεμίων ὁ θάλαμος, καλλωπίζεται δὲ ἀντὶ τοῦ θαλάμου διὰ τοῦ τάφου ὁ θάνατος. Ἀνακλήσεις ἐπὶ τούτων ἀνόνητοι καὶ μάταιοι χειρῶν κρότοι, ἀναμνήσεις τοῦ προτέρου βίου, κατάραι κατὰ τῶν συμβουλευσάντων τὸν γάμον, μέμψεις κατὰ τῶν μὴ κωλυσάντων φίλων, ἐν αἰτίᾳ πολλῇ οἱ γονεῖς ἄν τε περιόντες τύχωσιν ἄν τε καὶ μή, ἀγανάκτησις κατὰ τῆς ἀνθρωπίνης ζωῆς, κατηγορία πάσης τῆς φύσεως, κατ' αὐτῆς τῆς θείας οἰκονομίας μέμψεις πολλαὶ καὶ ἐγκλήματα, μάχη πρὸς ἑαυτόν, πόλεμος κατὰ τῶν νουθετούντων, οὐδεὶς τῶν ἀτοπωτάτων ὄκνος οὔτε ῥημάτων οὔτε πραγμάτων. Πολλάκις δέ, οἷς ἂν ὑπερανίσχῃ τὸ πάθος καὶ περισσοτέρως καταποθῇ ὁ λογισμὸς ὑπὸ τῆς λύπης, εἰς πικρότερον πέρας ἡ τραγῳδία κατέληξεν, οὐδὲ τοῦ περιλειφθέντος ἐπιβιῶναι τῇ συμφορᾷ δυνηθέντος.
Ἀλλ' οὐχὶ τοῦτο; Ὑποθώμεθα δὲ τὰ βελτίω, ὅτι καὶ διέφυγε τῶν ὠδίνων τὸν κίνδυνον καὶ γέγονεν αὐτοῖς παῖς, αὐτὸ τῆς ὥρας τῶν γεννησαμένων τὸ ἀπεικόνισμα. Τί οὖν; Ἠλαττώθη διὰ τούτων ἡ τοῦ λυπεῖσθαι ὑπόθεσις ἢ οὐχὶ καὶ προσθήκας μᾶλλον ἐδέξατο; Τούς τε γὰρ προτέρους ἔχουσι φόβους καὶ τὸν ὑπὲρ τοῦ τέκνου προσέλαβον, μή τι συμβῇ περὶ τὴν ἀνατροφὴν ἀηδές, μή τις πονηρὰ συντυχία, μή τι σύμπτωμα τῶν ἀβουλήτων ἢ πάθος ἢ πήρωσιν ἢ κίνδυνον ἐπαγάγῃ τινά. Καὶ ταῦτα μὲν ἀμφοτέρων κοινά, τὰ δὲ τῆς γαμετῆς ἴδια τίς ἂν ἐξαριθμήσαιτο; Ἵνα γὰρ ἐάσωμεν τὰ πρόχειρα ταῦτα καὶ πᾶσιν γνώριμα, τὸ τῆς κυοφορίας ἄχθος, τὸν ἐν ταῖς ὠδῖσι κίνδυνον, τὸν ὑπὲρ τῆς ἀνατροφῆς πόνον, τὸ τὴν καρδίαν αὐτῆς τῷ τεχθέντι συναποσχίζεσθαι, κἂν πλειόνων γένηται μήτηρ, εἰς τοσαῦτα κατατέμνεσθαι αὐτῆς τὴν ψυχήν, ὅσος ὁ ἀριθμὸς τῶν τέκνων ἐστίν, ὡς τῶν συμβαινόντων ἐκείνοις ἐν τοῖς ἰδίοις σπλάγχνοις τὴν αἴσθησιν δέχεσθαι. Καὶ πάντα τὰ τοιαῦτα γνώριμα πᾶσιν ὄντα τί ἄν τις λέγοι; ἀλλ' ἐπειδὴ κατὰ τὸ θεῖον λόγιον οὐχ ἑαυτῆς ἐστι κυρία, πρὸς δὲ τὸν διὰ τοῦ γάμου κυριεύσαντα τὴν ἀποστροφὴν ἔχει, κἂν πρὸς ὀλίγον αὐτοῦ μονωθῇ ὡς τῆς κεφαλῆς διεζευγμένη, οὐ φέρει τὴν μόνωσιν, ἀλλὰ ὡς μελέτην τινὰ τῆς ἐν τῇ χηρείᾳ ζωῆς καὶ τὴν ἐν ὀλίγῳ τοῦ ἀνδρὸς ἀναχώρησιν οἰωνίζεται. Εὐθὺς ὁ φόβος ἀπόγνωσιν ἐμποιεῖ τῶν χρηστοτέρων ἐλπίδων, καὶ διὰ τοῦτο ὁ μὲν ὀφθαλμὸς περὶ τὴν εἴσοδον πέπηγε γέμων ταραχῆς καὶ πτοήσεως, ἡ δὲ ἀκοὴ τοὺς ὑπολαλοῦντας περιεργάζεται, συγκόπτεται δὲ ἡ καρδία μαστιζομένη τῷ φόβῳ καί, πρίν τι προσαγγελθῆναι νεώτερον, καὶ μόνον ψόφος πρὸ τῶν θυρῶν ἢ ὑπονοηθεὶς ἢ γενόμενος, ὥσπερ τις ἄγγελος κακῶν, ἐξαίφνης τὴν ψυχὴν διεκλόνησε. Καὶ τὰ μὲν ἔξω δεξιὰ τυχὸν καὶ οὐδενὸς ἄξια φόβου, φθάνει δὲ ἡ λειποθυμία τὴν ἀγγελίαν καὶ ἀναστρέφει πρὸς τὸ ἐναντίον ἀπὸ τῶν ἡδέων τὴν γνώμην. Τοιοῦτος τῶν εὐθυμούντων ὁ βίος. Πάνυ γε ἄξιος. Οὐ γὰρ τῇ ἐλευθερίᾳ τῆς παρθενίας ἀντεξετάζεται.
Καίτοι πολλὰ τῶν σκυθρωποτέρων ὁ λόγος ἐπιτρέχων παρέλιπε. Πολλάκις γὰρ κἀκείνη ἔτι νέα τῷ σώματι, ἔτι τῇ νυμφικῇ ἀγλαΐᾳ στίλβουσα, ἔτι τυχὸν ἐρυθριῶσα τοῦ νυμφίου τὴν εἴσοδον καὶ μετὰ αἰδοῦς ὑποβλέπουσα, ὅτε καὶ θερμοτέρους εἶναι συμβαίνει τοὺς πόθους ὑπ' αἰσχύνης πρὸς τὸ ἐκφανῆναι κωλυομένους, ἐξαίφνης χήρα καὶ ἀθλία καὶ ἔρημος καὶ πάντα τὰ φευκτὰ μεταλαμβάνει ὀνόματα καὶ τὴν τέως λαμπρὰν καὶ λευχείμονα καὶ περίβλεπτον ἀθρόως καταμελαίνει προσπεσοῦσα ἡ συμφορά, καὶ περιβάλλει τῷ πένθει τὸν νυμφικὸν κόσμον ἀποσυλήσασα. Εἶτα ζόφος ἀντὶ τῆς ἐν παστάδι λαμπρότητος καὶ θρηνῳδοὶ τὰς οἰμωγὰς ἐπιτείνουσαι καὶ μῖσος κατὰ τῶν ἐπιχειρούντων πραΰνειν τὰ πάθη, ἀπέχθεια σιτίων, τηκεδὼν σώματος, κατήφεια ψυχῆς, ἐπιθυμία θανάτου καὶ μέχρις αὐτοῦ τοῦ θανάτου πολλάκις ἰσχύσασα. Ἐὰν δὲ καὶ πεφθῇ πως τῷ χρόνῳ ἡ συμφορά, πάλιν ἄλλη συμφορά, εἴτε ὑπάρχει τέκνα εἴτε καὶ μή. Ὄντα μὲν γὰρ ὀρφανὰ πάντως ἐστί, καὶ διὰ τοῦτο ἐλεεινὰ καὶ δι' ἑαυτῶν τὸ πάθος ἀνακαινίζοντα: εἰ δὲ μὴ εἴη, πρόρριζον οἴχεται τὸ τοῦ κατοιχομένου μνημόσυνον καὶ τὸ κακὸν ὑπὲρ παραμυθίαν ἐστίν.
Ἐῶ τὰ ἄλλα τὰ τῆς χηρείας ἴδια. Τίς γὰρ ἂν πάντα μετὰ ἀκριβείας ἀπαριθμήσαιτο; Τοὺς ἐχθρούς, τοὺς οἰκείους, τοὺς μὲν ἐπεμβαίνοντας τῇ συμφορᾷ, τοὺς δὲ φαιδρυνομένους τῇ ἐρημίᾳ καὶ μεθ' ἡδονῆς βλέποντας ἐν πικρῷ ὀφθαλμῷ τὸν διαπίπτοντα οἶκον, καὶ τοὺς καταφρονοῦντας οἰκέτας καὶ πάντα τὰ ἄλλα ὅσα πάρεστιν ἀφθόνως ἐπὶ τῶν τοιούτων ὁρᾶν, δι' ὧν αἱ πολλαὶ καὶ δεύτερον ὑπ' ἀνάγκης πρὸς τὴν τῶν ὁμοίων κακῶν παρεβάλοντο πεῖραν, οὐκ ἐνεγκοῦσαι τῶν ἐπεγγελώντων τὴν πικρίαν, ὥσπερ ἀμυνόμεναι τοὺς λυπήσαντας τοῖς ἰδίοις κακοῖς: πολλαὶ δὲ τῇ μνήμῃ τῶν συμβεβηκότων πᾶν ὁτιοῦν ὑπέστησαν μᾶλλον ἢ ἐμπεσεῖν ἐκ δευτέρου τῇ τῶν συμφορῶν ὁμοιότητι. Καὶ εἰ βούλει μαθεῖν τὰ δυσχερῆ τοῦ κοινοτέρου βίου, ἄκουσον οἷα λέγουσιν αἱ τῇ πείρᾳ τὸν βίον γνωρίσασαι, ὅπως μακαρίζουσι τὴν ζωὴν τῶν ἐξ ἀρχῆς τὸν ἐν παρθενίᾳ βίον προελομένων καὶ μὴ διὰ συμφορᾶς μεταμαθόντων τὸ κάλλιον, ὅτι πάντων τῶν τοιούτων κακῶν ἀνεπίδεκτός ἐστιν ἡ παρθενία: οὐκ ὀρφανίαν θρηνεῖ, οὐ χηρείαν ὀδύρεται: ἀεὶ σύνεστι τῷ ἀφθάρτῳ νυμφίῳ, ἀεὶ ἐπαγάλλεται τοῖς τῆς εὐσεβείας γεννήμασι: τόν τε οἶκον τὸν ἀληθῶς ἴδιον πᾶσι τοῖς καλλίστοις ὁρᾷ διηνεκῶς εὐθηνούμενον διὰ τὸ παρεῖναι καὶ ἐνοικεῖν ἀεὶ τὸν τοῦ οἴκου δεσπότην, ἐφ' ἧς ὁ θάνατος οὐ χωρισμόν, ἀλλὰ συνάφειαν τοῦ ποθουμένου ποιεῖ: ὅταν γὰρ «ἀναλύσῃ», τότε «σὺν Χριστῷ» γίνεται, καθώς φησιν ὁ ἀπόστολος.
Ἀλλὰ καιρὸς ἂν εἴη, ἐπειδὴ τὰ τῶν εὐθυμούντων ἐκ μέρους ἐξήτασται, καὶ τοὺς ἑτέρους ἐποπτεῦσαι βίους τῷ λόγῳ, οἷς καὶ πενίαι καὶ δυσκληρίαι καὶ αἱ λοιπαὶ τῶν ἀνθρωπίνων παθῶν συμφοραὶ παραπεπήγασιν, οἷον πηρώσεις τε καὶ νόσοι καὶ ὅσα τοιαῦτα τῇ ἀνθρωπίνῃ ζωῇ συγκεκλήρωται. Ἐν οἷς ἅπασιν ὁ μὲν καθ' ἑαυτὸν ζῶν ἢ διαφεύγει τὴν πεῖραν ἢ ῥᾷον διαφέρει τὴν συμφοράν, συγκεκροτημένην ἔχων περὶ ἑαυτὸν τὴν διάνοιαν καὶ πρὸς οὐδὲν ἄλλο ταῖς φροντίσι περιελκόμενος: ὁ δὲ πρὸς γυναῖκα καὶ τέκνα μεμερισμένος οὐδὲ σχολὴν ἄγει πολλάκις τοῖς ἰδίοις ἐπιστενάξαι κακοῖς, τῆς τῶν φιλτάτων φροντίδος τὴν καρδίαν περιηχούσης. Ἢ τάχα περιττόν ἐστι τοῖς ὁμολογουμένοις ἐνδιατρίβειν τῷ λόγῳ; Εἰ γὰρ τοῖς δοκοῦσιν εἶναι καλοῖς τοσοῦτος πόνος καὶ ταλαιπωρία συνέζευκται, τί ἄν τις περὶ τῶν ἐναντίων στοχάσαιτο; Ἦ που πᾶσα λόγου ὑπογραφὴ τῆς ἀληθείας ἐλάττων ἐστὶ τὸν βίον αὐτῶν ὑπ' ὄψιν ἀγαγεῖν ἐπιχειροῦσα, ἀλλ' ἔστιν ἴσως δι' ὀλίγου τὸ πολὺ τῆς κατὰ τὴν ζωὴν ἀηδίας ἐνδείξασθαι, ὅτι ἐναντίως πρὸς τοὺς εὐημερεῖν δοκοῦντας συγκεκληρωμένοι τῷ βίῳ καὶ τὰς λύπας ἀπὸ τῶν ἐναντίων ἔχουσι. Τοῖς μὲν γὰρ εὐθυμοῦσι ταράσσει τὸν βίον ὁ προσδοκώμενος ἢ καὶ παραγινόμενος θάνατος, τούτοις δὲ συμφορά ἐστιν ἡ ἀναβολὴ τοῦ θανάτου: καὶ ὁ μὲν βίος αὐτοῖς ἐκ διαμέτρου πρὸς τὸ ἐναντίον διέστηκεν, ἡ δὲ ἀθυμία πρὸς τὸ αὐτὸ πέρας ἀμφοτέροις συμφέρεται.
Οὕτω πολύτροπός ἐστι καὶ ποικίλη τῶν ἐκ τοῦ γάμου κακῶν ἡ χορηγία. Λυποῦσι γὰρ ὁμοίως καὶ γινόμενοι παῖδες καὶ μὴ γινόμενοι, καὶ πάλιν ζῶντες καὶ ἀποθνῄσκοντες. Ὁ μὲν γὰρ εὐθηνεῖται παισὶν οὐδὲ τροφῆς ἔχων ἱκανῶς, τῷ δὲ οὐχ ὕπεστιν ὁ τοῦ κλήρου διάδοχος ἐπὶ πολλοῖς οἷς ἐμόχθησε καὶ ἐν ἀγαθῶν μοίρᾳ τὴν τοῦ ἑτέρου ποιεῖται συμφοράν, ἑκάτερος ἑαυτῷ ἐκεῖνο γενέσθαι βουλόμενος ἐφ' ᾧ δυσφοροῦντα βλέπει τὸν ἕτερον: ᾧ μὲν γὰρ τέθνηκεν ὁ καταθύμιος παῖς, ᾧ δὲ ἐπεβίω ὁ ἄσωτος: ἐλεεινοὶ δὲ ἀμφότεροι, ὁ μὲν τὸν θάνατον τοῦ παιδός, ὁ δὲ τὴν ζωὴν ὀδυρόμενος. Ἐῶ ζηλοτυπίας καὶ μάχας, εἴτε ἐξ ἀληθῶν πραγμάτων εἴτε ἐξ ὑπονοιῶν συνισταμένας, εἰς οἷα πάθη καὶ συμφορὰς καταλήγουσι. Τίς γὰρ ἂν πάντα μετὰ ἀκριβείας ἀπαριθμήσαιτο; Σὺ δ', εἰ βούλει μαθεῖν ὅπως ἐμπέπλησται τῶν τοιούτων κακῶν ἡ ἀνθρωπίνη ζωή, μή μοι ἀναλάβῃς τὰ παλαιὰ διηγήματα, ἃ τοῖς ποιηταῖς τῶν δραμάτων τὰς ὑποθέσεις ἔδωκε: μῦθοι γὰρ ἐκεῖνα διὰ τὴν ὑπερβολὴν τῆς ἀτοπίας νομίζονται, ἐν οἷς παιδοφονίαι καὶ τεκνοφαγίαι, φόνοι τε ἀνδρῶν καὶ μητροκτονίαι καὶ ἀδελφῶν σφαγαὶ καὶ μίξεις παράνομοι καὶ ἡ παντοδαπὴ τῆς φύσεως σύγχυσις, ἣν οἱ τὰ ἀρχαῖα διηγούμενοι ἀπὸ γάμων ἀρχόμενοι τῆς ἀφηγήσεως εἰς τὰς τοιαύτας συμφορὰς καταλήγουσιν. Ἀλλ' ἐκεῖνα πάντα καταλιπὼν θεώρησον ἐπὶ τῆς παρούσης τοῦ βίου σκηνῆς τὰς ἐν αὐτῷ τραγῳδίας, ὧν χορηγὸς γίνεται τοῖς ἀνθρώποις ὁ γάμος. Ἐλθὲ ἐπὶ τὰ δικαστήρια, ἀνάγνωθι τοὺς περὶ τούτων νόμους: ἐκεῖ κατόψει τὰ τῶν γάμων ἀπόρρητα. Ὥσπερ γὰρ ὅταν ἰατρῶν ἀκούσῃς τὰ ποικίλα πάθη διεξιόντων, τὴν ἀθλιότητα μανθάνεις τοῦ ἀνθρωπίνου σώματος, οἵων καὶ ὅσων κακῶν δεκτικόν ἐστι διδασκόμενος, οὕτως ἐπειδὰν τοῖς νόμοις ἐντύχῃς καὶ γνῷς τὰς πολυτρόπους τοῦ γάμου παρανομίας, καθ' ὧν ἐκεῖνοι τὰς τιμωρίας ὁρίζουσιν, ἀκριβῶς διδάσκῃ τὰ τοῦ γάμου ἴδια: οὔτε γὰρ ἰατρὸς τὰ μὴ ὄντα θεραπεύει πάθη, οὔτε νόμος τὰ μὴ γινόμενα τιμωρεῖται κακά.