John Chrysostom, What Kind of Wives Should Be Taken

higher and more philosophical from things above, but the weaker is led to affection by things below and by things of nature. For this reason, beginning from the righteous deeds of Christ, he introduces the exhortation, saying thus: Love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church; then again from human things: So ought men to love their own wives as their own bodies; then again from Christ: for we are members of His body, and of His flesh, and of His bones; then again from human things: For this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall be joined unto his 51.230 wife; and having read this law, he says: This mystery is great. How is it great? Tell me. Because the maiden, secluded all her time, having never seen the bridegroom, from the very first day so desires and loves him as her own body; again the man, one whom he has never seen, with whom he has never shared conversation, her he also from the first day prefers above all, both friends, and relatives, and their own parents. The parents again, if they are deprived of money for any other reason, are vexed, they grieve, they drag those who took it to court; but to a man often never seen, nor known, they entrust both their own daughter and a dowry of much money. And they rejoice in doing this, and they do not consider what is happening to be a loss; but seeing their daughter being led away, they do not remember their custom, they do not grieve, they are not vexed, but even give thanks, and consider it a matter of prayer to see both their daughter led out of the house, and much money with her. Therefore Paul, understanding all these things, that both, leaving their parents, are bound to each other, and that the meeting at that time becomes more powerful than so long a custom, and perceiving that this is not a human thing, but that God has sown these loves, and has prepared both those who give away and those who are given away to do this with joy, says: This mystery is great. And just as in the case of children, a child, when born, immediately knows its parents by sight, without speaking; so indeed also the bridegroom and bride, with no one bringing them together, no one exhorting and advising, are entwined with each other from sight. Then, seeing that this also happened in the case of Christ, and especially in the case of the Church, he was astounded and marvelled. How then did this happen in the case of Christ and the Church? Just as the bridegroom, leaving his father, comes to the bride, so also Christ, leaving His Father's throne, came to the Bride; He did not call us up, but He Himself came to us. But when you hear that He left, do not think of a removal, but of a condescension; for even while being with us, He was with the Father. For this reason he says: This mystery is great. It is great indeed even when it happens among men; but when I see it happening with respect to Christ and to the Church, then I am astonished, then I marvel. For this reason, after saying, This mystery is great, he added: But I speak concerning Christ and the Church. Knowing, therefore, how great a mystery marriage is, and of how great a matter it is a type, do not deliberate about this simply, nor at random, nor seek an abundance of money when you are about to take a bride. For one must consider marriage to be not a business transaction, but a partnership for life. 4. For I have heard many saying, So-and-so has become wealthier from marriage, though he was poor; because he took a wealthy wife, he is rich and lives in luxury now. What are you saying, man? Do you desire to profit from a woman, and are you not ashamed, nor do you blush? not even into

ὑψηλότερος καὶ φιλοσοφώτερος ἀπὸ τῶν ἄνωθεν, ὁ δὲ ἀσθενὴς ἀπὸ τῶν κάτωθεν καὶ τῶν τῆς φύσεως εἰς φίλτρον ἐνάγηται. ∆ιὰ τοῦτο ἀρχόμενος μὲν ἀπὸ τῶν τοῦ Χριστοῦ κατορθωμάτων, τὴν παραίνεσιν εἰσάγει οὕτω λέγων· Ἀγαπᾶτε τὰς γυναῖκας, καθὼς καὶ ὁ Χριστὸς ἠγάπησε τὴν Ἐκκλησίαν· εἶτα πάλιν ἀπὸ τῶν ἀνθρωπίνων· Οὕτως ὀφείλουσιν οἱ ἄνδρες ἀγαπᾷν τὰς ἑαυτῶν γυναῖκας, ὡς τὰ ἑαυτῶν σώματα· εἶτα πάλιν ἀπὸ τοῦ Χριστοῦ· ὅτι μέλη ἐσμὲν ἐκ τοῦ σώματος αὐτοῦ, καὶ ἐκ τῆς σαρκὸς αὐτοῦ, καὶ ἐκ τῶν ὀστέων αὐτοῦ· εἶτα πάλιν ἀπὸ τῶν ἀνθρωπίνων· Ἀντὶ τούτου καταλείψει ἄνθρωπος τὸν πατέρα αὐτοῦ καὶ τὴν μητέρα, καὶ προσκολληθήσεται πρὸς τὴν 51.230 γυναῖκα αὐτοῦ· καὶ τὸν νόμον ἀναγνοὺς τοῦτόν φησι· Τὸ μυστήριον τοῦτο μέγα ἐστί. Πῶς μέγα ἐστίν; εἰπέ μοι. Ὅτι τὸν ἅπαντα θαλαμευομένη ἡ κόρη χρόνον, μηδέποτε τὸν νυμφίον ἑωρακυῖα, ἀπὸ τῆς πρώτης ἡμέρας οὕτω ποθεῖ καὶ στέργει ὡς σῶμα οἰκεῖον· πάλιν ὁ ἀνὴρ, ἣν οὐδέποτε εἶδεν, ἧς οὐδέποτε τῆς ἐν λόγῳ ἐκοινώνησε συνουσίας, ταύτην κἀκεῖνος ἀπὸ τῆς πρώτης ἡμέρας ἁπάντων προτίθησι, καὶ τῶν φίλων, καὶ τῶν οἰκείων, καὶ τῶν γεννησαμένων αὐτῶν. Οἱ γονεῖς πάλιν, ἂν μὲν ἐξ ἑτέρας ὑποθέσεως ἀφαιρεθῶσι χρήματα, δάκνονται, ἀλγοῦσιν, εἰς δικαστήριον τοὺς ἀφελομένους ἕλκουσιν· ἀνθρώπῳ δὲ πολλάκις μηδέποτε ὀφθέντι, μηδὲ γνωρισθέντι, καὶ τὴν θυγατέρα τὴν ἑαυτῶν καὶ προῖκα χρημάτων πολλῶν ἐγχειρίζουσι. Καὶ χαίρουσι τοῦτο ποιοῦντες, καὶ οὐχ ἡγοῦνται ζημίαν εἶναι τὸ γινόμενον· ἀλλ' ὁρῶντες τὴν θυγατέρα ἀπαγομένην, οὐ συνηθείας μέμνηνται, οὐκ ἀλγοῦσιν, οὐ δάκνονται, ἀλλὰ καὶ εὐχαριστοῦσι, καὶ εὐχῆς ἔργον εἶναι νομίζουσι τὸ καὶ τὴν θυγατέρα ἰδεῖν τῆς οἰκίας ἐξαγομένην, καὶ πολλὰ μετ' ἐκείνης χρήματα. Ταῦτα οὖν ἅπαντα ἐννοήσας ὁ Παῦλος, ὅτι τοὺς γονεῖς ἀφέντες ἀμφότεροι ἀλλήλοις συνδεσμοῦνται, καὶ χρόνου τοσούτου συνηθείας ἡ τότε συντυχία τυραννικωτέρα γίνεται, καὶ συνιδὼν, ὅτι οὐκ ἔστι τοῦτο ἀνθρώπινον, ἀλλ' ὁ Θεὸς τοὺς ἔρωτας τούτους ἐγκατέσπειρε, καὶ τοὺς ἐκδιδόντας καὶ τοὺς ἐκδιδομένους μετὰ χαρᾶς τοῦτο ποιεῖν παρεσκεύασε, φησίν· Τὸ μυστήριον τοῦτο μέγα ἐστί. Καὶ καθάπερ ἐπὶ τῶν παίδων, τὸ παιδίον τεχθὲν ἀπὸ τῆς ὄψεως εὐθέως ἐπίσταται τοὺς γονεῖς οὐ φθεγγόμενον· οὕτω δὴ καὶ νυμφίος καὶ νύμφη, οὐδενὸς συνάγοντος, οὐδενὸς παραινοῦντος καὶ συμβουλεύοντος, ἀπὸ τῆς ὄψεως ἀλλήλοις συμπλέκονται. Εἶτα ἰδὼν ὅτι καὶ ἐπὶ τοῦ Χριστοῦ τοῦτο ἐγένετο, καὶ ἐπὶ τῆς Ἐκκλησίας μάλιστα, ἐξεπλάγη καὶ ἐθαύμασε. Πῶς οὖν ἐπὶ τοῦ Χριστοῦ καὶ τῆς Ἐκκλησίας τοῦτο ἐγένετο; Καθάπερ ὁ νυμφίος τὸν πατέρα ἀφεὶς πρὸς τὴν νύμφην ἔρχεται, οὕτω καὶ ὁ Χριστὸς τὸν πατρικὸν θρόνον ἀφεὶς πρὸς τὴν νύμφην ἦλθεν· οὐχ ἡμᾶς ἄνω ἐκάλεσεν, ἀλλ' αὐτὸς πρὸς ἡμᾶς παρεγένετο. Ὅταν δὲ ἀκούσῃς ὅτι ἀφῆκε, μὴ μετάστασιν νοήσῃς, ἀλλὰ συγκατάβασιν· καὶ γὰρ καὶ μεθ' ἡμῶν ὢν, μετὰ τοῦ Πατρὸς ἦν. ∆ιὰ τοῦτό φησι· Τὸ μυστήριον τοῦτο μέγα ἐστί. Μέγα μέν ἐστι καὶ ἐπὶ ἀνθρώπων γινόμενον· ὅταν δὲ ἴδω εἰς τὸν Χριστὸν καὶ εἰς τὴν Ἐκκλησίαν αὐτὸ συμβαῖνον, τότε ἐκπλήττομαι, τότε θαυμάζω. ∆ιὰ τοῦτο εἰπὼν, Τὸ μυστήριον τοῦτο μέγα ἐστὶν, ἐπήγαγεν· Ἐγὼ δὲ λέγω, εἰς τὸν Χριστὸν, καὶ εἰς τὴν Ἐκκλησίαν. Εἰδὼς τοίνυν ἡλίκον μυστήριόν ἐστιν ὁ γάμος, καὶ ἡλίκου πράγματος τύπος, μὴ ἁπλῶς, μηδὲ ὡς ἔτυχε περὶ τούτου βουλεύου, μηδὲ χρημάτων εὐπορίαν ζήτει μέλλων ἄγεσθαι νύμφην. Οὐ γὰρ καπηλείαν, ἀλλὰ βίου κοινωνίαν εἶναι. τὸν γάμον δεῖ νομίζειν. δʹ. Καὶ γὰρ πολλῶν ἤκουσα λεγόντων, Ὁ δεῖνα εὐπορώτερος γέγονεν ἀπὸ τοῦ γάμου, πένης ὤν· ἐπειδὴ γυναῖκα εὔπορον ἔλαβε, πλουτεῖ καὶ τρυφᾷ νῦν. Τί λέγεις, ἄνθρωπε; ἀπὸ γυναικὸς κερδαίνειν ἐπιθυμεῖς, καὶ οὐκ αἰσχύνῃ, οὐδὲ ἐρυθριᾷς; οὐδὲ εἰς