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6

reaping them bare of good things? Demand of me another courage, if you wish, but propose this to those wiser than I. Such were Athens and our common labors in learning, a life under the same roof and at the same table, one mind in two bodies, not two, a marvel of Greece; and our right hands pledged, to cast the world far away, and to live a common life for God, and to give our reasonings to the only wise Reason. All has been scattered, cast to the ground; breezes carry away the old hopes. Where can one wander? Wild beasts, will you not receive me, with whom faith is greater, as it seems to me? So things stood, to speak briefly. But since I was bent, not in mind, but in neck— what can I say? And from where could I present to you my entire pain? Goads for me again, again a certain flight and a running to the mountain, stealing away a dear way of life, my own delight. What was my gain? For the flight was not vigorous, as it seems. And though knowing how to endure all things, in this one thing I am ignoble: I cannot bear a father's anger. So my father first made it a struggle to install me at Sasima; and when he was weak, it was a second voyage, that I not stay below, but by laboring with him (for he was now heavy in the flesh) lighten his toils, stretching out his hands, touching this beard of mine, using such words to me. "A father beseeches you, O dearest of sons, an old father the young, a master his servant by nature and by a twofold law. I ask not gold of you, nor stones nor silver, not acres of land, child, nor any of the things of luxury. I seek to place you near to Aaron and Samuel, a precious attendant for God. He who gave has you; child, do not dishonor me, so that you may find the only Father gracious. The request is good, and if not, at least it is a father's. You have not yet measured out so much of life, as the time that has passed for me in sacrifices. Grant the favor, grant it—or let another give me to the grave. This punishment I decree for disobedience. Give your few days to what is left of me. What comes after, you must decide for yourself." But when I heard these things and my soul for a little parted from its burden like the sun from a cloud— what happens? To what end do my sufferings turn? I admonished myself that there was no harm in fulfilling my father's desire for the throne. "For this will not hold me," I said, "against my will, me whom neither preaching nor promise can constrain." Thus, fear, being victorious, led me up.

But when my parents departed from life, having received the lot for which they had long striven, and I was left, not well freed, I did not take charge of the church that was given to me at all, not even so much as to offer one service to God or to pray with the people or to lay a hand on any one of the clergy; but of my father's—for they did not let up, binding me with oaths, certain pious men falling upon me, reporting the departures of many uninitiated— for a short time, as a stranger, I had some care of what was not my own, I will not deny, saying this very thing always to the bishops and asking as a gift from the bottom of my heart, to set up some man as a watchman for the little city, speaking the truth, first, that it had not yet won anyone over by a familiar preaching, and second, that it had long ago been decided by me to flee both friends and affairs. But as I did not persuade those who, on the one hand, from great desire wished to keep me, and on the other, were perhaps arrogant, first I went to Seleucia as a fugitive, to the shrine of the renowned maiden Thecla; "Perhaps they might thus be persuaded," I said, "worn out by time, to give the reins to someone." And no short time passed for me there. But when I came back again to my troubles, of what I expected, I found not one good thing, but of the affairs from which I had fled, a great throng, appearing as if after a fixed term, here indeed is the intensity of my speech. And I will say what I shall say, though you know it well, so that not having me but this speech, you may have it as a remedy for your grief, a reproach to our enemies, and a testimony to our friends of the wrongs we have suffered, though we have done no wrong. Nature has not given two suns, but two Romes, beacons of the whole inhabited world, an ancient and a new power, differing from one another as much as the one shines forth at dawn, the other in the evening, and beauty rises up to match beauty in a pair. Of these, the faith of one was from of old and still is now sound, binding the whole West with the word of salvation, as is right for the

6

γυμνὰ τῶν καλῶν καρπούμενος; ἄλλην ἀπαίτει μ', ἣν θέλεις, εὐψυχίαν, τὴν δὲ πρότεινε τοῖς ἐμοῦ σοφωτέροις. Τοιαῦτ' Ἀθῆναι καὶ πόνοι κοινοὶ λόγων, ὁμόστεγός τε καὶ συνέστιος βίος, νοῦς εἷς ἐν ἀμφοῖν, οὐ δύω, θαῦμ' Ἑλλάδος· καὶ δεξιαί, κόσμον μὲν ὡς πόρρω βαλεῖν, αὐτοὺς δὲ κοινὸν τῷ θεῷ ζῆσαι βίον λόγους τε δοῦναι τῷ μόνῳ σοφῷ λόγῳ. διεσκέδασται πάντα, ἔρριπται χαμαί, αὖραι φέρουσι τὰς παλαιὰς ἐλπίδας. ποῦ τις πλανηθῇ; θῆρες, οὐ δέξεσθέ με, παρ' οἷς τὸ πιστὸν πλεῖον, ὡς γ' ἐμοὶ δοκεῖ; Ἔσχεν μὲν οὕτω ταῦτα, συντόμως φράσαι. ἐπεὶ δ' ἐκάμφθην, οὐ φρόνημ', ἀλλ' αὐχένα- τί φῶ; πόθεν δὲ τὴν ἐμὴν ὠδῖνά σοι πᾶσαν παραστήσαιμι; κέντρα μοι πάλιν, πάλιν φυγάς τις καὶ δρομαῖος εἰς ὄρος κλέπτων φίλην δίαιταν, ἐντρύφημ' ἐμόν. τί μοι τὸ κέρδος; οὐ γὰρ εὔτονος φυγάς ἦν, ὡς ἔοικε. πάντα δ' εἰδὼς καρτερεῖν ἓν τοῦτ' ἀγεννής· πατρὸς οὐ φέρω χόλον. πρῶτον μὲν οὖν ἀγῶνα ποιεῖται πατήρ ἐνιδρῦσαί με Σασίμοις· ὡς δ' ἠσθένει, ὁ δεύτερος πλοῦς ἀλλὰ μὴ κάτω μένειν, αὐτῷ δὲ συμπονοῦντα (καὶ γὰρ ἦν βαρύς ταῖς σαρξὶν ἤδη) συνελαφρίζειν πόνους, χεῖρας προτείνων, τῆσδε τῆς γενειάδος ἁπτόμενος, οἵοις πρός με χρώμενος λόγοις. «Πατήρ σε λίσσεθ', υἱέων ὦ φίλτατε, πατὴρ ὁ πρέσβυς τὸν νέον, τὸν οἰκέτην ὁ δεσπότης φύσει τε καὶ διπλῷ νόμῳ. οὐ χρυσὸν αἰτῶ σ', οὐ λίθους οὐδ' ἄργυρον, οὐ γῆς ἀρούρας, τέκνον, οὐδ' ὅσα τρυφῆς. ζητῶ σ' Ἀαρὼν καὶ Σαμουὴλ πλησίον θεῖναι θεῷ τε τίμιον παραστάτην. ὁ δοὺς ἔχει σε· τέκνον, μή μ' ἀτιμάσῃς, ὡς ἵλεώ γε τοῦ μόνου τύχοις πατρός. καλὸν τὸ αἴτημ', εἰ δὲ μή γε, πατρικόν. οὔπω τοσοῦτον ἐκμεμέτρηκας βίον, ὅσος διῆλθε θυσιῶν ἐμοὶ χρόνος. δὸς τὴν χάριν, δός-ἢ τάφῳ μ' ἄλλος δότω. ταύτην ὁρίζω τῆς ἀπειθείας δίκην. δὸς τὰς βραχείας ἡμέρας τῷ λειψάνῳ. τὰ δ' εἰσέπειτα σοὶ φίλως βουλευτέα.» Ἐπεὶ δ' ἤκουσα ταῦτα καὶ ψυχὴ βάρους μικρὸν διέσχεν ὥσπερ ἥλιος νέφους- τί γίνεται; ποῖ τἀμὰ καταστρέφει πάθη; ἐνουθέτησ' ἐμαυτόν, ὡς οὐδὲν βλάβος ἕως καθέδρας πατρὸς ἐκπλῆσαι πόθον. «οὐ γὰρ καθέξει τοῦτ'», ἔφην, «ἄκοντά με, ὃν οὔτε κήρυγμ' οὔθ' ὑπόσχεσις κρατεῖ.» οὕτως ἀνήγαγέν με νικήσας φόβος.

Ἐπεὶ δ' ὑπεξῆλθον μὲν οἱ γονεῖς βίου κλῆρον λαχόντες, εἰς ὃν ἔσπευδον πάλαι, ἐγὼ δ' ἐλείφθην οὐ καλῶς ἐλεύθερος, τῆς μὲν δοθείσης οὐδ' ὅλως ἐκκλησίας προσηψάμην, οὐδ' ὅσσον λατρείαν μίαν θεῷ προσενεγκεῖν ἢ συνεύξασθαι λεῴ ἢ χεῖρα θεῖναι κληρικῶν ἑνί γέ τῳ· τῆς πατρικῆς δέ-καὶ γὰρ οὐκ ἀνίεσαν ὁρκοῦντες, ἐμπίπτοντες εὐλαβῶν τινες, πολλῶν ἀτελέστων μηνύοντες ἐξόδους- χρόνον βραχὺν μὲν ὡς ξένος ἀλλοτρίας ἔσχον τιν' ἐπιμέλειαν, οὐκ ἀρνήσομαι, τοῦτ' αὐτὸ φάσκων τοῖς ἐπισκόποις ἀεί αἰτῶν τε δῶρον ἐκ βάθους τῆς καρδίας, στῆσαί τιν' ἄνδρα τῷ πτολίσματι σκοπόν, λέγων ἀληθῆ, ἓν μέν, ὡς οὔπω τινά εἰληφὸς εἴη γνωρίμῳ κηρύγματι, τὸ δεύτερον δέ, ὡς πάλαι δεδογμένον εἴη φυγεῖν με καὶ φίλους καὶ πράγματα. Ὡς δ' οὐκ ἔπειθον τοὺς μὲν ἐκ πολλοῦ πόθου κρατεῖν θέλοντας, τοὺς δ' ἴσως ὑπέρφρονας, πρῶτον μὲν ἦλθον εἰς Σελεύκειαν φυγάς, τὸν παρθενῶνα τῆς ἀοιδίμου κόρης Θέκλας· «τάχ' ἂν πεισθεῖεν ἀλλ' οὕτω», λέγων, «χρόνῳ καμόντες ἡνίας δοῦναί τινι.» καί μοι διῆλθεν οὐ βραχὺς τῇδε χρόνος. Ἐπεὶ δ' ἐπιστὰς τοῖς ἐμοῖς αὖθις κακοῖς, ὧν μὲν ἐνόμιζον, εὗρον οὐδὲ ἓν καλῶν, ὧν δ' ἐκπεφεύγειν πραγμάτων, πολὺ στῖφος, ὑπερφανέντων ὥσπερ ἐκ προθεσμίας, ἐνταῦθα δή μοι τοῦ λόγου τὸ σύντονον. ἐρῶ δ', ἃ λέξω, καίπερ εὖ ἐγνωκόσιν, ἵν' ἡμᾶς οὐκ ἔχοντες ἀλλὰ τὸν λόγον ἔχητε τοῦτον, τῆς ἀνίας φάρμακον, ἐχθροῖς ὄνειδος, μαρτυρίαν δὲ τοῖς φίλοις ὧν ἠδικήμεθ' οὐδὲν ἠδικηκότες. ∆ύω μὲν οὐ δέδωκεν ἡλίους φύσις, δισσὰς δὲ Ῥώμας, τῆς ὅλης οἰκουμένης λαμπτῆρας, ἀρχαῖόν τε καὶ νέον κράτος, τοσοῦτο διαφέροντε ἀλλήλων, ὅσον τὴν μὲν προλάμπειν ἡλίου, τὴν δ' ἑσπέρας, κάλλει δὲ κάλλος ἀντανίσχειν συζύγως. τούτων δὲ πίστιν ἡ μὲν ἦν ἐκ πλείονος καὶ νῦν ἔτ' ἐστὶν εὔδρομος, τὴν ἑσπέραν πᾶσαν δέουσα τῷ σωτηρίῳ λόγῳ, καθὼς δίκαιον τὴν