Chapter VI.

St. Ambrose explains that he is not speaking against marriage, and proceeds to compare the advantages and disadvantages of the single and married state.

24. I am not indeed discouraging marriage, but am enlarging upon the benefits of virginity. “He who is weak,” says the Apostle, “eateth herbs.”24    Rom. xiv. 2. I consider one thing necessary, I admire another. “Art thou bound to a wife? Seek not to be loosed. Art thou free from a wife? Seek not a wife.”25    1 Cor. vii. 27. This is the command to those who are. But what does he say concerning virgins? “He who giveth his virgin in marriage doeth well, and he who giveth her not doeth better.”26    1 Cor. vii. 38. The one sins not if she marries, the other, if she marries not, it is for eternity. In the former is the remedy for weakness, in the latter the glory of chastity. The former is not reproved, the latter is praised.

25. Let us compare, if it pleases you, the advantages of married women with that which awaits virgins. Though the noble woman boasts of her abundant offspring, yet the more she bears the more she endures. Let her count up the comforts of her children, but let her likewise count up the troubles. She marries and weeps. How many vows does she make with tears. She conceives, and her fruitfulness brings her trouble before offspring. She brings forth and is ill. How sweet a pledge which begins with danger and ends in danger, which will cause pain before pleasure! It is purchased by perils, and is not possessed at her own will.

26. Why speak of the troubles of nursing, training, and marrying? These are the miseries of those who are fortunate. A mother has heirs, but it increases her sorrows. For we must not speak of adversity, lest the minds of the holiest parents tremble. Consider, my sister, how hard it must be to bear what one must not speak of. And this is in this present age. But the days shall come when they shall say: “Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare.”27    S. Luke xxiii. 29. For the daughters of this age are conceived, and conceive; but the daughter of the kingdom refrains from wedded pleasure, and the pleasure of the flesh, that she may be holy in body and in spirit.

27. Why should I further speak of the painful ministrations and services due to their husbands from wives, to whom before slaves God gave the command to serve?28    Gen. iii. 16. And I mention these things that they may comply more willingly, whose reward, if approved, is love; if not approved, punishment for the fault.

28. And in this position spring up those incentives to vice, in that they paint their faces with various colours, fearing not to please their husbands; and from staining their faces, come to think of staining their chastity. What madness is here, to change the fashion of nature and seek a painting, and while fearing a husband’s judgment to give up their own. For she is the first to speak against herself who wishes to change that which is natural to her. So, while studying to please others, she displeases herself. What truer witness to thy unsightliness do we require, O woman, than thyself who art afraid to be seen? If thou art beautiful, why hidest thou thyself? If unsightly, why dost thou falsely pretend to beauty, so as to have neither the satisfaction of thy own conscience, nor of the error of another? For he loves another, thou desirest to please another. And art thou angry if he love another, who is taught to do so in thy own person? Thou art an evil teacher of thy own injury.

29. And next, what expense is necessary that even a beautiful wife may not fail to please? Costly necklaces on the one hand hang on her neck, on the other a robe woven with gold is dragged along the ground. Is this display purchased, or is it a real possession? And what varied enticements of perfumes are made use of! The ears are weighed down with gems, a different colour from nature is dropped into the eyes. What is there left which is her own, when so much is changed? The married woman loves her own perceptions, and does she think that this is to live?

30. But you, O happy virgins, who know not such torments, rather than ornaments, whose holy modesty, beaming in your bashful cheeks, and sweet chastity are a beauty, ye do not, intent upon the eyes of men, consider as merits what is gained by the errors of others. You, too, have indeed your own beauty, furnished by the comeliness of virtue, not of the body, to which age puts not an end, which death cannot take away, nor any sickness injure. Let God alone be sought as the judge of loveliness, Who loves even in less beautiful bodies the more beautiful souls. You know nothing of the burden and pain of childbearing, but more are the offspring of a pious soul, which esteems all as its children, which is rich in successors, barren of all bereavements, which knows no deaths, but has many heirs.

31. So the holy Church, ignorant of wedlock, but fertile in bearing, is in chastity a virgin, yet a mother in offspring. She, a virgin, bears us her children, not by a human father, but by the Spirit. She bears us not with pain, but with the rejoicings of the angels. She, a virgin, feeds us, not with the milk of the body, but with that of the Apostle, wherewith he fed the tender age of the people who were still children.29    1 Cor. iii. 2. For what bride has more children than holy Church, who is a virgin in her sacraments and a mother to her people, whose fertility even holy Scripture attests, saying, “For many more are the children of the desolate than of her that hath an husband”?30    Isa. liv. 1; Gal. iv. 27. She has not an husband, but she has a Bridegroom, inasmuch as she, whether as the Church amongst nations, or as the soul in individuals, without any loss of modesty, she weds the Word of God as her eternal Spouse, free from all injury, full of reason.

CAPUT VI.

Sanctus vir a se minime damnari matrimonium contestatus, tamen ut bona mulierum ac virginum inter se componat, primo quae mala fecunditatem comitentur, puta dolores pariendi, molestias educandi, addictam viro servitutem, nimiam formae atque ornamentorum curam, proponit: tum illis opponit majorem virginum formae gratiam felicioremque fecunditatem; quibus eas Ecclesiae perquam similes fieri asseverat.

24. Non ego quidem dissuadeo matrimonium, sed 0195D virginitatis attexo beneficium. Qui infirmus est, inquit, olera manducet (Rom. XIV, 2). Aliud exigo, aliud admiror. Alligatus es uxori? Noli quaerere solutionem. 0196A Solutus es ab uxore? Ne quaesieris uxorem (I Cor. VII, 27). Hoc praeceptum est copulatis. De virginibus autem quid ait? Et qui matrimonio jungit virginem suam, bene facit: et qui non jungit, melius facit (Ibid., 38). Illa non peccat, si nubat: haec si non nubat, aeterna est. Ibi remedium infirmitatis, 153 hic gloria castitatis. Illa non reprehenditur, ista laudatur.

25. Conferamus, si placet, bona mulierum cum ultimis virginum. Jactet licet fecundo se mulier nobilis partu: quo plures generaverit, plus laborat. Numeret solatia filiorum, sed numeret pariter et molestias. Nabit et plorat. Qualia sunt vota, quae flentur! Concipit et gravescit. Prius utique impedimentum fecunditas incipit afferre, quam fructum. 0196B Parturit, et aegrotat. Quam dulce pignus quod a periculo incipit, et in periculis desinit, prius dolori futurum, quam voluptati! Periculis emitur, nec pro arbitrio possidetur.

26. Quid recenseam nutriendi molestias, instituendi et copulandi? Felicium sunt istae miseriae. Habet mater haeredes, sed auget dolores. Nam de adversis non oportet dicere, ne sanctissimorum parentum animi contremiscant. Vide, mi soror, quam grave sit pati, quod non oportet audiri. Et haec in praesenti saeculo. Venient autem dies, quando dicant: Beatae steriles, et ventres qui non genuerunt (Luc. XXIII, 29). Filiae enim hujus saeculi generantur, et generant: filia autem regni abstinet a voluptate viri, et a voluptate carnis; ut sit sancta corpore et 0196C spiritu.

27. Quid ergo famulatus graves et addicta viris servitia replicem feminarum, quas ante jussit Deus servire quam servos (Gen. III, 16)? Quae eo prosequor, ut indulgentius obsequantur; quibus hoc si probae, merces est charitatis: si improbae, poena delicti.

28. Hinc (Cf. S. Aug. lib. IV, de Doctr. Christ. cap. 21) illa nascuntur incentiva vitiorum, ut quaesitis coloribus ora depingant, dum viris displicere formidant, et de adulterio vultus meditantur adulterium castitatis. Quanta hic amentia, effigiem mutare naturae, picturam quaerere; et dum verentur maritale judicium, prodere suum! Prior enim de se pronuntiat, quae cupit mutare quod nata est. Ita dum aliis studet placere, prius sibi ipsa displicet. Quem 0196D judicem, mulier, veriorem requirimus deformitatis tuae, quam te ipsam, quae videri times! Si pulchra es, quid absconderis? Si deformis, cur te formosam 0197A esse mentiris, nec tuae conscientiae, nec alieni gratiam erroris habitura? Ille enim alteram diligit, tu alteri vis placere. Et irasceris si amet aliam, qui adulterare in te docetur? Mala magistra es injuriae tuae. Lenocinari enim refugit, etiam quae passa lenonem est; ac licet vilis mulier, non alteri tamen, sed sibi peccat: tolerabilioraque propemodum in altero crimina sunt; ibi enim pudicitia, hic natura adulteratur.

29. Jam quanto pretio opus est, ne etiam pulchra displiceat! Hinc pretiosa collo dependent monilia, inde per humum vestis trahitur aurata. Emitur igitur haec species, an habetur? Quid, quod etiam ad odorem variae adhibentur illecebrae! 154 Gemmis onerantur aures, oculis color alter infunditur. Quid 0197B ibi remanet suum, ubi tam multa mutantur? Sensus suos amittit mulier, et vivere posse se credit?

30. Vos vero, beatae virgines, quae talia tormenta potius quam ornamenta nescitis: quibus pudor sanctus verecunda suffusus ora, et bona castitas est decori: non humanis addictae oculis, alieno errore merita vestra pensatis. Habetis sane et vos vestrae militiam pulchritudinis, cui virtutis militat forma, non corporis: quam nulla exstinguit aetas, nulla eripere mors potest, nulla aegritudo corrumpere. Solus formae arbiter petatur Deus, qui etiam in corpore minus pulchro diligat animas pulchriores. Non uteri onus notum, non dolor partus; et tamen numerosior soboles piae mentis, quae omnes pro liberis habet: fecunda successoribus, sterilis orbitatibus, 0197C nescit funera, novit haeredes.

31. Sic sancta Ecclesia immaculata coitu, fecunda partu, virgo est castitate, mater est prole. Parturit itaque nos virgo non viro plena, sed spiritu. Parit nos virgo non cum dolore membrorum, sed cum gaudiis angelorum. Nutrit nos virgo non corporis lacte, sed Apostoli (I Cor. III, 2), quo infirmam adhuc crescentis populi lactavit aetatem. Quae igitur nupta plures liberos habet quam sancta Ecclesia, quae virgo est sacramentis, mater est populis, cujus fecunditatem etiam Scriptura testatur dicens: Quoniam plures filii desertae magis quam ejus quae habet virum (Esai. LIV, 1)? Nostra virum non habet, sed habet sponsum; eo quod sive Ecclesia in populis, sive anima in singulis, Dei verbo, sine ullo flexu 0197D pudoris, quasi sponso innubit aeterno, effeta injuriae, feta rationis.