John Chrysostom, What Kind of Wives Should Be Taken

but I put forward my master; for I have come not to serve myself, but him; therefore, revering his virtue, accomplish with me all that is set before us. 6. Then, lest you think that he demands it as a debt, hear what follows: And show mercy to my master Abraham. Even if we have accomplished countless things, he says, we ask to be saved by grace, and to receive this from loving-kindness, not from any obligation or debt. What then do you wish? Behold, I am standing, he says, at the spring of water; and the daughters of the inhabitants of the city are coming out to draw water; and it shall be that the maiden to whom I say, 'Lower your pitcher for me, that I may drink,' and she says, 'Drink, you too, and I will water your camels, until they all have finished drinking,' she is the one you have prepared for your servant Isaac, and by this I will know that you have shown mercy to my master Abraham. See the wisdom of the servant, what kind of sign he establishes. He did not say, "If I see someone carried on mules, riding in a chariot, followed by a swarm of eunuchs, having a large retinue, beautiful and radiant in the bloom of her body, she is the one you have prepared for your servant;" but what? "The one to whom I will say, 'Lower your pitcher for me, that I may drink.'" What are you doing, man? Are you seeking such a humble woman for your master, one carrying water, and able to speak with you? Yes, he says; for he sent me not to seek an abundance of wealth, nor the splendor of a family, but nobility of soul. Many times, many of these women who carry water possess complete virtue, while others who sit in splendid homes are worse and more worthless than all. Then how is it known that the woman is virtuous? From the sign, he says, that he spoke. And what is this sign of virtue? The greatest and most indisputable. For this is a great sign of hospitality, so as to provide every proof. What he says, therefore, is something like this, even if he does not utter these words: "I am seeking that maiden who is so hospitable as to provide every service in whatever way she can." And he did not seek this simply; but since he was from such a household in which the achievements of hospitality especially flourished, he sought this before all else, to find one of like manner to his own masters. We are about, he says, to bring her into a house open 51.235 to strangers; so that there may not be war and strife, with the husband giving away his possessions, imitating his father, and receiving strangers, while she is being stingy and intolerant, and obstructive, which is accustomed to happen often in many households; from this I wish to learn now if she is hospitable; for indeed, from this all our good things have come. Thus my master acquired the bridegroom; thus he became a father, he sacrificed a calf and received a child, he kneaded flour, and God promised to give him offspring according to the number of the stars. Since, therefore, from this all good things have come to us and to our household, I seek this before all else. For let us not look at the fact that he sought water, but let us consider this: that it is the mark of a very hospitable soul not only to give what was asked, but also to provide more than what he asked. And it happened, he says, before he finished speaking, behold, Rebecca came out, and that prophetic saying was fulfilled: 'While you are still speaking I will say, Behold, I am here.' Such are the prayers of noble men; before they finish they persuade God to assent to what is said. You too, therefore, when you are about to take a wife, do not take refuge with men, nor with women who traffic in the misfortunes of others, and seek one thing only, that they themselves might receive a fee; but take refuge in God. He is not ashamed to become your matchmaker. He Himself promised and said: "Seek the kingdom of heaven, and all these things shall be added to you." And do not say, "How can I see God?" for has he not left me

ἀλλὰ τὸν δεσπότην προβάλλομαι τὸν ἐμόν· οὐ γὰρ ἐμαυτῷ, ἀλλ' ἐκείνῳ διακονῶν ἥκω· ἐκείνου τοίνυν αἰδεσθεὶς τὴν ἀρετὴν, συγκατάπραξόν μοι τὸ προκείμενον ἅπαν. ςʹ. Εἶτα ἵνα μὴ νομίσῃς ὅτι ὡς χρέος ἀπαιτεῖ, ἄκουσον καὶ τῶν ἑξῆς· Καὶ ποίησον ἔλεος μετὰ τοῦ κυρίου μου Ἀβραάμ. Κἂν μυρία ὦμεν, φησὶ, κατωρθωκότες, ἀξιοῦμεν χάριτι σωθῆναι, καὶ ἀπὸ φιλανθρωπίας τοῦτο λαβεῖν, οὐκ ἐξ ὀφειλῆς τινος καὶ χρέους. Τί τοίνυν βούλει· Ἰδοὺ ἕστηκα, φησὶν, ἐπὶ τῆς πηγῆς τοῦ ὕδατος· αἱ δὲ θυγατέρες τῶν οἰκούντων τὴν πόλιν ἐκπορεύονται ἀντλῆσαι ὕδωρ· καὶ ἔσται ἡ παρθένος, ᾗ ἂν ἐγὼ εἴπω, Ἐπίκλινόν μοι τὴν ὑδρίαν σου, ἵνα πίω, καὶ εἴπῃ, Πίε καὶ σὺ, καὶ τὰς καμήλους σου ποτιῶ, ἕως ἂν παύσωνται πᾶσαι πίνουσαι, ταύτην ἡτοίμασας τῷ παιδί σου Ἰσαὰκ, καὶ ἐν τούτῳ γνώσομαι ὅτι ἐποίησας ἔλεος τῷ κυρίῳ μου Ἀβραάμ. Ὅρα σοφίαν οἰκέτου, οἷον τίθησι σημεῖον. Οὐκ εἶπεν, Ἐάν τινα ἴδω ἐπὶ ἡμιόνων φερομένην, ἐπὶ ὀχήματος ὀχουμένην, εὐνούχων δὲ ἐσμὸν ἐπισυρομένην, πολλὴν ἔχουσαν θεραπείαν, εὔμορφον καὶ ἀπολάμπουσαν κατὰ τὴν τοῦ σώματος ὥραν, ταύτην ἡτοίμασας τῷ παιδί σου· ἀλλὰ τί; Ἧ ἂν ἐγὼ εἴπω· Ἐπίκλινόν μοι τὴν ὑδρίαν σου, ἵνα πίω. Τί ποιεῖς, ἄνθρωπε; οὕτως εὐτελῆ γυναῖκα τῷ δεσπότῃ σου ζητεῖς, ὑδροφοροῦσαν, καί σοι διαλεχθῆναι δυναμένην; Ναὶ, φησίν· οὐ γὰρ ἔπεμψέ με χρημάτων εὐπορίαν, οὐδὲ γένους λαμπρότητα, ἀλλὰ ψυχῆς εὐγένειαν ἐπιζητήσοντα. Πολλαὶ πολλάκις τῶν ὑδροφορουσῶν τούτων ὁλόκληρον ἔχουσιν ἀρετὴν, ἄλλαι δὲ ἐν οἴκοις λαμπροῖς καθήμεναι, πάντων εἰσὶ χείρους καὶ φαυλότεραι. Εἶτα καὶ πόθεν τοῦτο, ὅτι ἐνάρετός ἐστιν ἡ γυνή; Ἀπὸ τοῦ σημείου, φησὶν, οὗ εἶπε. Καὶ ποῖον τοῦτο τὸ σημεῖον ἀρετῆς; Μέγιστον καὶ ἀναμφισβήτητον. Φιλοξενίας γὰρ τοῦτο μέγα σημεῖόν ἐστιν, ὥστε πᾶσαν παρασχεῖν ἀπόδειξιν. Ὃ τοίνυν λέγει τοιοῦτόν ἐστιν, εἰ καὶ μὴ ταῦτα φθέγγεται τὰ ῥήματα· Ἐκείνην ζητῶ τὴν παρθένον, ἥτις οὕτω φιλόξενός ἐστιν, ὡς πᾶσαν παρασχεῖν ἐν οἷς ἂν δύνηται θεραπείαν. Καὶ οὐχ ἁπλῶς τοῦτο ἐζήτει· ἀλλ' ἐπειδὴ τοιαύτης οἰκίας ἦν, ἐν ᾗ μάλιστα τὰ τῆς φιλοξενίας ἤνθει κατορθώματα, τοῦτο πρὸ τῶν ἄλλων ἐζήτησεν, ὁμότροπον τοῖς ἑαυτοῦ δεσπόταις λαβεῖν. Εἰς οἰκίαν αὐτὴν μέλλομεν, φησὶν εἰσαγαγεῖν, ξένοις 51.235 ἀνεῳγμένην· ἵνα μὴ πόλεμος ᾖ καὶ μάχη, τοῦ ἀνδρὸς προϊεμένου τὰ ὄντα, καὶ τὸν πατέρα μιμουμένου, καὶ τοὺς ξένους ὑποδεχομένου· ταύτης δὲ σμικρολογουμένης τε καὶ μὴ ἀνεχούσης, καὶ κωλυούσης, ὃ πολλάκις ἐν πολλαῖς οἰκίαις εἴωθε γίνεσθαι· ἐντεῦθεν ἤδη βούλομαι μαθεῖν εἰ φιλόξενός ἐστι· καὶ γὰρ ἐντεῦθεν ἡμῖν ἅπαντα γέγονε τὰ ἀγαθά. Οὕτω τὸν νυμφίον ἐκτήσατο ὁ δεσπότης ὁ ἐμός· οὕτω πατὴρ ἐγένετο, μόσχον ἔθυσε, καὶ παιδίον ἔλαβεν, ἄλευρα ἔφυρε, καὶ κατὰ τὸ πλῆθος τῶν ἄστρων τοὺς ἐκγόνους αὐτῷ ὑπέσχετο δώσειν ὁ Θεός. Ἐπεὶ οὖν ἐντεῦθεν ἡμῖν καὶ τῇ οἰκίᾳ ἅπαντα γέγονε τὰ ἀγαθὰ, τοῦτο πρὸ τῶν ἄλλων ἐπιζητῶ. Μὴ γὰρ τοῦτο ἴδωμεν, ὅτι ὕδωρ ἐπεζήτησεν, ἀλλ' ἐκεῖνο σκοπήσωμεν, ὅτι σφόδρα φιλοξένου ψυχῆς, μὴ μόνον δοῦναι τὸ αἰτηθὲν, ἀλλὰ καὶ πλέον ὧν ᾔτησε παρασχεῖν. Καὶ ἐγένετο, φησὶ, πρὸ τοῦ συντελέσαι αὐτὸν λαλοῦντα, ἰδοὺ Ῥεβέκκα ἐξεπορεύετο, καὶ τὸ προφητικὸν ἐκεῖνο ἐπληροῦτο· Ἔτι λαλοῦντός σου ἐρῶ, Ἰδοὺ πάρειμι. Τοιαῦται τῶν γενναίων ἀνδρῶν αἱ εὐχαί· πρὸ τοῦ τέλους πείθουσι τὸν Θεὸν ἐπινεῦσαι τοῖς λεγομένοις. Καὶ σὺ τοίνυν, ἐπειδὰν μέλλῃς γυναῖκα ἄγεσθαι, μὴ πρὸς ἀνθρώπους καταφύγης, μηδὲ πρὸς γυναῖκας ἐμπορευομένας τὰς ἀλλοτρίας συμφορὰς, καὶ ζητούσας ἓν μόνον, ὅπως αὐταὶ μισθὸν λάβωσιν· ἀλλὰ κατάφυγε ἐπὶ τὸν Θεόν. Οὐκ ἐπαισχύνεταί σου γενέσθαι νυμφαγωγός. Αὐτὸς ὑπέσχετο καὶ εἶπε· Ζητεῖτε τὴν βασιλείαν τῶν οὐρανῶν, καὶ ταῦτα πάντα προστεθήσεται ὑμῖν. Καὶ μὴ λέγε, Πῶς δύναμαι τὸν Θεὸν ἰδεῖν; μὴ γὰρ ἀφεῖναί μοι